Author: Kathy Marshack

Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD now has 216 members
from around the world. Since our meetings are currently held in
Portland, Beaverton, and Lake Oswego, Oregon, many of our members are not able to
physically attend. In spite of this, our message boards have become a
Meetup location in itself.

Our message board currently contain 8 different discussion forums. Out of these forums, literally hundreds of discussions have been formed with thousands of
posts. Issues such as sleep problems, sex, parenting, co-dependency,
grieving, medication, and much more are being discussed. Some of the
most popular discussions: Christian and Asperger’s, Alexithymia, Humorous Differences, Why God Made Aspergers, and How To Leave and Grieve.
I have been impressed with the prolific writers in the group and I
encourage you to keep writing! Something you write may touch the life of
someone else.

Please come and join our group. No matter where
you are in the world, you can chat with others, gain insight, and
support. If you live in the Portland, OR or Vancouver, WA area, we would
love to meet you in person at one of our Meetups. We will be meeting
December 4, 2010 in Westside Portland to discuss, Asperger’s and Other Co-Occurring Disorders- Does My Loved One Have Any? On December 11, 2010 in Portland, we will discuss Sensory Overload, Holiday Meltdowns and How to Survive. Click here for more information about the upcoming meetings.

We look forward to seeing you there or meeting you online! Thank you to all who continue to give support.

Depression is an illness that affects
millions of Americans every year. Most likely you know someone who is
dealing with depression. It can be very difficult to support your
depressed loved one and  it can even take a toll on your emotional
state.If you have a loved one who is depressed, here are a few things that you can do:

Educate Yourself – Like
any type of illness, it is important to educate yourself about it.
Knowledge is very powerful. Once you have learned about what they are
dealing with, you will be more equipped to support them. Be alert to symptoms and any changes in their behavior.

Know Your Role – You
must acknowledge that depression is an illness and you can’t cure it!
Do not be the hero and strive to fix the problem or even sound like you
are the authority on the matter. Your role is to be supportive and
sincere. You want to gain their trust not turn them away.

Don’t Withdraw – As
humans, we have the tendency to remove ourselves from people who are
depressed because they are trying to withdraw or isolate themselves from
us. As hard as it may be to stick around, it is exactly what they need.
They may tell you that they don’t need anyone, but they do. This is
going to take a lot of persistence on your part, but isolation is
detrimental to a depressed person. Remember that this behavior is not
personal, it is the illness speaking.

Listen – Let your
loved one talk. They may share things that are disturbing like
self-injury or suicide, but it is better for you to know these feeling
so you can use that information to protect them. Also, ask questions to
draw them out.

Be Proactive – Don’t say, “If there is
anything I can do, let me know.” Guess what…they won’t. Take a
proactive approach. Think of something specific that you can do for them
and offer that instead. If you find that they are in serious danger, do
something. You may have to push them to the doctor or even go to the
hospital. They may be angry at you, but that is not an excuse to let
them do something dangerous. You may have to get other people involved
to help you.

Take Care of Yourself – As a caregiver, it
is vital that you take care of yourself. You can’t help your loved one
if you are tapped out. Be balanced with yourself!

Helping someone
overcome depression will not be an easy journey, but it is well worth
your while. Be patient. In time your loved one will appreciate all your
love and consideration in their behalf. For more information, visit Overcoming Depression.
If you need help to overcome your own depression or support a family
member with their situation and live in the Portland, Oregon or
Vancouver, Washington area, please contact my office.

 

With as many as 1.5 million Americans
having some form of autism, including milder variants, autism is a hot
topic.  In 2009, the movie “Adam” highlighted the difficulties of falling in love with someone who has Asperger Syndrome and currently NBC’s “Parenthood”
has a character with Asperger Syndrome. When I talk to couples in these
difficult relationships, they’re not that interested in Hollywood,
they’re looking for real life solutions.

With so much emphasis
being placed on Asperger Syndrome, many are left wondering, how can
someone co-parent with an Aspie partner? What about the children of an
Asperger parent? How can a child thrive when his or her parent has so
little empathy?

I’ve been moved to investigate these sensitive and unique issues especially after writing “Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going over the Edge? Practical Steps to Saving You and Your Relationship.” As many of you know, I am currently writing a new book entitled, “Parenting with a Spouse or Partner with Asperger Syndrome: Out of Sight, Out of Mind.”

I have found that
when you live with Aspies it’s the ordinary things of life that cease
to function properly – like getting enough sleep, or asking your spouse
to pick up a child from soccer practice. When co-parenting with an Aspie
these ordinary things become strained and turn into not-so-ordinary
moments leaving the Neuro-typical (NT) partner feeling drained,
unnerved, and tense. In fact many NT spouses/partners report a variety
of psycho-somatic and immunodeficiency illnesses such as migraines,
arthritis, gastric reflux and fibromyalgia.

If you find yourself in this situation, you are not alone. There are answers to this dilemma and I will continue to write about those answers. I encourage you to download a FREE

sample chapter of “Parenting with a Spouse or Partner with Asperger Syndrome: Out of Sight, Out of Mind.” I will continue to keep you updated on any news about the book and when it will be available. 

When it comes to problem solving, recognizing and interpreting the signals that others give us is crucial. For some of us, that does not come naturally, but if you take a little bit of time, you will be able to improve your skills. If you do, you will be able to minimize crises before they materialize.

One common error is to mistake signals for the problem.

 

When a person is angry or aggressive, we tend to listen, but when a person is quiet or passive, we tend to ignore them. Actually, those behaviors are signals of something. Just what they are signals of remains to be discovered. The key is that all human behavior is meaningful. But the meaning may come disguised as signals that look like problems themselves.

For example, one husband was beside himself because his wife could not keep the house clean. The couple ran the a business from their home. Although the husband was out all day with customers, the wife was at home taking care of the four small children, answering business calls, and running the company office. The couple had already problem solved somewhat and come up with occasional day care and even a once a month house cleaner, but still the house was a mess.

The problem was they were focusing on the messy house instead of what it represented. In this case, it represented that the wife was torn about her goals. She wanted to be part of the business, but she also wanted to parent her children. Making more time for her to clean the house, a chore she really didn’t like anyway, wasn’t the solution. What worked, however, was to set up a system where she could participate in both worlds without them overlapping so much.

Whenever confronted with a dilemma (Is it a signal or a problem?), ask yourself, “How does this behavior make sense to the person engaging in the behavior?” Don’t ask, “How does it make sense to me?”

If the behavior belongs to someone else, chances are it makes sense in their model of reality, which may look very different than yours. In the case of the couple with the messy house, what made sense according to the wife’s model of reality is that the wife wanted to have a neat house but she wanted something else more. In order to get a clean house, it was necessary to help her accomplish what was more important first.

While some solutions are easy and superficial, many problems require deeper probing. While a band-aid may suffice for a while, it will save a lot of wasted energy and questioning if surgery is done immediately. So, when you see a signal, probe, dig, and most important, don’t ignore it. If you can’t figure out what the signals mean it might be time to ask a therapist for help.

If you’re an entrepreneur visit Entrepreneurial Life for more information.

Need another reason to stay physically active? A new study in the British Journal of Sports Medicine
shows that staying physically active is a great way to prevent catching
a cold this winter. People who are physically active actually get sick
less and if they do get sick, the cold is not as severe. What great
news! The problem for many is that  it’s harder to stay physically
active in the winter months. Especially in the Pacific Northwest with
cold weather, less sunshine and a lot more rain, getting out and moving
can be a real challenge.

Here are some suggestions to help you get moving this winter: 

Brave the outdoors.
I know many people enjoy exercising outside regardless of the weather.
If that is the case for you, invest in the proper gear. Select shoes
with good traction and choose clothing with synthetic material which
will keep you warmer than cotton. Winter sports like skiing,
snowshoeing, ice skating, and snowboarding are also great options for
exercise that’s fun.


Take a look at inside exercise options.
Join a gym or invest in some exercise equipment for your home. You can
also purchase workout DVD’s. The range and variety of exercise routines
are endless. Find something that you will enjoy. If you enjoy it, you
will do it!

Stick to a reasonable schedule and reasonable goals. If it’s too ambitious you probably won’t stick to it so start off slow.

Stay hydrated.
Sometimes it harder to drink water when it is cold, but keeping
hydrated is a must. It will help you when you are exercising as well as
help you ward off those colds.

Find a workout partner. Enlist a friend to be your workout buddy or better yet, make it a family affair.

 

It
may be a challenge to keep an active lifestyle, but the benefits are
well worth the effort. You will feel better physically, mentally and
emotionally. For information on exercise and weight-loss, visit Mind and Body – Weight Control on my website.