Category: Blog Posts

Spirituality defines us and connects us with others. It’s an essential third element of the body/mind/spirit connection that makes us truly balanced. It involves self-awareness and internal dialog that, over time, identifies who we are as individuals, where we fit into the world, why we’re here, what gives purposeful meaning to life. These are deeply introspective questions we all must struggle with at some point in our lives. Spirit is that singular life force that directs and shapes our attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. At the best of times, a person may take a lifetime to come to grips with their spirituality. However, concepts such as these are difficult for those with Autism Spectrum Disorder to grasp.

The author of “Spirituality and the Autism Spectrum,” Abe Isanon presents us with a dilemma when it comes to sharing our inner life with a loved one on the Autism Spectrum. He discusses how difficult it is for our “Aspies” to come to terms with their humanity and their spiritual nature when they can neither reflect upon nor express their own life experiences. (To get a glimpse into the Autistic mind, Mary Hynes, on CBC Radio Tapestry, delivers an interesting interview about spirituality with Temple Grandin and Anthony Easton who are both on the spectrum. It’s entitled: “Through a Different Lens: Autism and the Divine.”)

Because of this disconnect, “Aspies” lack insight and empathy into who we are, which can leave their caregivers and loved ones bereft. Just because someone in your family isn’t spiritual, doesn’t mean you can’t survive spiritually. In fact, we must never give up on love, faith, and hope. It’s what keeps us going.

At our next video conference series we’ll talk about how to survive spiritually with a partner who may want to know who we are. . .but they just don’t get the whole picture. And the missing piece isn’t small is it? One “Aspies” husband said of his wife, that she had dreams for her life, “But I don’t have dreams; I am not sure what dreams really are.”

If you’re a member of the Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, let’s explore this difficult subject and how to survive the loss.

Also, if you haven’t read my book, “Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD)”, you can get your first chapter free by clicking here. This book has become an important resource for those who want to understand their Aspie partners better.

Have you been wishing you could take advantage of therapy but your circumstances make it challenging? Perhaps you live in a rural area, or you’re nervous to drive in downtown traffic, or you’ve moved to another country. With the use of new technology, there really isn’t any reason why you can’t work with a qualified psychologist. Why? Because you can now meet with your therapist online – some call this web counseling, e-therapy or e-counseling.Online therapy is a relatively new method for providing psychological support. Your mental health professional will use secure sources for providing video conferencing, online chats, emails or Internet phone calls. Is online therapy for you? Well, let’s consider some of the pro and cons…

Pros for Online Therapy

Online therapy is very accessible. Online therapy is only the click of a mouse away. As I mentioned earlier, this can be especially helpful for those who live in rural areas, are living out of the country, or have physical disabilities, social phobias, or anxiety disorders that makes it difficult to travel to a physical office. Parents – it’s also a good way for making your teens feel comfortable with therapy because they’re so comfortable with the Internet.

Online therapy is convenient. Online therapy gives you more flexibility in scheduling your appointment. It can also save you time since there’s no commute time involved. Checking in by email can give you more access to accountability and support.

Online therapy may be more affordable. Online therapy may be more economical for both the therapist and the client. For example, your therapist may be able to avoid costly office expenses (rent, overhead costs, commute, etc) and you save on commute expenses.

Online therapy allows you to safeguard your privacy. When you do online therapy, you don’t have to worry about someone seeing you walk into a therapist’s office. For some, it might even be easier to open up when you aren’t having an in-person session.

Cons of Online Therapy

Stop complaining? But it feels so good to complain! It helps you get things off your chest, feel heard, and start working towards a solution. Your business moves forward when you identify problems and communicate about them. Or does it?The reality is that complaining has become a knee-jerk reaction to anything we don’t like. We complain about the weeds in our yard, our pants that have become too tight (as we sit there eating a cookie), the high cost of living, and the trials of running a business. As a society, we have become quick to complain and slow to change.

There are times, of course, when “complaining” or notifying someone of a problem or injustice is a good thing. Discussing a problem with a team of people can help solve it faster and more effectively. However, most of the time our expressions of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment are simply reactions to a perceived issue.

What’s wrong with complaining? Simply put: it doesn’t do anybody any good. It won’t solve your problem. It won’t make you feel better. It will waste your time, time you could have spent working on a solution. Complaining also fosters a negative attitude in you and the person listening to you.

Another problem with complaining is it relegates you to perpetually being a victim. The more you complain, the less you feel in control of your life and your business. As an entrepreneur, you have worked hard to be in control and lead your company to greatness. Complaining takes away some of that power you have.

The most common response to obstacles involves a mental process where we solely consider possible external or technical reasons for the problem. What kind of obstacles do you encounter in your business path? Is your first reaction to find an outside source for the problem? The product isn’t good enough. My competition has better advertising. The economy isn’t doing well. The more you think like that, the less control and power you have over your problems.

Let’s look at these problems a different way. Rather than being quick to look to eternal forces that are holding you back, could you look internally? When working through obstacles in life, I encourage you to question every aspect of your approach to your business, including your methods, biases, and assumptions. This kind of rigorous self-examination requires that you honestly challenge your beliefs and goals, and work up the courage to act and make a change.

Look deep and determine your personal definition of real success. What exactly are you looking for in life? Do your goals for your business truly align with your definition of success? Honestly evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. Everybody has both! Realizing who you really are will help you determine the best path to take and changes to make. And in the end, look for the positive. Don’t let challenges stop you. Instead, view them as incentives to change and move in a positive, new direction.

When you look inside yourself you take back your power as a successful entrepreneur. Other people and things did not make your business great – you did! So only you can take back your life by taking a deep look at yourself instead of complaining.

I encourage you to look at and complete the Self-Assessment Exercises in my book Entrepreneurial Couples – Making It Work at Work and at Home. They will help you dig deep on a number of topics from your working relationship with your spouse, to your views on family and money, to how you view yourself. These are great tools to begin your journey inside yourself.

Sometimes we need the help of a trained professional to get past barriers and assess ourselves honestly. If you live in the Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA area, please contact my office to set up an appointment.

As an entrepreneur, you likely pride yourself on your resilience and tenacity. You push yourself beyond your limits, often sacrificing physical needs for the benefit of your business. Perhaps one of the first things to go after starting your business was a good night’s sleep.How much sleep do you get at night? Eight? Six? Less? Do you find yourself staying up late and waking up early to care for all of your personal and business commitments?

Being sleep deprived has almost become a status symbol in our culture. You must be very important, very in-demand, if you don’t sleep much. It is also viewed as evidence of a strong work ethic. Especially among entrepreneurs, a good night’s sleep is often looked down on, as something only lazy people get to enjoy. The reality is while you need to work hard and even make sacrifices to build your business, sleep should not be one of them! If you want to grow a successful business, a consistent lack of sleep isn’t going to help your cause.

What about the people we hear about who thrive on five hours a night? That’s great for them. But know that they are a tiny group, making up only three to five percent of the population. Most likely you are not part of this group. Sleep experts tell us that the majority of healthy adults need between seven and nine hours of sleep every night. That applies to even the busiest entrepreneur!

But you may think, “I haven’t slept more than five hours a night for months, even years. And I’m doing just fine.” Is that really enough for your body, though? Try this: the next time you go on vacation, track your sleep. How long do you sleep at night? Do you wake up feeling more refreshed and alert? As the day progresses, do you feel sharper, more even-tempered, and attentive?

If you notice that you feel consistently more alert and even-tempered after a solid seven to nine hours of sleep, then take that to heart. You’re an entrepreneur, not a superhero. Good sleep, and enough of it, is non-negotiable!

Your body and mind are not “fine” when you skimp on sleep. You may learn to survive on less sleep, but you can’t train yourself to thrive on less sleep. However much sleep you need is fixed, and you need to make the effort to get it.

Why is sleep so important? Your body rejuvenates overnight. Your cells, muscles, and organs all perform vital, life-sustaining tasks when you sleep, keeping you healthy. Lack of sleep is linked to everything from depression to heart disease to cancer.

Lack of sleep also affects your memory, impulse control, and stress management. It makes you less efficient at running your business. Sleep deprivation impairs your ability to make good decisions, follow through, and communicate effectively. The qualities that led you to entrepreneurial success – innovation and adaptability – are quick to decline.

So if you are not getting enough sleep, take action now. Reschedule your routine to leave enough time for sleep. Do you need eight hours to feel good and perform at your best? Then plan accordingly. Take charge of your physical and mental health by getting the right amount of sleep for you!

Sleep problems can be deeper than simply not having enough time to sleep. If insomnia has become a problem for you, please consult with your physician. If he or she can’t find a solution to your chronic insomnia, and you live in the Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA area, please contact my office to set up an appointment. I can help you get back on the road to optimal health and wellness.

One morning I was trying to fathom how Aspies love. I’ve often been criticized that I’m wrong to say that those with ASD lack empathy. Perhaps another way to consider Aspie love is that it’s “muffled;” filtered through a system of fits and starts and blind alleys and occasionally smooth sailing.Empathy is far more than a collection of sensitivities. For example, the human body is 90% water with some chemicals mixed in, but I doubt that anyone would think this concoction of water and chemicals constitutes a human being. The same is true of empathy. Empathy is much more than the sum of its parts. Empathy is a marvelous symphony of instruments, musicians, composer, conductor and audience. It’s an interaction that creates the thrill of the concert. Just the same with love; it’s the interaction that makes it the art of loving.

I suspect what is so confusing about an Aspie’s love is that it’s not complete. They may feel love in their heart, but never express it to you. They may melt into tears when they see an animal in distress, but have no compassion for your suffering. They may bristle with defensiveness if criticized but feel no compunction when criticizing you. The occasional offering of love stalled by a moment of disconnect is not loving, is it?

I’ve known enough Aspies to realize that they do feel love, of a sort, but it isn’t the reciprocal love we expect and have with others. The love is there inside them but it’s hidden by those blind alleys, so we have to assume it’s there. How confusing.

If you’re a member of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, please join us as we discuss this topic during our next free teleconference entitled: Muffled Love. It will be on Thursday, May 18th at 3PM PT. If you’re a NT in an Aspie/NT relationship and haven’t joined yet, please feel free to do so. Not only will you learn a lot, but you’ll find a group of very supportive members who understand what you’re going through.

If you’d prefer a one-on-one with me to ask questions, please take advantage of my Asperger Syndrome Remote Education. It’s not therapy, but it will help you have a deeper understanding of how Autism impacts your life. Not sure what we can talk about? Reading a free chapter from my book, “Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD)”, will give you a place to start. Click on the image below to download your complimentary copy.

From time to time I come across information that helps my readers “put themselves in the shoes” of those with Asperger’s Syndrome. When you don’t have it, you can’t fully understand what they’re dealing with. This empathy is so vital. It makes it possible for you to help but also to regulate your own emotional responses toward your autistic friend or loved one.

So I was excited to find a wonderful resource recently in a New York Times article that features a video by Joris Debeij called Perfectly Normal: Autism Through a Lens. It shows what it’s like to be a high-functioning autistic man. Jordan is able to drive a car, hold a job, and have a stable relationship with his girlfriend, Toni. Yet it’s easy for him to become overwhelmed as he balances reality with his imaginary world.

At the 6:45 minute mark of the documentary, it swirls into a chaotic experience of sound and visual imagery that lets you experience the sensory overload that people with autism experience. After you see it, you’re going to understand why they choose to be off by themselves in their own world.

Toward the end, Jordan does make a profound observation: Because he feels that no one is completely normal, he says it’s important to see everyone as a person with a disability, not as a disabled person.

The author of this excellent piece, Eli Gottlieb, has a brother who is severely autistic and has been institutionalized most of his life. He describes his experience here. There is also an Autism Speaks YouTube video on their story – click here to view it. Your heart will go out to them as they reveal the struggle their family has gone through to come to terms with living with Autism

Perhaps you see similarities to your own experience. If you suspect someone you care for has Asperger’s, a high-functioning form of Autism, please consult with a mental health professional who specializes in Asperger’s Syndrome to make sure you arrive at the proper diagnosis. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment.

More Asperger’s Syndrome resources: Many people view my newsletter, books, Meetup Group, and Remote Education as lifesaving resources. It’s so important for you to know that you’re not alone. If you’re new to my website, please click on the image below to download a free chapter from my book, “Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD)”. It helps you see the science behind ASD.