What To Do When Asperger Love Isn’t Enough

aspergers loveStatistically five times more males are diagnosed with Asperger’s, yet there are women who have Asperger’s Syndrome, too. So, while in this post we discuss husbands, it can apply equally if your wife has Asperger’s. Either way, you have a tough road ahead when it comes to romance and love.

As Neuro-typicals (those not on the autism spectrum), we tend to see our lives as a function of a network of interconnected relationships. During the day we’re busy doing things, but behind it all we’re constantly thinking about our loved ones. Let me give you two examples:

1. As you look at the computer screen, you keep your mind and eye on the clock in the corner because it reminds you that soon the kids will be home and you’ll need to stop to make dinner for your family.

2. In the garden you may want to plant Roma tomatoes, but you also plant cherry tomatoes for your husband because they’re his favorite.


Can you see how everything we think and do revolves around our loved ones, family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers?
But this is not true for our Aspie loved ones. It’s true we’re on their list somewhere. But not as part of the context of their lives. We’re just one of many things they hold dear. Instead of being the glue that holds their world together, we’re a love object. We may be a very important love object, but it’s not the same is it?

So many times I hear that our Asperger Syndrome Meetup members struggle with how to resolve their relationship problems with their Aspies. They love them, even though nothing else seems to work in the relationship. That love feeling is so strong and so binding for NTs that it’s unimaginable that the other problems in the relationship can’t be resolved by sheer willpower. However, we soon learn with Aspies that love is not enough.

During the December paid Video Conference, we’ll explore the emotion and concept of love with regard to these trying relationships. This topic, Love Is Not Enough, is scheduled for Thursday, December 3rd at 9:00 AM PT. There’s only room for 10 attendees, so register right away. One of my past attendees put this Video Call on her calendar as “Lifesaving Video Conference”. It’s that powerful to connect with others who understand.

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