Category: Blog Posts

What exactly is empathy? Perhaps you’ve heard it described as being able to stand in someone else’s shoes and see things from his or her point of view, which is a lot easier said than done in our overly-demanding world.

Science is proving that empathy is the result of some very complex and intricate connections in the brain. The National Institutes of Health probed the neuroscience of empathy and its capacity to help us evaluate other’s actions and feelings earlier this year. They discuss how “empathy is not only the capacity to share and understand others’ feeling and emotions, but it is becoming evident that it is a multilayered phenomenon in which emotions and cognitive processes are simultaneously at work.” They’re attempting to understand the core elements and basic neural connections and cognitive processes involved.

I’ve discussed these empathy connections in a previous blog about understanding the science behind Asperger’s behavior because those with Asperger’s struggle with empathy. Perhaps you haven’t thought about how this also applies to the way a psychologist can help couples in resolving their conflicts.

Maybe you’ve even put off seeking help from a marriage counselor because you wonder: How can you help us when you’ve never been in this particular situation before? How can you possibly understand how I feel?

The answer is empathy. In addition to the multitude of connections I’ve mentioned before, our brain is also designed with mirror neurons that help us empathize through perspective taking and mentally putting oneself in others’ shoes. My job as a psychologist is to create a safe place for couples to process your issues and engage your innate power of empathy to resolve conflicts.

I don’t have a manual that scripts the solution for each situation, which is a good thing because every person is different. So how can we KNOW what’s the right thing to do in any given case? Drawing on my education and experience, plus paying close attention to this other level of inspiration that comes from the wonderful way we’re designed, helps me intuitively know what to say and do. Sometimes the solutions is to say the right words or point out the thing that’s most needed, and other times it’s simply a kind look or just sharing a safe place that allows you to open up to mending the rift in your relationship.

Often, couples need an objective third party to help them integrate the best solutions for protecting their relationship. Over-thinking a situation and excessive worry can sometimes tax your ability to effectively engage your own gift of showing empathy. Henry Ford said, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”

Why suffer in silence a moment longer? I work with all kinds of couples including couples who run a business together, dual-career couples, couples where one is on the autism spectrum, and couples that find money worries, depression or stress are simply overtaxing the relationship. If you live in the Portland, OR/ Vancouver, WA area, please contact my office and schedule an appointment today.

Read more on my website: Entrepreneurial Life.

No doubt you were as thrilled as I was to hear the recent news reports about a new treatment for autism…sulforaphane, which is found in cruciferous veggies, such as broccoli, cabbage, kale and Brussels sprouts. It’s especially abundant in broccoli sprouts. (Watch the CBS News report here. Read the clinical report here.)

The compound, sulforaphane, has been found to be efficacious for protecting cells from the oxidative stress that sets off cancer. It also bolsters the body’s natural defenses and it stimulates the body’s heat-shock response (the way the body protects itself from stress caused by the high temperature from having a fever).

Perhaps you, like other parents, have noted that your children’s autistic behavior improves while they have a fever. In 2007, Dr. Andrew Zimmerman and his team tested this anecdotal trend clinically and found it to be true. This discovery led to the research group studying sulforaphane’s effect on ASD, with very promising results.

Scientists at MassGeneral Hospital for Children and the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine studied the reaction of 40 males (ages 13 to 27, with moderate to severe autism) to a daily dose of sulforaphane compared to those who received a placebo.

During the four weeks of testing, those who received the compound “experienced substantial improvements in their social interaction and verbal communication, along with decreases in repetitive, ritualistic behaviors, compared to those who received a placebo.” Dr Singh noted that, “It appears this supplement corrects underlying cellular problems.” However, once the dosage stopped, all subjects returned to pretreatment levels. This is exciting news!

But before you rush out and start supplementing your child’s diet…here’s a word of caution: Just because this compound is a product of a natural source, the high dosage needed to get results should be given under the supervision of a physician who can do blood work to monitor its effects. The study showed an elevated liver enzyme count, which could possibly be a precursor to liver inflammation. Always talk with your pediatrician before using supplements such as broccoli extract.

Is getting your children to eat more veggies a good idea? Most definitely, yes. It gives the cells the resources they need to heal and provides valuable fiber for proper elimination. Many have also found relief by eliminating foods that contribute to inflammation and toxicity or that trigger immune response such as artificial ingredients, gluten, sugar, and casein. Others have noted improvements by adding digestive enzymes, probiotics, and more fermented foods such as non-dairy yogurt or kefir that heal the damage to the gut.

Learn more on my website: Holistic Health for optimal health practices.

I was recently interviewed about entrepreneurial couples by Owen Clegg of BBC World Service–Newsday programme, the world’s largest international broadcast radio network. I shared how common it is for couples to work together and how they can bring fresh ideas into their work environment. Within the hour I received another call from the BBC, they wanted another interview on the same subject so I spoke with Nuala McGovern.

Why all the interest in entrepreneurial couples?

An entrepreneurial couple is in the news this month. A Norwegian couple, May-Britt and Edvard Moser just won the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine along with their former supervisor, neuroscientist John O’Keefe at University College London. The Moser’s really are a remarkable couple. They have been working together for 30 years, 28 of which they’ve been married, researching how the brain handles navigation. Scientific American recently carried an article about their exciting discoveries.

The Mosers are an excellent example of a couple who harmoniously live, love and work together. They’re raising a family, sharing their scientific passion and love for the outdoors, especially volcanoes. But they don’t do everything together, for example May-Britt runs every other day, while Edvard hikes at weekends.

They’ve found a good balance at work. Edvard focuses on the computing and theory, while May-Britt manages the lab, staff and the experiments. “We have different strengths and we know that by combining them, the results become so much better,” says Edvard.

If you’d like to listen to the interview with Owen Clegg you can access it here. My interview with Nuala McGovern about the stresses and the opportunities that are open to entrepreneurial couples is available here.

Entrepreneurial couples have been part of our society for centuries. There are rewards but there are often painful challenges – especially now when life is so busy and complicated. A family business consultant can facilitate the adjustments into a life where couples can work and live together joyfully and productively. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA, please contact my office and schedule an appointment. If you don’t live in the area you may benefit from the personal video education I offer entrepreneurial couples.

Learn more on my website: Couples in Business and Entrepreneurial Life.

Read my book: Entrepreneurial Couples – Making It Work at Work and at Home.

Do you suspect your loved one may be on the autism spectrum, yet they haven’t been diagnosed? ASD is more common than most people think. There are large segments of the population that are undiagnosed, which means they are going without the support and intervention they need. There are three groups of people especially who are often unidentified or incorrectly identified for ASD. Who are they?

Females – More males have been diagnosed because the description of ASD is based on what ASD looks like in males. Hence the tools for identifying ASD are skewed and miss females.

High Functioning Individuals – Bright kids with ASD often are dismissed as not needing services until some resulting emotional and behavioral problem arises. Too often they hear, “Just try harder. You can do it.” Then their behavior is addressed without getting to the cause – ASD.

Those with Catatonia – This disorder affects a person’s speech, movement and behavior, often manifested in stupor. Researchers estimate that between 12 to 18 percent of adolescents and young adults with ASD have catatonia (Wing & Shah, 2000). I’m happy to report that Catatonia is now recognized as a specifier for ASD in the DSM-5.

I want to alert you to a resource that may help you recognize whether or not your loved one is in one of these categories of undiagnosed ASD.

There’s going be a webinar series starting on October 20th. It’s produced by The Ziggurat Group with host psychologists, Ruth Aspy, Ph.D. and Barry G. Grossman, Ph.D. They wrote the award winning The Ziggurat Model, a book about designing interventions for students with Asperger’s Disorder and high-functioning autism, which has been adopted at the district-wide and state-wide levels. These webinars will provide strategies and solutions for better identifying and serving each group mentioned above. Each class costs from $50 to $100. This is a small price to pay for changing someone’s life.

Parenting a child with ASD, especially when you’re parenting with an ASD spouse, is no easy task. My new book, Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD), addresses these issues. Click here for more information.

For more information on Autism Spectrum Disorder, visit Asperger Syndrome – FAQ.

For years I have described the brains of my autistic clients as too “noisy”. I’ve long suspected that this also applies to those with ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. Now it appears that science is proving my point. Health and science writer for the New York Times, Pam Belluck, reported on an exciting new study in her article: “Study Finds That Brains With Autism Fail to Trim Synapses as They Develop”. Scientists have long debated whether autism occurs because there’s too much connectivity in the brain or not enough. Now it seems we are much closer to having the answer…

Research published by a group of researchers from Columbia University Medical Center is showing that it’s a matter of too much. A baby’s brain produces a massive amount of synapses – the electrical and chemical connections that allow the neuron’s spines to send and receive signals. It might help to think of each neuron being covered with spines that are like very sensitive antennae. When there are too many signals, the system gets jammed.

One of the groundbreaking findings in this recent study is that all the children started with approximately the same number of synapses and spines on their neurons. So they’ve discovered that it’s not a question of overproduction of at birth.

The problem arises as the child ages. It’s normal for the brain to start pruning these synapses, so each area of the brain can develop its specific function. Within the group of autistic children, they found that the brain was not pruning the synapses, resulting in “too much noise”.

Ralph-Axel Müller, a neuroscientist at San Diego State University, agrees that there’s growing evidence of over-connectivity. After conducting brain imaging studies, he concluded, “Impairments that we see in autism seem to be partly due to different parts of the brain talking too much to each other. You need to lose connections in order to develop a fine-tuned system of brain networks, because if all parts of the brain talk to all parts of the brain, all you get is noise.”

This goes a long way in explaining why those with autism spectrum disorder experience oversensitivity to noise, problematic social interactions, and even why they are more prone to epilepsy. This is an exciting discovery, because it brings us one step closer to discovering effective treatments. Studies are already being done on possible drug therapy. But they have a long way to go to find an effective one that doesn’t have troubling side effects.

The use of medicines, whole foods, vitamins and supplements can help heal the brain. Combining this type of holistic health regimen and therapy has helped many of my clients to live a fuller and more productive life. If you live in the Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA area, please contact my office and set up an appointment.

Learn more on my website – Mind and Body: Holistic Health and Therapy FAQ.

What a dilemma! Is it abuse when your loved one with Autism Spectrum Disorder says the meanest things to you, your children or others? If they have an empathy disorder, do you excuse this behavior? Is it less abusive because there’s a reason behind the behavior? How much abuse should you tolerate because you’re trying to help?

You know that there are some things that your Aspie partner can’t change. But what about the things he or she could change but just doesn’t want to put the effort into doing so? Are you required to overlook it? What is that doing to your self-esteem… your health?

My opinion is that if it feels like abuse, it is abuse, and it should not be tolerated. But then what do you do about it? How do you confront your Aspie loved one? How do you stand up for yourself when they will never understand? This is a conundrum. And when passive aggressive behavior turns to life threatening actions, you must keep your children and yourself safe, but will you have enough strength to do so?

Patricia Evans quotes an important aphorism in her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship:

“Sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can break my heart.”

I know I’ve raised a lot of questions in this blog post. Now let’s get together and discuss some solutions. Join me Saturday, October 18, 2014 at 1:00pm PST at our next Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup in Vancouver, Washington as we explore the topic, If It Feels Like Abuse…It Is Abuse! We’ll discuss how to manage the abuse, how to stand up for yourself, and how to put the responsibility squarely on the abuser. This is the first step for taking back your life, which is your real mission. Sign up to learn more about this group and find the details for the location.

If you’re unable to attend in person, you can also join our teleconference Meetup on the same topic on Friday, October 24, 2014 at 2:30pm PST. I’m so excited that we have members from every continent around the world, so you’ll be able to connect with callers from Canada, USA, New Zealand, Great Britain, Germany, India, Dubai, South Africa, South America and so on.

One member recently wrote me and said this:

“Really sorry to have missed the last teleconference, I knew it would be illuminating. NOTHING will stop me from attending Friday’s meeting on another great topic! After exploring the subject of NT/AS marriage since 2009, this website has become more valuable than ever.”

Let me just take a moment and thank you for allowing me this summer break. It’s certainly renewed me and I’m anxious to meet with you again. While you wait for this next Meetup, let me ask you…Have you grabbed your copy of Out of Mind – Out of Sight: Parenting with a Partner with Asperger Syndrome (ASD) yet? It continues where “Going Over the Edge?” left off. It’s not just a parenting book but also another look at this life, when children, even grown children are involved.