What does mimicking mean? There are lots of ways to think about this. People with ASD will copy behavior and words we use because they do not learn empathically. Instead, they hope to connect by observation. With age, they might do it more often.
I’ve written quite a bit about the science behind “Asperger” behavior or why our loved ones on the spectrum react the way they do. Next week, I’ll be talking about this subject, and I’ll also be giving my second, and final video conference on the topic of “Why does my “Aspie” mimic me and others?”
Social interaction requires grace and skill. For NTs, this is something we acquire over time as a result of multiple social exchanges. We make connections. We compare ourselves to others. For our ASD loved ones, this process is very different. Mimicking is good enough because they have no idea there is anything behind our social behaviors. Their patterns of communication are different.
The world is full of patterns, and people on the spectrum also have patterns of communication. Once we understand these patterns, we can understand our “Aspie” better, so our relationships can improve. Once you know their patterns, you have a better chance of connecting in their world.
It took me forever to break the code because I was trying to understand them from an NT (neurotypical or non-autism spectrum) perspective. Once I let go of that notion, I could more easily see the patterns they use to make sense of the world.
Many of our loved ones on the spectrum chose us because we are very socially adept, or we are kind and compassionate, or another quality that makes it easier for them to mimic us, or come to rely on us to carry the social situation.
During my video conference, next week, I’ll be talking more about what this looks like and how to take back your right to your own self-expression. It is hard to understand that we are enough, and our feelings are valid. The very act of making choices, we prove how amazing we are. The freedom to choose is immensely important to our self-esteem. My blog, “Why Self-Compassion Is Better than Self-Confidence,” might be a useful read for you.
If you want to know more about these patterns and how to take back your life, I encourage you to join our MeetUp community, “Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.” It’s a space for partners, family, and friends of people on the spectrum from around the world. This is a community that understands and can empathize with your daily struggles. You will also have access to weekly video conferences to help you navigate through your highs and lows and reclaim your life. I hope to see you there.