Category: Blog Posts

If you are in a relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome, I have no doubt that at some point you asked yourself, “Is this really love?” The reason why you may ask yourself this is because how do you know if you are loved if you partner never communicates that with you, or shows your, or has empathy? This leads to other perplexing questions like: How do you know if your love is received or understood by them? Can you be sure that your AS partner feels love the same way you do? Does it even matter? 

How can a relationship survive when the issue of love is questioned? This is such a delicate and sensitive subject that many will think about it, but will never discuss it. On March 16, 2013, Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD Support Group will meet to discuss this issue. There is no easy answer or quick fix, but hopefully by having open and honest discussion can lead to a level of understanding that only those in this situation can understand. The meeting will be held in Portland, Oregon. If you do not live in the Portland area, please visit our webpage and become a member. The message boards are already discussing this topic online. We would love to hear your thoughts. 

For more on navigating through an Asperger relationship, pick up your own personal copy of my book – Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge. 

Do you feel like there are just not enough hours in the day? It’s a common complaint to hear someone say they need more time. And if you constantly feel anxiety and stress because you’re too busy there can be mental and physical health repercussions. By following a few simple time management tips, you might just be able to feel like you are accomplishing more during your day.

Here are a few simple strategies worth implementing:

1. Schedule your day thoughtfully. Write it out on paper or electronically. Distribute activities evenly throughout the day. If it starts to get too hectic, focus on the most important tasks and move the others to another day.

2. If you must reschedule, do it as soon as possible especially if it involves someone else. You want them to have the opportunity to shift around their schedule. This is just common courtesy.

3. Identify opportunities to multi-task. This requires creativity. Look for ways to merge tasks. Make phone calls while getting your car service…throw in a load of laundry and then run to the grocery store. 

4. Be flexible. Things come up, mistakes are made, and not everything goes as planned. When you are more prepared to go with the flow you won’t feel so out of control.

Creating more time in the day will give you a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. If these strategies are just not working and you continually feel overwhelmed, you may need to learn stress management techniques. A mental health care professional can assist you in this regard. Contact my office to set up an appointment. 

Click here to learn more about Managing Stress. 

Are you struggling to pay your medical bills? If so, you are not alone. In 2011, 48.6 million Americans were uninsured and out-of-pocket healthcare costs average out to $3,280 for a family of four. Many feel powerless against the rising costs. Can anything be done? 

CNN.com posted an encouraging article entitled – 4 Ways to Control Your Health Care Costs. Here are a few of the practical tips they suggested to help lower your health care costs:
  

Ask – Ask your doctor what the cost of the procedure is. Is there a less expensive alternative or a generic option? Are all the tests they are running necessary for diagnosis? Explain your cost concerns and look for alternatives. Dr. Jeffrey Rice, creator of HealthCareBlueBook.com commented, “(People) frequently overpay for services just because they don’t know that there’s price variation — that you can get the exact same care at a different facility across the street for a fraction of the cost.”

Stick to Your Provider – Going outside of your network’s providers will add on extra money. Sometimes it’s worth it to you to get a doctor you know and trust but make sure you think it through.

Talk to Your Pharmacist – Talking to your pharmacist is free. They are highly educated and knowledgeable. They may be able to recommend alternatives and generics to help save you money.  

Research  – Use online tools like HealthCareBlueBook.com, HealthPocket.com, and GoodRx.com to compare prices for insurance, medication, and health care services. If you have problems or questions in regard to your health insurance, use Consumer Assistance Programs available through HealthCare.gov. 
 

You need to be proactive about healthcare. It is your life and your money. For more information, read – A Fight for the Right Kind of Health Care. 

Bullies, who are they? The answer is not what you most likely expect. According to a 2011 study focusing on 700 students in Long Island, New York, 56% of the students had been involved in victimization and aggression. Many of the victims are in fact the bullies.

How does this work? Students are involved in what has been coined “social combat”. There is a social hierarchy happening in schools and students are working hard to be at the top. They do this by bullying others. In the meantime they are also being bullied by others trying to get to the top.

Times have changed and bullying is much more stealth. Bullying does not have to be physical. It can take the form of insulting rumors and gossip. These vicious verbal attacks are happening all over social media and text messaging. Rumors boost social status and is an effective method that bullies use to climb the social ladder. (For more information, read CNN.com – Could Your Child Be a Bully?)
 

Thursday February 28, 2013 on CNN will premier “The Bully Effect.” This show is examines how social media has changed the face of bullying. I highly recommend this for parents. Understanding what is really going on in our schools can better equip parents to helping their children dealing with bullying whether as a perpetrator or as a victim. 

For additional visit for parents, read Parents – Be Alert to Signs of Bullying. 

Have you heard the term “context blindness?” Context blindness is something that happens with Asperger Syndrome. For most people, context is a part of life. Everything is relative and depends on the context. For someone with Asperger’s, life is absolute – especially in regard to social interaction. Context blindness hinders an individual from being sensitive and aware of the feelings of others.

Dr. Peter Vermeulen discusses context blindness is his new book, Autism as Context Blindness. He brilliantly describes how the autistic brain works and includes practical exercises to help improve in the area of context blindness. I highly recommend picking up your own personal copy. Click here to learn more aboutAutism as Context Blindness.

Context blindness will also be discussed at the AAPC Spring 2013 Autism Conference. There are three locations: Chicago, Salt Lake City, and Phoenix. Click here to learn more about how to attend. 

No one can fully understand what it is like to be in a relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome unless you have walked in those shoes. I often blog my observations as a psychologist regarding the life of a Neuro-Typical married to an Aspie and co-parenting with an Aspie. It’s a tough road that many of these women (and some men) are on. In a recent blog, I wrote about how empathy is often lacking in Asperger relationships, but it can be found amongst others who deal with a similar situation. I want to share the value in finding others who understand your situation. 

Here is a compilation of a few comments that I believe explain the value of finding those who understand you:

“This is the one and only place I can go to really be fully understood. Thank you Kathy for the topic and clarifying “empathy.” I can identify with everyone who shares at these meetups, EVERYONE.” 

“Thank you everybody for sharing your time and stories. I can’t tell you what it means to have found a place to feel seen and heard. Oh, and to feel some empathy for the lack of empathy in my relationship! The best part is when I hear something that is so familiar to me.” 

“I was so, so blessed to have been in the company of each and everyone of you today! Thank you for your stories, your insight and assurances!” 

These testimonials are the reason why I found it so important to write for the Neuro-Typical audience. My book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge, focuses on the NT partner and how to arrive at a new understanding of themselves and their significant other. My upcoming book, Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome, tackles the issues of parenting with an Aspie. Download a free sample chapter of both books. 

And do not give up on your search for empathy!