Category: Blog Posts

Big corporations spend huge amounts of money to collect all the data they can about your buying and browsing habits. The better they know you, the more they can tailor their marketing message to appear like they really get you, so you trust them enough to pull out your credit card and spend money on their product. Now they are actively using empathy in the creation of their marketing campaigns. While we think of empathy as a means for deeply connecting with another person in a beneficial way, marketers are using empathy as a marketing weapon against us. A number of online article titles that I grabbed from a Google search highlight this point:

• Empathy Is the Key To Great Marketing Campaigns – Forbes
• 8 Genius Examples of Empathetic Content Marketing in Action – Hubspot
• How brands are using empathy to enhance marketing – Econsultancy
• A Brand’s Guide to Empathy: Marketing’s Latest Buzzword
• Empathetic Marketing: How To Connect With Your Customers …
• Empathetic marketing: focus on listening to your customers – Think with Google
• How To Do Effective Content Marketing: Use Empathy – Column Five Marketing

To further show how they are using empathy as a way to manipulate us, I stumbled across an article in The Atlantic about a recent Marketing to Moms Conference. According to them, “American mothers are estimated to make the vast majority of household purchasing decisions and collectively spend more than $2 trillion per year.” So the attendees of this conference put their thinking caps on to discover what moms worry about. They did this for the purpose of tweaking their ads to make their products appear empathic, as solutions for those specific worries.

But I wonder…would these big corporations be concerned about a mother’s worry, if they didn’t make money? I don’t think so, do you? Their empathy is driven by their own self-interest, which doesn’t sound like real empathy at all.

I’m not saying marketing your business is wrong. I do it all the time. But to call it empathy marketing is a misnomer. True empathy, what I like to call Radiant Empathy, is caring for another, without there being an expectation for reciprocity. It’s not dependent on getting something back. A person helps another just because it’s part of being a good human being, and that feels good all by itself.

As I promised a few months ago, I’m working on an online source so you can learn to enhance your Radiant Empathy skills. While it’s taking longer than expected, I should be able to roll it out within the next few months. Does that excite you? Leave me a comment on my Facebook page that you’re curious to know what it’s all about.

If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA and would like some 1:1 time for developing Radiant Empathy skills, please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

Why are you always tired? I mean, bone weary exhausted? When you live with someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, this becomes our normal state. Emotional abuse, lack of respect for boundaries, no reciprocity, fighting for a scrap of time for yourself, and many more issues all lead to a constant state of fatigue.I’m happy to say that many NT’s in my Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, are actually pretty healthy, because they’ve learned how to practice self care. (NT refers to the partner without Asperger’s Syndrome. It stands for neuro typical.) Even so, fatigue sets in. Why? It’s fatiguing because no one is really designed for the daily emotional stress that comes with living with someone who doesn’t fully understand empathy. I suspect it takes years off your life.

According to a 2017 study, “Research and insight into NT/AS relationships” by Faaas, Inc and JA Morgan BEd Grad Dip, “fatigue, resilience and (non-productive) coping were all significant predictors of partners’ anxiety and depression.” (You can read their PDF Report here.)

Interestingly, NTs are not the only ones experiencing fatigue. People with Asperger’s Syndrome also experience a great deal of fatigue, because they have to consciously process things with their intellect, as their brain doesn’t do it automatically.

If you’re a member of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, I invite you to join the low cost video conference entitled: Fatigue Is Normal in ASD/NT Relationships. It will be help on Tuesday, November 13th and again on Tuesday, November 27th. In this video conference, we’ll get serious about self care and practice boundary setting. Setting strong boundaries with our Aspies is as important as taking time out for yourself.

Would you like personalized help in developing boundaries in your relationship? If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

High-functioning autism isn’t an official medical term or diagnosis. It’s an informal one some people use when they talk about people on the ASD Spectrum. Notably, they can function independently in today’s world, yet their social skills are lacking. And even though the American Psychiatric Association grouped autism related disorders on a Spectrum, I still refer to high functioning autism as Aspergers, since that is how many of my clients first learned to identify this disorder.Recently, I began noticing a new trend. Many of the members of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD meetup group are saying their Aspie is “very high functioning.” Somehow this is a way NTs are separating their Aspie loved one from the rest of those with Asperger Syndrome. However, the definition of Asperger Syndrome is that the autistic person is “very high functioning.” This is the quintessential quality that distinguishes them from other autistics.

I think the notion that our Aspies are “very high functioning” is more than a misunderstanding of the diagnosis. Rather it appears to be a way NTs seek to comprehend the chaotic, yet brilliant mind of their Aspie. Frankly, though I don’t think this helps. It leaves you stuck believing your Aspie has more going for him or her than they actually do. Brilliant or not, they lack empathy. Reciprocity in the relationship is nearly non-existent. So it makes more sense to credit your Aspies for what they are good at. But they are not high functioning when it comes to relationships.

Would you like to join our discussion on this topic? If you’re a member of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, I invite you to join our video conference on Monday, June 20th at 4 pm Pacific Time. It’s entitled: Is it really “High Functioning Autism” when I feel so bad?

If you prefer 1:1 counseling, please contact my office and schedule an appointment. I offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

With the Holiday season upon us, it’s a good time to re-evaluate how your family’s is going to handle all the sugary treats put before them. We’ve all heard about the dangers of eating refined sugar. It’s over 99% pure calories, without much nutritional value. Yet, various resources report that Americans are still eating 150 to 170 pounds of sugar a year.Sugar is often a hidden ingredient in many of the prepared foods you buy. It can be labeled “organic,” “raw,” or “unprocessed”; whatever form it comes in, it activates a chemical reaction in your body that is comparable to the addictive effects of drugs like cocaine, meth, nicotine, and morphine.

According to a study on the NCBI website reports, “Sugar is noteworthy as a substance that releases dopamine and thus might be expected to have addictive potential.” Another sugar addiction study was published the British Journal of Sports Medicine. Sugar addiction is hard to kick because of the resulting withdrawal symptoms.

What are some of the ways sugar affects your present and future health? Sugar…

• spikes blood sugar, triggers the release of insulin, leading to a sugar crash;
• makes people hungry and tired;
• causes weight gain;
• contributes to mineral deficiencies;
• interferes with the actions of calcium and magnesium;
• suppresses the immune system;
• increases inflammation;
• contributes to aggression, depression, ADHD and hyperactivity;
• raises bad cholesterol, lowers good cholesterol;
• feeds cancer cells; and
• alters learning and memory, according to a study at UCLA.

When your blood sugar drops, your body goes into emergency mode, so you crave a fast fix of sugar. It becomes a never-ending cycle that you have to consciously break. The good news is that you can make behavioral changes that support a healthier lifestyle. I recommend a holistic approach because there’s an inseparable connection between the mind and the body. When you learn to manage the complicated interactions that take place between the mind, body, and the outside world, you’ll be able to stop your sugar addiction.

If you can’t seem to break the sugar habit on your own and live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

One of the things that ADHD kids struggle with is taking their medication on a regularly schedule. After all, forgetfulness is one of the symptoms of ADHD. And teens or young adults often convince themselves that they don’t need medication, because they hate the way meds make them feel.As a parent, it’s important to help your teen view taking ADHD medication seriously. Their ability to focus and concentrate during their scholastic years directly impacts their future quality of life.

Nagging doesn’t work. And you won’t be there when they go off to college or move away from home. Just as you’ve created a Behavioral Plan that you shared with the teacher when they started school, it’s important to create another plan for slowly handing over ADHD med management to your teen.

One of the most important things you can do for your ADHD child is to help them become more aware of how their bodies react with AND without ADHD medication. If they see that the benefits of taking ADHD medication far outweighs the side effects, they’ll be more likely to keep taking it when they’re on their own.

The process of turning over Med Management to your teen will take some time and careful attention on your part. Make sure your teen knows these seven vital things about managing their own ADHD meds:

1. Understand that ADHD is a real medical condition. Just as an asthmatic must use an inhaler regularly, so it’s important to keep a constant supply of ADHD meds so they can do the work that the ADHD brain can’t.

2. Develop greater self awareness. Understand how ADHD affects them personally. Help them discern what feelings, behaviors and actions they can control without medication; and help them identify why they need medication to control other feelings, behaviors and actions.

3. Practice conversational skills. They need to have the confidence to speak openly about their condition with their physician, teachers and future employers.

4. Know the medication. Know the name, the right dose and dosage schedule, as well as, what it does to help alleviate the symptoms of ADHD.

5. Develop a system for regularly taking and reordering medication. Since they can’t rely on their own brains, help them find visual and auditory reminders that work. A pillbox at the breakfast table, a Smartphone alarm or medication reminder app may be helpful.

6. Continue learning life skills. ADHD creates skill gaps. Enlist the assistance of a mental health professional who can help with time management, self-care, and balanced living skills. They can also address emotional challenges or substance abuse problems, if they arise.

7. Prepare what to say when someone, even a friend, wants to buy or take one of their pills. It’s illegal to share medications. Practice possible scenarios, so they can confidently say “no”, without making an issue out of it.

Medication is only part of the treatment for ADHD. Behavioral therapy, emotional counseling and practical support are also needed. If you’d like help in developing a personalized ADHD Medicine Management Plan for your child, and you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

Both Narcissism and Autism are on a Spectrum. Narcissism is a personality disorder that ranges from mild to severe. And on the Autism Spectrum, “Asperger’s” is a high functioning form of Autism. Instead of listing Narcissism and autism on separate Spectrums, should they possibly be classified on the same Spectrum? There is some merit to coming to that conclusion, especially if you’re looking at it through the lens of my Empathy Scale.I am not alone in seeing the similarities and overlaps between Asperger’s and Narcissism. Dr. Khalid A. Mansoura proposes in an article in the Pan Arab Journal of Psychiatry that narcissistic personality may merit classification as an autistic spectrum disorder.

In her Narcissism or Asperger’s article on Psychology Today, Dr. Susan Heitler concludes, “The bottom line from my perspective is that there is often overlap between these two syndromes.”

Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen suggests that “Aspies” are narcissistic by the very definition of autism, which means they have Zero Degrees of Empathy, or what I call EmD-0 or Empathy Dysfunction-0. (Read more about Empathy Dysfunction in my new book “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS.”)

What does differ is the motivation behind the behavior. The “Aspie’s” narcissism is not for the purpose of harming you, as is the case for a true dyed in the wool Narcissist. Sure, it feels the same either way, but it’s motivated differently.

Your loved one on the Spectrum may never acquire empathy, but they can learn to be polite and gracious and follow social rules. It’s not easy to change ingrained narcissistic behavior, but it is possible with “Aspies.”

If you’ve wasted too much of your precious life trying to accommodate an ASD narcissist, whether it’s a family member, coworker or neighbor, it’s time to seek professional support in rebuilding the life you’re meant to live. I offer online therapy so we can “meet” when it works best for your busy schedule.