Note: Some of the older blogs posts have been imported from a previous website and may have broken links. Try the “search” function in the sidebar to find linked pages that appear to be missing.
About Dr. Marshack’s Blog – Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D.
Note: Some of the older blogs posts have been imported from a previous website and may have broken links. Try the “search” function in the sidebar to find linked pages that appear to be missing.
VIDEO CONFERENCE: Breaking the Narcissism trap
This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Breaking the Narcissism trap
Monday, November 25, 2019 at 11:00 am
Many of you have heard of “Mind Blindness,” with regard to our “Aspies”, but it still may be a confusing concept, particularly when it comes to the inevitable outcome of self-absorption and narcissism. Once you are sucked into the world of narcissistic thinking, there is no way out. So this video conference is all about how to stay out of the narcissist’s logic, and think for yourself.
A simple trick I learned long ago, when I found myself being ensnared by “Aspie” logic, was to simply say “No, thank you.” Or I might say, “Well, that doesn’t work for me” and walk away. First, you need to recognize the narcissism. Then you need to cut it off immediately because you can’t win. Doesn’t it make sense that you can’t win when arguing with an irrational person, who does not have an idea of what’s in your best interests?
Plus with an “Aspie” they actually seem to appreciate it when you say, “No, thank you.” They understand where you stand, even if they can’t fathom your inner experience. With a true narcissist, this approach infuriates them because it’s all about winning. Yes, your “Aspie” may have disintegrated into narcissism more than you would like, but you might be able to rescue the relationship with this approach.
Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption. I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.
MEETUP TELECONFERENCE: Holiday stress management
A free International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Teleconference is only for members of Meetup. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: TELECONFERENCE: Holiday stress management
Friday, November 22, 2019 at 1:00 pm
Every year I gear up for the inevitable holiday madness, but it’s far more than other families face isn’t it? Our families are fraught with sensory overload, upsetting schedule changes, well intentioned relatives who don’t get it, etc. At this teleconference come prepared with tips for others. If you have found ways to get through the madness, we’d love to hear it.
For example, for many years I packed up the motorhome, and took the family camping for Thanksgiving. We would stay at a campground that hosted a potluck for campers. They provided the Turkey and stuffing. The campers provided the sides. On Black Friday, we avoided all of the shoppers in town, and enjoyed shopping in the little coastal town nearby. It was festive and low wear and tear on me.
Use this teleconference to help ease you into the holiday season, knowing that you have a whole lot of NTs who know exactly what you are facing. Come prepared for the call with a private place to listen and join in if you can. I will send you reminders, but make sure you have your email set to receive them.
Understanding Context Blindness
If your partner or loved one has “ASD”, are you familiar with “context blindness?”
Dr. Peter Vermeulen discusses context blindness is his book, “Autism as Context Blindness”. He brilliantly describes how the autistic brain works and includes practical exercises to help improve in the area of context blindness.
I found a good summary of his book on www.autism.net and I’d like to share it below:
“Context Blindness is a theory developed by Dr. Peter Vermeulen, a psychologist and the co-director of the Center for Concrete Communication in Belgium.
“The human brain is very sensitive to context and this contextual sensitivity plays a crucial role in many cognitive abilities that are affected in ASD, such as face perception, emotion recognition, the understanding of language and communication, and problem solving. Context refers to the circumstances or events that form the environment within which something exists or takes place. Context reveals and directs our perception and therefore influences and directs our response.
“For example, there is no one correct answer to any of these questions:
What is the polite way to greet someone?
What is a good birthday gift for a friend?
What does a woman feel when you smile at her?
Can you touch someone’s hair?
What is the ideal distance between you and another person?
What would you tell someone about yourself?
“It all depends on the context. Contextual sensitivity works at a subconscious level to: help us focus on the essential; make the world around us more predictable; and help us to find the right meaning in vague situations when multiple meanings are possible.”
Is your “Aspie’s” behavior starting to make more sense now?
Neurotypicals still have to find ways to cope with the abusiveness and cluelessness of their “Aspie” loved ones, but I do think the theory of Context Blindness helps in this regard.
First, just understanding better how your “Aspie” thinks, or better said what is missing from their thinking, is tremendously helpful. It is far worse to stand there dumbfounded by the craziness.
Second, Context Blindness is a step in the right direction for finding solutions for “Aspies”. They may not be able to rewire those parts of the brain that contributes to organising the social context of life, but they can learn to be less defensive. It’s vital to reduce anxiety and defensiveness if an NT/”AS” couple stands a ghost of a chance.
Third, with understanding comes the ability to drop the NT’s defensiveness and guilt and myriad other co-dependent behaviors. It’s easier to detach from the anger, hurt and blame, when you realize that it is not your fault. When you learn that there really is very little you can do about the problem . . . well that’s a kind of freedom, don’t you think?
How can you tell if you’re co-dependent on your “Aspie”? I wrote a blog post to guide you to your own answer. Ask yourself a few questions and answer truthfully. You can find the blog post here.
Context Blindness is one of the many themes we discuss through video conferences and free teleconferences (soon podcasts too) in our private group, “Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.” This group has been created from a need of our community to gather in a safe and private place to discuss our daily difficulties and problems. If you are a partner or have a loved one suffering from “Asperger Syndrome”, I invite you to join our community. Visit our group to see how our home looks.
VIDEO CONFERENCE: Breaking the Narcissism trap
This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Breaking the Narcissism trap
Thursday, November 21, 2019 at 4:00 pm
Many of you have heard of “Mind Blindness,” with regard to our “Aspies”, but it still may be a confusing concept, particularly when it comes to the inevitable outcome of self-absorption and narcissism. Once you are sucked into the world of narcissistic thinking, there is no way out. So this video conference is all about how to stay out of the narcissist’s logic, and think for yourself.
A simple trick I learned long ago, when I found myself being ensnared by “Aspie” logic, was to simply say “No, thank you.” Or I might say, “Well, that doesn’t work for me” and walk away. First, you need to recognize the narcissism. Then you need to cut it off immediately because you can’t win. Doesn’t it make sense that you can’t win when arguing with an irrational person, who does not have an idea of what’s in your best interests?
Plus with an “Aspie” they actually seem to appreciate it when you say, “No, thank you.” They understand where you stand, even if they can’t fathom your inner experience. With a true narcissist, this approach infuriates them because it’s all about winning. Yes, your “Aspie” may have disintegrated into narcissism more than you would like, but you might be able to rescue the relationship with this approach.
Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption. I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.
![Going Over The Edge](https://kmarshack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Going-Over-The-Edge-450-min.jpg")