Category: Blog Posts

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  Get out and exercise. I’ve shared the link between exercise and mental health many times. If you want to stay positive and push out negativity, moderate exercise is a great way to do it.

• Educate yourself. Watch an educational program, download a language-learning app, or practice a new skill.

• Spend time with family and friends. How long has it been since you had a really in-depth conversation with a loved one? When we make these connections and have real conversations, they refresh us and help us stay positive.

• Read a book. Reading is a great stress-reliever, helping your efforts to stay positive. Just make sure to choose reading material that is uplifting, rather than depressing.

1. Verify their license. Did you know that the terms “therapist” and “psychotherapist” are not legally protected words in most states? This means anyone can claim to be a therapist and offer therapy services. A licensed therapist is trained and qualified to practice, and they are held to high standards of conduct. This is also gives you recourse if there are problems with your treatment. So make sure to check their license. A quick phone call or email to obtain the license number will do the trick. In most states you can verify the information online. And if they get defensive, that’s a big red flag!
2. Ensure the site or app is HIPAA-compliant and secure. The beauty of therapy is that clients have a safe, private space to share their most personal stories, thoughts, and emotions. Privacy is an absolute necessity. So when looking at an online therapist, check that their website or app platform is completely secure. At minimum it should comply with HIPAA standards for patient privacy and confidentiality.
3. Interview the therapist. Make sure you are comfortable with them and that their therapy style and personality work for you. Chat with them for a while to ensure they have the qualities you particularly need or value in a therapist. Also, take a look at what you see on your screen. Are they in a professional, private location or are they in a coffee shop? Are they dressed professionally? Is the camera adjusted where you can see them clearly or does it look like they are doing this for the first time?
4. Ask questions. You are a paying customer. You have the right to understand the therapy offered and to clarify information that will influence your experience. Ask any and all questions you need to make an informed and comfortable decision.
5. Trust your instincts. If, after following the above steps, you still don’t feel comfortable with them, trust your gut and move on! To get the most out of your therapy you have to feel completely comfortable and safe. Do what it takes to find that safe space with an online therapist.

When I was growing up, entrepreneurship was out of the ordinary. The norm was that you’d get a job with a company and stay there until you retired.Later when companies downsized and people lost their secure positions, many had to get creative and make jobs. The entrepreneurial lifestyle took off like a rocket. Men and women individually became entrepreneurs. But what really interested me was that men and women in romantic relationships ventured into the entrepreneurial arena together.

Over the years, these entrepreneurial couples have stumbled through the challenges without much of a roadmap. So they didn’t have a lot of wisdom to pass onto the next generation. They were still trying to figure it out by trial and error. Helping these couples that kept appearing in my office for marriage counseling is what motivated me to write my book in 1998, Entrepreneurial Couples Making It Work at Work and at Home.

What about the state of entrepreneurship today, almost 20 years later?

According to the Kaufmann Foundation, in their 2015 State of Entrepreneurship Study, baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) are twice as likely to launch a new business compared to millennials.

Baby boomers who worked for corporate America are turning to entrepreneurship rather than retiring. Many of them want to make a difference and do something meaningful with their lives. While others just need the income and they don’t want to work at Walmart or McDonalds. And now that the kids are gone and they’re empty nesters, many baby boomer couples want to spend time working together.

Statistics show that a smaller percentage of millennials (born between 1982 – 2004) and Gen X (born 1965-1984) are pursuing entrepreneurship. It’s not that Millennials don’t want to start their own businesses. A 2016 report from EY and the Economic Innovation Group found that 62 percent of millennials have considered starting their own business, but they can’t afford it (paying off student debts most likely).

What’s the trend for entrepreneurial couples?

According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, 90 percent of American businesses are family-owned or controlled and Harvard Business School estimates that at least half of all companies in the US are family businesses. A study by National Federation of Independent Businesses reported that there are just over 1.2 million husband/wife business teams.

According to the Statistic Brain Research Institute:

Have you taken your child or marriage mate to a variety of health care providers in desperation to discover just what’s wrong? So many thoughts swirl through your mind…”is it dementia? Maybe it’s just a hearing loss? Or Generalized Anxiety Disorder? Or OCD? Or possibly even mild psychosis? No…it couldn’t be Autism!”It’s frustrating to know there’s a problem but you can’t get to the bottom of it, because no one understands. Could a diagnosis of ASD (formal or informal diagnosis) explain it all?

Many times the diagnosis of ASD does explain the underlying cause of the problems your family faces. However, there are some Aspies who have multiple problems that make their ASD worse. Either way, you need to know what you’re dealing with but it’s tough when your Aspie is terrible at explaining their inner workings.

Some signs that indicate the possibility of ASD are:

• Feels bewildered or unsure in social settings
• Is overly bossy or withdrawn
• Doesn’t make reciprocating conversation or eye contact
• Can’t read a situation or people’s faces
• Dislikes loud sounds, smells, or light

Being told that your loved one has ASD or Asperger’s can be very devastating. What’s most important is to remain positive. It’s vital to learn to accept your ASD family member as she or he is. As Psychologist Tony Attwood says:

“Being diagnosed with ASD is not a tragedy, it’s merely a difference.”

Making your Aspie feel confident and secure in your unwavering love and support is crucial and will act as a buffer against negativity. How do you do that?

If you’d like to learn more of the science behind ASD, download a free chapter from my book, Out of Mind – Out of Sight.

Oh, does that sound mean? It’s not meant to be. Yes, you may feel guilty describing your Aspie loved one in this manner. But the truth is this is how our rollercoaster lives feel. We’re whipsawed about with their contradictory behavior. It hurts; it’s frustrating; and sometimes it’s frightening.Once again it all comes back to a lack of empathy. With no theory of mind it doesn’t register with our Aspies just how their conduct affects us. And because they don’t really intend to cause harm, they don’t readily accept responsibility for their misconduct. (I’ll be sharing more about Empathy Disorders in my upcoming book, including what you can do to protect yourself from people who can’t demonstrate empathy. To stay up-to-date on its release sign-up for my newsletter.)

It’s like they have a split personality. What the world sees and what you see are two radically different things. They cut you off after one phrase and finish your sentences with what they think you should do, completely missing your point. It leaves you fuming, “who is he or she to tell me how to feel.” Or maybe like you’re a bother for contradicting anything the Aspie believes.

Layer upon layer of misunderstanding leads to the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde phenomenon. No matter how much you try to reason with them, they’re convinced that you’re the problem.

It’s even more infuriating that others see them as lovable, smart, or just a little kooky, but basically harmless. Only we know how devastating it is to be in the crosshairs of an Aspie when they’re fired up.

At our next Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, we’ll talk about how to hold your own against Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It’s important to know your own heart and not compromise. You’ll learn how to keep your channel clear and never allow boundary crossing. Let’s talk about the warning signs and methods to handle this better so you can prevent your own hurt.

If you’re a member, be sure to register for the November Video Conference, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on Thursday, November 9th at 9:00 AM PT. (Not a member? If you’re a NT dealing with life with an Aspie, all you have to do is request an invite. It’s free to join the group and it has a lot of perks, like this low-cost video conference and our free international teleconference.)

If you prefer one-on-one counseling and you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

If you’d like to understand more about the science behind Asperger’s Syndrome, grab a free chapter from my book, Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) by clicking on the image below.

We’ve known for a long time that a positive attitude is imperative to healing. The brain/body connection is powerful. Here’s a connection you may not be aware of – not only does your mind hold memories, your body does too! And if it’s a bad memory it can have a terrible effect on your health.Take for example how people who have suffered from cancer still have physical effects after completing treatment. The stress of having this disease has caused a trauma that they haven’t been able to properly process or extinguish.

Physician researchers at The Marcus Institute of Integrative Health at Thomas Jefferson University wanted to see if Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET) could help reduce the symptoms of traumatic stress in cancer patients. This study really interests me because I’ve seen time and time again how NET, a holistic therapy, has helped many individuals find and remove unresolved stress patterns, so the body and mind can heal itself.

They studied 23 cancer patients “who expressed a distressing cancer-related memories that were associated with traumatic stress symptoms” for six months or more. They were divided into two groups. Some participants received NET and others were put on a waiting list and were used as the control group.

Each group received a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) while listening to the story of their distressing cancer memory – scanned before and after NET.

The results?

Before NET “the fMRI scans in both groups showed significant increases in the bilateral parahippocampus and brainstem. After NET, reactivity in the parahippocampus, brainstem, anterior cingulate, and insula was significantly decreased during the traumatic stimulus.”

Yes! NET calmed down the areas of the brain that react to traumatic memories and stress!

The researchers noted, “The results of this study were really quite dramatic. In just four to five brief sessions, patients who received NET reported much less distress, their overall emotional state improved significantly and the way their brains reacted to stress cues normalized.”

NET has not been a standard intervention for cancer survivors, but I believe it should be. If you know of someone still suffering from the traumatic stress of cancer, or any other trauma, please share this article with them so they too can find relief.

As a NET practitioner, I’ve seen how it helps people live happy full lives again. I’ve even had great success with using NET to help those with Aspergers connect the dots. I find it’s more effective than talk therapy or exposure therapy.

If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment.