Author: Kathy Marshack

Being the owner-manager of a family firm requires juggling many roles not just with family members but with employees as well. The way marital and family obligations are handled affects management style with employees and vice versa.

 

For example, in family firms where spouses work together, management style must be assessed in three arenas: 1) marital, 2) parenting, and 3) business management. Furthermore, the integration of these three styles must be assessed.

What is your marital style? Are you both leaders? Is one the leader and the other the support person? Does the style change depending on context? Are you a team? Or are you both separate and dedicated to your own spheres? Does your marital style differ greatly from your parenting style or your management style? Whatever your marital style – know it. Don’t assume that it is irrelevant in your family firm. If it is incompatible with the business, then you will have many problems. Employees sense the discrepancies. They know when there has been a marital fight.

What kind of a parent are you? If a couple has children, whether they work in the business or not, be aware of parenting style too. Parenting style is affected by business-management style and vice versa. Those lessons are translated to the work place. Are you an authoritarian parent? Are you permissive? Are you authoritative? Parenting style is obviously related to marital style. If two marital partners do not think alike about parenting, there will be a disorganized, and possibly, very depressed family. Equally so, it is important that parent/owners determine if they are treating employees the way they treat their children.

What about your management style? Management styles can be categorized as one of the four styles: 1) telling, 2) selling, 3) participative, 4) delegating. Which are you? Are you apt to tell employees what to do? Or do you build a good case for what they should do? Or do you include employees or other managers in the process of developing new business? Finally, are you inclined to run the show yourself but delegate tasks to team members?

After honestly assessing these three arenas, keep these four important points in mind:

1. Accept who you are. Whatever your style, it is probably the most comfortable way for you to be. This doesn’t mean there is no room for improvement. But it’s best to start with who you are and then to build marital, parental, and management styles around your personality.

2. Accept your spouse’s style, too. She or he has developed a certain personality that is unlikely to change. Rather, you two are looking for ways for both of you to realize your full potential.

3. When considering a parenting style, not only do your consider your partner’s style, but you must also include the personalities and needs of your children. Most parents are astounded at how wildly different each one of their children are.

4. Remember that your management style at work is more related to your marital and parenting styles than you realize. It is in the family that we first learn to relate to others. How you treat employees and how you want them to treat you is dependent upon your understanding and utilization of these early lessons.

Understanding your unique management style in the workplace and how you have integrated past and present family lessons into a family business will help you to be flexible and to adapt to whatever may come. I work with family businesses in the Portland/Vancouver area to help them balance family issues with business issues – click here for more about my work with Entrepreneurial Couples.

My book Entrepreneurial Couples – Making it Work at Work and at Home is also available for purchase.

A therapy or counseling session may be necessary for a variety of reasons. Regardless of what those reasons may be, the ultimate goal is to understand yourself better so that you can deal with your situation(s) in a healthy way. You might think that all the responsibility falls on the therapist or counselor, but really for therapy to be most effective is largely up to you as a client. 

 

Are you willing to put the work in to make the most out of your therapy sessions?

Here are a few tips to make your therapy session count:

1. Find a therapist you trust. To find a therapist you can trust, first consult with a close friend or relative. You may also want to ask advice of your minister, priest or rabbi. A respected professional such as your family doctor could refer you to a mental health professional. If you cannot trust you therapist, you won’t get very far in personal progress.

2. Come to each session prepared. Think in advance about the issues or concerns that you would like to discuss. Some have found it helpful to write these things down. If your therapist has given you “homework”, do it! Remember that this is your therapy and to make it count, you have to put in the work. Even though you may come prepared, it is still important to let the therapist guide you through the session.

3. Speak openly and honestly. Withholding information or your real emotions is of no value to you or to your therapist. How can you work through your issues if you are not willing to share them? A therapist is someone you can confide in. They value confidentiality and are not there to judge you or your emotions. Like any good relationship, it takes time to develop. The same goes with your relationship with your therapist.

4. Be regular. Stick with the schedule your therapist recommends for you. If you are sporadic with your sessions, it will be difficult to make progress in an effective manner.

Visit Therapy Frequently Asked Questions for more information. You can also visit Psychotherapy Options to learn more about the treatment options that I utilize.

According to the CDC,
1 in 110 children in the United States are being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum
Disorder or ASD. With the numbers rising, it is of high importance that parents
be proactive and learn the early signs of ASD. Early diagnosis is vital! This
knowledge will make an enormous difference in the life of the child and the
parent. Once the diagnosis is made, then training can begin.

The Centers for Disease
Controls and Prevention is taking note of the delayed diagnosis of ASD and is
now working to educate parents on the early signs of ASD. They have a wide
variety of tools available on their website. For example, one tool enables
parents to keep track of milestones in the early development of their child and
what they should be looking for. They also discuss what to do if you are
concerned, how to talk to your doctor, where do go for an evaluation, free
resource kits and much more.

I encourage you to take advantage of the many resources that are available.
Don’t delay! This could greatly impact your future and the future of your
child. To learn more about parenting with a spouse with ASD click
here.

Is bickering all too
common in your household? Granted, conflicts will arise in a marriage, but it
is important to get bickering under control. If you don’t, then you could be
heading down the road to divorce. It may be difficult at first to change the
way you handle these types of conflict. It is important to remember that effort
is required!

Here are a few tips to resolve bickering:

1. Remember that the differences between the two of you are probably some
of the reasons that made you fall in love with each other.
You probably didn’t focus at the time on everything that you didn’t like
about your new love. In fact, you may have never noticed anything that big, but
instead viewed those differences as thrilling. But over time, the differences
between the two of you surface more and more often. One way to get past the
bickering is to remind yourself that you love and admire this person. Focus on
those qualities, not the behavior that annoys you.

2. Keep in mind that people change.
Our basic personalities probably don’t change that much, but how we apply
our personalities to the experiences in life does shape and define us. Your
spouse may be showing you a side of him or herself that you never knew existed.
Be careful not to resist this new information because it is different. Give
yourself time to adjust to the change. Talk about it with your spouse. Change
may be painful, but it is the very nature of living things to change.

3. Spend quality time together.
In this day and age, it is easy to be all consumed with work and leave
little time with your spouse. Think about it. If you are bickering with your
spouse, could it be because you have had no quality time lately? Or could it be
because you are sleep-deprived? Or could it be that it’s been a long time since
you laughed? Take the time to set your priorities and follow them. There will always
be another phone call to answer and another deadline to meet that will draw you
away from balancing your priorities. But you don’t get that many chances to
restore a faltering relationship.

If you find that you cannot get your bickering under control, it may be time to
seek the help from a marriage counselor. There may be other underlying problems
that need to be dealt with. Click here
for more information about Marriage Counseling. If you’re an
“entrepreneurial couple” you can get specific communication advice in my book – Entrepreneurial
Couples: Making It Work at Work and at Home.

Most of us are aware
of the many benefits of exercise for ourselves and our children. New research
is uncovering an additional benefit to having a physically active child.
According to a study performed at the University of Illinois, children
who are more physically fit have a better memory than children who are not fit.
(The study focused on children between the ages of 9 and 10.) By using an MRI,
researchers measured the hippocampus, which is an area in the brain known for
memory and learning. The physically fit children had a larger hippocampus and
did better on tests relating to relational memory. For a more details on this
study, read – Children’s
Brain Development Is Linked to Physical Fitness, Research Finds.

It is important for parents to help keep their children healthy and active.
It’s definitely not always easy, but the benefits are well worth it. Here are a
few tips to help you get your children back in shape:

1. Be a good example. If you want your children to be active, then so
should you. Children learn more from example than just hearing your words.

2. Set a limit on television, internet, and video games. Have times
during the day where the whole family unplugs. Active games like Wi™ are fun
and can be good exercise but it shouldn’t replace a bike ride, nature walk or
the jungle gym at your local park.

3. Make exercise part of your regular family schedule. Schedule time
everyday for something active. Ask your child if they have any suggestions.

4. Keep it fun! If you don’t then your child will resent it.

Don’t wait. Get your children moving and they will benefit mentally,
emotionally, academically and of course physically. Visit Parenting for
more tips on how to be a good parent.

If
you are a Type D personality, you may have a higher risk for heart disease, according
to a summary article published in the American Heart Association journal Circulation:
Cardiovascular Quality and Outcomes. Most of us are familiar with Type A
and B personalities but maybe you’ve never heard of Type D. This
personality  is characterized by a tendency towards worry, irritability
and gloom, social inhibition and a lack of self-assurance.

Forty-nine studies with some 6,000 patients were analyzed during this research.
Viola Spek, Ph.D., senior author of the study and a researcher at Tiburg
University in the Netherlands stated, “Type D patients tend to experience
increased levels of anxiety, irritation and depressed mood across situations
and time, while not sharing these emotions with others because of fear of
disapproval.” For more information, read the article – Type D Personality Associated With Higher Future Heart
Risk.

If you can relate to the Type D personality, you should consider seeking help
from a mental health care professional. They will be able to help you work
through negative feels and emotions. Visit Managing
Stress on my website for specific stress management tips. You can
improve your physical and emotional health!