Category: Blog Posts

A recent article in the New York Times by Noreena Hertz, a professor of economics at University College London, caught my attention, Why We Make Bad Decisions. When she was confronted with a debilitating health problem, she became interested in researching through the academic literature in the fields of economic, neuroscience, psychology, sociology, information science, political science and history to discover the various factors that cause us to incorrectly process challenging news.

Research show that there are a number of the factors that influence our decisions such as:

• Our perception of “expert advice.” A 2009 Emory University experiment showed that when a group of adults was confronted by an expert’s claims, they simply gave in to the advice without any further thought of their own.
• Anxiety, stress and fear. These negative emotions can make us see only a narrow view of the situation so we become more conservative and less likely to take risks.
• Natural born optimism. Neuroscientist Tali Sharot conducted a study that showed that people tend to ignore new information if it reveals that events will turn out worse than expected. If people think “it can’t happen to me” even unconsciously, they’ll grasp at information that agrees with the outcome they want. When information supports our hopes apparently we get a dopamine rush similar to when we eat chocolate or fall in love.

This information is empowering. It can help you to avoid mind games or self-told stories to rationalize your decisions. Instead, you can take control of your decision making process by acknowledging your feelings and then ask probing questions as you evaluate the pros and cons involved.

Often it helps to talk things through with another individual. If you’re faced with a life-changing or business decision that has you perplexed, seeking the counsel from a professional will help. A psychologist is skilled at helping you sort out your choices and get clear on your objectives when making big decisions in life. If you’re ready to gain that kind of clarity in your own life, make an appointment with my Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA office.

Learn more on my website: Entrepreneurial Life.

Why does literary fiction work this way? Unlike popular fiction that focuses on the plot, literary fiction explores complex personalities and relationships that cause the reader to put him or herself into that person’s shoes and to think, “What would I do in this situation?”

The New York Times recently spoke about this study in their article, For Better Social Skills, Scientists Recommend a Little Chekhov. They reported, “Reading literary fiction enables people to do better on tests measuring empathy, social perception and emotional intelligence.” One of the tests asked the participants to see if they could accurately “read” the expression in the eyes of the people in the photographs. Those who read literary fiction first scored better than the groups who didn’t read anything or who read popular fiction.

The researchers say, “The reason is that literary fiction often leaves more to the imagination, encouraging readers to make inferences about characters and be sensitive to emotional nuance and complexity.” This promotes more empathy. When we are better able to read body language, then our social skills improve.

Could this help someone on the spectrum? Perhaps. Those with autism and Asperger’s Syndrome don’t always respond appropriately in social situations. However, it has been proven that parents can train their children on the spectrum to recognize emotions in pictures and then in people’s faces so they learn how to respond to someone when they see that same expression in real life situations.

There are inseparable connections and complicated interactions that take place between the mind, body and our environment that impact the kind of people we are. If you would like to improve your social skills, therapy can help. Make an appointment in either my Portland, Oregon or Vancouver, Washington office.

Read more about the connection between your mind and body on my website – Mind and Body Health.

I’ve received numerous comments from people anticipating this book. I ’d like to share a few of them with you. Out of respect, I’ve withheld their names to maintain their privacy.

“I was wondering when the book Parenting with a Spouse or Partner with Asperger Syndrome: Out of Mind –Out of Sight was going to become available to purchase? I have read the sample chapter, and I need more. It is brilliant, just like the other book Going Over the Edge? – A sanity saver. I am desperate to get my hands on it as soon as it is available.”

“Thank you so much for your books. I ordered Going Over the Edge? today and am eager to get the book on parenting with an AS spouse, Out of Mind – Out of Sight. My husband is a wonderful man, but after we had children his mood deteriorated rapidly. It has been hard on all of us. Since I realized that the reason is AS, my reality has been altered in a way I have had trouble articulating. Your book did it immediately. It gave words to my life, and I am profoundly grateful to feel understood. I have a relief valve, at least for now.”

“What is your update on release timing for the book Out of Mind – Out of Sight about AS parents? I’m looking forward to reading more. It helps me think through and prioritize my issues as I go through custody battle issues – what will be a big deal, and what won’t be.”

“I just learned of your new book about parenting when your partner is on the autism spectrum. Thank you for writing on this subject. My wife and I are on the spectrum as are our children, and we are rare in our ability to work collaboratively. I train parents in how to more effectively collaborate and raise their children on the spectrum. I’m repeatedly asked if there is any books on the very subject you’ve written on, and yours is the first I’ve heard about. I’ll gladly let my clients know about it. Thanks for writing this book, Out of Mind – Out of Sight.”

Out of Mind – Out of Sight is now available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle edition.

You can download your free chapter of Out of Mind – Out of Sight here to get started reading it today.

I found a new article on CNN,”Stress less: Keys to a calmer existence“, had some good advice on how to simplify your routine, your possessions and how you think about things. Some of the suggestions that were helpful and easy to implement included:

• Eliminate time wasters.
• Don’t say, “yes” to every request.
• Break big tasks into the small steps.
• Do what energizes you, and avoid what depletes you.
• Schedule a small amount of time to routinely de-cluttering every week.
• Keep the treasures and toss the stuff you don’t really love.
• Start by doing what you know how to do and feel satisfaction in doing that.
• When struggling with a problem, go do something you enjoy, then come back to it.
• Don’t strive for perfection.

Just about the time you think you have healed your heart from the grief of shattered dreams, something else pops up and whaps you in the head. It can be a holiday, or a piece of dinnerware, or your Aspie-ism that triggers your grief and takes you by surprise. Those feelings don’t ever really go away. They surface again and again and wear you out.

On Saturday, October 19, 2013, we’ll be meeting in Portland, Oregon so we can discuss, “Healing Your Broken Heart.” At this Meetup we’ll share strategies for healing ourselves. We’ll explore how it’s possible to carry on by growing emotionally and making new spiritual connections, so you can create a new more beautiful and exuberant life. I encourage as many as possible to attend. If you cannot, visit our private Meetup page and join our online community. We’ll be sharing what we learn there.

For more information about Asperger’s and Marriage – Download a free sample chapter of Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge.

#1. Determine whether you are a solo entrepreneur with a supportive spouse, a dual-entrepreneurial couple, or a copreneurial couple. How will you handle the roles in business and family life as a couple? Who will do what task? Will one of you take the lead in making decisions?

#2. Determine your/your spouse’s entrepreneurial personalities. The above study discovered four types of entrepreneurial personalities. They are:

• The all-rounder is the versatile, universally responsive, and adaptive entrepreneur. He (or she) is his own designer, accountant, salesperson, and frontline manager.
• The routineer represents the cautious entrepreneur who is more interested in providing an income for his or her family than in being innovative and taking risks.
• The organizer is the administrator and executive type of entrepreneur, applying rational, analytical, and organizing strengths with empathy.
• The pioneer is the dynamic, creative entrepreneur who is innovative, takes risks, and has visions for the future.