Author: Kathy Marshack

Does it feel like your teenager is addicted to TV or video games? That can be a real concern to parents, but especially for parents of autistic children. The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders published a study online about autistic teenagers and their preoccupation with TV and video games. Researchers are concerned that this preoccupation could interfere with important socialization and communication.

After evaluating 1,000 teenagers with ASD, around 60% spent most of their time watching television or videos while 41% played videos games. Interestingly, 64.4% do not use email or chat online. This is largely due to the fact that email, chatting, and social networking require social interaction, which is difficult for those on the spectrum.

Since autistic children and teens are drawn to technology, it can be a beneficial tool if used properly. In a previous blog, I discussed the benefits of using the iPad with specialized autism applications. Research also showed that autistic teens who use social media showed improvement with cognitive skills. A word of caution for parents – if your autistic teen is using social media, help them to use it properly since there are risks involved. Be alert to who their “friends” are and their privacy preferences. You do not want anyone to take advantage of your child especially since they may lack the ability to see genuineness. For more on helping your child develop social skills, click here for some practical suggestions.

In addition to whatever you are doing at home for your child or teen, seek out a therapist who specializes in autistic disorders. They will be able to help you find ways to develop your child’s cognitive skills. Contact my office for an appointment if you live in Portland, Oregon/Vancouver, Washington.

We live in a world of duality … positive/negative, good/bad, male/female … and balance is the act of giving each side attention and respect. Having a positive outlook on life is just fine, but looking only on the bright side is like the proverbial ostrich with his or her head stuck in the sand. You also need to look at what is going wrong, or not working, or not even in the ballpark of reality. If you fail to account for the negative side of things, you fail to plan and live your life fully. How can you correct your mistakes, if you never sort through your flaws and problems? To sum it up, my motto is: HOPE FOR THE BEST, but PLAN FOR THE WORST. That way you’ve got everything covered.

For entrepreneurial couples and families in business, there are two unpleasant areas which are regularly ignored and therefore never planned for … death and divorce. There are more entrepreneurs planning for business succession than planning for divorce. Planning for the possibility of divorce of an entrepreneurial couple is a real taboo, apparently. Most couples fear that if you plan ahead for the possibility of divorce, you are setting yourself up to create a divorce.

Paradoxically, by planning for the possibility of divorce right from the start of a marriage and business venture, an entrepreneurial couple has to focus on those things that actually will help strengthen their marriage/partnership. By digging deeply into who you are, and what you want, you have the opportunity to negotiate with each other to make your desires come true. Instead of resentments building, the trouble spots are planned for. Therefore the entrepreneurial couple has a better chance of facing the problems head on, learning from them, or even avoiding them. Planning for the worst in this case isn’t a prescription for divorce, but insurance against it.

Death is inevitable, but divorce is not. If you avoid thinking and talking about the possibility is just as foolish as ignoring the inevitability of death. If you want to get started planning for the worst but hoping for the best with regard to creating a healthy, long-term, successful marriage/business partnership with your spouse, try asking yourselves this question: If one or the other of us wants a divorce in the future, why would that be and what can we do now to prevent this?

For more information on this topic, read my article – Five must-answer questions for passing on the family-owned business or visit Entrepreneurial Couples – Couples at Work and Home

My book Entrepreneurial Couples – Making it Work at Work and at Home is available for purchase.

Online dating has become increasingly popular over the last few years. It is also a multi-million dollar business. Everywhere you look, you see advertisements claiming that you can find your true love by joining an online dating service and paying a fee. Online dating services claim that matchmaking is science and by using mathematical algorithms, they can find you your perfect match.

Psychological Science in the Public Journal is publishing an article about the other side to online dating . . . The side that online dating sites don’t tell you. For one thing, can there really be a scientific formula that accurately matches two people for endless love? The algorithms that are used to match prospective lovers are not published, so you do not know what they are using to match you. They also do not collect enough data and they do not factor in how an individual’s environment can change what they are looking for. In order for a real match to be evident, you need to meet and evaluate how you communicate, how to solve problems, and if there is a physical connection.

This blog is not to tell you not to use online dating, but rather to give you the other side of the coin. Finding a loving and compatible relationship takes a lot of hard work and persistence. A key factor in finding someone is first knowing yourself. Self exploration will make it easier to identify what you are looking for in a partner. Take note of your strengths and weaknesses and include everything from physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Therapy is also a powerful way to learn more about yourself. A therapist can also give you practical tools to finding someone compatible with you. If you live in the Portland, Oregon/Vancouver, Washington area, contact my office to set up an appointment.

For more information, visit my webpage – Advice for Singles Only.

Maintaining a loving and healthy relationship is complex. Many are not taught how to make love work, how to make love last, or even how to make love. We are severely uneducated in this department. Most “education” is based off television, movies, or adult entertainment. All of those sources are fantasy not reality. Love is exciting when it is fresh and new, but overtime many complain that their relationship become dull, stressful, or even nonexistent.

Sexually intimacy is placed as high value for many couples. While sex is a critical part of relationship, it is not the most important. In addition to an intimate relationship, a loving bond of friendship must be there for the relationship to stay healthy and intact. Since life is constantly changing, love, sex, and intimacy must also change.

Ask yourself these questions so as to evaluate your “love relationship”:

• Is there joy and excitement in your relationship?
• Are you more in love today than when you first met? 
• Do you view sex as a time to bond and to learn more about your partner?
• During intimate moments do you feel as though you are sharing your true inner self?

If you cannot answer yes to any of these questions then it is time to take action and make a plan to restore your love and your love life. Have you considered couple’s therapy? A trained therapist will be able to help you identify what is missing in your relationship. If you truly want to make your relationship to stand the test of time, remember that it will require hard work for both partners. Even though you may feel like it is lost, you just might be able to find it again.

For more information on this subject, visit Marriage Counseling – Love, Sex, and Intimacy

Maybe you have reasoned in the past that being left out is part of childhood. Just grin and bear it and all will be fine. Sadly, being left out or ostracized – even for a short period of time – can carry along some very negative side effects on children.

According to researchers at Kent State University and colleagues at Pediatrics, children who feel left out may often make a choice to be less physically active. A staggering 41% of children in a recent study chose an inactive activity instead of a physically active one after being left out of an online computer game. Researchers are now linking obesity, an increase in eating, and other health problems to ostracism. This type of child will most likely spend more time alone and sedentary.

As a parent, it would be difficult to see your child enduring this hardship and the side effects that come along with it. When you become alert to the fact that this is in fact happening to your child, your reaction and response to the situation will greatly affect how the child will act and feel. The first thing to do is not to overreact, rather be a good listener. Let your child express how they feel without being judged especially because they probably feel judged by everyone else. Empathize with them and reassure them of your love for them and the good qualities that they have. Also reassure them that many kids have dealt with this same problem. Work with your child help them develop the power of perception, social skills, and how to set small goals to make friends.

If you are not able to reach your child and you feel that their situation is worsening, don’t be ashamed to ask for help from a counselor or family therapist. With the assistance of a therapist, you can work together for the benefit of your child. Being a good parent means doing whatever you have to do for your child and that sometimes means getting a professional involved.

For more information, read Am I a Good Parent or contact my office to set up an appointment.

Think back to when you were 6 or 7 years old. You may not have realized it at the time, but your body was undergoing a profound hormonal change. Scientists refer this time period as the Theory of the Mind. The brain is reaching its adult size while tens of billions of synapses connections are being made. Loads of information is being “downloaded” and organized. Impulses are being controlled, plans for the future are being made as well as intense reasoning ability.

Children at this age also beginning to comprehend deep subjects such as death, justice, social rules, and relationships. In the area of relationships, children in middle childhood start to learn the value of love reciprocity. The selfishness that a toddler once displayed with no longer work. In order to get love and attention from parents, you must give in order to receive. What a valuable lesson to learn at such a young age.

Stop to consider what middle childhood would be like with an Asperger parent(s). Asperger Syndrome is a high functioning form of autism. They have trouble reading non verbal cues, lack empathy, and struggle with communication. Imagine what it would be like to not learn loving reciprocity because of the AS parent’s mind blindness. When that child begins to reach out for love and attention they are often rejected, even if it’s unwittingly. The results of this can have a damaging effect on the child.

In many cases, a child who is raised with an Asperger parent marries someone with Asperger’s. This is because your childhood modeled your ideals of marriage. The question then becomes, can you change the pattern after all of these years? Can you learn to allow true love into your life even if you learned that love is one sided?

The answers to those questions will be discussed at the Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adult with ASD Support Group Meetup on February 18, 2012 in Portland, Oregon. If you do not live in the local area, please become a member of our online community and join in on our discussion groups. I would also encourage one-on-one therapy with a therapist specialized in Asperger relationships. Contact my office for more information.

If you would to learn more about middle childhood, I recommend the New York Times article – Now We Are Six – The Hormone Surge of Middle Childhood.