Category: Blog Posts

If you knew then what you know now…would you marry someone with Asperger’s Syndrome? Of course, second guessing yourself is a recipe for depression. On the other hand, there’s a lot to be learned when you ask yourself this question. If you knew about Asperger’s then and if he or she knew it too… and if both of you were committed to building an “interface protocol” would it all have worked out better?

What do I mean by interface protocol? Another way of say it is, what rules of engagement would you have implemented early on? This involves creating a template for how you and your Aspie relate to each other. While it might be distasteful to think of having to design rules to live by, it’s pointless to expect your Aspie partner to give what they are incapable of delivering, such as empathy. However, if your Aspie partner can master the rules of engagement, even though true empathy is lacking, you can accept their intentions as honorable. They can learn to express their care for you with the right responses while really not understanding the empathetic reasons for doing so.

For example, a husband may leap up to help his wife if she trips and drops something. That’s the right response, but when questioned, his motivation might be, “because she’ll be mad if I don’t”, not the empathetic “she might have been hurt and needs comfort”. You can help your Aspie understand the rules of engagement by explaining, “This is how it works. Since men are macho and may not want help, the rule is that you can offer help once to a guy and if he refuses, it’s okay to let it go. But if a woman trips, I want you to offer to help her at least three times and don’t take ‘no’ for an answer. She really wants your help even if she says ‘no’. Okay?”

Would creating a rules of engagement playbook have helped you prevent the anguish and depression? Would you have moved on more quickly? There are a hundred questions. Within these questions we’ll find seeds for healing.

If you are a Neuro-Typical who wants to discussion this topic: “Would you do it again?” with a group of empathetic listeners, join us May 17, 2014 at our next Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup in Portland, Oregon. Sign up to learn more about this group and find the details for the location. If unable to attend in person, you can also join our teleconference Meetup on the same topic on May 23, 2014 and connect with our international group of supporters.

Would you like to understand more of the scientific reasons why our Aspies do what they do and what we can do to help them? My new book, Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) is packed full of insightful, scientific research discussed in layman terms, so you can not only grasp the concepts but have sensible suggestions to apply in your own situation.

In my latest interview on my work with entrepreneurial couples I discussed with British Journalist, Mark Williams that the main problem when working with loved ones is linked to relationship intensity. Since we care more about what they think of us and vice versa, the work and home environment can become ripe for conflict.

Perhaps you, like many other couples, are contemplating choosing the entrepreneurial lifestyle. While there are great risks to choosing this lifestyle, there are also many rewards. To provide a basis for resolving the inevitable conflicts, there are three essentials skills that couples would do well to contemplate before starting this entrepreneurial journey together.

Know Yourself as an Individual
I believe that those who have proved themselves capable as individuals before starting a business together usually do much better. Then you both know that you could do it alone, but that you’d rather run your business with your loved one. That’s a strong position to be in.

Assign Specific Responsibilities
To help create clear boundaries, it’s important to assess the strengths of each individual and assign responsibilities according to the abilities that each marriage/business partner has, not portioning them out because “that’s a man’s job” or “that’s what women are supposed to do”. What matters is what will work for you as a couple.

Good Communication
Drawing a convenient line between personal and business isn’t realistic. Couples need to be good at transitioning between the two, which you’ll need to do many times each day. Without good communication skills and quality time dedicated to communicating, relationships soon flounder and fail. In relationships and business, open and honest communication can ensure that minor issues don’t develop into major problems. Problems must be recognized and worked through to mutual agreement. So what boundaries will you set as to when and how you communicate about family and business matters?

The most important thing to remember is to always put love first. Without it – who would you share your business successes with? Don’t compromise to avoid conflict. And follow your dream, as long as your spouse really shares that dream.

Want a great resource that helps families in business stay up-to-date with the best strategies for making a success of Work and Love? Sign up to receive my monthly Entrepreneurial Couples Newsletter.

You can also start connecting with other entrepreneurial couples via my new Meetup, ENTREPRENEURS: Making it Work for Couples and Families.

For more information of the Entrepreneurial Lifestyle, read on my website – Entrepreneurial Life.

In grade school art class we learned that our crayon box had primary colors and secondary colors. The primaries are red, blue, and yellow. When you start mixing these colors together you get the beautiful rainbow of endless colors. But what does this have to do with emotions?

A recent CNN article by Jacque Wilson explains that until recently, scientists classified happy, sad, fearful, angry, surprised and disgusted as the six basic human emotions. While scientists aren’t sure if it’s biological or learned, we use the same facial muscles to express these specific emotions.

In a new study, Aleix Martinez, associate professor at Ohio State University, and his colleagues have identified 15 additional “compound emotions”. He explains why this is important: “The problem with (only having the 6 basic emotions) is that we cannot fully understand our cognitive system … if we do not study the full rainbow of expressions that our brain can produce.”

How does this research on facial awareness benefit us? Scientists plan on using these new categories while mapping out the brain activity of those who suffer from schizophrenia, PTSD, and autism spectrum disorder. By identifying the genetic and chemical changes in the brain, they can develop better therapies and medicines to treat these mental disorders. Also, by teaching those who lack facial perception (mind blindness) to recognize these additional categories of emotions, imagine how much their social interactions will improve.

Japanese engineers are also applying this to computer science. They are already working on creating a robot that reads facial expressions and thereby interacts naturally with the elderly, since there is a deficit of young caregivers.

What are these “compound emotions”? “Happily surprised”, “happily disgusted”, “sadly fearful”, “sadly angry”, “sadly surprised”, sadly disgusted”, fearfully angry”, “fearfully surprised”, “fearfully disgusted”, angrily surprised”, “angrily disgusted”, “disgustedly surprised”, “hatred”, “awed” and “appalled”.

How good are you at recognizing facial expressions? Check out the faces in the CNN story and see if you can identify the compound expressions that have recently been classified.

Are you dealing with an ASD family member and are experiencing difficulty with communicating your emotions? Please reach out to a trained mental health professional without delay. If you live in the Portland, Oregon/Vancouver, Washington area, please contact my office to schedule an appointment.

It’s not uncommon for families to be in one room, but each person is “alone” because they’re so engrossed in their own mobile device. They may even be texting each other. So obviously, there is a down side to the proliferation of mobile devices and internet access. But is there a plus side?

According to the Pew Research Internet Project, 66% of American couples are using tech devices to communicate with their life partners. Here are some of their findings:

• “10% say that the internet has had a “major impact” on their relationship, and 17% say that it has had a “minor impact.” Fully 72% say the internet has “no real impact at all” on their partnership.
• 74% say the impact was positive. 20% said the impact was mostly negative, and 4% said it was both good and bad.
• 25% say they have texted their partner when they were both home together.
• 21% have felt closer to their partner because of exchanges they had online or via text message.
• 9% have resolved an argument via online/text message that they were having difficulty resolving in person.
• 25% have felt their partner was distracted by cell phone when together.

font-size: 13px; color: #333333;”>8% have had an argument with their partner about the amount of time one of them was spending online.

• 4% have gotten upset at something that they found out their partner was doing online.”

In a recent CNN article, “I had a Nice Time with You Tonight. On the App”, the author, Jenna Wortham explores a variety of new Apps to help keep couples connected. Mentioned were Gchat, Facebook Messenger, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Avocado, Couple, Between and You & Me. If either you or your partner travel for business, checking out these apps would be worthwhile so that you stay connected with your partner. Phone tag is a thing of the past with these apps.

While I don’t advocate technology taking the place of in person communication, in today’s busy world it’s best to find ways to stay connected as best as we are able. Good communication is the key to successful entrepreneurial marriages. Join me on Facebook at (https://www.facebook.com/Kathy.Marshack.Ph.D) and share your experiences. 

Science is making giant strides in brain research. Many scientists are devoting time to studying the brain from various angles. A recent article on CNN, “Scan a brain, read a mind“, discussed some of these ongoing studies.

Here are some highlights from these studies:

• ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories, Kyoto suggest it’s possible to decode our dreams based on brain activity.
• The BrainLab at the Georgia Institute of Technology is trying to create thought-directed wheelchairs and artificial limbs, which would greatly assist people with disabilities.
• University of Washington researchers are studying how brain signals can cross the internet – so far they’ve been able to control the hand movements of the second participant.
• A University of California, Berkeley group is trying to determine how the brain responds to language. They hope to eventually be able to decode our very thoughts based of brain activity.
• Marvin Chun, professor of psychology at Yale is working on studying what happens when people’s minds wander or are “zoning-out”.
• Dr. Josef Parvizi, a neurologist at Stanford University, is working on how the brain retrieves memories.

The study that interests me the most is the one that could, in time, assist those with autism to “read” faces so that they can respond more appropriately in the social situations.

Alan Cowen, while an undergraduate at Yale University, conducted a study using fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) scans. The brain was scanned as a person viewed hundreds of pictures of faces. The researchers noted what areas of the brain were reacting to the facial images. They then used a computer to generate what was recorded in the brain mathematically. The CNN article has a bank of pictures showing the actual images and then the computer-generated image based on the brain activity patterns. (Click here to see them.) It’s remarkable how identifiable they really are. Wouldn’t it be terrific if they could pinpoint and fix the area of the brain that causes the perception disorder in Autism?

Until that time, how can we assist those on the Autism Spectrum Disorder? Since this is still Autism Awareness Month, join me on Facebook at (https://www.facebook.com/Kathy.Marshack.Ph.D) and share what you’re doing to help an individual or an organization dealing with Autism.

The brain/body connection is truly amazing. Your brain has the power to influence your body in either a negative or positive way. Studies have proven that maintaining an optimistic mood improves health. And our mood is greatly influenced by the people we let into our lives. Does this also apply to the short little tweets or posts we daily read on Social Media?

According to a fascinating new study, the answer is “YES”. An article written by Mike Bundrant, a retired psychotherapist and regular contributor to PsychCentral, discusses how the study was conducted and the discoveries it made.

Researches from the University of California, Yale and Facebook examined Facebook posts created between January 2009 and March 2012. They especially focused on how the weather influenced the posts. They found that the mood reflected in the post generated similar postings. For example, negative comments generated negative posts. However, they found that the positive comments generated more positive posting. Either way, the study shows that the mood has the capability of going viral around the globe.

That’s a lot of power! People have, at times, exploited this power to generate political and social unrest. Since Facebook has 1.23 billion users as of January 2014 and Twitter has 243 million active users, it’s very likely that you are using one of these or a similar Social Media site to stay connected with your friends, family and community. So how can you protect yourself from being infected by the negative posts? Here are some suggestions:

• Consciously monitor your own mood, before logging onto your Social Media.
• Be proactive and share your happy mood.
• Before you get agitated over a comment, make sure you have all the facts. Check the source and verify “facts”.
• Feeling down? Re-read your post, and make it more positive before you hit the send button. You’ll be helping yourself and others.
• If someone consistently posts things that alter your mood in a negative way, don’t hesitate to unfollow them.
• Start your day with positive thoughts, rather than reading Social Media first thing every morning.
• Increase your face-to-face contact with people who help you stay positive.
• Log off and go do something you really enjoy – walking, playing with your pet, gardening, and so forth.