Empathy Triad Engaged: The Journey to Radiant Empathy

In this article, we’re diving into a topic that’s deeply personal and profoundly transformational: Empathy Triad Engaged—the Journey to Radiant Empathy.

Empathy isn’t just a trait—it’s a dynamic, evolving state of being. And just like the philosophy of Alcoholics Anonymous, where a person in recovery describes themselves as “recovering” rather than “recovered,” becoming a Radiant Empathy Angel is an ongoing journey.

It’s about embracing growth, courage, and flexibility as we navigate our relationships, our challenges, and ourselves. I’ll share how my own journey—both personal and professional—has led me to redefine the 7-Step Interface Protocol and how a NeuroDiverse man named Richard inspired me to take this work to a whole new level.

My Personal Evolution

My journey as an author began five years after my divorce from a 25-year marriage to a NeuroDiverse man. At that time, I was still grappling with the emotional aftermath of those years and the challenges of parenting two daughters, one NeuroTypical and one NeuroDiverse.

In 2009, I published my first book, Going Over the Edge?. It was written for NeuroTypical partners like me, who felt overwhelmed, frustrated, and, quite honestly, lost in the complexities of NeuroDivergent relationships. As the title implies, I felt like I was going over the edge, trying to balance my family’s needs with my own survival.

By 2013, when I wrote Out of Sight—Out of Mind, my focus had shifted to parenting in NeuroDivergent families. I addressed the heartbreak of feeling invisible in these relationships, particularly in the face of an ASD partner who seemed disconnected from our daily lives.

Then, in 2018, When Empathy Fails marked a turning point for me. I began exploring the serious threat that Empathy Dysfunction poses to NeuroTypical partners like myself. I became a warrior, determined to protect myself and my daughters from the emotional toll of these relationships.

In 2022, I published Empathy Is More Than Words, and everything began to change. For the first time, I shifted my focus from looking at what was wrong in NeuroDivergent relationships to looking at what is right. Instead of centering on the struggles, I explored the transformative power of empathy itself. I introduced the Empathy Triad—Empathy, Context, and Conversation—as a framework to help individuals navigate differences and build stronger connections. This book also gave birth to the 7-Step Interface Protocol, a tool for rebooting relationships and embracing growth.

Finally, in 2024, as I revisited Going Over the Edge? for its Anniversary Edition, I realized the full potential of Radiant Empathy. I expanded the concept and redefined the Empathy Dysfunction Scale to include Empathy Triad Sensitive individuals who hold back their gifts out of fear. This shift—toward seeing what is right, not just what is wrong—became the foundation for my work today.

How Richard Inspired Change

This brings me to Richard—a man in his 70s, diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He recently reached out to me, expressing how much my work had helped him in his marriage to his NeuroTypical wife.

Richard shared something profound. He said:
“I recognize that I have a developmental disorder and that I struggle with timing, context, and nonverbal cues. But I would rather know what’s going on—going right, going wrong—so I can apply myself.”

Richard went on to say:
“As a 75-year-old Aspie who has only been diagnosed for four years, I’m actually quite pleased, and proud, of the work I’ve been doing with this new concept of Dr. Marshack’s Empathy Triad. It’s given such an improved structure to my Rules, my Work-arounds, and my thinking about my marriage relationship.”

He added:
“I am, however, still having a problem with the concepts of ‘Empathy Triad Blind’ and ‘Empathy Triad Sensitive.’ Dr. Marshack has the two categories as mutually exclusive, and never shall the Aspies of this world gain that sensitivity. I’ve always had a problem with choices that are binary. I feel that there’s always a third option if you’re diligent enough and creative enough to look for it. And Aspies are both.”

Richard offered a new perspective and a term that deeply resonated: Empathy Triad Engaged. He explained:
“Awareness is the first step. Awareness is also the booby prize. Just because you’re aware of something doesn’t mean it’s of benefit to you. You have to be engaged with it before you can implement it successfully. That’s what I’ve been trying to do ever since I came across this blog, doing additional research, and seeking additional advice. In my opinion, I believe that I’m ‘Empathy Triad Engaged.’ But I still have more work to do.”

Richard’s words were a gift. They reminded me that even as an expert, I’m still learning. His courage to grow and engage with the Empathy Triad inspired me to refine the 7-Step Interface Protocol to make it more flexible, more dynamic, and more alive.

The Revised 7-Step Interface Protocol

Let me walk you through the revised 7-Step Interface Protocol, now infused with the concept of Empathy Triad Engaged:

1. Resilience: This is the ability to bounce back from adversity, knowing you’re a beautiful creation capable of creating a better life, better relationships, and a better world.
2. Accept the Diagnosis: This isn’t just about accepting a label. It’s about recognizing that two distinct operating systems are at play. Neither is broken—they’re simply different. Understanding this is the first step to bridging the divide.
3. *Acknowledge the Empathy Triad: Empathy, Context, and Conversation form the foundation for transformation. By acknowledging this triad, you can move from being Empathy Triad Blind to becoming Empathy Triad Engaged—or even a Radiant Empathy Angel.
4. Courage: Growth requires courage. It takes bravery to keep evolving and to engage deeply, especially in relationships where communication styles differ.
5. Taking Breaks: Just as you hydrate your body, taking breaks is essential for emotional balance. It becomes second nature as you master the protocol, giving you space to reflect and renew.
6. Work-Arounds: Respectful strategies bridge the transactional and interactional worlds. They allow you to navigate differences without judgment, fostering mutual respect.
7. Apologize and Forgive: Forgiveness starts with yourself. Let go of guilt and frustration to free your heart for connection. Once you forgive yourself, apologizing to others becomes natural, paving the way for deeper relationships.

Lessons Learned

Richard’s journey taught me that Empathy Triad Engaged is more than a concept—it’s a call to action. It’s a reminder that growth is not only possible but necessary. Even as a NeuroTypical woman and an expert in NeuroDivergent relationships, I am humbled by the lessons I’ve learned from a NeuroDiverse man willing to grow.

This experience has deepened my commitment to helping others, and I hope it inspires you to reflect on your own journey. Are you Empathy Triad Engaged? What steps can you take to become a Radiant Empathy Angel?

Remember, empathy is more than words—it’s a journey, a dynamic state of being. Let’s walk this path together and make the world a more compassionate place.

Until next time, take care, and keep growing.