Category: Blog Posts

There’s a lot of confusing data and misinformation out there, such as the oft repeated, but unsubstantiated, statistic that 80 percent of parents of autistic children will divorce. Granted, raising an autistic child does add more stress, especially since parents must suddenly become experts in education, health care, early intervention, insurance policies and so much more amidst the storm of emotions connected with learning of your child’s diagnosis. But that in no way means your marriage is doomed. 

Parents are encouraged to draw boundaries to preserve the quality of life with each other, with their neuro-typical children, family, friends and careers. You can’t let the guilt and grief of autism consume you. It’s important to discuss a division of labor between you and your life partner so you make decisions together and express appreciation for what each is doing. It’s damaging to spring emotionally charged decisions on a mate who is already stressed out.

“I carry my brain in my pocket.” Many  have been heard to say these words as they pull a palm pilot, smart phone or other tech tool out of their pocket. With today’s hectic pace, technology has made life easier and paradoxically more challenging.

To keep your brain’s skills sharp, discover some free and some paid smart phone apps that are fun to use plus provide brain exercise as mentioned in The New York Times’ article, A Workout for Your Brain, on Your Smartphone.

If we remain aware of this potential and continually keep improving our brain skills, then it’s great to utilize the tech tools available. In fact, I have been recommending three smart phone apps, Live OCD Free, iCouch CBT, and Moodkit – Mood Improvement Tool. These have proved to be invaluable to many as they cope with daily living.

Sometimes however, you need to talk to someone face to face. If you are experiencing difficulty in coping with life and would like to enlist the help of a therapist, please contact my office and set up an appointment in my office in Portland, Oregon or Vancouver, Washington..

For couple entrepreneurs, the worlds of love and work are not separate but are in dynamic interaction with each other.

Over the years I have met many adults who grew up with entrepreneurial parents and regretted it. Many have vowed never to be self-employed themselves because they felt deprived of a childhood by the demands of their parents’ business. On the other hand, there are entrepreneurial parents who insist that their child become a physician or lawyer in order to avoid the hard work of entrepreneurship, when all the child wants is to follow in the parents’ footsteps.

How can an entrepreneurial couple make sure their family doesn’t regret their life and business choices? The two most important elements of making good decisions that provides a good balance for love and work are:

· The decisions you make regarding your work will have an impact on your spouse and family.
· The modeling you provide for your children today will influence them for a lifetime.

For example, copreneurs Mike and Karla, a young couple still in their twenties, were not prepared for the overnight success of their family business. Mike, a pioneer, worked long hours at the office, while Karla, a routineer, tried to juggle her responsibilities as the personnel manager and the mother of two small children. Still, the money rolled in, and Mike and Karla had plenty of desires to fulfill. They bought new cars and a boat, and built a new million-dollar house.

With a nanny to watch the children, Karla devoted even more time to the business, and so did Mike. They would care of the children each night and, without taking time for dinner themselves, would try to relax over a drink and talk. Nightly fighting became the routine. When Mike, in a fit of rage, threw a bottle of liquor at the mirrored family room wall, shattering glass all over the room, Karla realized that their lives were out of control.

Mike and Karla had a lot of work to do to restore sanity to their lives. Through their pain, they learned that work and home life are not separate, but more to the point, they learned that you cannot make one more important than the other. The lure of money and the ever-increasing demands of the business blinded them to the needs of their children, their relationship with each other, and
their own individual health.

If you are a family in business, you can learn much making the best decisions by enlisting the help of a family therapist. Contact my office if you are interested in setting up an appointment.

For more information take a look at my book, Entrepreneurial Couples Making it Work at Work and at Home. Now available on Kindle!

Poverty may actually be changing the brains of children as they respond to the stressful circumstances found in the low socioeconomic status. Research has found that the cortex thickens when children are exposed to factors such as stress, poor nutrition, lack of healthcare, and environmental toxins such as second-hand smoke. 

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Do you know someone who handles problems with ease? You might be attracted to their confident yet carefree attitude when it comes to conquering daily challenges. For some, this type of attitude and ability to problem solve comes naturally. For others, it can be a real struggle. If it doesn’t come naturally, don’t be discouraged. You can learn how to adjust and problem solve when challenges come your way. It’s starts with your attitude. Once your attitude has been adjusted, then you can attack the problem.

Keys to Problem Solving:

Adjusting Your Attitude

1. Separate the negative feeling from the positive thoughts. Clearing your mind from negative thinking with give you a clean slate.

2. View the problem as an opportunity for growth.

3. Take responsibility and don’t blame others. You can only control yourself.

4. Develop a strong desire to solve the problem.
Attacking the Problem

1. Identify the root cause of the problem.

2. Think, strategize, then act on the resolution.
Problem solving is a vital process to learn and implement. You may need assistance from a mental health care professional who can guide you through the steps specific to your needs. Contact my office for an appointment.

For more information, visit Personal Growth.

When you love someone with Asperger Syndrome, you may hit a point where you grieve. You may be grieving over the relationship or for the loss of a dream. The problem with this grief is it may not be going away. When you continue to live with your Asperger partner, your keep triggering the loss. You feel it over and over again.

But what is going on when years later you are still so depressed, forlorn, and fatigued over the loss of your dream? I have heard some define this as “Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Disorder“. I believe the symptoms are very similar to depression, but of a grief that never goes away or unremitting grief.

On June 15, 2013, Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Families of Adults with ASD will be meeting in Portland, Oregon to discuss the topic, “Unremitting Grief.” Sharing stories and giving input from only those who have walked in these shoes can help to bind up the broken hearts of others. Come and join us and share what you know about “unremitting grief.” This will be the last Meetup until September and it will not be one to miss. Click on the link for membership details.

Download a free sample chapter of Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge.