Why are relationships difficult for Aspies? Reciprocity is a vital part to any healthy relationship, but is usually lacking in an Asperger marriage. What I mean by reciprocity is connecting to the interior life of your loved one and sharing their interior life. An Aspie/Neuro-typical (NT or without Asperger Syndrome) couple are often described as like two insulated wires wrapped around each other . . . touching but not connecting. Because of the lack of reciprocity, divorce is common.
The aftermath of divorcing an Aspie can be devastating. In order to cope with this aftermath, you must learn to be brave, strong, and resolute. One of the best ways to do this is alongside others who have done the same. A support group provides a regular structure to help you navigate through the shock, guilt, and sadness that you may experience after you divorce your Aspie spouse. This type of support group is the only place where you can surely find a level of compassion, understanding, and support that you will so desperately need.
On April 21, 2012 1:00 PM in Portland, Oregon the Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of ASD Adults will be meeting to discuss, “Divorce and Asperger Syndrome: A Dangerous Topic.” This Meetup will no doubt be a difficult topic to discuss, but it will be highly therapeutic. I encourage as many as possible to attend. If you cannot, feel free to log onto our Meetup page and join our online community.
For more information on Asperger Syndrome and relationships, my book Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge is available for purchase or click here to download a free sample chapter.
![Going Over The Edge](https://kmarshack.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Going-Over-The-Edge-450-min.jpg")
I am divorced from my aspire spouse after almost 40 years He has moved on and is getting remarried. I am still struggling with results emotionally of those years, guilt for not being able to change things, dismissal from family who said he was a great guy and I must be ‘the problem’. I cannot find a group for women divorced from aspie partners. I am now in Arlington, Va. I should mention, I was a speech pathologist in the schools who was well respected for my work with my aspie students- but I could not make my marriage work. I e struggled with the sadness , the inability to explain to others the difference between the public and private person, and the boomerang feelings that come with finding a thought response, Hopi g that it indicated some normalcy in our connection. And then it’s gone into the wind.
HI Nancy. You are not alone. There are many on this site, reading this blog who definitely understand. Please join our Meetup group to learn more and get support. Click any of the Meetup links on this website and you will be taken to the Meetup group. In fact, I have just finished writing a new book, that should be released in a few months, in which I discuss the lifelong traumas of being married to someone on the Autism Spectrum.
I dated someone for four years who does not carry the diagnosis, but does have the diagnosis of ADHD. But there’s no question in my mind that she had Asperger’s. I have to echo with Nancy says here. I watch my ex be so affable and fun and funny and a great person to be around. The awful behavior that I experienced is invisible to everybody else. So it’s crazy making.
I say invisible, but not really for people at work. She was fired from two different jobs and of course blames everyone else. She almost lost her current job last year. So it was visible to people at work. But everybody else in the community just thinks she’s a great person and I must be the problem. And that just hurts so much.