Category: Blog Posts

The internet is gathering data on you. It looks at the websites you visit and the items you purchase as its algorithms try to decipher which ads to put before you to entice you to buy. Now, according to a recent New York Times article, “Your Personality Type, Defined by the Internet“ there’s a new parameter that they’re tracking…Your personality through the choice of words you use when posting to Social Media.

A Berkeley CA. company, Five Labs, has created a new tool that links to Facebook posts and analyzes the way we write in relation to five personality attributes: openness, extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness and neuroticism. The majority of people who have tried it think it’s fairly accurate.

This is interesting in more than one way. Psychological research has shown that the words we use reflect our personality and frame of mind, so this tool probably is pretty accurate. This little device could become very useful to us, especially when we have difficulty seeing ourselves as we really are. It could be used to help people see areas of their personality that they can change for the better. It also confirms that if we change our words, we can change our attitude and emotions toward life.

What if the results leave you feeling like you need to change? You may want to explore Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It’s a communication technology that has applications in any setting involving human interaction. NLP works because it eliminates the guesswork. Goal setting, negotiating, problem solving, creativity are more streamlined when you know the structure to follow. Consider working with a therapist trained in NLP to assist you in resolving a personal problem or developing your potential. Contact my office to set-up an appointment or to learn more.

Based on my Facebook posts, they classify me as inventive, efficient, sensitive, analytical, and outgoing. Join me on my Facebook page, (https://www.facebook.com/Kathy.Marshack.Ph.D) as we discuss the results you get, how accurate it is and how you feel about this.

Do you sometimes wonder if you matter or can make a difference and a real contribution? Recently I read a heart-warming story about a champion body builder, Mr. Addo, who uses his physical fitness skills and the values from his youth to make a real difference in the lives of others.

You’d expect someone who has won Mr. Ghana bodybuilding championship twice to open up a gym for the elite. Instead, Mr. Addo has found his niche helping senior citizens regain their balance, mobility and strength. As the story explains, “He was raised with the values that improving the lives of one’s elders is of the highest virtue. He brings that to life among this group of retired adults. In his own words he says, ‘They remind me of my grandmothers and aunties back home.’”

This unlikely combination of bodybuilder and the frail elderly has changed many lives for the better. Together they have created a community of people who care about each other, and they work to make each other stronger physically and emotionally.

We can all make a difference in the world when we use our talents to improve the lives of those around us. This giving spirit nurtures both the giver and the receiver. What values and talents do you hold dear, and who can benefit from them? Even our weaknesses can be used to strengthen others. When you find the answer to those questions, you’ll find happiness and purpose. Join us on my Facebook page, (https://www.facebook.com/Kathy.Marshack.Ph.D) and let’s continue the discussion about people who inspire you to achieve your greatest potential.

The Northwest Autism Foundation is a nonprofit organization that provides valuable education to those with autism, their families, caregivers, and health care providers. Their services include:

• Publishing a detailed Autism Resource Directory of local and national resources for ASD information and services. (Download the Directory here.)
• Continuing education to the medical professionals in Oregon.
• Sponsoring workshops and lectures about the most up-to-date ASD topics.
• Organizing and sponsoring the annual Autism OASIS conference, which enlists the best scientists and doctors to speak on the most effective treatment options.

They can now add to this list an annual Art Walk that raises money for worthy organizations. Their goal this year is to raise $25,000 for the Victory Academy, Oregon’s only year-round accredited school for children with autism. Victory Academy’s mission is “to provide children affected by ASD with an integrated academic and therapeutic program, carefully designed to address an individual’s strengths and challenges. They foster the development of meaningful relationships and the achievement of life-long learning.”

To support this Art Walk, you can either sponsor your own team or donate to one of the fundraising teams listed here. They are also looking for sponsors and volunteers to help them get this event off the ground. If you’d like to help you can email them at: autismnwaf@gmail.com.

We all need money to live. But when is enough, enough? In a recent CNN article, “How much do you need to earn to be happy?”, the results of the CNN Money’s American Dream poll is very revealing. This poll, conducted by ORC International, asked these two questions:

How much do you need to make in order to be happy? They discovered that…

• “23% said they’d need between $100,000 and $199,999.
• Over half of people said it would take less than $100,000 to make them happy.
• Almost a quarter of the people said between $50,000 and $74,999 would work.
• 10% said $30,000 would be their minimum requirement.”

How much does it take to consider yourself rich? They discovered that…

Even though it is more common for a husband to have Asperger’s Syndrome, it’s quite possible for a mother to have it too. Recent statistics from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention show that five times more males are diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (AS) than females. And while males can reliably be diagnosed as early as 18 months to two years of age; females are often not diagnosed until adulthood.This presents a real challenge to family happiness, because culturally women are revered as the nurturers of the family. And while women with Asperger’s generally accept that it is a woman’s duty to care for the children and maintain the household and in general keep the family happy and healthy, they just are not very well equipped to handle this role. As a result they are viewed as cold, uncaring, and selfish because they can’t live up to what’s expected of them.

Because women often go undiagnosed, dads are clueless as to why their family dynamics aren’t working. Neuro-Typical (non-Asperger) men need to learn about Asperger Syndrome and be able to talk about their experiences in order to learn how to cope and indeed help themselves and their families to thrive under these challenging circumstances.

How do many Neuro-Typical (NT) dads react when they are faced with a spouse that has Asperger’s Syndrome?

On the surface their reaction is the same as many NT mom’s. They’re angry and hurt. And since they see their wives as neglectful of and abusive to their children, because they expect their wives to be the more nurturing parent, these feelings are magnified for an NT dad. Without help, the NT father gets angrier and angrier. This clouds the real problem—his undiagnosed Asperger’s wife and her limited parenting skills. Anger and withdrawal are common ways NT dads deal with parenting problems associated with marriage to an Aspie wife.

NT dads should recognize the anger for what it is, depression. They feel trapped by the double bind of wanting to protect their children and wanting to be free of the emotional neglect in their marriage. Even in our contemporary society, the role reversal for NT dads is hard. Besides working full-time, these dads must come home and do much of the cooking, cleaning and caring for the children.

Something that exacerbates the problem is that many NT dads grew up in families with members who are autistic. These men may unconsciously have sought out an Aspie spouse, because it is a dynamic with which they are familiar. If they have not learned how to cope with Asperger’s in their childhood, which is very likely the case, they will carry this dysfunctional behavior into their married lives.

What can NT dads do to help their families to thrive?

Recognizing the problem is an important first step. If you’re a dad dealing with an AS spouse, get professional help immediately for your own sake and that of your family. Trust that your anger is not without reason, and realize that staying angry will only make you sick and destroy the family. Family counseling is good, but it’s also advisable for dads to find a personal therapist, separate from the marital therapist. NT dads need a safe place to talk and resolve their feelings of anger without being destructive.

Read a free chapter of “Our of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD)”. This book discusses the science behind Aspie behavior and how you can initiate the rules of engagement that help your Aspie give you and your children the emotional support you need.

Pleasant conversation is governed by unspoken rules. We listen carefully, ask relevant questions, make eye contact, show genuine interest in the one we’re conversing with and we don’t interrupt or go off on unrelated tangents. All of this social give-and-take is very difficult for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome. Their lack of social awareness and empathy allows them do insensitive things or blurt out inappropriate comments.

Because of not knowing or understanding the rules, our Aspies tend to either control or avoid the conversation or the situation. Because they don’t really understand where their partner is coming from, they feel really anxious, and they conclude that the best solutions to their discomfort is to dominate the conversation or avoid the subject entirely.

Often those with Asperger’s find it impossible to say “No”. If they receive an invitation and they want to participate, they can easily say “Yes”. However, they resort to the avoidance mechanism rather than actually decline an invitation. It’s just too much to acknowledge the person and say “No”. So they avoid the person that invites them until it all blows over.

Another social norm that Aspies struggle with is saying “Thank you”. You might ask him if he would like a cup of coffee. Rather than answering, the Aspie just talks on about something that interests him. When he gets the cup of coffee, he takes it and happily drinks the beverage, but acknowledging it is just too personal for him.

How can it be that these simple interchanges are so difficult for our Aspie loved ones? The simple empathic process that Neuro-typicals use daily to acknowledge the other person is lost on Aspies. Why is that?

More importantly, are these simple not-so-ordinary moments wearing you down?

Join us Saturday, July 19, 2014 at 1:00pm PST at our next Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup in Vancouver, Washington as we discuss the topic, Aspies Tend to Avoid or Control. We’ll discuss the reasons behind this behavior and the best ways to cope. Sign up to learn more about this group and find the details for the location. If unable to attend in person, you can also join our teleconference Meetup on the same topic on Friday, July 25, 2014 at 2:30pm PST and connect with our international group of supporters.

Notice: This is the last Meetup until October 2014 due to a very busy summer schedule. I will continue to check in daily with our Meetup postings, so let’s keep the spirit and conversation alive.

Read a free chapter of “Our of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD)”. This book discusses the science behind Aspie behavior and how you can initiate the rules of engagement that help your Aspie give you the emotional support that you need.