Author: Kathy Marshack

Anxiety is a very normal part of life and can actually be a good thing. Anxiety is also known as the “fight or flight” response. If you are in a dangerous or a stressful situation, your adrenaline kicks in and helps you to cope with the situation. This type of anxiety can be a real protection. Unfortunately, anxiety has become a danger to human society. Millions of Americans suffer from severe anxiety disorders. Instead of feeling a normal, healthy dose anxiety for a brief period of time, anxiety becomes controlling, debilitating, and inescapable.

Which type of anxiety are you dealing with – healthy or harmful?

 

Ask yourself:

 

• Have I experienced excessive anxiety and worry about daily activities, such as work or school performance?
• Does my anxiety or worry interfere with my normal routine, job performance, social activities, or relationships?
• Are my worries accompanied with physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, hot flashes, lightheadedness, breathlessness, nausea, and frequent trips to the bathroom?

 

If you find yourself answering “yes” to the questions in the above paragraph, you may be dealing with Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD. It’s chronic and filled with exaggerated worry and tension, even though there is little or nothing to provoke it. Having this disorder means always anticipating disaster, often worrying excessively about health, money, family, or work. Even though the source of the worry is hard to pinpoint. Simply the thought of getting through the day can provoke anxiety.

Do not get discouraged if you are suffering from an anxiety disorder such as GAD. There are many treatment options available such as medication and a variety of psychotherapy options, but be sure to seek help immediately. Visit Coping with Anxiety Disorders for more in-depth information. 

 

Am
I really that different? Am I really that hard to understand or identify with?
Am I really unlovable? When you are married or in a relationship with someone
with Asperger Syndrome, you have probably asked yourself that question before.
For some reason we have a hard time shaking the belief that we are different,
difficult to understand, or even not very likeable.

Obviously there are reasons for this . . . such as the fact that living with
someone who has a deficit in the area of empathy and reciprocity can contribute
to misconceptions about ourselves. We may lose sight of our own reality and
collapse into agonizing despair and sadly we begin to believe that those
misconceptions are true.

This type of mental and emotional confusion needs powerful therapy to break
through the faulty reasoning that is a result of using NT (neurotypical) logic
to make sense of the Asperger world. Often times therapy is directed towards the Asperger spouse, but in order for the
relationship to heal and progress, therapy is necessary for both partners. If
you live in the Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA area, please contact my office for more
information regarding effective therapy options.

You are also invited to join our upcoming Asperger
Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD support group. We will
be discussing the theme: Are we really that different? on November 13,
2010.

My book Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome:
Going over the Edge? is also available for purchase. 

In a recent blog, I wrote about the value of learning the early signs of Autism Spectrum Disorders. The benefit of early recognition is that specific training can begin immediately. One type of training is to instill positive reinforcement when working with your child. When you reinforce their good behavior, it will help them to understand what is the right way to act.

This actually works whether or not your child has ASD. However, as parents it’s so easy to fall into only commenting on bad behavior. In order to give positive reinforcement, you have to be looking for the good behavior and good qualities that they are exhibiting and be quick to commend them. When giving commendation, be specific. Explain what they did that you liked and why you liked it. Did they do a good job making eye contact? Did they use the right language? Even a little thing can be a good thing to reinforce.

Another way to do this is to offer rewards when they have done something positive. Make sure that the reward fits the child otherwise it will not mean anything to them. The reward can be verbal or something tangible. The goal is to help them to make the connection that their good behavior equals positive reinforcement.

Each child is different, so different things work for different children. So be patient and focus on the positive. For more information on positive reinforcement, read Being Proactive in Therapy and Research.

If you are parenting with a spouse with Asperger Syndrome, download a free sample chapter from my newest project Parenting with a Spouse or Partner with Asperger Syndrome: Out of Sight, Out of Mind.

 

 

Being the owner-manager of a family firm requires juggling many roles not just with family members but with employees as well. The way marital and family obligations are handled affects management style with employees and vice versa.

 

For example, in family firms where spouses work together, management style must be assessed in three arenas: 1) marital, 2) parenting, and 3) business management. Furthermore, the integration of these three styles must be assessed.

What is your marital style? Are you both leaders? Is one the leader and the other the support person? Does the style change depending on context? Are you a team? Or are you both separate and dedicated to your own spheres? Does your marital style differ greatly from your parenting style or your management style? Whatever your marital style – know it. Don’t assume that it is irrelevant in your family firm. If it is incompatible with the business, then you will have many problems. Employees sense the discrepancies. They know when there has been a marital fight.

What kind of a parent are you? If a couple has children, whether they work in the business or not, be aware of parenting style too. Parenting style is affected by business-management style and vice versa. Those lessons are translated to the work place. Are you an authoritarian parent? Are you permissive? Are you authoritative? Parenting style is obviously related to marital style. If two marital partners do not think alike about parenting, there will be a disorganized, and possibly, very depressed family. Equally so, it is important that parent/owners determine if they are treating employees the way they treat their children.

What about your management style? Management styles can be categorized as one of the four styles: 1) telling, 2) selling, 3) participative, 4) delegating. Which are you? Are you apt to tell employees what to do? Or do you build a good case for what they should do? Or do you include employees or other managers in the process of developing new business? Finally, are you inclined to run the show yourself but delegate tasks to team members?

After honestly assessing these three arenas, keep these four important points in mind:

1. Accept who you are. Whatever your style, it is probably the most comfortable way for you to be. This doesn’t mean there is no room for improvement. But it’s best to start with who you are and then to build marital, parental, and management styles around your personality.

2. Accept your spouse’s style, too. She or he has developed a certain personality that is unlikely to change. Rather, you two are looking for ways for both of you to realize your full potential.

3. When considering a parenting style, not only do your consider your partner’s style, but you must also include the personalities and needs of your children. Most parents are astounded at how wildly different each one of their children are.

4. Remember that your management style at work is more related to your marital and parenting styles than you realize. It is in the family that we first learn to relate to others. How you treat employees and how you want them to treat you is dependent upon your understanding and utilization of these early lessons.

Understanding your unique management style in the workplace and how you have integrated past and present family lessons into a family business will help you to be flexible and to adapt to whatever may come. I work with family businesses in the Portland/Vancouver area to help them balance family issues with business issues – click here for more about my work with Entrepreneurial Couples.

My book Entrepreneurial Couples – Making it Work at Work and at Home is also available for purchase.

A therapy or counseling session may be necessary for a variety of reasons. Regardless of what those reasons may be, the ultimate goal is to understand yourself better so that you can deal with your situation(s) in a healthy way. You might think that all the responsibility falls on the therapist or counselor, but really for therapy to be most effective is largely up to you as a client. 

 

Are you willing to put the work in to make the most out of your therapy sessions?

Here are a few tips to make your therapy session count:

1. Find a therapist you trust. To find a therapist you can trust, first consult with a close friend or relative. You may also want to ask advice of your minister, priest or rabbi. A respected professional such as your family doctor could refer you to a mental health professional. If you cannot trust you therapist, you won’t get very far in personal progress.

2. Come to each session prepared. Think in advance about the issues or concerns that you would like to discuss. Some have found it helpful to write these things down. If your therapist has given you “homework”, do it! Remember that this is your therapy and to make it count, you have to put in the work. Even though you may come prepared, it is still important to let the therapist guide you through the session.

3. Speak openly and honestly. Withholding information or your real emotions is of no value to you or to your therapist. How can you work through your issues if you are not willing to share them? A therapist is someone you can confide in. They value confidentiality and are not there to judge you or your emotions. Like any good relationship, it takes time to develop. The same goes with your relationship with your therapist.

4. Be regular. Stick with the schedule your therapist recommends for you. If you are sporadic with your sessions, it will be difficult to make progress in an effective manner.

Visit Therapy Frequently Asked Questions for more information. You can also visit Psychotherapy Options to learn more about the treatment options that I utilize.

According to the CDC,
1 in 110 children in the United States are being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum
Disorder or ASD. With the numbers rising, it is of high importance that parents
be proactive and learn the early signs of ASD. Early diagnosis is vital! This
knowledge will make an enormous difference in the life of the child and the
parent. Once the diagnosis is made, then training can begin.

The Centers for Disease
Controls and Prevention is taking note of the delayed diagnosis of ASD and is
now working to educate parents on the early signs of ASD. They have a wide
variety of tools available on their website. For example, one tool enables
parents to keep track of milestones in the early development of their child and
what they should be looking for. They also discuss what to do if you are
concerned, how to talk to your doctor, where do go for an evaluation, free
resource kits and much more.

I encourage you to take advantage of the many resources that are available.
Don’t delay! This could greatly impact your future and the future of your
child. To learn more about parenting with a spouse with ASD click
here.