Category: Blog Posts

Do you like trying new things or does it create too much anxiety? Maybe you jog the same path, drive the same route, eat the same breakfast, lunch at the same restaurant, or buy the same brand, until you’re forced to change for some reason.It’s a brand New Year! Why not be bold and try something new for a change?

It’s good to periodically think about the daily decisions we make. Of course, habits are good in that they save us a lot of time and mental effort. But we can get into a rut that makes life seem dull and stale. Trying something new will expand your world.

True, it may be painful and may cost you something if you don’t like it. On the other hand, it may turn out to be your new favorite thing. If you never experiment, you’ll never know.

Overconfidence and preconceived ideas may be holding you back from trying something new. You might imagine it’s one way, but that presumption is nothing more than a guess. It takes humility to acknowledge that there’s no way of knowing every outcome.

Whether you apply this in your personal life or in business, remember that staying with the same old same old is going to stifle innovation, creativity and joy. Of course, if your decision involves another person’s life, you would want to exercise prudence and caution that you aren’t causing any lasting damage to yourself and others.

Are you ready to shake up the status quo?

Try something generic instead of name brand. Drive to work via a different route or use a different mode of transportation, like taking the bus. Pick out one new thing to do every day (it doesn’t have to be big) and see how much it adds to your enjoyment of life, personal growth, and connection with others.

Does the thought of change fill you with dread? If undue anxiety is keeping your from living fully, it’s time to enlist the help of a mental health professional. There are numerous ways to cope with and overcome this type of paralyzing stress and anxiety. Work with a trusted psychologist and find the option that works best for you. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for you.

It’s been nine years since I began hosting the Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup. When I started this group back in 2009, I intended it to be a place for those in the Portland, Oregon area to meet for lunch and find supportive friends who understood the often frustrating and isolating life of loving an adult with Asperger Syndrome.

I was ever so surprised when people from other states and then other countries started joining, just for the opportunity to share in the online discussions. We have grown to having members all over the world, on every continent. Whatever the language or the culture, we can all relate to the common theme of life with an adult with Asperger Syndrome. Currently we have 2,259 members. But there’s room for more!

What is the mission of this Meetup?

If you’re a Neurotypical Adult with a spouse, partner, sibling, parent or grown child who has Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD), you will soon learn that you’re not alone. We meet in small face-to-face group meetings, and hold international teleconferences, and have intimate video conferences for those who live abroad but want the small group feel.

If you need daily support you can join one of dozens of private, online discussions. You are safe here. Only members can access the discussion boards. You can ask questions and share stories of your day. Not everyone agrees on everything, but our diversity is what creates opportunity to grow and change, and perhaps even take back your life from these very tough ASD relationships.

I hope you’ll join us as we form a community for those of us who have this unique life of being in relationship with an adult on the Autism Spectrum.

Since beginning this group I’ve also written three books, “Going Over the Edge?” “Out of Mind – Out of Sight” and soon to be released “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS: How to stop those hell-bent on destroying you.”

So I have lots to talk about. However, this month I have something special planned for our free international teleconference on January 18th at 2:30PM PT. It’s entitled: Ask Dr. Marshack Anything! I’d like to “share the floor” with those among you who have lots of wisdom because you have lived this life with Aspies. Certainly you can come to the teleconference with your questions, concerns and anecdotes for me, but I also hope to hear from our many members who have been in the trenches a long time.

The reason this group thrives, is that we are there for each other. To know that you are understood and supported and not alone, is incredibly powerful isn’t it?

If you’re not a member yet and you’re a NT living with an Aspie, please feel free to join this Meetup. It’s free to join, and you’ll gain a lot of supportive friends and helpful resources.

When you Google the phrase, “how to keep New Year’s resolutions” you’ll get 4,880,000 results to page through. If you read one of these articles per day, it would take you 13,369 days to go through them all or around 36 years. Obviously, there’s a lot of interest in learning how to keep New Year’s resolutions.However, the success rate is appalling. A recent New York Times article said, “By Jan. 8, some 25 percent of resolutions have fallen by the wayside. And by the time the year ends, fewer than 10 percent have been fully kept.”

Why do people have so much trouble keeping their resolutions?

If you’re busy, tired or stressed, it’s hard to resist temptation. And that describes the American population, doesn’t it? We also have the tendency to be shortsighted and seek instant gratification instead of exercising self-control and willpower.

Many of today’s gurus teach that willpower is the answer. Yet when you rely on willpower, your mind is fighting against itself. That’s not good. Of note, a recent study by the Northwestern University psychologist Greg Miller, found that those using self-control had more success in resisting temptations, but it damaged their health. Stress responses increased and immune cells aged prematurely.

Instead of approaching change from the negative point of view of depriving yourself, a much healthier and more effective tool is tapping into the power of your social emotions.

Emotions like gratitude and compassion support positive aspects of life. These emotions increase the value you place on the future and for others, which naturally helps you show more patience and perseverance.

By putting something else ahead of your own immediate desires and interests, you sacrifice some resources in the moment. However, in exchange, you’ll gain stronger relationships that, in turn, give you support when you need it. And these emotions are healing. They slow your heart rate, lower your blood pressure and reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.

It’s our gratitude and compassion for others that spurs us on to keep our New Year’s Resolutions, NOT willpower. According to the research, in the long run we’re motivated by love because love keeps us focused and enjoying our goals. In spite of the short sightedness of those who rise quickly to the top because of rapacious greed, they are always outdone by our love for others. We are stronger together.

If you would like help choosing worthwhile, loving goals for the next year, please schedule an appointment. I offer online therapy so we can meet from the comfort of your own home.

Amid all of the stories of stress illness caused by sexual harassment and racism, shouldn’t we also be looking at the stress effects on those who are caring for “Aspies” (those with high-functioning autism)? The research has been there for years, but now it’s surfacing in a new way. And people are finally paying attention.

When the Seattle Times reported that former Washington Rep. Jim Jacks was forced to resign his seat in March 2011 for “inappropriate behavior” toward a young female staffer, it got me to thinking about why this problem is surfacing now.Women and girls have been sexually harassed and assaulted for centuries — and it continues to this day. What’s different in our culture that encourages the painful, horrible truth to surface now?

As I state in a recent article for the US~Observer, I just don’t believe women who tell me “It has never happened to me.” I suspect they’re in denial or are fearful of opening up — or worse they accept that this is just the life of being a woman. There isn’t a twelve year old girl alive who hasn’t learned how to handle grown men who make sexual comments or reached out and touched her inappropriately. As a watchful mother myself, I kept a careful eye on my daughters and taught them how to handle themselves, too.

How do you cope with unwanted male sexual advances in the workplace? Here is a list of some common answers I’ve heard. This is excerpted from my recent article in the US~Observer.

1. “It’s just part of what I have to deal with. I shrug it off.”
2. “I’ve never told anyone. I would lose my job.”
3. “I’ve been told to let it go. No one will believe me.”
4. “It’s never happened to me.”
5. “Why would any woman put up with that? I wouldn’t.”
6. “I wish I had been brave enough to speak up long ago.”
7. “Irrational fear kept me quiet.”
8. “I spoke up and got fired. He got promoted.”
9. “That doesn’t still go on, does it?”

As long as any of us keep quiet about the harassers, we’re leaving women to protect themselves, which has lasting and traumatic consequences. As a psychologist, I know only too well how long it takes a woman to recuperate from sexual harassment (and abuse) — years, if ever.

Let’s keep the #MeToo Movement going strong. The US~Observer wants to know your story. If you’ve been victimized by Jim Jacks or any other unethical, corrupt politician or strongman, let me know. And, if they haven’t been brought to justice, let the US~Observer champion your cause.

My newest book, “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS: How to stop those hell-bent on destroying you,” is about people like Jim Jacks. If you’ve felt powerless in the face of abuse by someone with severe Empathy Dysfunction and are ready to take back your power, please grab a copy as soon as it’s available. (To stay up-to-date on its release, please sign-up for my “Enriching Your Life” newsletter.)

If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA and need to talk about your experience so you can begin the healing process, please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

By now you must have heard about one of the hottest new trends in self-improvement – brain-training. The general idea is that you can improve your cognitive abilities such as memory and attention by performing certain tasks, such as crossword puzzles and memory games. Proponents of brain-training claim it can make you smarter and make your life better.It sounds great, in theory. But scientists are divided about whether brain-training is really as valuable as claimed. Brain-training programs typically have limited effects. Researchers have found that persons who participate in brain-training typically only improve the specific type of memory and thinking tested. For example, if you practice crossword puzzles, you’ll get better at crossword puzzles, but your memory may not improve.

Some studies in animals indicate, however, that learning and thinking of any type can improve the survival and function of young brain cells. So there is definite value in taking the time to train your brain. But if you’re putting in the effort to improve your brain function and memory, you want to get the biggest bang for your buck. How can you enhance the effects of brain-training and thereby increase the benefits you receive?

The key to boosting the effect of brain-training is exercise.

Exercise is known to literally change the size of your brain. Regular exercise has been found to boost the size of the hippocampus, the area of the brain that plays an important role in memory and learning. It does this via a process called neurogenesis, or the birth of new brain cells. Exercise can double or triple the number of new cells in the hippocampus. These new cells translate to a significantly better ability to learn new things and remember experiences.

Now let’s link this back to brain-training. Exercise helps produce brand new brain cells. Brain-training helps strengthen them. By combining exercise and brain-training, you can continuously produce and maintain healthy, strong brain cells. The two can work in tandem to improve your cognitive abilities.

According to an article in the New York Times, scientists in Canada conducted a 6-week study to test this theory. They split their study participants into three groups: one who neither exercised nor participated in brain-training, one who exercised, and one who both exercised and participated in brain-training. As you would suspect, the participants who exercised performed better on memory tests.

The improvement in memory was most noticeable among the participants whose fitness had improved the most, especially among those who had simultaneously practiced brain-training. Higher fitness levels resulted in stronger memories. Brain-training added to the effect, improving types of memory that weren’t even part of the training.

So if you want to improve your cognitive abilities and memory, exercise both your body and your mind. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Incorporate a short session of brain-training before and after your workout to see benefits. For example, take a moment to memorize a painting or a face, and then try to recall the details after you exercise.

To keep all parts of your life in healthy, productive alignment, take time to attend to your whole person. If you feel like any part of your mind, body or spirit is out of alignment, and it is causing you stress, please contact my office to make an appointment. I also offer online therapy.