Category: Blog Posts

With autism on the rise, more and more information is being written for those with autism – including “Asperger Syndrome” – and their loved ones. I have been doing a lot of reading on autism and have come across some excellent books on the subject. Here are a few that I highly recommend picking up:

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s – John Elder Robison
Intense, funny, inspiring autobiography of a young man coming of age with “Asperger’s Syndrome.” You can’t possibly understand what goes on in the mind of someone with “Asperger’s Syndrome,” if you are neuro-typical. The normal rules do not apply. But Robison describes the inner workings of his mind in a way that shows the incredible structure of an “Aspergian” mind. This is an excellent book for anyone trying to love and understand a loved one with “Asperger’s Syndrome.”

Songs of the Gorilla Nation: My Journey Through Autism – Dawn Prince-Hughes
A most beautiful and painful look at the struggle the author has lived with as she comes to terms with her “Asperger’s Syndrome.” What is so important about this book is that it is a woman’s story. So much is written by parents about raising a child with “Asperger’s Syndrome.” More recently we have learned some about grown men with this developmental disorder. Time Magazine even referred to them as Geeks. But what about women with this disorder? Dawn Prince-Hughes paints a most inspiring story of her rebirth from a disturbed girl and teen into a woman who is a leader in her field, a supportive partner, and a loving mother.

Pretending to Be Normal: Living With Asperger’s Syndrome – Liane Holliday Willey
I love this title! Pretending to be normal is the exact description of the lives of many with “Asperger’s Syndrome.” Pretending to be normal and never really being true to themselves. This book offers a better way to live one’s life. Not just for those suffering from “Asperger’s Syndrome,” this book helps their loved ones better understand the complexities of their “Asperger’s” loved ones.

 

Click here to learn about my book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome:  GOING OVER THE EDGE?

When a child is diagnosed with autism, most people automatically think of how the parents will be affected. But what about the siblings of children of autism? How severely are they impacted?

Studies are now showing that these children will be affected in one way or another. One of the more obvious problems is that it will be more difficult for them to form a normal and healthy bond with their autistic sibling. It may also increase a tendency towards behavioral problems, depression and speech disabilities. Researchers recommend that siblings of autistic children can benefit from speech and language therapy.

Obviously, every child is different and their reaction to a sibling with autism will be varied. The point is that it is important to be aware of the possibilities and to take the necessary steps to ensure that each and every child, regardless of disabilities, has the proper care and guidance they need. More research on this subject is available in the article OPINION: How Do Siblings Affect Autistic Kids? by Teresa J. Foden from the Interactive Autism Network.

My new book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: GOING OVER THE EDGE, discusses the fact that a relationship with a loved one with Asperger Syndrome is difficult. I use stories to share some of the struggles I’ve personally observed in families between siblings, mates, parents and children. My hope is to help teach these loved ones how to have successful relationships and to take control of their lives.

If you are interested in ordering your own copy of the book, please sign-up for my newsletter so I can contact as soon as the book becomes available. Continue to read my blog for more updates!

Fox Searchlight has recently acquired the rights to a new film, ADAM, that debuted at the Sundance Film Festival in January. This is big news since it’s not the typical love story you’d find on the Hollywood scene. The story highlights the relationship between two young, single New Yorkers who live in the same apartment building. Adam is an electrical engineer and Beth is an elementary school teacher and aspiring writer. What makes this story so unique is that Adam suffers from Asperger Syndrome.

Although I haven’t seen it yet, it appears that ADAM is a heartwarming story of a young man struggling to live a normal life with AS. Apparently the movie producers worked hard to portray AS accurately and they never put the developmental disorder in a negative or disrespectful light. Jonathan Kaufman, founder of Disabilityworks, Inc. worked with the director of ADAM, to help maintain a realistic feel to the movie. Kaufman stated, “In a world where the number of kids diagnosed with autism is 1 in 150, this type of film will provide real insight into the life of someone with high functioning autism,” and he hopes, “provide real hope for millions of families.”

I agree that this is an important subject for a movie. However, I would hate to see it provide false hope for people who want their life to mirror this happy ending. Having an intimate relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome is challenging and often times heart breaking. Movies are great for entertainment, but for real hope you need to look inside yourself. That’s what my new book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going over the Edge?, will encourage people to do.

A recent study at the University of Buffalo found that couples with a child with ADHD are twice as likely to get divorced than couples without a child with this disorder. Dr. William E. Pelham Jr., professor of psychology and pediatrics, states a possible reason, “We’ve known that ADHD kids can be very stressful for their parents. What this [new study] shows is that stress occurs in the marriage as well as in other aspects of the parents’ lives.”

Dealing with a child with ADHD can cause constant arguments between parents possibly because they don’t know how to handle the issues. “If they don’t get together on how to solve the problem, the child’s behavior is not going to improve,” Dr. Pelham says. “The situation gets worse, and if those arguments don’t get resolved, not only does the child’s parenting not improve but the marriage worsens — and almost a quarter of the families get divorced.”

Parents really need to develop techniques for managing the child’s behavior that they both agree on. Most often parents need help from a mental health care professional to counsel both the child and the parents. They can help them to develop healthy new skills, attitudes, and ways of relating to each other. If parents can work together, they can give the love and support that their child needs without sacrificing their marriage.

For more information on how to cope with ADHD, click on the link. Or feel free to contact my office to set up an appointment.

Doesn’t it feel good when you’ve had a meaningful exchange of thoughts and feelings with someone who really understands you? It contributes to your sense of self-worth, belonging, and security. On the other hand, it can sour your day when communication goes wrong because of misunderstandings. What determines the outcome of your conversations?

The most important part of communicating is listening. It’s been said that that’s why we have only one mouth but have two ears. You can’t assume that you understanding someone simply because you know them well or you have much in common. Not only does a person have to listen to the actual words spoken, but there’s so much more that communicates feelings and thoughts.

An important part of listening is truly caring about the other individual. If you are genuine, the other individual feels appreciated and tries that much harder to send you clear signals that require less translating.

As a psychologist, I talk to most of my clients about their communication skills. Why is that? Communication is an art and rarely comes naturally. It is a complex never-ending process that requires your attention. If you assume because you are in the same family or because you work in the same industry that understanding each other is simple, you’ll create confusion over and over again.

One way to become a better communicator is to develop the art of listening. Here are a few simple tips you can begin practicing immediately to clear up communication problems you are having with your loved ones, employees, friends and business associates:

1. Listen for what the other person means not just what they are saying. This will help you to identify the true meaning behind the words.

2. Ask yourself “Why is he or she telling me this?” When people communicate they unconsciously or consciously identify a certain person to talk with. The person is chosen because the speaker needs a certain kind of feedback that they hope they will get from that particular person.

3. Assume that the person has a very good reason for telling you their story. It is often easy to dismiss another person when they don’t make sense to you or perhaps are talking about something uninteresting. Often the only reason for talking is to connect with another person.

By following these simple tips, your communication effectiveness will grow and your relationships will improve too. Doesn’t it feel good to be understood? Try giving that understanding to others by mastering the art of listening.

Get more tips by reading my article Master the art of listening to overcome your communication problems.