Category: Blog Posts

Successful entrepreneurs

What are some signs that you’re in competition with your spouse?

• Do you feel envious of your spouse, or resentful? You’re experiencing competition.
• Do you feel smarter than your spouse or the need to have the last word?
• Do you evaluate the worth of yourself and your partner by how much you each earn?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, you’re in competition. It’s not always easy to admit this, but once the truth comes out you’re in a better position to work with the inevitable consequences. I suggest you resist the urge to be embarrassed by your competitive nature. And certainly you don’t want to suppress it or even deny it. Courageously admit it and acknowledge the problem to your spouse.

Then do what successful entrepreneurial couples do to work with it . . . they encourage it! They do, however, insist on one unchangeable boundary….their relationship is off limits. That is, their love for each other and commitment to their marriage and family life come before business or career needs.

How can you foster competition in your business without compromising family feelings? Here are five suggestions:

1. Give credit where credit is due.
2. Build in rewards and incentives into your business for each partner to achieve.
3. Pay each spouse the money they’re worth. Instead of paying only the founder of the business and undervaluing the other spouse’s unpaid help, the supportive spouse should receive payment for what he or she is worth and not a penny less.
4. Bonuses aren’t banked for the common good, but awarded to the spouse who achieved the reward.
5. Encourage each other to achieve their dreams, to express their strengths, to utilize their talents. If this means besting your partner in a career or business move, it shouldn’t be threatening to your spouse, but viewed as a challenge to work toward his or her own excellence.

Empathy has long been an enigma to me. I have written two books that explore empathy disorders among those with Asperger Syndrome. Problems with empathy explain why folks with ASD struggle in their relationships with loved ones. And it explains why those loved ones are often furious with their ASD partners and family members. Yes, it’s true that we humans are a product of nature and nurture. However, with the advent of neuroscience that can peer into the workings of a live brain, we’re finding powerful evidence that a huge chunk of empathy is hard wired. A recent New York Times article reports about this in the context of trying to peacefully integrate the Roma (many call them Gypsy) into Hungarian society by busing the children to different schools. It’s reminiscent of the race struggle that occurred in the United States. What’s interesting is that now, with a greater understanding of how empathy works, they’re applying new techniques to resolving these issues.

Emile Bruneau, cognitive neuroscientist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who has spent years studying conflicts in Israel and the West Bank, along the U.S./Mexican border and within the political parties of Democrats and Republicans, is on the scene trying to find out, through brain-mapping, when and how empathy breaks down.

Neuroscientists have already mapped out the “theory-of-mind network” of the brain. Theory of Mind (ToM is a theory because the mind in not directly observable) is the ability to attribute beliefs, intentions, desires, imaginations, emotions, etc., to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives that are different from one’s own. Within that ToM network, they’re pinpointing specific tasks such as how the brain makes moral judgments.

How will things turn out for those in Hungary? Time will tell. Many of the conflict-resolution programs have not worked well because they haven’t tapped into the power of empathy. While many are empathetic toward their own family and group, they are able to mute their empathy toward their “enemy”. We’re hopeful that intervening on a psychological level will make societal intervention more effective.

Empathy is an important component to peaceful family, business and community relationships. Each act of true empathy brings us closer to happiness. Do you find yourself struggling with controlling your emotions, so that you can truly see how others are feeling? Please contact my office and schedule an appointment so we can discuss techniques and tools that can help you improve in your art of empathy.

This week’s news was full of San Francisco 49er’s linebacker, Chris Borland, retiring at the age of 24 from NFL football because of his concern about CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy).

It couldn’t have been easy turning his back on the money and fame that was before him. I imagine he had pressure to continue from his teammates, coach and sponsors. The peer pressure to continue must have been enormous.

For years, I have been warning of the damage done by Traumatic Brain Injuries caused by the blows to the head while playing football. The seriousness cannot be understated, for it does damage to one’s physical and mental health, changing forever family relationships and future prospects. I’m definitely not alone in my concerns, renowned brain specialists, such as Dr. Daniel Amen have been drawing attention to the risks our young athletes are running. Click here to hear what Dr. Daniel Amen says about this.

We all wish Chris a long, happy and healthy life. We applaud his courage in standing up and saying the risk was not worth it. The more the spotlight is shown on this danger, the better the chances are for a real change. Thank you, Chris.

This is just one fascination fact you’ll learn from WebMD’s Happiness Quiz. Here are some other things you’ll learn:

• What’s the happiest country in the world based on life satisfaction and work-life balance? (Hint: It’s not the U.S.)
• Which has more power – negative or positive emotions?
• What personality traits contribute toward more happiness?
• What age group is the happiest?
• What brain chemicals affect your happiness level and how do you activate them?
• Should you always keep a stiff upper lip in order to become a happy person?
• Which creates longer lasting happiness – pleasure or gratitude?
• Is your health and happiness affected by the movies you watch?

I encourage you to have some fun today and take this quiz. If you want more information on happiness, I’ve compiled a list of some of my past articles for your convenience.

Happiness Is Up To YOU!
The Two Types of Happiness and How They Affect You
What 40 Years of Science Reveals About Happiness
In a Bad Mood? It Could Be Coming from Reading Social Media
If You Want to Be Happy Take a Risk
Are You Happy with the Money You Earn?
How to Be a Happier Person – Watch Less Television
How to Create an Inner Joy that Lasts Despite Upsetting Circumstances
Tips to Experiencing Happiness on a Daily Basis
Three Ways to Avoid Toxic Life Choices

Everyone wants happiness, yet it’s so elusive for many in the U.S. Here in Oregon and Washington, we have dreary, rainy days that contribute towards depression. Economic struggles, family strife, and other external factors add to unhappiness. Yet you can learn techniques to successfully deal with all of these challenges as you remain hopeful and positive. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment. It’s time to feel happy again.

Take the WebMD Happiness Quiz. It will stretch your understanding of happiness. I didn’t even get 100%. When you’re done, come over to my Facebook page and tell us how you did.

A recent New York Times article sheds light on a possible reason for chronic anxiety. It reports that only a minority of us have what they call “the feel good gene”. The genetic variation in the brain they’re talking about is having less of the enzyme called FAAH (fatty acid amide hydrolase), which in turn results in an increased level of anandamide.

What is anandamide?

According to medical dictionaries, it’s “a derivative of arachidonic acid that occurs naturally in the brain and in some foods (as chocolate) and that binds to the same brain receptors as the cannabinoids (as THC)”. No wonder it’s called “the bliss molecule or our natural marijuana”.

It has two main benefits: it makes some feel less anxious and more able to forget fearful experiences.

A group of researchers from the Department of Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College studied the affect of the FAAH variant gene. They found that it enhances the connectivity between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala, which results in lower anxiety. They also found another benefit – it enhances fear extinction. If this can be tapped into, people who have suffered from traumatic life experiences could recover more quickly. They released their study results in a recent edition of Nature Communications.

We all have anandamide, however it’s estimated that 20 percent of U.S. adults have more. Not surprisingly, some who don’t possess this genetic variation self-medicate with other substances, such as marijuana, to relieve their anxiety.

Does this mean you have no choice? That you’re genetically predisposed to use marijuana? Not at all. Everyone has a choice. You can choose to rely on marijuana, which dulls your cognitive abilities or you can learn other methods to manage your anxiety, such as meditation or retraining your brain. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment to learn what all of your options are for living without chronic anxiety.

Read more on my website: Anxiety Disorders, PTSD, and Phobias.