Category: Blog Posts

We try to shield the ones we love from all struggle and suffering. Parents especially do this for their children, trying to make their lives easier than their own. But can this become a misplaced sentiment? Is it an attempt to make ourselves feel better rather than doing something that actually helps the situation? Haven’t we all heard about the parent that shields a child from the consequences of their actions until the child becomes hardened in a self-centered way of living?Take the story of a butterfly as an example. A little boy collects a chrysalis and puts it in a jar so he can watch it hatch. As it goes from the stage of pupa to butterfly, it emerges from it chrysalis and crawls up the twig. But because the jar is too small it unsuccessfully tries to pump the fluid from its body into the wings. It just can’t do it. It doesn’t have enough room to expand its wings. They harden in their shriveled state and this butterfly will never fly.

As the new school year begins in Oregon and Washington, many parents happily send their children to school expecting them to receive a good secular education and to learn the social skills needed for life as an adult.

Each classroom is filled with children who have a wide range of abilities and personalities – those who will have minimal problems, those who will be straight A students, those who will struggle, those who are average, and those who get left behind because they require special attention that they’re not receiving.

Where will your child be in this diverse group? We all hope for the best. But if your child is experiencing difficulties, how long will it take for someone to call it to your attention? It is so much better to stay involved and aware of your own child’s situation, because no one knows your child like you do. As an example, your child’s behavior may be interpreted by someone as an uncooperative attitude, but you may see it as struggling to remain connected out of boredom.

When children have trouble fitting into the classroom setting, their academic achievements suffer. The more they fall behind, the harder it is to catch up. So, parents have tough decisions to make. They have to figure out whether it’s normal awkwardness or is it an indicator of a more serious problem? Is it a physical problem, perhaps a child needs glasses or has low blood sugar? Is it an indicator or a psychiatric condition such as Attention Deficit Disorder or Asperger’s Syndrome? Is it an indicator that your child is gifted and needs extra challenges to stay engaged?

Perhaps you’re hesitant to acknowledge and address the issue, thinking your child will simply outgrow this stage. Perhaps you suspect there is a problem, but you’re in denial or are grieving the changes this will bring to your entire family. Perhaps you’re afraid that if you pursue this, your child will be stigmatized or will identify with being “labeled”, that it will become a crutch and excuse for not trying to do better.

A recent news report highlighted the fundamental truth that if you don’t seek a diagnosis, you can’t use the special services available to your child that can begin the process of understanding, accepting, and supporting your child to get the best out of school and life.

If you see that your child is struggling and you don’t know why, don’t put off seeking help. Consult either your child’s pediatrician or a licensed psychologist for help in assessing your child’s situation. As a parent of a child with Asperger’s, I know how valuable early intervention is for their success. Feel free to contact my Portland Oregon/ Vancouver, Washington office and set up an appointment.

Perhaps you’ve heard people say… “It’s easy to quit smoking (drinking, gambling, etc). I should know I’ve done it thousands of times.”

Significantly, attitudes and behaviors need to change. It’s necessary to re-educate your habits, redirect your thinking. Psychotherapist Thomas Szasz said, “People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.” Essentially, in order to change anything in life, you need to begin thinking and acting like the kind of person you want to be.

One thing that makes it hard for people to do this is that they try to change too much all at once. If you can concentrate on changing only one thing at a time, then other improvements can follow. Your body is a sophisticated system that is capable of miraculous functions. But your body can’t think. You are the thinker and planner. You are in control of your personal growth.

What’s in your “Bucket List”? That term has become synonymous with the list of things you’d like to accomplish in life before it’s too late. It refers to choosing to live in a way now so you have no regrets later.

What are some of the things that people regret the most? An Australian nurse who cared for the dying noticed 5 recurring regrets her patients had:

• Not living a life true to self, but doing what others expect
• Not taking time to enjoy life because of working too much
• Not having the courage to say what you feel
• Not staying in touch with friends
• Not letting yourself be happy

All of these regrets involve the choices we make. It’s never too late to make your life richer and more meaningful. It all boils down to your attitude and the choices you make. If you don’t take yourself too seriously and do more to get involved in life and with people, you won’t have regrets over the “I wish I’d done” list.

Some look at life with a glass half empty attitude, which is the negative way of thinking. Others choose to look at life with a glass half full attitude – positively working toward filling their lives with meaning.

I was honored to have an essay included in the book, Sixty Things to Do When You Turn Sixty. It helps Baby Boomers who are approaching their sixties to see the positive as you purposefully choose to make the best out of your life. My own experience taught me that even the trying circumstances in life can be turned into something positive.

Harper Lee wrote a wonderful line for Atticus Finch in the movie, To Kill a Mockingbird. He told his daughter, “If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” That’s a great definition for empathy.

Just imagine this ironic story showing how an Aspie can care about someone, yet not have empathy. Imagine the wife is deeply depressed one day, so she wraps herself in a blanket, and huddles in the recliner to nap away the day. Her Aspie husband noticed this and asked if she’s Okay. When she says that she’s not doing well, he offers to get her a Pepto Bismol. He cares so he tries to help, but it’s way off the mark of what she really needs.

Perhaps you’re driving in rush hour traffic and someone swerves into your lane. You immediately take evasive action or jam on the breaks. Your hands sweat, your heart pumps faster, adrenaline rushes through your body. Your cells told your body to get ready. It’s triggering the fight or flight response. This same process can also occur when a person is simply recalling that stressful event weeks or years later. Your body replicates the same response just from the memory.

Take another example…visualize biting into a lemon. Think about its bright yellow color, its fragrance, and its sharp flavor. Doesn’t just thinking about it make your mouth water? The memory of your previous taste of a lemon replicates the same response in your body today even though you don’t have a lemon near you. 

The body’s response to stress works the same way. Emotional responses are made up of neuropeptides (amino acid chains) that attach to their receptors on your tissue cells. Stressful situations cause the part of the cell called the neuron to eject these amino acid chains so that they carry their “message” to other parts of your body where they become attached to their neuroreceptors.

 
Normally we deal with a stressful situation and move on. But sometimes, our system is out of balance and won’t let go of it. That’s where NET (Neuro Emotional Technique) helps. NET helps you find and remove these unresolved stress patterns, then your body and mind can heal itself relieving you of the headaches, chronic pain, phobia or whatever symptom that is caused by this unresolved stress.