Category: Blog Posts

During the holidays, we’re distracted by the flurry of activities. The stores are inviting with their decorations and music. There are parties, concerts, plays, ball games, TV holiday specials on television, or the latest holiday movie release keeps us entertained. There’s also an understanding that you have a reprieve from work until January.We’re swept along by a river of denial about what life is really like. We come to believe that the holiday spirit is healing and rejuvenating and that all of our problems will melt away. At the very least, we put our problems on hold because we’re just too busy to attend to them.

Then suddenly it’s January. And we’re flooded with anxious feelings and frozen with fear. We’re no better off. The same painful family problems exist. Love interests didn’t magically materialize. The holiday vacation leaves you feeling frazzled and in debt. Work still gets you down.

This is what I call the Post-Holiday Let-Down. And it’s one of the most difficult times of the year for most people, whether or not you actually have something to brood about. In January, you no longer have distractions to keep you from the reality of your life, love or work situation. Just two to three months of dark, cold, dreary days, with no significant holidays to break up the tedium.

Just as with eating well and getting exercise, in order to maintain your psychological health, a regular routine needs to be established. It’s not wrong to enjoy the holiday diversions. But recognize that they aren’t solutions. Be honest with yourself and do the hard work of revamping the lifestyle or personality that lead to your life/love/career dilemmas. Do something each day to resolve these problems and to build a new plan of action for the days after the holidays.

Some likely activities include reading and attending seminars on topics specific to your situation, meditation, increased levels of whole-person exercise such as yoga and tai chi, and joining a support group. In this way you’ll perhaps avoid or at least learn to cope with the Post-Holiday Let-Down.

If your depression is deeper and lasts longer than a Post-Holiday Let-Down, then please consider getting professional help right away. If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment. It’s time you start enjoying life again.

January is a great month to commit to New Year’s Resolutions. It’s a time to reflect on what’s happening and look for opportunities to improve the quality of your life.Over the last year in our video conferences, we’ve been talking talk about the stress of life with an adult with Asperger Syndrome (or ASD). It’s been a relief for many to talk about this because we all need that acknowledgment that we are not alone. However, if all we do is focus on what’s wrong, we can sink into a depression that’s so severe we cut ourselves off from hope. We can become so negative in our thinking that we feel like victims and act like it too.

Learning to thrive in the face of such hardship is the ticket. Truly resilient people have a number of traits that we can learn. For example, they accept what is and stop wishing for the impossible. They also believe that no matter how hard it gets, there’s a way to survive and thrive…even if they don’t know how to do it yet. They turn to good friends for support and love. And if all else fails they turn to their religious and spiritual foundations (or should this be first?).

The January Video Conference will discuss this topic: Thriver or Victim? You can choose from either of these two convenient time slots, Thursday, January 7, 2016 at 8:30 AM or Thursday, January 28, 2016 at 4:00 PM. These sessions will NOT be recorded, so make sure you honor your commitment to attend. The price is still $15.00 and there are a few spots open.

We’ll share inspiration on how to thrive in the face of adversity, especially when so few people really know what we go through. Let’s also help each other out of the stuck, depressed spot. We’ve all been there more than once. Helping others is one trait of resilience too.

Are you passionate about the life you live? When you think of people who follow their passion who comes to your mind? Perhaps a great humanitarian like Mother Theresa, Jimmy Carter or Mahatma Ghandi? Or maybe you think of those who sacrifice for their art?A recent Op-Ed article in The New York Times discusses Lady Gaga and how, when she remembered her childhood dreams said, “I suppose that I didn’t know what I would become, but I always wanted to be extremely brave and I wanted to be a constant reminder to the universe of what passion looks like. What it sounds like. What it feels like.”

Passion causes you to search out that which makes you feel complete. In the process, people may leave their former lives, homes, jobs, spouses, and families behind in their search for their true self. But is that necessary or even advantageous in order to lead a passionate life?

The article mentions a few underlying feelings that cause people to begin a search for their passion:

Trying to heal emotional and mental wounds
Needing to create something unique
Wanting to make a mark on the world
Fantasizing about the “perfect” life
Having an unquenchable thirst for new and novel experiences
Focusing on their inner nature and not feeling fulfilled
Feeling extreme loneliness

So when it comes to pursuing your passion your motives matter. When the focus is solely on self it doesn’t lead a person to feeling fulfilled and satisfied. To be happy, in addition to being passionate, you need to learn how to communicate your needs and wants while helping and giving to others. Achieving that balance is what makes our lives complete. “No man is an island” – we need to give love and be loved to feel whole.

You may love to sing but will never be a professional singer. You may love to help people but you’ll never be recognized as a humanitarian. You can still pursue your passion. Whatever your profession or role in life – you can become passionate about your life if you focus on learning how to do it to the very best of your ability, in your unique style. This will bring you the validation, praise, respect, honor and love you desire.

So instead of changing your external circumstances you may need to leave behind beliefs, feeling and thoughts that no long serve you. If you want to add more passion to your life or career and need help examining your motives and your options please contact my office and schedule an appointment.

It wasn’t that long ago that people who suffered from Autism were labeled stupid and treated like they couldn’t make any contribution to society. Thankfully, that veil is lifting as people become better educated about what Autism really is and how much people on the Spectrum have to offer.

For example the following people have reported that they have Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome (a high-functioning form of autism). Just look at the wonderful things they’ve accomplished!

• Danny Beath, award-winning British landscape and wildlife photographer
• Susan Boyle, British singer and Britain’s Got Talent finalist
• Daryl Hannah, actress
• Temple Grandin, food animal handling systems designer and author
• Tim Page, Pulitzer Prize-winning critic and author
• And now we can add one more…Julia on Sesame Street!

She’s an orange-haired, green-eyed girl, and she appeared for the first time in an online book entitled, “We’re Amazing, 1, 2, 3!” It was written by Leslie Zimmerman, whose son was diagnosed with autism 20 years ago. She writes, “I knew nothing about autism…it seemed that those around me—even the professionals—didn’t know much either.”

Julia is part of Sesame Street’s new autism-awareness initiative called, Sesame Street and Autism: See All in Amazing Children, which was launched Wednesday, October 21, 2015. Sesame Street is encouraging friends and families to keep the conversation going with the social media hashtag #SeeAmazing. “This project is an extension of the belief we’ve always promoted: ‘we are all different, but all the same’”, said Sherrie Westin, executive president of global impact and philanthropy at Sesame Workshop.

When was the last time you examined your attitudes about money? Do you have a plan for its wise money management? Money can be a very powerful influencer on family dynamics. Some think, “We’ll be happy when we make a 6-figure income.” Yet, when they reach that goal, it’s not enough. Even with so much in their bank account, they don’t feel wealthy. Some even feel that their money becomes a trap, because it’s causing strain in their relationships and dysfunction in the family. They just aren’t prepared to handle money and its consequences.

Like everything else in an entrepreneurial relationship, money needs to be discussed and planned for. Becoming aware of your own biases and skewed perceptions about money will help you break through unnecessary roadblocks to handling wealth. Developing a solid plan for the management of your wealth requires a thoughtful dialogue with your partner, or your dreams may be foiled. You have to determine what money means to you. Perhaps you see yourself in the following examples…

Jonathan and Brooke had a prenuptial agreement to protect the assets that Jonathan had acquired before the marriage. Years later, after Brooke had assisted Jonathan in revitalizing the business and expanding it into the international arena, the prenuptial agreement had been forgotten. At least, Brooke thought it had been forgotten—until Jonathan said he wanted to revise it. Brooke was crushed that her husband didn’t trust her and was unwilling to give her credit for her contribution to their success. He maintained that their success was due to his financial investment even though he acknowledged Brookes contributions in other areas.

Connie and Ray have known each other since their teens. Never having even finished high school, the young couple got married and launched a successful wholesale health food business. However, in their early thirties, with three children and a multimillion-dollar business that employs several family members, Connie and Ray have a serious problem with drug addiction. They had never had a model for handling wealth, and they foolishly indulged in drug use and now find that their lives are out of control.

Amy and Evan met in college, got married after graduation, and settled in the suburbs. With two school-aged children, Amy returned to full-time teaching. Evan became a successful freelance technical writer. This couple is earning more income than their parents did at the same age. Lacking any models for handling wealth, Amy is constantly worrying that there will not be enough money. She questions Evan about every penny he spends, especially when he spends money to promote his business. Having never been self-employed herself, and having never seen her parents with any money, Amy is unclear about what level of business expenditure is appropriate.

All three of these couples need to bust some of the myths that they have about money. They need to reexamine what money means to them and what they want it to mean. Money arguments cause many couples to seek psychotherapy because they want to make their marriage work. If you need help uncovering your deep-seated beliefs about money and how these are concealing deeper, hidden issues between family members, please contact my office and schedule an appointment. Remote education is also available for entrepreneurial couples who don’t live near my office.

Read more on my website: Marriage Counseling and in my book Entrepreneurial Couples – Making it Work at Work and at Home.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to the shorter, darker days of late fall and winter. It saps your energy and making you feel moody. Treatment for SAD may include: