15 Reasons Why Self-Compassion Is Better than Self-Confidence

“Fake it ‘til you make it.” Have you been given that bit of advice, when you weren’t feeling so confident? While it may have some short-term merit, if you want long-term benefits, you’ll do better with cultivating self compassion.When you’re self-confident, you may start believing your own hubris, until it turns into overconfidence, which can lead to terrible life choices and decisions. Self-compassion, on the other hand, doesn’t have a downside. The more you develop it, the happier you’ll be. Here are 15 reasons why self-compassion is better:

1. Self-compassion encourages you to acknowledge your flaws and limitations.
2. Self-compassion allows you to see yourself more objectively.
3. Self-compassion keeps it real; you don’t have to fake it or pretend.
4. Self-compassion makes feedback easier to take, because you know you’re not perfect, and you don’t have to be.
5. Self-compassion makes you more accepting of yourself and others – you don’t need to play the blame game any more.
6. Self-compassion makes self-forgiveness possible, so you can quit ruminating about negative things.
7. Self-compassion makes you more open to learning and improving, because you know you don’t know everything.
8. Self-compassion allows you to hear the critic in your head and treat it as a friend who is trying to keep you safe.
9. Self-compassion makes it easier to empathize with others.
10. Self-compassion makes you less critical, because you focus on the positive.
11. Self-compassion makes you more caring and supportive.
12. Self-compassion allows you to treat yourself with the same kindness you show a loved one.
13. Self-compassion allows you to be patient with yourself, as you strive to do better.
14. Self-compassion makes you more resilient.
15. Self-compassion helps you be more tolerant of yourself and others.

Of all these benefits, I think fine-tuning your empathy is the most remarkable benefit of all. The average person has abundant empathy, and they’re EmD-4 on my EmD scale. (Learn more about this scale in my new book, “WHEN EMPATHY FAILS”) Because of their heightened sensitivity to others, Em-D-4s respond with care, tenderness, and nurturing—sometimes too much. Setting and keeping boundaries is not easy for many them. They react as if another person’s suffering is something they should personally take on and fix.

Those who develop Radiant Empathy (EmD-5 – the highest level of empathy) become more resilient. They don’t make codependent-style mistakes, because they’re good at reading others’ intentions and feelings while, at the same time, holding constant an awareness of themselves as separate from others. EmD-5s can detach from the games others play yet keep constant in their love—for themselves—and others. What a wonderful byproduct of self-compassion.