Author: Kathy Marshack

Love is an interesting emotion. You may think that love would mean the same thing to everyone, but it doesn’t. This is especially true for someone with Asperger Syndrome. Asperger Syndrome is a high- functioning form of autism. Asperger Syndrome is demonstrated by deficits in communication, social skills and reciprocity of feelings. Because of this odd display of emotion, you could assume that an Aspie does not love, but that is not true. Everyone loves, it is just expressed differently for an Aspie.

This is the case for two Aspies, Jack Robison and Kirsten Lindsmith. Jack is the son of John Elder Robison, author of the acclaimed memoir about Asperger Syndrome, Look Me in the Eye. Kirsten was diagnosed with ADHD at age 11, but 2011, she realized that she had Asperger Syndrome. Jack and Kirsten have been dating for two years and now live together. According to them, they have found love. This isn’t to say it has been a walk in the park for them. There have been challenges. To read more about Jack and Kirsten’s relationship, read The New York Times article – Navigating Love and Autism.

If you are raising an Asperger child, I am sure you would agree that you would love for your child to grow up and find the kind of happiness that comes from love. If you are married to someone with Asperger’s, you may feel lost and confused as to what love really means to your partner.

There are so many questions surrounding this topic. . . Do Aspie’s really want or need true love? What really is true love? This will be the topic for discussion at the Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD Meetup Support Group. This meeting will be held in Portland, Oregon on March 17. We look forward to having a lively discussion and hearing your thoughts on this very personal topic that is central to the lives of many. If you will not be able to join us in person, become part of our online family.

For more information on Asperger Syndrome, read Asperger Syndrome Frequently Asked Questions.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder affecting millions of Americans. A person with OCD has unreasonable thoughts or fears (obsessions) that leads them to repeat behaviors (compulsions) over and over again. It is a vicious cycle of using a certain behavior to control the irrational thoughts or fears, but sadly the thoughts and fears to do not go away. This type of disorder is debilitating and can easily take control over a person’s life.

What are some common obsessions of OCD? 

Are you always moving on to the next best thing? The personality trait, neophilia, is defined as liking anything new or being a novelty-seeker. For a long time, this trait came with a negative connotation. It was linked with ADD, addictions to drugs, alcohol, or gambling, and criminal actions. Now researchers are saying that neophilia combined with certain other personality traits could contribute to a sense of well-being and overall happiness.

C. Robert Cloninger, the psychiatrist who developed personality tests for measuring this trait stated, “Novelty-seeking is one of the traits that keeps you healthy and happy and fosters personality growth as you age. It can lead to antisocial behavior, but if you combine this adventurousness and curiosity with persistence and a sense that it’s not all about you, then you get the kind of creativity that benefits society as a whole.”

Dr. Cloninger says that the secret lies in a “trio of personality traits”. That trio is novelty-seeking, persistence, and self-transcendence. Persistence gives you the motivation to keep trying even if you don’t get what you want immediately. If you’re persistent, you look for new and better ways to achieve. Self-transcendence refers to getting lost in your thoughts or in moments and allowing amazing connections to form.

For more on this fascinating look at neophilia, read the NY Times article – Novelty-Seeking (Neophilia) Can Be a Predictor of Well-Being. If you are a neophiliac and want to get the most out of this personality trait, seeking therapy can be highly beneficial. If you do not seek to use this trait in a positive or effective manner, it could lead to extreme frustration and disappointment. Contact my office to set up an appointment if you live in the Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA area.

Does it feel like your teenager is addicted to TV or video games? That can be a real concern to parents, but especially for parents of autistic children. The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders published a study online about autistic teenagers and their preoccupation with TV and video games. Researchers are concerned that this preoccupation could interfere with important socialization and communication.

After evaluating 1,000 teenagers with ASD, around 60% spent most of their time watching television or videos while 41% played videos games. Interestingly, 64.4% do not use email or chat online. This is largely due to the fact that email, chatting, and social networking require social interaction, which is difficult for those on the spectrum.

Since autistic children and teens are drawn to technology, it can be a beneficial tool if used properly. In a previous blog, I discussed the benefits of using the iPad with specialized autism applications. Research also showed that autistic teens who use social media showed improvement with cognitive skills. A word of caution for parents – if your autistic teen is using social media, help them to use it properly since there are risks involved. Be alert to who their “friends” are and their privacy preferences. You do not want anyone to take advantage of your child especially since they may lack the ability to see genuineness. For more on helping your child develop social skills, click here for some practical suggestions.

In addition to whatever you are doing at home for your child or teen, seek out a therapist who specializes in autistic disorders. They will be able to help you find ways to develop your child’s cognitive skills. Contact my office for an appointment if you live in Portland, Oregon/Vancouver, Washington.

We live in a world of duality … positive/negative, good/bad, male/female … and balance is the act of giving each side attention and respect. Having a positive outlook on life is just fine, but looking only on the bright side is like the proverbial ostrich with his or her head stuck in the sand. You also need to look at what is going wrong, or not working, or not even in the ballpark of reality. If you fail to account for the negative side of things, you fail to plan and live your life fully. How can you correct your mistakes, if you never sort through your flaws and problems? To sum it up, my motto is: HOPE FOR THE BEST, but PLAN FOR THE WORST. That way you’ve got everything covered.

For entrepreneurial couples and families in business, there are two unpleasant areas which are regularly ignored and therefore never planned for … death and divorce. There are more entrepreneurs planning for business succession than planning for divorce. Planning for the possibility of divorce of an entrepreneurial couple is a real taboo, apparently. Most couples fear that if you plan ahead for the possibility of divorce, you are setting yourself up to create a divorce.

Paradoxically, by planning for the possibility of divorce right from the start of a marriage and business venture, an entrepreneurial couple has to focus on those things that actually will help strengthen their marriage/partnership. By digging deeply into who you are, and what you want, you have the opportunity to negotiate with each other to make your desires come true. Instead of resentments building, the trouble spots are planned for. Therefore the entrepreneurial couple has a better chance of facing the problems head on, learning from them, or even avoiding them. Planning for the worst in this case isn’t a prescription for divorce, but insurance against it.

Death is inevitable, but divorce is not. If you avoid thinking and talking about the possibility is just as foolish as ignoring the inevitability of death. If you want to get started planning for the worst but hoping for the best with regard to creating a healthy, long-term, successful marriage/business partnership with your spouse, try asking yourselves this question: If one or the other of us wants a divorce in the future, why would that be and what can we do now to prevent this?

For more information on this topic, read my article – Five must-answer questions for passing on the family-owned business or visit Entrepreneurial Couples – Couples at Work and Home

My book Entrepreneurial Couples – Making it Work at Work and at Home is available for purchase.

Online dating has become increasingly popular over the last few years. It is also a multi-million dollar business. Everywhere you look, you see advertisements claiming that you can find your true love by joining an online dating service and paying a fee. Online dating services claim that matchmaking is science and by using mathematical algorithms, they can find you your perfect match.

Psychological Science in the Public Journal is publishing an article about the other side to online dating . . . The side that online dating sites don’t tell you. For one thing, can there really be a scientific formula that accurately matches two people for endless love? The algorithms that are used to match prospective lovers are not published, so you do not know what they are using to match you. They also do not collect enough data and they do not factor in how an individual’s environment can change what they are looking for. In order for a real match to be evident, you need to meet and evaluate how you communicate, how to solve problems, and if there is a physical connection.

This blog is not to tell you not to use online dating, but rather to give you the other side of the coin. Finding a loving and compatible relationship takes a lot of hard work and persistence. A key factor in finding someone is first knowing yourself. Self exploration will make it easier to identify what you are looking for in a partner. Take note of your strengths and weaknesses and include everything from physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Therapy is also a powerful way to learn more about yourself. A therapist can also give you practical tools to finding someone compatible with you. If you live in the Portland, Oregon/Vancouver, Washington area, contact my office to set up an appointment.

For more information, visit my webpage – Advice for Singles Only.