Author: Kathy Marshack

Asperger Syndrome: Partner’s & Family of Adults with ASD Support Group
has been growing by leaps and bounds. Our meetings and Meetup
page has become a place of comfort and support for those who have loved
ones with ASD. So many times the focus is put on the one with ASD and with no
support for their family, but that is now changing.

I recently received an post from a new member who joined to support her friend
who is married to someone with ASD. Here is what she said, “Thank you
for your welcome. I was happy to find this group as I was very much helped by
your book, which I’ve passed on to my friends. They found it tremendously
helpful. I am glad to find any discussion on these issues as those outside the
situation find it pretty nigh impossible to understand the pain involved. I’m
not married to an AS but my friend is.“

The support group is not limited to those with family/partners of ASD, but also
those who are friends to Neuro-typicals with Asperger partners. Many times the
NT’s feels like no one understands the pain that they are experiencing. This
new member set a wonderful example of a supportive friend. I encourage anyone
else in this situation to please join our support group meetings or Meetup
page if you live outside of the Portland/Vancouver area.

My book Life
with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge is
available for purchase on my website or feel free to download
the first chapter for free. This is also an excellent resource for friends
to read to gain a greater appreciation for what their friends may be experiencing. Thank you to all of you who are
taking the lead to help spread the word about Asperger Syndrome.

Have you experienced excessive anxiety and worry about your daily activities, such as work or school performance? Does your anxiety or worry interfere with your normal routine, job performance, social activities, or relationships? If so you may be one of the 19 million American adults suffering from an anxiety disorder. These disorders fill people’s lives with overwhelming anxiety and fear. Unlike the relatively mild, brief anxiety caused by a stressful event such as a business presentation or a first date, anxiety disorders are chronic, relentless, and can grow progressively worse if not treated.

Seeking professional help from a mental health care professional is key to overcoming anxiety disorders. A psychologist will help you learn how to deal with your anxiety. Psychologists often work closely with a psychiatrist or other physician, who will prescribe medications when they are required. When you find a health care professional the two of you are working together as a team. Together you will develop a plan to treat your anxiety disorder.


In addition to therapy, here are a few tips to help you minimize the effect of anxiety:

• Eat a well balanced diet. Avoid sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco.
• Practice deep breathing techniques
• Exercise
• Keep an anxiety log to help you identify things that trigger anxiety

• Find time to relax and recreate

Visit Coping with Anxiety on my website for additional information. It is important to give any treatment a fair trial. And if one approach doesn’t work, the odds are that another one will, so don’t give up.

Finding
the “ideal” employee can be challenging. As an entrepreneur, you have worked
long and hard to make you business a success and whoever you add into the mix
can either be for the good or for the bad. Here are a few tips to help you when
you are looking to hire a new employee:

1. Ask yourself, have you ever had a terrific employee that you wish you
could clone? If so, make a list of that employee’s qualities, from their
actual work skills, to personality traits. As you examine the qualities of this
ideal employee, you will open your mind to the traits you are looking for in
your next hire. Develop a list of the qualities you need to fit your particular
setting. From this list, begin drafting questions that will elicit from
prospective employees whether they have these qualities.

2. Always use screening tools to search out personality traits, emotional
problems and psychological issues that do not surface during an interview.
It is probably best to use the services of a psychologist who is expert in
interpreting these tests, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

3. Ask yourself if your workplace is attractive to the type of employee you
want. Do you need to remodel to make the workplace more ergonomic? Is your
management progressive? Are there other benefits and perks you can offer?
Remember, a healthy, hardworking employee is looking for a good match in an
employer too.

4. Realize that all employees have problems in their lives from time to time
that will affect their work. After doing a thorough screening, and hiring
the very best person for the job, make sure you have a back-up system to deal
with problems as they emerge. For example, providing a child care allotment, or
flexible scheduling, or some form of employee assistance plan, goes a long way
in correcting stress in an employee’s life, so that they can solve life
problems as quickly and effectively as possible.

Read more tips on being a successful manager when your run your own business on
my website.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is the term applied to psychological and
emotional problems that develop as the result of experiencing any serious,
traumatic event. Recent studies are focusing attention on the long-term effects
of PTSD and have found a link between PTSD and dementia.

The
study focused on war veterans. Out of 180,000 veterans, 53,155 had been
diagnosed with PTSD. Over a 7 year period, 17.2 percent developed dementia. The
reason for the greater risk of dementia may be due to the chronic stress of
PTSD. That type of stress could cause damage to an area of the brain which is
critical for memory and/or affect the neurotransmitters. For more on this
study, read the article
PTSD Nearly Doubles Risk of Dementia.

You don’t have to be a veteran to be affected by PTSD. If you feel like you do
have PTSD, I highly recommend speaking to a mental health care professional.
Without treatment, the problem intensifies over the years – causing greater and
greater distress. Fortunately, PTSD is very responsive to a variety of
psychotherapies. In individual therapy, the survivor can learn a new
perspective on the past. With the gentle support of an experienced
psychotherapist, you will find new and healthier ways to put old memories to
rest. Please visit the Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder page on my website for symptoms of PTSD and therapy
recommendations. 

Spring fever – it’s not just a myth. Scientists have found that many biological
and behavioral processes follow seasonal cycles. During spring, people generally
feel more energetic, enthusiastic and amorous, while at the same time listless
and restless. However, there can be a dark side to spring fever. This season
brings with it an increase in insomnia, vehicle accidents, criminal activity
and suicide. For those who suffer from wintertime depression, they can become
more energetic and impulsive in the spring, which can lead to poor judgment.

So why do we feel different in the spring? Scientists say it has more to do
with increased daylight than warmer weather. Our bodies are producing less
melatonin, which means an increase in sex drive, enthusiasm and confidence. In
addition to light, our senses are bombarded with fragrant aromas, soft winds
and beautiful flowers.

Become aware of how the changing seasons affect you personally. Take your time
easing into spring. Try to keep a regular routine of exercise and drink lots of
water. It will help you make a smoother transition so you can enjoy “spring
fever.”

In a relationship, forgiveness is one of the keys to success. When you are in a
relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome, whether they are a partner or family member, forgiveness is a
struggle. Even though you may have a forgiving nature, somehow forgiving our AS
adults may not feel healing. There is still something missing.

In May, I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring speak at the
Oregon Psychological Association meeting. She brought up an interesting point
about the issue of forgiveness stating that there cannot be genuine forgiveness
in a relationship unless there is full cooperation of the “offending”
party. You can come to some acceptance and that is healing for you but there is
still that hole that can only be filled when both parties process the hurt.

Dr. Abrahms Spring wrote a fantastic book entitled, How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive and the Freedom to Not. I
highly recommend reading it especially if forgiveness is an issue in your life.

On June 19th, our Asperger
Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD, held in Portland, Oregon,
will be discussing this very troubling concept of reclaiming our lives when
there is no apology, no empathic request for forgiveness, no acceptance of our
offers of apology and no connecting over the shared hurt. There are answers and
in our group sharing we will discover them. Visit our Meetup
page for more information.