Category: Blog Posts

Yale researchers discovered that when inflammatory stress hormones flood a child’s body and brain, they alter the genes that control stress reactivity and re-sets the stress response to “high” for that person’s entire lifetime! This increases the risk of inflammation and diseases such as cancer, heart disease, irritable bowel disease, migraines, and autoimmune diseases.

They’re not alone in their conclusions. A 1996 Kaiser Permanente-CDC Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) links childhood stress to adult illness. In fact, over 1500 peer-reviewed studies have replicated these findings.

You can read an informative article by Donna Jackson Nakazawain about how ACE contributed to her own health crisis. Here are some highlights from the article…

Two-thirds of Americans report experiencing Adverse Childhood Experiences. People who’d experienced four types of ACE are twice as likely to be diagnosed with cancer and depression as adults. Women who experienced three types of ACE have a sixty percent greater risk of being hospitalized with an autoimmune disease. Suffering six types of ACE may shortened one’s lifespan by twenty years.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) can include:

• sexual abuse,
• physical abuse,
• witnessing physical abuse of parent or guardian,
• suffering from economic hardship,
• divorce or separation of parents or guardians,
• depressed, mentally ill, or suicidal parent or guardian,
• parent(s) or guardian who abuse alcohol or have a drug addiction,
• death of parent or guardian,
• imprisonment of parent or guardian,
• witnessing or experiencing neighborhood violence,
• and even being the brunt of belittling parent(s).

The Kaiser Permanente ACE Study showed that the type of trauma doesn’t matter as much as the number of types of different trauma experienced. When physicians acknowledged and validate their patients’ childhood trauma, they can help them begin the healing process mentally and physically. I’m so pleased that some medical schools are finally training students to recognize the link between ACE and adult disease.

If you suspect that Adverse Childhood Experiences are making you sick, please speak with your physician as soon as possible. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA and you’d like to learn how a holistic approach can help you heal, please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. If it’s more convenient, I also offer online therapy.

Read more on my website: Holistic Health.

Have you ever noticed that your ASD friend or family member sounds like Mr. Spock when they’re sharing their feelings? So unattached and impersonal. Why is that? It’s because people with “Asperger’s Syndrome” have a disconnect between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. Many also have Alexithymia, which contributes to a disconnect between understanding their own feelings and finding words to tell us what they’re feeling. In addition to that, “Aspies” also have developed a belief system as a result of living in a world where others make no sense. For example, have you noticed how they draw a conclusion based on one experience and hold to it forever, no matter how much you plead with them that it’s no longer true?

Another confusing element is when they’re trying to chit-chat but can’t remember any important information about the person they’re talking to…as if this is their first encounter? They could be talking to your aunt or the next-door neighbor and be totally clueless.

It’s like a primary school child who is learning to read and only sounds at the words. By third and fourth grade most children are starting to gather information from their reading, not just dutifully reading words on the page. Our loved ones on the Spectrum seem stuck in first grade when it comes to social interaction. They have a few basic rules of engagement but haven’t mastered the depth of connecting with others.

Some of you may not care why they say the strangest things, or you may have given up trying to translate. However, some of you are still trying to understand the unfathomable logic and language of our “Aspies.” I actually think the key to our mental health comes from understanding them just a little bit better. This enables us to detach and not take so seriously the odd, hurtful, and sometimes mean things they say.

If you’re a member of our Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, be sure to register for our Video Conferences. There are still openings for low-cost, hour-long sessions on this topic. Please bring your questions about this phenomenon. I bet you have insights too.

Would you rather have a one-on-one session with me? Please reach out to book an appointment with me and check my Contact page.

• Living in a place where few people speak your language. To be constrained by language barriers is isolating. Even when you have some grasp of your new language, fluency takes time and the process can be frustrating.

• Adjusting to a new environment. Your new area may not be as safe as your previous neighborhood, limiting mobility and walks alone. Or maybe your spouse is working, leaving you to fend for yourself during the day. Unfamiliar foods and lack of access to the comforts of home can cause stress.

• Understanding and adapting to new cultures and customs. Learning what is proper and acceptable in another country can be a long process. When you aren’t familiar with local customs it can lead to frustration and embarrassment.

• Being separated from family and friends. If you want to grab lunch with your mom or a friend they are all back in your native country, and phone calls can be expensive! It can also be upsetting if you have to miss important life events, milestones or beloved holidays.

• Identify both the strengths and weakness that change brings out in you. This awareness will help you maximize your strengths and not be blindsided by your weaknesses.

• Let go of the idea that life has to be a certain way. View change, big and small, as an opportunity to grow.

• Do research. Find out as much as you can about the country, city, and neighborhood as you can before you move. If possible, visit before your move so you have some idea of what to expect. Talk to people who have made the same move or a similar one.

• Learn some basic phrases in the new language. Having a greeting and some basic sentences you’ll need on a regular basis memorized before you go will help you feel more comfortable in your new environment. It will also make it easier to pick up the language.

• Plan ahead to see family and friends. Plan a definite time to come back to your home country for a visit or have loved ones come visit you. Schedule phone calls and video chat sessions.

• Find a therapist. You may come to realize that you could really use the help of a therapist to navigate your transition to a new life in a new country.

• Anxiety can make you less solution-oriented. When you encounter a setback, you are likely to give up quickly instead of continuing to search for a way around the problem. It can prevent you from moving forward and persevering.

• Anxiety can prevent you from trying new things and expanding your business. Anxious persons are afraid of change and failure. Instead of looking at a new experience as an opportunity to learn, you look at it as a chance of failing.

• Anxiety affects your employees. Your anxiety can rub off on the people who are around you, thus reducing their efficiency and even their attendance at work. It can also lead your employees to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you, hindering communication which is a vital part of managing a successful business.

• Anxiety can cost you clients. Clients are more likely to work with you if they sense you are confident in your product and relaxed. They, too, can pick up on your anxiety, and it could prevent them from doing business with you.

• Identify what you’re thinking when you start feeling anxious.

• Challenge those thoughts and ask yourself if your fears and concerns are legitimate and warranted.

• Then Replace your negative thoughts with new thoughts that are more realistic and positive.

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   Contact a qualified attorney. Try to work with an attorney that is familiar with entrepreneurial couples and your unique needs.
2. Ask the court to decide which spouse will have the management responsibilities of the business until the divorce is final. During a divorce, trust is low and secrecy is high. Bypass these issues by having the court give one person management responsibilities. This can be done in a way where the non-managing spouse still has access to inspect the business premises and financial records.
3. Honestly appraise your business. It is possible that your business doesn’t need to be appraised. If it does, hire a neutral business appraiser. When a modest business is involved, you can take the practical approach of valuing the equipment and accounts receivable. It is a relatively inexpensive and non-combative way to value your business. Fighting over intangible assets of your business, like goodwill, reputation, and position in the market, isn’t usually worth it.
4. Decide who will get the business. If you have both put your hearts and souls into the business, this can be a tough decision. If the two of you can make this decision before going to court, you’ll save yourself a lot of money and heartache. Keep in mind that typically the court will award one spouse the entire marital interest in the business, which also includes the debts. The other spouse receives an equitable share (typically half) of the net value of the marital interest in the business.
5. When it’s over, move on. Even if things don’t go the way you wanted, you still have the choice as to how you respond. Dust yourself off and move on. Look to the future. Remember, you’re an entrepreneur. Divorce doesn’t take away that spirit.

If you want to get started planning for the worst but hoping for the best with regard to creating a healthy, long-term, successful marriage and business partnership, try asking yourself this question: If we decide to divorce in the future, why would that be and what can we do now to prevent this? Often it helps to consult with an objective family therapist who can facilitate this conversation. Please contact my office in Jantzen Beach to make an appointment or utilize my online therapy option.

• Entrepreneurship is like a roller coaster ride. There are ups and downs, things that make you happy that turn right around and make you want to scream. Because of the constant changes and challenges that can arise, it is necessary to cultivate a positive attitude. It will keep you grounded and able to see beyond your current circumstances. Optimistic entrepreneurs are better at problem-solving and bouncing back from disappointment.

• Your attitude rubs off on those you work with. If you are consistently negative, the people you work with will reflect back that attitude. In contrast, if you make the effort to have positive conversations in the workplace, your employees will follow suit. Happier, more positive employees make for better, more efficient and effective employees. It also contributes to a healthier work environment for everyone.

• Clients can perceive what your attitude is. When you show a positive attitude about life and your product, customers will want to do business with you. This, of course, will lead your business to greater profitability and success.

• Your attitude affects your day-to-day life. When you are positive, you feel in control and confident. You are motivated to take good care of your physical and mental health. These are the tools you need to perform at your best and make the most of your entrepreneurship.

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  Beginning each day with a positive thought. Simple, right? But it is very powerful. It will help you set the tone for your day and make the choice early on to think positively.

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  Practicing gratitude. Take note of the things each day that you are grateful for. Some of my clients find it helpful to keep a gratitude journal.

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  Doing good for others. If you focus on thinking about other people and working to make their life better, you think about your own problems and worries less. This, in turn, keeps you from dwelling on the negative and moves you to focus on the positive.

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  Living one moment at a time. Focus on the present and making that day the best it can be. The practice of mindfulness helps many of my clients to focus and see the good in their day.