Don’t Let Love Make You Sick: The Physical Toll of NeuroDivergent Relationships

This article is for those of you who feel like you’re losing your mind, crashing, burning out, or breaking down. Maybe you’re exhausted all the time, making mistakes you never used to make, or feeling like your body is betraying you.

I get it. I’ve been there. We’re going to discuss what’s really happening to you. Because stress isn’t just emotional — it’s physical. If you don’t learn how to protect yourself, it will take you down.

Stress Is Like Water Finding the Cracks

Let’s start with a metaphor. Stress is like water working its way through a crack in the foundation of your house. At first, you don’t notice. Maybe the crack is just a little fatigue, or a small pre-diabetic condition, or some mild joint pain. But over time, the stress seeps in. The walls start weeping. The water starts trickling. And before you know it, your whole foundation is compromised.

I’ve seen this happen time and again in NeuroDivergent relationships. The NT partner takes on more and more, trying to compensate for their ND spouse’s lack of emotional reciprocity, trying to manage their own expectations, trying to keep the family together. And the body starts paying the price.

The Body Keeps Score

We often hear about autistic meltdowns and crashes—and yes, they are devastating. But what about NT crashes? What about the partners who hold everything together until their bodies give out?

• Studies show that NT partners in high-stress relationships have brain scans that resemble PTSD patients.
• Chronic stress causes adrenal fatigue, digestive disorders, migraines, autoimmune diseases.
• I personally suffered from severe headaches, gastrointestinal issues, and broken bones from sheer exhaustion.
• I fell down the stairs. No one was there to help me. My phone was upstairs in my home office. My ankle swelled up like a balloon, and the pain was excruciating. I had no choice but to pull myself up the stairs, painful step by painful step, until I could reach my desk and call for help. My daughter Phoebe didn’t answer, so I had to call a neighbor to get me to the ER.
• On another occasion, I was taking aspirin to fend off a ferocious headache but lost track of how much I had taken. By the time I realized something was wrong, I had probably taken about 15 tablets. I became lethargic, could barely move, and only then did it hit me—aspirin is a blood thinner, and I already have low blood pressure. When I called the ER nurse, she told me to get to the hospital immediately.
• But again, there was no one to help me. I had to make several calls before anyone understood I was serious that I had overdosed on aspirin. When I got to the hospital, the doctor asked me all of these odd questions, like I might ask one of my suicidal patients. I thought to myself, I’m not suicidal… or was I? I certainly wasn’t protecting myself. The body doesn’t wait for you to notice—it breaks down in its own time. Every day you ignore the warning signs, you move closer to the breaking point. The time to act is now.

The Myth of Infinite Empathy

Here’s a hard truth: Empathy should not mean self-sacrifice.

Many NTs believe that if they just love harder, understand more, and stay patient, things will improve. But that’s not how NeuroDivergent relationships work. Your ND partner is operating on a different system—they are often transactional, while you are interactional.

You’re giving them empathy, support, and care. But what are you receiving in return? If the answer is exhaustion, illness, and self-doubt, something has to change.

Many members of my groups keep coming back years later because they know they need this support to stay healthy. They have learned to protect themselves with daily infusions of my podcasts, YouTube videos, and private webinars. They recognize that ongoing support is essential in a NeuroDivergent relationship.

Frank’s Warning—Protect Yourself

I had a therapist years ago, Frank, who never told me to “take care of myself.” He told me to protect myself. And that’s what I’m telling you now.

Taking care of yourself is great, but it’s not enough if you’re still being drained every single day. You need to protect yourself from the stress that is literally making you sick.

How do you do that?

• Set limits on emotional labor—You don’t have to fix everything.
• Recognize gaslighting and emotional exhaustion—If you constantly feel like you’re the crazy one, something is off.
• Stop making excuses for mistreatment—Your health matters. Your well-being matters.
• Use the 7-Step Interface Protocol—This is your roadmap to protecting your heart, mind, and body in an ND relationship.

Because here’s the truth: Love should not make you sick.

You Are Not Crazy, You Are Overloaded

If any of this resonates with you, if you feel like you’re constantly running on fumes, please hear me: You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are overloaded.

And overload is not sustainable. You don’t have to wait until you crash to make a change. Protect yourself now.

Before you move on with your day, take a moment. Ask yourself: How is my body responding to stress right now? What signs have I been ignoring? Write it down. Awareness is the first step to change.

If you need support, head to www.ASD-NTrelationships.com for resources. Take care of yourself, but more importantly, protect yourself.