Category: Blog Posts

Most people would like to rise above their life and work challenges and make a real difference in the world around them. It’s important to all of us that what we do matters, even if we do lead seemingly average lives.

Sometimes, it can be something small that matters the most. Take the story of Leon Ricks, an 85-year-old man who recently died in California. He had Asperger’s Syndrome, and even though he had trouble interacting with others socially, he was beloved by his neighbors. Plus he made a real contribution to his community, although it wasn’t recognized until he was gone.

Mr. Ricks spent his life walking the streets of his town, Altadena, taking photographs of everything. When his family was sorting through the boxes of photos, they discovered that his lifetime of photography documented the history of the town. So much so that the president of the Altadena Historical Society said his photo collection was “every historian’s dream.”

What struck me as I read this article was that we all contribute to our communities in one way or another. And if we take time to be grateful for what others do and even what we can do ourselves, it’s another way of contributing to society. Especially when we make a habit of expressing our appreciation, it becomes a really valuable contribution. How nice it would have been for Mr. Ricks if he could have enjoyed the appreciation from his town.

Sometimes, though, our thoughts and emotions get out of balance and we don’t see things or even the people in our lives in such a positive light. Then it’s a good time to seek professional guidance. If you live in the Portland, Oregon or Vancouver, Washington area, and would like to talk about it, contact my office and set up an appointment.

Unusually large vocabularies for their age. This may lead to boredom at school and with their peers.

Ability to read earlier than most children, often before entering school. Being ahead of the others can lead to boredom, lack of motivation, cynicism and depression.

Greater comprehension of the subtleties of language. They may use words to manipulate others.

Longer attention span, persistence and intense concentration. They become so focused that other duties are forgotten or they stubbornly resist being interrupted.

Tendency to put ideas of thing together in ways that are unusual and not obvious (divergent thinking). They may be very creative and not fit in with peers.

Ability to retain a great deal of information. They may be very sensitive and worry about issues of fair play, equality or truth, and they desire logic rather than tradition or feelings. They may be perfectionists or intolerant of others.

Unusual sense of humor. They may become the class clown to gain attention.

In today’s world, very few women want to be stay-at-home moms. Most women prefer to have a career. However, statistics show that many are working much more than they’d really like. A recent New York Times/CBS News poll showed that only a quarter of mothers with school age children want to be working full-time if money were no object.

There’s a lot of confusing data and misinformation out there, such as the oft repeated, but unsubstantiated, statistic that 80 percent of parents of autistic children will divorce. Granted, raising an autistic child does add more stress, especially since parents must suddenly become experts in education, health care, early intervention, insurance policies and so much more amidst the storm of emotions connected with learning of your child’s diagnosis. But that in no way means your marriage is doomed. 

Parents are encouraged to draw boundaries to preserve the quality of life with each other, with their neuro-typical children, family, friends and careers. You can’t let the guilt and grief of autism consume you. It’s important to discuss a division of labor between you and your life partner so you make decisions together and express appreciation for what each is doing. It’s damaging to spring emotionally charged decisions on a mate who is already stressed out.

To keep your brain’s skills sharp, discover some free and some paid smart phone apps that are fun to use plus provide brain exercise as mentioned in The New York Times’ article, A Workout for Your Brain, on Your Smartphone.

If we remain aware of this potential and continually keep improving our brain skills, then it’s great to utilize the tech tools available. In fact, I have been recommending three smart phone apps, Live OCD Free, iCouch CBT, and Moodkit – Mood Improvement Tool. These have proved to be invaluable to many as they cope with daily living.

Sometimes however, you need to talk to someone face to face. If you are experiencing difficulty in coping with life and would like to enlist the help of a therapist, please contact my office and set up an appointment in my office in Portland, Oregon or Vancouver, Washington..

Over the years I have met many adults who grew up with entrepreneurial parents and regretted it. Many have vowed never to be self-employed themselves because they felt deprived of a childhood by the demands of their parents’ business. On the other hand, there are entrepreneurial parents who insist that their child become a physician or lawyer in order to avoid the hard work of entrepreneurship, when all the child wants is to follow in the parents’ footsteps.

How can an entrepreneurial couple make sure their family doesn’t regret their life and business choices? The two most important elements of making good decisions that provides a good balance for love and work are:

· The decisions you make regarding your work will have an impact on your spouse and family.
· The modeling you provide for your children today will influence them for a lifetime.

For example, copreneurs Mike and Karla, a young couple still in their twenties, were not prepared for the overnight success of their family business. Mike, a pioneer, worked long hours at the office, while Karla, a routineer, tried to juggle her responsibilities as the personnel manager and the mother of two small children. Still, the money rolled in, and Mike and Karla had plenty of desires to fulfill. They bought new cars and a boat, and built a new million-dollar house.

With a nanny to watch the children, Karla devoted even more time to the business, and so did Mike. They would care of the children each night and, without taking time for dinner themselves, would try to relax over a drink and talk. Nightly fighting became the routine. When Mike, in a fit of rage, threw a bottle of liquor at the mirrored family room wall, shattering glass all over the room, Karla realized that their lives were out of control.

Mike and Karla had a lot of work to do to restore sanity to their lives. Through their pain, they learned that work and home life are not separate, but more to the point, they learned that you cannot make one more important than the other. The lure of money and the ever-increasing demands of the business blinded them to the needs of their children, their relationship with each other, and
their own individual health.

If you are a family in business, you can learn much making the best decisions by enlisting the help of a family therapist. Contact my office if you are interested in setting up an appointment.

For more information take a look at my book, Entrepreneurial Couples Making it Work at Work and at Home. Now available on Kindle!