Category: Blog Posts

As parents, we love our children and we do whatever we can to make their lives happy and healthy. So to wake up one morning and discover your teen is shutting you out is heart wrenching. The closeness you once had seems to be gone for good. Having raised two children and counseled hundreds of adolescents I understand how hard it can be.Remember that teenagers are going through huge transitions within their bodies, emotions and minds. They are also experiencing external pressures from peers and the world they’re trying to fit into. So now more than ever, your children need you to be in their corner looking out for them. However, the challenge is that the very changes they are experiencing makes them push you away as they learn to become independent of you.

Is it possible for parents to maintain or regain good communication with their teens? Yes! I was pleased to see a recent CNN article that recounts the experiences of many parents who successfully reach their teens. They shared their advice, including the following tips:

• Try to keep serious discussions as “light” as you can. (At the same time, avoid making them think it’s trivial to you.)
• Don’t be afraid to tackle any subject. (They will learn it from you or someone else.)
• Be willing to reveal your own vulnerabilities and mistakes. (This helps them see you as a real person not just as “mom” or “dad”.)
• Learn to keep your face expressionless and think before you speak. (You don’t want to over react when you hear something you don’t like.)
• Don’t micromanage everything for them. (They need to be given responsibility they can handle and made to feel like you trust them to do the right thing.)
• Communicate in a way that’s comfortable for your teen. (It’s easier to talk when doing things together like cooking dinner or driving in the car.)
• Start talking when your children are young. (But know that it is never too late.)

Be sure to check out the slide show at the top of Kelly Wallace’s story. These parental suggestions contain some real gems of wisdom.

If you’d like some more parenting tips, check out the five key skills all parents need on my website – Am I a Good Parent.

Please join me on Twitter and share your thought about how you keep the lines of communication open or things you remember your parents doing that really made a difference in your life. Please use #parentingtips and @KathyMarshack so I will see your comments.

There’s such a stigma against being “labeled” Asperger or Autistic, that Aspies may fear losing their standing in the community or their business relationships, so they don’t want anyone to know of the diagnosis, if indeed they consent to being diagnosed at all. This puts pressure on the Neuro-typical family members to hide what their lives are really like. In fact, Neuro-typicals are terrified to come out of the closet and talk about their lives.

NT family members work so hard to please the person on the spectrum that they aren’t able to live their authentic selves. The Aspie thinks everything is fine and normal, but you can see your friends having loving relationships and you know that’s not what you have. Yet, you may start doubting yourself, thinking that maybe it is your fault, blaming yourself that you’re unlovable and unreasonable in your expectations. The pressure of keeping it secret and not having anyone who understands to talk to can make you question your own sanity.

This situation is so similar to the cycle of abuse. The victim is terrified to confront the abuser. They fear retaliation. But even worse, they fear that they are wrong about the abuse . . . and the abuser.

Sadly the nature of living in these relationships is that they cause confusion and defensiveness and shame. If we are to restore our lives to sanity, we need to be honest about our feelings and our situation. This doesn’t mean blame and it doesn’t mean shame. It means facing the problem squarely and developing a solution that works.

If you are a member of our Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Families of Adults with ASD, please join us for “The Skeleton in the Closet”. We’ll be discussing questions such as…why are we afraid to discuss our feelings or complain about our Aspie family members…and why are we afraid to admit we have failed in our relationships? Our Local Meetup will be on March 15th at 1:00pm PST.

The International Teleconference will be on March 28th at 2:30pm PST. Our first Teleconference was greeted with heartfelt thanks. One member wrote, “It is a small world when we all share the same difficulties, whether we’re in London or LA. I think the teleconference was fantastic and absolutely historic. Look forward to talking to you all again in March!”

To be a member of Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Families of Adults with ASD Meetup you must be a Neuro-typical family member who loves and cares for an adult with Asperger Syndrome because we meet to openly discuss issues and concerns without hindrance of saving someone’s feelings. After joining the group you will receive an email with all the details. Join me on Facebook and let me know your thoughts on this.

CNN Medical Supervising Producer, Caleb Hellerman recently wrote about the Harvard School of Public Health report that estimates conservatively that the dollar cost of an autism diagnosis is more than $17,000 a year through age 17. $8,610 of that amount is what the educational system is picking up annually.

Children with autism (ASD) require different forms of Special Ed services. Some need one-on-one attention from a teacher, others can be placed in a small group setting, while others can be fully integrated into a classroom.

In the year 2000, there were federal grants for special Ed totaling $5 billion. In the year 2005 it went up to $12 billion. Since then the amount has been dropping, as can be seen from the fact that in 2013 the Special Education Personnel Preparation program only received $84 million in federal funding.

Michael Ganz, Assistant Professor of Society, Human Development, and Health at Harvard School of Public Health, released the following information about the direct and indirect cost of Autism in 2006: “The Direct costs of Autism include direct medical costs, such as physician and outpatient services, prescription medication, and behavioral therapies (estimated to cost, on average, more than $29,000 per person per year) and direct non-medical costs, such as special education, camps, and child care (estimated to annually cost more than $38,000 for those with lower levels of disability and more than $43,000 for those with higher levels).

Indirect costs equal the value of lost productivity resulting from a person having autism, for example, the difference in potential income between someone with autism and someone without, and the value of lost productivity for an autistic person’s parents due to reduced work hours or not working altogether. The estimated annual indirect costs for autistic individuals and their parents range from more than $39,000 to nearly $130,000.”

The financial cost of autism is hard to pin down. Some say that autism costs a family $60,000 annually. Whatever the amount, it’s costing all of us not to do all we can to research, diagnose and treat this disorder. Early behavioral training can save society a great deal of money. And doesn’t every child deserve the best care we can give them? Many children who begin treatment before turning three improve to the point where they are able to thrive right alongside their fellow classmates.

Please join me on Twitter and share your thoughts as we continue the discussion on the cost of Autism to families, school districts, and taxpayers. Please use #autism and @KathyMarshack in your comments so I see them.

Interestingly, a recent article in The New York Times by Laura Pappano reports that more institutes of higher learning are teaching creativity as a marketable skill for industries such as business, education, digital media, humanities, engineering, science, nursing, justice and safety.

She quotes Gerard J. Puccio, chairman of the International Center for Studies in Creativity at Buffalo State College, “The reality is that to survive in a fast-changing world you need to be creative.” He heads the nation’s oldest creative studies program that has been offered since 1967.

Dr. Puccio developed a four-step system that he and partners market as FourSight and sell to schools, businesses and individuals. His steps are clarifying (ask the right question), ideating (brainstorming without listening to the inner naysayer), developing (trying out your solution until you find one that works) and implementing (convincing others your idea has value).

She also talks about Dr. Burnett’s Introduction to Creative Studies survey course, where students can enhance their own creativity by rephrasing problems as questions, learning not to instinctively shoot down a new idea but look for three positives first, and categorizing whether a problem needs action, planning or invention.

No doubt you can see commonalities between these approaches. Creativity requires open, positively thinking outside the box. Being willing to accept change. Feeling safe and confident in the way you perceive yourself. Having a willingness to fail and try again. Sounds like a recipe for success if you’re in therapy!

In fact, I tell my clients – especially entrepreneurs – that if you have a good idea, sometimes you just need to run with it. It may or may not work, but allowing your creative juices to flow will only enhance your entrepreneurial abilities. With practice and time you can improve your creativity skills and, who knows, a failed creative thought or idea may not work for a particular situation at present, but it may for another one down the line.

What do you think? How important is creativity in your career? Join me on Facebook – I’d like to hear your thoughts on this and other subjects.

The cost of treatment for Autism is a huge financial burden for families. The Harvard School of Public Health estimates conservatively that the dollar cost of an autism diagnosis is more than $17,000 a year through age 17. Medical costs make up less than 20% of that amount.

Are the benefits of these laws being rolled over into the Obama Affordable Care Act?