About Dr. Marshack’s Blog

Dr. Marshack’s blog postings are short and timely. She shares tips that make your complex relationships work better. She also posts questions because she wants to hear from you and share ideas. Bringing people together to help each other is one of her missions.


Note: Some of the older blogs posts have been imported from a previous website and may have broken links. Try the “search” function in the sidebar to find linked pages that appear to be missing.

TELECONFERENCE: How to Win the Argument Through Detachment

A free International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Teleconference is only for members of Meetup. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: TELECONFERENCE: How to Win the Argument Through Detachment

Friday August 16, 2019, 1:00pm – 1:50pm PDT

How to win the argument through detachment. Does this even seem possible? And yet, it is the only way to get past the “Aspie” need to win and dominate.

Read carefully. If we step into the “Aspie” arena of win-lose by trying to be reasonable or even match wits with your “Aspie” you are likely to lose. That’s because we NTs generally strive for a win-win solution.

Staying out of the win-lose world is accomplished by detaching from your need to get a reasonable response from your partner. Instead focus on your goal and never move your eye from it.

Stay neutral. Be clear about your goal. Remain firm in your conviction. With this approach you have a fighting chance. It doesn’t always go your way, of course, but it is much more likely that your “Aspie” will accept your goal if you don’t give them explanations to shoot down.

I know it doesn’t quite seem a win-win, but it is if you think about it. Your “Aspie” knows what you want, and you get a fighting chance to have it.

Please come to the call with a private place to listen and chat. This call is only for members. Thank you.

 

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Empathy Explains it All

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: Empathy Explains it All

July 31, 2019 – 3:00pm-4:00pm  Pacific Time

Empathy explains it all. It took me years to comprehend that nearly all of the problems I experienced in my relationships with my “Aspie” loved ones could be explained by Empathy Dysfunction (EmD). Once I got it that they were not using empathy to understand the world and the people around them, I was able to navigate the gummed up communications among us.

“Aspies” have Zero Degrees of Empathy (EmD-0) so their reality is built from a different set of mapping tools. While we run everything through our understanding of others in relationship to ourselves, they run everything through a fantastic list of “factoids.” How often have you heard your “Asperger” partner tell you that they “heard every word”? Maybe, but did they really process the meaning?

Empathy helps shape the meaning of communication, the meaning of our relationships, the meaning of the choices we NTs make. For an “Aspie” there may be no meaning, if the facts don’t add up.

I often use the expression: “The whole is more than the sum of the parts.” While we NTs are shaping meaning with our empathic thoughts, words and actions, the “Aspie” is tallying the parts.

Let’s use this video conference call to learn more about a reality shaped without empathy. Once you see the world through the eyes of an “Aspie,” you stand a better chance of taking charge of your life, not just the problem.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Empathy Explains it All

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: Empathy Explains it All

July 25, 2019 – 7:30pm-8:30pm Pacific Time

Empathy explains it all. It took me years to comprehend that nearly all of the problems I experienced in my relationships with my “Aspie” loved ones could be explained by Empathy Dysfunction (EmD). Once I got it that they were not using empathy to understand the world and the people around them, I was able to navigate the gummed up communications among us.

“Aspies” have Zero Degrees of Empathy (EmD-0) so their reality is built from a different set of mapping tools. While we run everything through our understanding of others in relationship to ourselves, they run everything through a fantastic list of “factoids.” How often have you heard your “Asperger” partner tell you that they “heard every word”? Maybe, but did they really process the meaning?

Empathy helps shape the meaning of communication, the meaning of our relationships, the meaning of the choices we NTs make. For an “Aspie” there may be no meaning, if the facts don’t add up.

I often use the expression: “The whole is more than the sum of the parts.” While we NTs are shaping meaning with our empathic thoughts, words and actions, the “Aspie” is tallying the parts.

Let’s use this video conference call to learn more about a reality shaped without empathy. Once you see the world through the eyes of an “Aspie,” you stand a better chance of taking charge of your life, not just the problem.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Empathy Explains it All

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: Empathy Explains it All

July 23, 2019 – 10:00am to 11:00am Pacific Time

Empathy explains it all. It took me years to comprehend that nearly all of the problems I experienced in my relationships with my “Aspie” loved ones could be explained by Empathy Dysfunction (EmD). Once I got it that they were not using empathy to understand the world and the people around them, I was able to navigate the gummed up communications among us.

“Aspies” have Zero Degrees of Empathy (EmD-0) so their reality is built from a different set of mapping tools. While we run everything through our understanding of others in relationship to ourselves, they run everything through a fantastic list of “factoids.” How often have you heard your “Asperger” partner tell you that they “heard every word”? Maybe, but did they really process the meaning?

Empathy helps shape the meaning of communication, the meaning of our relationships, the meaning of the choices we NTs make. For an “Aspie” there may be no meaning, if the facts don’t add up.

I often use the expression: “The whole is more than the sum of the parts.” While we NTs are shaping meaning with our empathic thoughts, words and actions, the “Aspie” is tallying the parts.

Let’s use this video conference call to learn more about a reality shaped without empathy. Once you see the world through the eyes of an “Aspie,” you stand a better chance of taking charge of your life, not just the problem.

TELECONFERENCE: Empathy “Asperger” Style

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Teleconference is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: TELECONFERENCE: Empathy “Asperger” Style

Thursday July 18, 2019, 10:00-11:30 am PDT

Many of our “Aspies” believe they have empathy for a variety of reasons. Sometimes we think so too. By the very definition of Autism Spectrum Disorder, “Aspies” do not have empathy. They may be sensitive. They may be kind. They may care about our welfare. But empathy is more than that.

Empathy involves a reciprocal interaction. It is an ongoing process of communication that makes you feel understood. If you are able to understand your feelings and thoughts and speak about them to another person — and you speak to them in words they understand — and you recognize the thoughts and feelings of the other person — and they are able to tell you what their thoughts and feelings are in your language — and you both work toward a mutual understanding and caring — this is empathy.

For example, an orchestra is more than notes on a page. It is composed of the synergy of the composer/score, the musicians, the conductor, the concert hall and the audience. You may love to listen to recorded concerts, but the thrill of the live experience is greater.  Empathy is like this.

Empathy for our “Aspies” is caring, compassion, love, kindness, etc. but it is often out of step with empathy. This disconnect with the empathic process is what feels jarring to NTs. Speaking in a loud tone, or interrupting us at an inopportune moment, or failing to tells us what’s on the “Aspie’s,” mind — are all examples of Empathy – “Asperger” Style.

This conference call is a chance to get more clarification on this important topic. More importantly we will also talk about how to communicate with our “Aspies” when they really don’t use empathy at all.