Author: Kathy Marshack

Obesity is known to cause serious health
problems, but studies now show that it is also connected to emotional
problems. A study performed in Australia targeted middle-aged men and
women who were overweight and found that they are more likely to suffer
from anxiety and depression. For a more complete look at their study,
read Being Overweight Tied to Anxiety, Depression.

If
you find yourself relating to the situation described, it is vital that
you take action to tackle both weight control and anxiety/depression.
You may not realize it, but enlisting the help of a mental health care
professional is a necessary step to get the help you need. A mental
health professional trained in the area of weight control can be helpful
in re-educating your habits. They can assist you in getting over the
rough spots and redirecting your thinking. They can also help you
determine if there may be medical reasons for being overweight.

Do
not delay in seeking the help you need. By taking this first step of
seeking professional help, you will be on your way to being a happier
and healthier you! For more information, visit Weight Control on my website or contact us for an appointment if you live in the Portland/Vancouver area.

Someone with Asperger Syndrome is characterized by their lack of communication skills, social skills and reciprocity of feelings. The Aspie knows what they think and feel but are often unaware of what others think or feel. With a deficiency in these critical areas, some have wondered how someone with Asperger’s develops an intimate relationship or even gets married.

The answer is simple, Aspies and NT’s (someone not on the autism spectrum) choose partners much the same way as do all human beings. We are attracted physically and intellectually and emotionally. We may enjoy the similarities for the comfort and the differences for the spice!

We also unconsciously seek mates who have qualities we lack. An AS person may be attracted to a strong, intelligent, compassionate NT who can handle the social world for them. The NT may be attracted to the unconventional nature and child-like charm of the AS adult. They may sense that the Aspie will allow the NT his or her independence. It is only later that they learn their AS partner is quite conservative in relating. Instead of supporting independence, the NT spouse realizes that his or her AS mate is just not aware of (and even disinterested) the NT’s interests. The Aspie’s attention is narrowly focused on her or his own interests.

But it is important to remember that Aspies do love. They just love in a different way. The marriage will be trying, but there are things that can be done to help the relationship. If you are in a marriage with someone with Asperger Syndrome and want that marriage to succeed, you must learn how to understand your partner.

My book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?,  was written specifically with the NT spouse in mind, but it can also be beneficial for the Aspie spouse. After reading the book, my hope is
that readers can more clearly look at their own situations and, based on
the ideas in this book, take the necessary steps to live happier, more
full-filled lives. Going Over the Edge is available for purchase or download a free sample chapter.

For more on Asperger Syndrome, visit Asperger Syndrome Frequently Asked Questions

Love+Hate=Guilt. How many of you have this type of relationship with one or more of your parents? Or how many of you have felt like this at least once with your parents? Or are you suspicious that this is how your teenage or grown children feel about you?

Unfortunately these feelings are all too common among parents and children. They are the natural byproducts of normal human development that has not been allowed to progress to completion. Anger and love are healthy human emotions that emerge often in our daily lives. Guilt, on the other hand, is not a normal nor healthy human emotion (unless of course you have legitimately committed a serious offense). To feel guilty for being angry at your parent or child is a misunderstanding of the relationship.

Dealing with these emotions is vital in any relationship, but especially for those in a family firm. How is the business to prosper if children coming up into the business never correct the errors of their predecessors? How is the business to remain competitive if you hang onto old ways just because you are afraid to confront a parent or grandparent? On the other hand, if you trust that your love for this person and their love for you is strong enough to handle the confrontation, you both benefit by getting things out in the open.

If you want to clear up the Love+Hate=Guilt relationship you have with your parents or children, take a moment to do the following exercise:

1. As honestly as possible, list your loved one’s flaws, mistakes and even downright nasty traits. Make sure you include everything that makes you really angry about this person.
2. Now list all of those traits you admire and are grateful for.
3. As you review these lists, ask yourself, which traits are you carrying on, in the family tradition. Be honest. You might ask your spouse for feedback because you may feel so guilty that you cannot acknowledge your parents flaws, or your own.
4. Finally, make a plan of action to change the negative counterproductive traits.

This little exercise is very revealing. By feeling guilty and by avoiding blame you may inadvertently be carrying on the same mistakes generation after generation. The goal of each generation should be to improve upon the goals of the last, not repeat mistakes. By holding your parents accountable you are more free to do this. I hope by now that you realize that blame is not really the answer, but that accountability is. Be respectful in your confrontations. Tell your parents what they did that hurt or angered you, but treat them as if they are human beings quite capable of accepting responsibility for their mistakes and capable of correcting them.

For more information, visit Entrepreneurial Life – Families in Business.

 

Many families travel during the holiday season. Traveling with a child
is a challenge, but traveling with a child with ADD/ADHD takes it to an
entirely different level. The good news is that as a parent, you can
prepare yourself and your child for the journey. Here are a few helpful
tips to make your travel experience a smooth one:

1. Prepare in advance.
Spontaneity and ADHD do not go hand in hand. Structure always works
best. So, prepare your child for the trip in advance. Explain to them
what they will experience on the trip, what the schedule/routine will be
like etc. This way you will not throw them any unexpected curb balls.

2. Include them in the planning.
Ask your child what they would like to do on the trip. Do they have any
particular interests? Can you include their interests in the itinerary?

3. Stick to a schedule. Try your best to stick to a
similar eating and sleeping schedule that your child is comfortable
with. I know it is hard to do that when on vacation, but the closer you
stick to it, the easier it will be on your child and on you. It make
require extra planning on your part. For instance, bring snacks along so
if you can’t get a meal in at the regular time, you have something that
your child can eat. If you know you will have a late night, try to
squeeze in time to rest.

4. Set the rules. Explain to your child what the rules are before
you leave! This way they will understand what is expected of them and
it will be easier for them to follow. Establish consequences if the
rules are not followed. On the flip side, if they follow the rules, be
sure to commend or reward them. Positive reinforcement works brilliantly!

With a little forethought and planning, you and your child may actually enjoy the journey! For on information, visit Parenting a Child with ADD.

If you are planning a trip with an autistic family member click here for travel tips.

Harvard University and the University of Utah have been working together
to develop a new method for diagnosing autism. The results of their
research is very noteworthy. A MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) is used
to test the regions in the brain that relate to emotions, social
cognition, and language. When scanning the brain of someone with autism,
researchers found that there was not as much information being passed
between these areas of the brain.

Lead study author Nicholas Lange, ScD, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, Boston, Massachusetts, told Medscape Medical News that, “The
test was able to detect autism in this high-functioning population with
94% accuracy. This technique shows that someone with autism has less
organized wiring.”

What makes this method so much better than the previous? Dr. Lange said, “Autism
is diagnosed now with a very subjective measure, a formal interview
that takes 4 hours, and with observation of the child for another hour
or so. But it’s the doctor’s call. This test is a more definitive way of
determining autism early on, by pointing to something in the brain that
is biologically based.”

This test is not yet available, but as for the future of this type of testing, Dr. Lange states, “We
are continuing to study and develop the test, and more findings are due
out a year or 2 from now. We are also planning future studies to look
at patients with high-severity autism and younger children less than 7
years of age and patients with brain disorders, such as developmental
language disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder, who do not have autism.“ For a more detailed description of this study, read MRI Test Shows Diagnostic Promise for Autism.

It’s not a secret. Infidelity happens. Infidelity does not have to be physical. Read When Your ‘Friendship’ Is Really An Emotional Affair for a definition of a non-physical affair. In fact, these affairs have become more common with the ability to connect via social networking sites.

Many think that infidelity is a problem, but it is more often a symptom of a bigger underlying problem. Symptoms tell us there is a problem needing attending to. For example, if you have a sore throat you should rest, drink fluids and take some aspirin. If you press on through, chances are your cold will be twice as bad. Infidelity is like that. There were probably symptoms long before the first act of indiscretion, but no one was looking or listening for it.

You can go on and on looking for reasons why couples are unfaithful to one another, but what you should do is search for the root or roots of the problems, and then to build an intervention. When you are in the middle of this kind of emotional uproar, you aren’t always capable of thinking clearly on your own. You need the objective guidance of a professional trained in helping families heal from psychological assaults. Plus the natural tendency of all families is to cover up problems in the mistaken belief that doing so will keep the family safe.

 

If you find yourself in this situation, do not delay. For more information, visit Infidelity on my website or contact my office for an appointment.