Category: Blog Posts

While the holiday season is a happy time for most people because it’s exciting to get time off work and spend with family. For others the festivities become an unbearable stressor that creates greater depression in their lives.

Perhaps the loss of a loved one, financial pressure, divorce, or a job loss causes you to feel depressed. When you see everyone else is happy and joyful, you feel worse because you’re not like them. It makes the depression seem so much darker in comparison.

How can you cope with depression during the holidays?

1. Don’t overextend yourself physically, emotionally or financially. Know your limitations and say “No” when you must. It’s an act of love to create these boundaries.

2. Rest more. That could include sleeping, deep breathing, or other relaxation methodology. Dealing with depression is exhausting, so you need time to recharge your mind and your body. This gives you strength to keep going.

3. Confide in a trusted friend. It’s easy to isolate yourself when you’re depressed, but being around those who love you reminds you that there’s more to life. Their support is what you need to remind you that you’re not alone. It can also distract you from thinking only about yourself. You’ll find that the people around you are also dealing with difficulties. Recognizing that can give you some necessary perspective.

4. Don’t expect too much of yourself and others. The “miracle of the holiday” isn’t going to fix your problems like the movies portray. However, with forethought and planning, you may be able to initiate healing conversations since people may be more open to making peace. Cut yourself some slack. You’re only human. When you’re feeling down, find something that makes you feel good about yourself and do it.

5. Cultivate a grateful attitude. What are you grateful about you? Many have found that regularly keeping a gratitude journal really helps elevate their happiness.

I urge you, if your depression doesn’t improve, speak to your doctor or a therapist immediately. They can help by providing you with the right tools to get you back on your feet. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment.

For more information, visit Overcoming Depression.

Perhaps you’re familiar with these phrases that describe empathy: “Put yourself in his shoes” or “Until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes, you won’t understand”. If we’ve never experienced it, we can’t fully comprehend the feelings and emotions of another person.

Recently, in a Huffington Post article, Dr. Jordan Schaul, a board member and chief science officer for Zoo Nation revealed what it’s like to be diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s entitled, I Can’t Fake it Until I Make It – I’m Autistic. Please take the time to read it. It sheds light on the autistic perspective. In the process, I hope it helps us be more empathetic, patient and understanding of those we meet, no matter what they’re dealing with.

Upon being diagnosed at the age of 40, Dr. Schaul’s first response was anger – anger at family, friends and professionals for not recognizing it sooner. (Earlier diagnosis was Attention Deficit Disorder.) He was also relieved to finally have an explanation for why he felt he didn’t fit in, why he felt exhausted and stressed at social interactions.

I’ve done extensive research on empathy and autism so he quoted me as a clinician and autism expert for the article. I said, “Empathy explains it all when it comes to Asperger’s Syndrome. Regardless of where an individual falls on the autism spectrum, lack of empathy is the defining characteristic. Empathy is that ineffable skill of reading between the lines, knowing where the other person is coming from, sizing up the context and speaking in a way that respectfully cares for the feelings of others. Without empathy the autistic person is left in an isolated and disconnected world. They may feel compassion, sympathy and love without a clear way to express it to others with a few simple words or a look. “High Functioning Autism” is such a misnomer. What good is it to be brilliant, talented, well-educated or good looking, if you can’t connect with others in a way that makes them feel acknowledged and cared for… and want to love you back?”

Rather than talk about someone’s lack of social skills, why not talk with them and see if you can help them discover the reasons for it. If you suspect autism, please consult with a mental health professional who specializes in Asperger’s Syndrome to make sure you arrive at the proper diagnosis. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment.

As a parent, you’d do anything to protect your children from being a victim of child pornography. You know the emotional, mental and possibly physical harm that can come to your child, especially it if falls into the hands of bullies and adult sex offenders.

Yet, more and more teens are creating and distributing child porn without even knowing it. It’s called sexting. So, how do you protect your child in an age when children have access to the Internet and yet they don’t have the maturity to protect themselves?

A recent New York Times article by Erik Eckholm discusses this weighty issue of teenage sexting and the legal consequences. In Fayetteville, North Carolina, two teenagers were charged with the felony of “exploiting a minor.” This could have resulted in a lengthy prison sentence and being listed on the sex offender registry. Can you imagine what that would do to their future? Their quality of life? Their job prospects?

It’s tempting for teen sweethearts to trade nude photos over their cell phones. In the heat of the moment they don’t think about what that means. However, in Washington State and Oregon, sexting may result in state felony charges including dissemination of child pornography. The act of sexting isn’t illegal, but it becomes a child pornography issue when the photographer, recipient of the text or distributor is under the age of 18.

So when a 15-year-old girl emails a sexually explicit photo of herself to a boy, she has in theory created and distributed child porn. If that boy sends the picture to his friends, he’s guilty of possession and distribution of child pornography.

The article goes on to say that “about 20 states have adopted new laws intended to address juvenile sexting by providing a less severe range of legal responses to personal photo-sharing, including misdemeanor charges that may be expunged, and required community service or counseling.”

But is legislating new laws the answer? Isn’t it more important to address the most crucial issue – what is this obsession with sexting doing to young people today?

Mr. Fitzpatrick, the prosecutor in New York State, is implementing a program that educates students and parents about the personal and legal risks. When his assistant district attorney makes the presentation in high schools, it’s clear that it’s right on target. He said, “About a third of the way through, you see this wave of students frantically hitting the erase buttons on their phones.”

Please don’t dismiss sexting as a childhood indiscretion. The consequences may follow your child throughout his or her life. I urge you to create a relaxed atmosphere in which to speak with your teen about sex and sexting as soon as possible. In a respectful manner explain the dangers to them. If you have a hard time communicating with your teenager you may need support. If so, seek the assistance of a mental health care professional. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA and need help in reaching your teen, please contact my office and schedule an appointment.

Do you or a loved one feel like something isn’t quite right with your health, but doctors haven’t been able to diagnose anything wrong with you? Perhaps you feel like a hypochondriac for persisting in your search for answers. It’s important that you don’t quit searching, even if no one believes you yet. And when you get a diagnosis, it’s good to ask for a second or third opinion. Why?

A recent NYTimes article highlights the need to have a complete health screen when seeking help for psychological problems. The wife of Actor Robin Williams reveals that unbeknownst to them, Mr. Williams didn’t just suffer from depression. He had a relatively unknown disease called Lewy body dementia where abnormal protein deposits are spread throughout the brain disrupt its normal functioning.

This disease is frequently confused with Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, with its long list of symptoms like depression, anxiety, chronic sleep problems, stiffness, movement problems, fluctuations in thinking ability and persistent hallucinations that mimic schizophrenia. It estimated that about 1.4 million in the U.S., especially men, suffer from Lewy body dementia. And it often takes multiple visits and more than a year to diagnose it accurately. It progresses much more rapidly than Alzheimer’s does. So it needs an accurate diagnosis as soon as possible.

You are a whole person, not a head separated from your body. Diet, stress, environmental toxins, head injuries, and so much more, contribute to mental health issues. It’s important that all of these factors be considered in your diagnosis and treatment. I’ve discovered that Neuro Emotional Technique is very successful at getting to the root of stress related illnesses. If you haven’t found a medical explanation yet for the way you feel, and would like to schedule an appointment with me, please contact my Portland OR/Vancouver, WA office.

Read more on my website: Mind and Body Health.

Most entrepreneurial couples just wing it when it comes to business or marriage. They trust their drive, intelligence, and savvy to get them through life’s roadblocks. But as life becomes more complicated by marriage, children, and an expanding business, the weaknesses in this style begin to emerge. Without a plan for the evolution of your marriage, family, or business, you may be very unprepared for the consequences. It is no surprise that most family-owned businesses never make it to the second generation.

Composing a life may be a better euphemism than life planning because it implies that life is art. The artist understands that the picture is more than the sum of its parts. The artist knows that when all of the elements are woven together, the tapestry takes on a life of its own. When you think about the business you have chosen to run with your spouse or partner, is it a representation of both of you or of some family history? How did you choose the name for your business? Does the name reflect a value or interest of yours? The answers to these questions reveal that it is not by chance that you are precisely at this point in your life.

It would be a lot easier to compose a life if you had a clean slate to start with. Unfortunately, you have probably been wandering around in life for a few decades already. You made decisions years ago that are still affecting you today. Some of these decisions can be changed; others are more permanent. Still others are perfectly good choices and are the foundation of the life you will begin composing today.

The first consideration in composing a life is to be brave. You may have to do radical surgery on yourself. You will probably find that your basic values as a human being are sound, but that their expression in the real world will have to change. When you were a young adult in your early twenties, developing a relationship with your new spouse was based on the needs and goals of youth. Your marriage today, as an older, wiser couple, may require revamping to keep up with individual, family, and business development. Even the business in which you chose to involve yourself may have been suited to you at thirty, but at forty-five has lost its appeal.

When people face a crisis or even just an ordinary problem, they are tempted to try a simple change. They change jobs, change spouses, build a new house, and so on. These simple changes are supposed to make them feel better—and sometimes they do, for a while. But in the long run the new job fizzles, the new spouse presents problems remarkably similar to those the previous spouse presented, and the new house is still not quite big enough.

Rather than waste your time with pointless changes, compose a life, and plan for meaningful change. Change your map of reality to include the possibilities that you (your spouse and your family) are capable of, even if this involves painful and difficult work. In other words, composing a life that works this time probably means changing your concept of the interdependence of love and work.

Are you ready to compose a new life plan as an entrepreneurial couple? You can order a copy of my book, Entrepreneurial Couples: Making It Work at Work and at Home, to get my more advice on how to do it successfully, including my 7 Ground Rules for Successful Life Planning. Do you have a question for me? Sign-up for a Remote Education session with me to get some answers.

It’s hard to keep secrets in family businesses yet I see so many parents try. I have had too many parents tell me that their children aren’t aware of the hardship the parent or the business is facing.

The reality is that the child knows something. Just like an animal can smell danger, your child can feel the tension in the house, even if he or she can’t describe in words what’s wrong. If your child doesn’t get your help in understanding the family problem, he or she can only imagine what’s going on — and usually imagines the worst.

I have had four-year-olds tell me of their parents’ pending divorce, when not even the respective spouses knew, but it eventually proved to be true. I have had ten-year-olds tell me the extent of Dad’s alcohol problem, down to where he hides his bottles, when Mom was still in denial about her husband’s alcoholism. I have had teenagers tell me of a parent’s extramarital affair because they were afraid to tell this “secret” to anyone else.

Some children handle these psychological traumas poorly. Some coast on by without a scratch. Others have problems at home but not at school. The bottom line is that “it all depends”. What it depends on is how the trauma is handled by the child and his or her parents and significant others. As the child’s primary role model, you can reframe the trauma into a learning experience. Your child will experience many difficult times while growing up, and adult life is certainly not problem-free either.

By working with your child to resolve his or her feelings of fear, anger, and grief, and by also working through your own, you’re helping your child learn how to handle the stresses and strains of human life. As parents we may feel that our children should never have to suffer. However, another way to look at suffering is that it’s an opportunity to grow, to become stronger, more resilient.

As parents, don’t deprive your children of experiencing the hardships that face the family or the business. For example, don’t hide dissension between you and your spouse. A fair fight between Mom and Dad that results in a fair and appropriate resolution gives your child a chance to see how conflicts get resolved. If you shelter your children from the hard times, they may not know that hard times exist ahead for them, and they may not learn how to cope when they do come.

Obviously, you don’t want to expose your child to harm, nor use the sink-or-swim method of parenting. Yet as you act in your role as family leader, you can assist him or her in discovering every aspect of life, the good as well as the bad. You can encourage your child to use his or her resources to resolve new problems, thus building your child’s confidence that he or she can handle tough things. You can demonstrate that even though life is no cakewalk, you are open to learning new things. You can resolve most of the dilemmas that life dishes out.

Read more on my website: Am I a Good Parent? If you could use help resolving a problem in your marriage, your relationship with your children or both and you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment.