Category: Blog Posts

Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy is a devastatingly degenerative disease linked to repetitive head trauma, such as experienced in football or soccer. It doesn’t take a severe head blow, like a concussion, to trigger CTE.How brain cells are affected by repeated injury:

• The brain and spinal cord are made up of billions of cells. Specific brain cells called neurons transmit signals to each other.
• Those signals are sent via axons, held together by microtubules.
• A protein called tau adds stability to the microtubules and strengthens the axons.
• Brain trauma causes tau proteins to detach from the microtubule, destabilizing the structure.
• The loose tau clump together and form clumps or tangles that spread throughout the brain, brain stem and spinal cord, killing brain cells as it spreads.

There are four stages in the development of CTE. CTE starts with headaches and loss of concentration. In time, CTE damage often causes depression, mood swings, explosive outbursts, memory loss, executive dysfunction, language difficulties, impulsivity, aggression, paranoia, and dementia. People with CTE become violent, suicidal, and even homicidal. Sometimes, their personality shifts with little notice.

Seven Things You Need to Know About CTE

1. People with CTE are EmD-2 on my Empathy Scale. That means their empathy comes and goes, so you never know whether or not they’re connecting with you.

2. EmD-2s can also be violent. It’s not just their empathy that comes and goes, but other emotional regulatory functions as well.

3. Mild concussions and head injuries associated with contact sports, such as football, hockey, and soccer can lead to TBI and, eventually, CTE, which is incurable and can be fatal.

4. Helmets cannot protect the soft, Jell-O-like brain from being damaged inside the skull when it is bashed in an auto accident, a football tackle, or a frontal collision with a goal post.

5. Symptoms may point to your loved one suffering from mild TBI or worse, but you no longer need to remain in the dark about treatment. Dr. David Amen has pioneered the use of brain scans and holistic treatment that looks very promising.

6. The tragedy of having a family member with EmD-2 is that you may never get them back. Without proper treatment, people with these brain injuries can become so unreasonable and belligerent that you have to keep your distance to stay safe.

7. Codependency results when you keep trying to protect your EmD-2 loved one. Making excuses for their conduct will not help. They need medical treatment.

CTE affects the athlete AND their families. When my daughter, Phoebe, was five, we enrolled her in soccer. She loved it! Back then, I didn’t know how head trauma could cause severe brain damage, yet I told her —and her coaches—that she wasn’t allowed to do “headers.” Her coaches just laughed at me, then gave me the usual lecture about parents letting the coaches coach. One coach even said, “She’s not working hard enough unless she gets her bells rung once in a while!” as if head injuries were a badge of honor.

Phoebe experienced her first head injury when she was 8 years old. Over the years, she received many more. Her diagnosis of Brain Trauma came from a psychiatrist at the Amen Clinic. It explained so much about her self-destructive and violent behavior. I invite you to read the full story in chapter five of my new book, “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS.”

The other day, I Googled the phrase, “how to get more done.” It turns out this is a very popular query, and there is A LOT of articles written about it. In fact, Google gave me 2,070,000,000 choices. Then I Googled, “websites about productivity” and received 101,000,000 results.Productivity, decision making, and procrastination are topics that the U.S. population can’t get enough of. They read about them over and over again…and still don’t get enough done. What’s the source of this dilemma?

Why do we have the desire to get more done, but we don’t get it done?

Obviously, reading the articles isn’t enough. If you want to get long-term projects done, you’ve got to do the work! However, your brain is working against you, and it’s because of a phenomenon called the mere urgency effect. According to a recent study, our brains choose perceived urgency over importance. Here is what the researchers said:

“In everyday life, people are often faced with choices between tasks of varying levels of urgency and importance. How do people choose? Normatively speaking, people may choose to perform urgent tasks with short completion windows, instead of important tasks with larger outcomes, because important tasks are more difficult and further away from goal completion, urgent tasks involve more immediate and certain payoffs, or people want to finish the urgent tasks first and then work on important tasks later. The current research identifies a mere urgency effect, a tendency to pursue urgency over importance even when these normative reasons are controlled for.

Specifically, results from five experiments demonstrate that people are more likely to perform unimportant tasks (i.e., tasks with objectively lower payoffs) over important tasks (i.e., tasks with objectively better payoffs), when the unimportant tasks are characterized merely by an illusion of expiration.”

The bottom line is that people seem to need deadlines to perform their best. How can you use this information to your advantage?

President, Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “What is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important.” He developed The Eisenhower Decision Matrix, which is an excellent way to organize any task you need to perform. Here’s how it works:

First, list all of your tasks according to these four factors:

Priority 1. Important / Urgent – Do these today!

Priority 2. Important / Not Urgent – Schedule these to do as soon as possible.

Priority 3. Not Important / Urgent – Delegate to someone else.

Priority 4. Not Important / Not Urgent – Do these if you have spare time or not at all.

Once you have your priorities set, put a deadline to each task using specific hours and dates. If you have an unrealistic deadline for things that are not important, reschedule them or delegate them.

Now that you’ve mapped out your tasks, chunk them up into tiny goals that make them more manageable.

If a deeper issue than being disorganized is keeping you from creating the life you desire and you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my Jantzen Beach office and schedule an appointment. I also offer online therapy if that works best for your busy schedule.

We’ve all experienced it…You confide in your best friend, and she betrays you, by telling someone else. To her, it’s not a big thing. To you, your friendship is OVER, because you can’t trust her anymore. While this scenario may seem somewhat juvenile, it illustrates how often and how easy it is for people to let us down.So how do you handle it when people let you down? Do you overreact and keep everyone at arm’s length, refusing to trust or rely on anyone from here on out? That’s not really a reasonable or practical response, is it? Because you’ve let them down, too. You can’t expect people to be perfect, just as you should be glad that no one expects you to be perfect.

People disappoint people. It’s a fact of life we have to learn to live with. We can’t get all bent out of shape every time it happens, because we’d soon run out of friends. And we can’t afford to lose them. We need relationships for our own well-being. Loving relationships are the number one predictor of a happy life. Without trust you can’t be happy. So how do you balance the hurt with the happiness?

Put it to the test

In situations like this, I often encourage people to increase their ability to show empathy. And yet they say, “How is THAT going to help?” I know they’re thinking, “How is MY empathy going to change HIM? He’s the one that needs more empathy!” But increasing your empathy is a warrior technique for managing your own attitudes and emotions. And that is what will improve any situation.

One way to turn on your Radiant Empathy powers is to put situations that make you feel used or betrayed to this test:

Ask yourself how you would feel if the tables were turned.

What if you didn’t realize the importance of a confidence and you told someone what you knew. How would you feel if your friend cut you off, because she felt betrayed? Wouldn’t you want an opportunity to explain? Wouldn’t you want a second chance? Wouldn’t you want to be forgiven?

Forgiveness is a necessary part of life. When you forgive, you’re not just giving to the offending party, but giving to yourself. And as much as forgiveness is a virtue, so is taking responsibility for one’s mistakes and correcting them. Simply saying “I didn’t mean to” doesn’t take full responsibility for the error. It’s as if you’re saying that no wrongdoing was done if you “didn’t mean to.” So the next time those words start forming on your lips, stop and make a straightforward apology for your actions and offer to clean up the problem, whether you committed the deed “accidentally” or intentionally. The more you practice this, the more others will respond in kind.

People will cause you problems — but they also will be your biggest source of happiness. That’s why I’m busily working on a training program that will help you develop the highest form of empathy. Does this interest you? Visit this post on my Facebook page and let me know. The more I know about your needs, the better the training will become.

Don’t you love it when people ask for your help, when you’re in a position to give it? It makes you feel needed, useful and valued. Yet, when the roles are reversed, and you need help, do you hesitate to ask? Perhaps you think, “I don’t want to be a bother.” Why do we have so much trouble asking for help?

“Do it yourself.” “Be self-sufficient.” “Don’t rely on anyone.” Many people, especially those who have grown up in the United States, embrace these ideas and pride themselves on being self-reliant. However, you simply can’t do everything on your own. And when you’re an expat, living in a strange and new location, the sense of isolation can become intense.

To become part of your new community, you need to turn your thinking completely around. You’re not showing weakness when you ask for help; you’re providing an opportunity for others to show kindness and to feel good.

To help overcome your reluctance to ask for help, remember these three important points:

Don’t expect people to be mind-readers. We’re taught to mind our own business, and that offering unsolicited help makes us a busy body. We also develop inattentional blindness as a protective mechanism against the immense amount of information coming at us daily. So people will hold back until you pointblank say, “Could you help me with something?”

Don’t be vague. Be specific with your request and make sure your helper knows why you’re asking him and not someone else. This will make them feel invested in your success and want to help.

Don’t push, if they say no. If the person you’re asking doesn’t have the time and resources to help, don’t take it as personal rejection. Turn it into a request for a referral by saying, “I appreciate your honesty. I really need help, so can you recommend someone else?”

On a practical note: Find the telephone numbers for the closest U.S. Embassy or Consulate for each place you plan to visit and keep those numbers with you at all times. If you lose your passport or are a victim of a crime while living overseas, contact the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate for help as soon as possible. If you don’t have that number, contact the Department of State in the U.S. to obtain information on local services.

Perhaps, as an expat, you need help dealing with the unique challenges of adjusting to life in a foreign country. Or perhaps you were disappointed to discover that your “old” personal problems or family challenges didn’t disappear when you relocated. If so, I offer online counseling for expats. Please contact my assistant and schedule an appointment. I’d love to help you settle into your new life successfully.