Category: Blog Posts

Can people with Asperger Syndrome love? Yes, they can, but the quality in which they love will be different. If you are a parent with an Asperger child, the topics of dating, love, and marriage will come up. Or you may have felt concerned about your child’s future relationships. Well, there are things you can do now to help your child grow to be more successful in these areas.

First and foremost, it is important that you are very familiar with Asperger Syndrome and the type of issues your child will face in social situations. By understanding what is happening to them, you will be able to identify opportunities that you can use to teach and train them to interact with others. Encourage social activities and talk to them about how they can connect with people.

For more suggestions, I recommend Dating, Marriage & Autism by Stephen Shore. I appreciate Stephen’s expertise both as a professional and as a person with Asperger Syndrome himself. Stephen was kind enough to write the forward to my book about adult Asperger relations, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?.

Take the time for your child now. Yes, there will be struggles in his or her life, but with support and guidance it is possible for them to grow up and love.

I hear people speak of their dreams of becoming an entrepreneur and owning their own successful business. It sounds like an exciting and challenging new adventure. Making this type of decision is very serious.  Before deciding to take the big plunge, there are a few important things to consider to see if the entrepreneurial life will suit you.

1. If you want to be an entrepreneur you must think like an entrepreneur. In other words you must have a vision that is bigger even than your business idea. Your business is a part of your life, just like your marriage and your children. An entrepreneurial venture is a reflection of you, your values, your beliefs, your strengths and your faults. You must live and breathe the business, day and night, week in and week out.

 2. Recognize the commitment. With a hectic schedule, sometimes there is little time for personal relationships or their own health. But if kept in perspective the entrepreneur can find tremendous satisfaction in working at something he or she has created. Watching this creation grow, seeing it benefit his or her family, achieving a long dreamed of goal . . . all of this can be quite thrilling.

3. A supportive spouse is a MUST! The most successful entrepreneurs frequently have glowing praise for their spouses, the people without whom they could never have succeeded. So not only do you have to think like an entrepreneur, but your spouse needs to think like one too, or at least be open to supporting your vision.

4. Entrepreneurship is not for the feint of heart. It is a tremendous responsibility to recognize that every action you take is related to the business and to the people who depend upon that business, such as you, your family, your employees and customers. Decisions must be weighed very carefully and every move must be analyzed  to reduce the risk as much as possible.

If you believe you have what it takes to be an entrepreneur, ask yourself if you can do the tedious work of integrating your every move and decision into the template of a business venture. True entrepreneurs don’t even realize that they think this way. It is just natural for them to be whole-brained thinkers, with their heads in the future, but their feet firmly planted in the present. Visit my website for more information on the Entrepreneurial Life.

I was intrigued by a recent article in The Wall Street Journal, New Light on the Plight of Winter Babies. It discussed an interesting new study on the strong similarities in children born in the winter months. Statistically, there are significant findings that babies born during the winter have poorer health, school performance and career prospects. For all the details on this study, I recommend reading the article.

Hearing these types of statistics can be jolting, but it is important to remember that there are always exceptions to the statistics. Just because the numbers point to something, they do not always factor in key individual differences. The positive side of this type of information is that it sheds light on potential problems that may not have been as recognizable before.

As a parent, it can be challenging to keep up with the ever-changing needs of your children. If you think your child is struggling, for whatever reason, you might benefit from visiting a family therapist. For more information on parenting effectively, visit my website or contact my office for more information.

I have written a lot about the impact of Asperger Syndrome (AS) on a marriage – particularly from the perspective of the spouse of someone with Asperger’s. It’s very clear that the spouse will be affected and self-care is vital. (See previous blog – Self Care Vital When You Live With A Partner With Asperger Syndrome.) You may be wondering if the same principle applies when it comes to a child with an Asperger sibling. The answer is YES!

It can be especially challenging for a child to deal with their AS sibling. With the AS child’s limited social interactions, lack of emotional reciprocity, and preoccupation with him or herself or a particular task, can make playing with siblings extremely difficult. This could lead the non AS child to feel confused and frustrated . . . even depressed. As always though, there are practical steps that parents can take to help both children.

Here are some helpful tips:

1. Spend one-on-one time with your child. The AS child can suck a lot of your time and energy possibly making the other child feel neglected. Make sure you give them special time and attention. This is beneficial for both parent and child. Also, make sure that NT child has a well-rounded group of playmates. It is important that they have balance when it comes to fun and recreation.

2. Educate yourself and your child about Asperger Syndrome. This will help you both understand where the Asperger child is coming from. It will also help the NT child to develop compassion for their AS sibling rather than grow resentful. My book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?, was written to assist the spouse of someone with Asperger’s, but I also recommend it for parents with Asperger children. I have received positive feedback from parents who have read it and found principles that apply also to dealing with their children. (See previous blog – Unexpected Feedback on My New Book – Going Over the Edge?) Another good resource is The Parenting Aspergers Blog – http://parentingaspergers.com/blog/.

3. Counseling from a mental health care professional. There is nothing negative about taking your child to receive extra assistance to help them cope with their sibling. In psychotherapy they can learn specific tools, build self confidence, and also have a safe environment to share their thoughts and feelings. If you live in the Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA area, feel free to contact my office for more information.

Happiness…we all want it, but it sure is hard to find sometimes.  Some even call happiness elusive.  Maybe, however, we are just not looking at the problem from the right perspective.  Could it be that we are happy but just don’t know it?

Research is now discovering (yes, they had to do a study to find this out) that most people are so focused on their future, the “big picture”, that they are often blinded to small moments of happiness, such as the goodness in kind things that people are doing for them, as well as the beauty that surrounds them right outside their window.  It is an easy pitfall for entrepreneurs who seem naturally to look at the “big picture” in order to move forward with their goals.

New Research Suggests One Percent of US Children may have Autism Disorders

Monday, October 12, 2009