Author: Kathy Marshack

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why is everything a bottom-line transaction for “Aspies”?

Thursday June 27, 2019, 7:30-8:30pm PDT

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why is everything a bottom-line transaction for “Aspies”?

Without empathy (EmD-0) your “Aspie” thinks conversation is about facts only, or what I call factoids. Whereas we NTs always consider the person first, and facts second. We want to make sure the person we are talking WITH is “with us.” “Aspies” don’t really include your feelings or opinions in the mix. For them, it’s a matter of making a point, or getting to the bottom line, or winning.

This is not to say that they don’t love you, or want the best for you, but honestly they don’t really understand the nuances of conversation the way we do. For them, every conversation is transactional. What’s the point otherwise. For us, the point is to connect first, get to the bottom line second. It’s interactional.

It’s unnerving and demoralizing isn’t it? “You just want to be heard and understood. Your “Aspie” wants to solve the problem, get on with it, and they push past our feelings to accomplish the task.

This is a vital topic to help you navigate this imponderable world of ASD/NT relationships. Hope you join us.

All event times are posted in Pacific time.

 

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why is everything a bottom-line transaction for “Aspies”?

Tuesday June 25, 2019, 4:00-5:00pm PDT

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why is everything a bottom-line transaction for “Aspies”?

Without empathy (EmD-0) your “Aspie” thinks conversation is about facts only, or what I call factoids. Whereas we NTs always consider the person first, and facts second. We want to make sure the person we are talking WITH is “with us.” “Aspies” don’t really include your feelings or opinions in the mix. For them, it’s a matter of making a point, or getting to the bottom line, or winning.

This is not to say that they don’t love you, or want the best for you, but honestly they don’t really understand the nuances of conversation the way we do. For them, every conversation is transactional. What’s the point otherwise. For us, the point is to connect first, get to the bottom line second. It’s interactional.

It’s unnerving and demoralizing isn’t it? “You just want to be heard and understood. Your “Aspie” wants to solve the problem, get on with it, and they push past our feelings to accomplish the task.

This is a vital topic to help you navigate this imponderable world of ASD/NT relationships. Hope you join us.

All event times are posted in Pacific time.

 

 

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why is everything a bottom-line transaction for “Aspeies”?

Thursday June 20, 2019, 10:00-11:00am PDT

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why is everything a bottom-line transaction for “Aspies”?

Without empathy (EmD-0) your “Aspie” thinks conversation is about facts only, or what I call factoids. Whereas we NTs always consider the person first, and facts second. We want to make sure the person we are talking WITH is “with us.” “Aspies” don’t really include your feelings or opinions in the mix. For them, it’s a matter of making a point, or getting to the bottom line, or winning.

This is not to say that they don’t love you, or want the best for you, but honestly they don’t really understand the nuances of conversation the way we do. For them, every conversation is transactional. What’s the point otherwise. For us, the point is to connect first, get to the bottom line second. It’s interactional.

It’s unnerving and demoralizing isn’t it? “You just want to be heard and understood. Your “Aspie” wants to solve the problem, get on with it, and they push past our feelings to accomplish the task.

This is a vital topic to help you navigate this imponderable world of ASD/NT relationships. Hope you join us.

All event times are posted in Pacific time.

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: How to get past the right or wrong, black and white thinking.

Tuesday June 18, 2019, 2:00-3:00pm PDT

VIDEO CONFERENCE: How to get past the right or wrong, black and white thinking.

Because our “Aspies” tend to think in terms of right or wrong, they often fail to understand the rainbow of options and opinions that are possible. For example because they have a strong sense of justice, it is tough to explain mercy, or mitigating circumstances. In their mind if its wrong, it’s “dead” wrong.

I’m not saying it’s easy to get past their impenetrable logic, but there are a few things you can do. First, don’t negotiate when you are up against a black and white thinker. They will think you are giving in, or quitting. How many times have you heard, “I thought we already talked about this!”

Second, instead of waiting for them to cooperate, just say “NO.” Or give them a rule to follow. In other words, give them the right or wrong, black and white message. Even if they still don’t agree with you, they understand you better. In fact this understanding often leads to cooperation.

All event times are posted in Pacific time.

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This FREE teleconference is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: Do others think you complain too much?

Thursday June 13, 2019, 2:30-4:00 PM PDT

TELECONFERENCE: Do others think you complain too much?

TELECONFERENCE: Do others think you complain too much? Not all of us seek out others to talk with about our lives with Aspies. For some of us it feels as if we are being too negative, so we keep quiet. Other times, we are so worn to a frazzle that we break down and complain to a friend, only to be dismissed as over reacting, or that it is just they way marriage is, or some such platitude. Even if you are the type to speak to others about your life and to seek moral support, you actually may be seen as even more negative than the silently suffering person. Either way, we may come to be seen as a complainer. Not fair is it? Let’s use this call to come up with solutions to the complaint driven system. We ought to be heard and believed, without sugar coating the truth about our lives. Please come to the call with a private place to listen and chat. This call is only for members. Thank you.

 

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: How to get past the right or wrong, black and white thinking.

Tuesday June 11, 2019, 7:30-8:30pm PDT

VIDEO CONFERENCE: How to get past the right or wrong, black and white thinking.

Because our “Aspies” tend to think in terms of right or wrong, they often fail to understand the rainbow of options and opinions that are possible. For example because they have a strong sense of justice, it is tough to explain mercy, or mitigating circumstances. In their mind if its wrong, it’s “dead” wrong.

I’m not saying it’s easy to get past their impenetrable logic, but there are a few things you can do. First, don’t negotiate when you are up against a black and white thinker. They will think you are giving in, or quitting. How many times have you heard, “I thought we already talked about this!”

Second, instead of waiting for them to cooperate, just say “NO.” Or give them a rule to follow. In other words, give them the right or wrong, black and white message. Even if they still don’t agree with you, they understand you better. In fact this understanding often leads to cooperation.

All event times are posted in Pacific time.