Author: Kathy Marshack

High-functioning autism isn’t an official medical term or diagnosis. It’s an informal one some people use when they talk about people on the ASD Spectrum. Notably, they can function independently in today’s world, yet their social skills are lacking. And even though the American Psychiatric Association grouped autism related disorders on a Spectrum, I still refer to high functioning autism as Aspergers, since that is how many of my clients first learned to identify this disorder.Recently, I began noticing a new trend. Many of the members of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD meetup group are saying their Aspie is “very high functioning.” Somehow this is a way NTs are separating their Aspie loved one from the rest of those with Asperger Syndrome. However, the definition of Asperger Syndrome is that the autistic person is “very high functioning.” This is the quintessential quality that distinguishes them from other autistics.

I think the notion that our Aspies are “very high functioning” is more than a misunderstanding of the diagnosis. Rather it appears to be a way NTs seek to comprehend the chaotic, yet brilliant mind of their Aspie. Frankly, though I don’t think this helps. It leaves you stuck believing your Aspie has more going for him or her than they actually do. Brilliant or not, they lack empathy. Reciprocity in the relationship is nearly non-existent. So it makes more sense to credit your Aspies for what they are good at. But they are not high functioning when it comes to relationships.

Would you like to join our discussion on this topic? If you’re a member of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD Meetup, I invite you to join our video conference on Monday, June 20th at 4 pm Pacific Time. It’s entitled: Is it really “High Functioning Autism” when I feel so bad?

If you prefer 1:1 counseling, please contact my office and schedule an appointment. I offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

With the Holiday season upon us, it’s a good time to re-evaluate how your family’s is going to handle all the sugary treats put before them. We’ve all heard about the dangers of eating refined sugar. It’s over 99% pure calories, without much nutritional value. Yet, various resources report that Americans are still eating 150 to 170 pounds of sugar a year.Sugar is often a hidden ingredient in many of the prepared foods you buy. It can be labeled “organic,” “raw,” or “unprocessed”; whatever form it comes in, it activates a chemical reaction in your body that is comparable to the addictive effects of drugs like cocaine, meth, nicotine, and morphine.

According to a study on the NCBI website reports, “Sugar is noteworthy as a substance that releases dopamine and thus might be expected to have addictive potential.” Another sugar addiction study was published the British Journal of Sports Medicine. Sugar addiction is hard to kick because of the resulting withdrawal symptoms.

What are some of the ways sugar affects your present and future health? Sugar…

• spikes blood sugar, triggers the release of insulin, leading to a sugar crash;
• makes people hungry and tired;
• causes weight gain;
• contributes to mineral deficiencies;
• interferes with the actions of calcium and magnesium;
• suppresses the immune system;
• increases inflammation;
• contributes to aggression, depression, ADHD and hyperactivity;
• raises bad cholesterol, lowers good cholesterol;
• feeds cancer cells; and
• alters learning and memory, according to a study at UCLA.

When your blood sugar drops, your body goes into emergency mode, so you crave a fast fix of sugar. It becomes a never-ending cycle that you have to consciously break. The good news is that you can make behavioral changes that support a healthier lifestyle. I recommend a holistic approach because there’s an inseparable connection between the mind and the body. When you learn to manage the complicated interactions that take place between the mind, body, and the outside world, you’ll be able to stop your sugar addiction.

If you can’t seem to break the sugar habit on your own and live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

One of the things that ADHD kids struggle with is taking their medication on a regularly schedule. After all, forgetfulness is one of the symptoms of ADHD. And teens or young adults often convince themselves that they don’t need medication, because they hate the way meds make them feel.As a parent, it’s important to help your teen view taking ADHD medication seriously. Their ability to focus and concentrate during their scholastic years directly impacts their future quality of life.

Nagging doesn’t work. And you won’t be there when they go off to college or move away from home. Just as you’ve created a Behavioral Plan that you shared with the teacher when they started school, it’s important to create another plan for slowly handing over ADHD med management to your teen.

One of the most important things you can do for your ADHD child is to help them become more aware of how their bodies react with AND without ADHD medication. If they see that the benefits of taking ADHD medication far outweighs the side effects, they’ll be more likely to keep taking it when they’re on their own.

The process of turning over Med Management to your teen will take some time and careful attention on your part. Make sure your teen knows these seven vital things about managing their own ADHD meds:

1. Understand that ADHD is a real medical condition. Just as an asthmatic must use an inhaler regularly, so it’s important to keep a constant supply of ADHD meds so they can do the work that the ADHD brain can’t.

2. Develop greater self awareness. Understand how ADHD affects them personally. Help them discern what feelings, behaviors and actions they can control without medication; and help them identify why they need medication to control other feelings, behaviors and actions.

3. Practice conversational skills. They need to have the confidence to speak openly about their condition with their physician, teachers and future employers.

4. Know the medication. Know the name, the right dose and dosage schedule, as well as, what it does to help alleviate the symptoms of ADHD.

5. Develop a system for regularly taking and reordering medication. Since they can’t rely on their own brains, help them find visual and auditory reminders that work. A pillbox at the breakfast table, a Smartphone alarm or medication reminder app may be helpful.

6. Continue learning life skills. ADHD creates skill gaps. Enlist the assistance of a mental health professional who can help with time management, self-care, and balanced living skills. They can also address emotional challenges or substance abuse problems, if they arise.

7. Prepare what to say when someone, even a friend, wants to buy or take one of their pills. It’s illegal to share medications. Practice possible scenarios, so they can confidently say “no”, without making an issue out of it.

Medication is only part of the treatment for ADHD. Behavioral therapy, emotional counseling and practical support are also needed. If you’d like help in developing a personalized ADHD Medicine Management Plan for your child, and you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

Both Narcissism and Autism are on a Spectrum. Narcissism is a personality disorder that ranges from mild to severe. And on the Autism Spectrum, “Asperger’s” is a high functioning form of Autism. Instead of listing Narcissism and autism on separate Spectrums, should they possibly be classified on the same Spectrum? There is some merit to coming to that conclusion, especially if you’re looking at it through the lens of my Empathy Scale.I am not alone in seeing the similarities and overlaps between Asperger’s and Narcissism. Dr. Khalid A. Mansoura proposes in an article in the Pan Arab Journal of Psychiatry that narcissistic personality may merit classification as an autistic spectrum disorder.

In her Narcissism or Asperger’s article on Psychology Today, Dr. Susan Heitler concludes, “The bottom line from my perspective is that there is often overlap between these two syndromes.”

Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen suggests that “Aspies” are narcissistic by the very definition of autism, which means they have Zero Degrees of Empathy, or what I call EmD-0 or Empathy Dysfunction-0. (Read more about Empathy Dysfunction in my new book “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS.”)

What does differ is the motivation behind the behavior. The “Aspie’s” narcissism is not for the purpose of harming you, as is the case for a true dyed in the wool Narcissist. Sure, it feels the same either way, but it’s motivated differently.

Your loved one on the Spectrum may never acquire empathy, but they can learn to be polite and gracious and follow social rules. It’s not easy to change ingrained narcissistic behavior, but it is possible with “Aspies.”

If you’ve wasted too much of your precious life trying to accommodate an ASD narcissist, whether it’s a family member, coworker or neighbor, it’s time to seek professional support in rebuilding the life you’re meant to live. I offer online therapy so we can “meet” when it works best for your busy schedule.

Are you at your wit’s end? You desperately want to hold your family together so you’re willing to go to a stranger and bare your soul… but your “Aspie” isn’t helping at all. It’s a fight to get him to go. (Note: It’s not only men that have “Aspergers.” Women have “Asperger’s“ too.) And when he gets there, he drags his heels, slumps in the chair and refuses to engage with the psychotherapist. Does he think he’s too smart for therapy; that he doesn’t need it; that there’s nothing wrong with him; that you’re the one with the problem? If you can relate to this, please be assured, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to give up! If you’ve had less than positive experiences with finding a therapist for your Aspie, don’t lose heart. Typical therapy doesn’t work with “Aspies,” so you need to find a psychologist who specializes in understanding the “Asperger’s” thought process.

Why is psychotherapy unlikely to work for your “Aspie?“

People with “Asperger’s” aren’t wired for the relationship format used by most psychotherapists. Therapists are trained to build on empathic rapport with clients. You need social awareness for that to work, which is something your loved one on the Spectrum doesn’t have. Expecting someone with ASD to have empathy into your internal experience or insight into their own is not realistic.

However, what does seem to work is to appeal to their narcissism. Yes, I mean it. “Aspies” have the same feelings as the rest of us. They feel sad and angry and depressed too. The ticket is to appeal to a plan that promises to make them feel better if they just follow the rules.

For this reason, I recommend a coaching model rather than psychotherapy. In fact, I offer this model online in my video sessions with people on the Spectrum from around the world. It works because they need tools. They aren’t motivated by making you feel better. Their main concern is feeling better themselves. Of course, they want you to feel better too, but it isn’t first on their minds. They fully believe if they feel better, you will feel better about them.

Narcissism — get it?

If you’re a member of my Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD group, please join us for our video conferences. We’ll be discussing this topic as well.

If you prefer 1:1 counseling, you can schedule an online appointment on my Contact Page.

Learn more about Empathy Dysfunction: If you haven’t grabbed your copy of my new book, “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS,” I invite you to do so. It’s packed with real-life examples of empathy dysfunction and how you can strengthen your own empathy “muscle” to withstand the callousness in the world today.

Don’t you love to receive praise and commendation? It feels so good. However, receiving, and even giving, criticism hurts. Even though feedback is supposed to makes us better at work and in life, we perceive it to be negative, because there’s a potential to hurt someone’s feelings or even destroy our relationship with them. That’s what makes these conversations so difficult.

Our unconscious biases contribute to this problem. They interfere with giving, and receiving, effective feedback. Your feelings about a person greatly impact how and what you say. For example, if you feel someone needs nurturing, you become gentler. If someone irritates you, you become blunter. Your biases may be influenced by so many things, like a person’s position, gender, financial status, familial relationship, or even looks.

If you want to give fair, objective feedback, first ask yourself, “Why am I giving this feedback?”

It’s helpful to identify what motivates you to give feedback. Are you lashing out and trying to settle a score? Or are you sincerely trying to help someone become a better person? Or does your motivation fit somewhere in between?

You can ensure you’re giving the most helpful feedback possible by remembering the 7 keys to giving thoughtful and objective feedback:

1. Regularly give commendation, so criticism is easier to take, when it’s needed.
2. Rather than focusing on personality flaws or differences, focus on actionable items that can be implemented immediately.
3. Get all the facts. Before commenting, make sure you understand the whole situation.
4. Be very specific about what’s wrong and what can be done to fix it.
5. If you do have to give feedback on a personality trait, give specific examples of how the trait affected the task or situation at hand and how specific improvements can be made.
6. Gather your courage to speak, by clearly defining your reasons for giving feedback. Holding back doesn’t benefit anyone.
7. Bounce your criticism off of a trusted colleague first, but frame it as a conversation about professional development, not naming names or even hinting, so it doesn’t devolve into gossip.

A way to double check your feedback, to make sure it isn’t biased, is to ask yourself, “Would I give this feedback to anyone else in this situation?” When others see that you’re striving to be fair in your feedback, they’ll be more open to accepting it. And when you strive to see the intent of feedback given to you, it becomes easier to accept.

As a family business coach, I love helping families make it work at home and at work. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.