Category: Blog Posts

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3 Tips for Making Lasting Changes in Life

freedom from bad habits Perhaps you’ve heard people say… “It’s easy to quit smoking (drinking, gambling, etc). I should know I’ve done it thousands of times.”

Every year people resolve to improve their lives by changing something such as, stop smoking, lose weight, get more exercise, be more tolerant, drink less alcohol, and the list goes endlessly on. Yet that resolve lasts for only a week or so before reverting back into the same old pattern. Why is that? It’s because only the first step – making the decision – has been taken. It’s important to be prepared to break an established pattern and replace it with a new one.

Significantly, attitudes and behaviors need to change. It’s necessary to re-educate your habits, redirect your thinking. Psychotherapist Thomas Szasz said, “People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.” Essentially, in order to change anything in life, you need to begin thinking and acting like the kind of person you want to be.

One thing that makes it hard for people to do this is that they try to change too much all at once. If you can concentrate on changing only one thing at a time, then other improvements can follow. Your body is a sophisticated system that is capable of miraculous functions. But your body can’t think. You are the thinker and planner. You are in control of your personal growth.

What will help you take control and create the changes you want? Here are three tips:

First: Create a strong desire to change so that when you begin sabotaging yourself you have a back up plan for staying on track.

Second: Change your environment at work and at home to support the new habit you desire.

Third: When you desire to return to the old pattern, ask yourself, “What do I really want instead?” Then take care of the real need. Turn it around into something that you enjoy doing.

If these generic tips aren’t enough for you and you want in-depth personal consultation to change some deeply ingrained behavior, please make an appointment in my Portland, Oregon/Vancouver, Washington office.
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Bucket List | Kathy Marshack

things to do What’s in your “Bucket List”? That term has become synonymous with the list of things you’d like to accomplish in life before it’s too late. It refers to choosing to live in a way now so you have no regrets later.

What are some of the things that people regret the most? An Australian nurse who cared for the dying noticed 5 recurring regrets her patients had:

  • Not living a life true to self, but doing what others expect
  • Not taking time to enjoy life because of working too much
  • Not having the courage to say what you feel
  • Not staying in touch with friends
  • Not letting yourself be happy

All of these regrets involve the choices we make. It’s never too late to make your life richer and more meaningful. It all boils down to your attitude and the choices you make. If you don’t take yourself too seriously and do more to get involved in life and with people, you won’t have regrets over the “I wish I’d done” list.

Some look at life with a glass half empty attitude, which is the negative way of thinking. Others choose to look at life with a glass half full attitude – positively working toward filling their lives with meaning.

I was honored to have an essay included in the book, Sixty Things to Do When You Turn Sixty. It helps Baby Boomers who are approaching their sixties to see the positive as you purposefully choose to make the best out of your life. My own experience taught me that even the trying circumstances in life can be turned into something positive.

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Empathy is not the same as Caring

unlock the empathy you need Harper Lee wrote a wonderful line for Atticus Finch in the movie, To Kill a Mockingbird. He told his daughter, “If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” That’s a great definition for empathy.

This may be “a simple trick” for some, but it’s not for those with Asperger’s Syndrome. Empathy is usually lacking in a relationship with an Aspie. This lack can cause deep emotional pain to the neurotypical (NT) partner, because empathy is very important for feeling connected and loved.
A troublesome dilemma for many NT partners is the realization that empathy is not the same as caring. Your Aspie may care about you and love you. But if they have Zero Degrees of empathy (as described by Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen) it just doesn’t feel like love or caring. And that can leave you bereft . . .or depressed.

Just imagine this ironic story showing how an Aspie can care about someone, yet not have empathy. Imagine the wife is deeply depressed one day, so she wraps herself in a blanket, and huddles in the recliner to nap away the day. Her Aspie husband noticed this and asked if she’s Okay. When she says that she’s not doing well, he offers to get her a Pepto Bismol. He cares so he tries to help, but it’s way off the mark of what she really needs.

So, what is a NT partner supposed to do? You understand intellectually that your ASD partner cares, yet is incapable of extending empathy to you. Do you really have to give up your need for empathy, for the kind of connection that means so much? How do you continue to appreciate that they do care, even when you’re not getting what you need? If you’d like to find a group of people who understand what you’re going through and who can support you online, check out Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
For those of you who are in a relationship with a person with Asperger’s and live near Portland, Oregon, you can connect with others who can empathize, by joining us for our next Meetup locally. Come prepared to share your stories of empathy v. caring. Let’s find ways to cope with this dilemma. It’s on Saturday, September 21, 2013. Click here for more information.
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How Does Neuro Emotional Technique Work

NET lets your body release the stress Perhaps you’re driving in rush hour traffic and someone swerves into your lane. You immediately take evasive action or jam on the breaks. Your hands sweat, your heart pumps faster, adrenaline rushes through your body. Your cells told your body to get ready. It’s triggering the fight or flight response. This same process can also occur when a person is simply recalling that stressful event weeks or years later. Your body replicates the same response just from the memory.

Take another example…visualize biting into a lemon. Think about its bright yellow color, its fragrance, and its sharp flavor. Doesn’t just thinking about it make your mouth water? The memory of your previous taste of a lemon replicates the same response in your body today even though you don’t have a lemon near you. 

The body’s response to stress works the same way. Emotional responses are made up of neuropeptides (amino acid chains) that attach to their receptors on your tissue cells. Stressful situations cause the part of the cell called the neuron to eject these amino acid chains so that they carry their “message” to other parts of your body where they become attached to their neuroreceptors.

 
Normally we deal with a stressful situation and move on. But sometimes, our system is out of balance and won’t let go of it. That’s where NET (Neuro Emotional Technique) helps. NET helps you find and remove these unresolved stress patterns, then your body and mind can heal itself relieving you of the headaches, chronic pain, phobia or whatever symptom that is caused by this unresolved stress.

Do you find that situations from your past still cause you great discomfort today? Perhaps it’s time to consult with a NET practitioner. If you are near Portland, Oregon/Vancouver, Washington,contact my office and set up an appointment.
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Entrepreneurial Women Changing the World We Live In

women entrepreneurs juggle home and work The numbers of entrepreneurial women are increasing rapidly. Because women are socialized differently than men, they tend to organize and run their businesses differently, though they are no less a force on the American economy. This is changing the way America does business, AND the ways Americans do marriage and family. Let’s examine this in more depth… 

How entrepreneurial women balance home life and work life.

Career women struggle with societal values and their own internalized beliefs about what is required of the competent professional versus the good wife and mother. In order to ease the struggle to define themselves, women can opt for the traditional homemaker role and not work outside the home. However, work proves to be powerfully alluring to women. Therefore, career women have chosen other methods to resolve this struggle.

Most commonly, entrepreneurial women overwork. Instead of asking for changes from their husbands, changes in the workplace, or even changes in society, career women increase the time spent in nurturing relationships as they increase their commitment to work.
While men strive for autonomy first and learn about relationships second, women develop their sense of self first in connection with others. Therefore, a woman’s sense of worth is highly dependent on the consequences of relationships.

Entrepreneurial women use unconventional methods in business management.

Women entrepreneurs have a more relaxed style of management. This can be seen in how women entrepreneurs treat their employees, suppliers, and customers. They seem to prefer a more people-oriented style. According to Putnam’s 1993 study of entrepreneurial women in Oregon, women entrepreneurs blend their personal and their business identities. They base their management of the business on relationships rather than on the development of business plans. Employees are considered friends. Family and spouse support are elements without which the woman would not consider an entrepreneurial venture. Rather than network within traditional business organizations, entrepreneurial women rely on strong personal relationships with their customers and vendors. These findings led Putnam to describe the business orientation of entrepreneurial women as a “web of interconnected relationships.”
Since this is becoming the norm, why don’t you and your partner reevaluate the arrangements you’ve made, as well as the assumptions underlying those arrangements? Are there ways that you can reorganize your relationship, your business, and your personal life to create an arrangement that works better for both of you? If you’d like a third party to help sort it out, talking with a family therapist can help. Contact my office and set up an appointment in either my Portland, Oregon or Vancouver, Washington office.
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What is a NET Practitioner

treat holistically mind body connection NET stands for Neuro Emotional Technique. It is an approach to helping stress related conditions through improving the mind-body relationship. A NET practitioner knows that you must treat the whole person. It was developed in the early 1980’s by Scott Walker, DC. He first developed a procedure using a specific chiropractic adjustment that achieved astounding psychological and physiological improvements. Then in the 1990’s NET was enlarged to address these four major components that affect your total well-being:

  1. Effects of emotional or stress related factors. NET is one approach used to treat these.
  2. Effects of toxins (things that are in the body and shouldn’t be there). Specific homeopathic support can help.
  3. Effects of nutrition (things that should be in your body but aren’t) Diet and nutritional support can help.
  4. Effects of structural and physical corrections. Chiropractic treatments help this.
Stress affects the body in many ways – chronic pain, organ dysfunctions, neurological problems, musculoskeletal and immunological conditions, allergies, headaches and more.
Stress also affects the mind creating phobias, depression, anxieties, ADD / ADHD, nightmares, disruptive behavior, fear of public speaking and more. 

NET doesn’t “cure” the patient. Rather it removes blocks, allowing the body to repair itself naturally.

NET practitioners determine which stress factors are contributing to the patient’s condition by employing the Manual Muscle Test. This accesses how emotions affect the way your body works. Muscles will usually test strong when a patient makes a statement with which he is in harmony, where in contrast a muscle will usually test weak when the patient says a non-harmonizing statement.

The practitioner determines which application is needed to correct the weakness. When the appropriate intervention is achieved, the previously weak Manual Muscle Test will now test strong. Follow up visits determines if the initial stress factors are stabilized.

The primary goal of NET is to resolve mind-body stress. The treatment process includes having the patient connect with his “feelings” around a stress-related issue (the memory/physiological dynamic) while a correction is made to allow the body to stop the unresolved stress response.
If you’re tired of being treated for the symptoms and want to finally get to the root of your health problems, perhaps it’s time to consult with a NET practitioner. If you are looking for a NET Practitioner in Portland, Oregon or Vancouver, Washington, contact my office and set up an appointment.
If you have a loved one on the Spectrum, please check our private MeetUp group. We have members from around the world meeting online in intimate video conferences guided by Dr. Kathy Marshack.
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