Please Stop the Madness: How I Took Back My Life—with a Little Help from Mother Mary

For much of my life, I begged for the madness to stop.

I begged my autistic mother to stop screaming at me.
I begged my autistic husband to stop fighting our divorce and just let me go.
I begged the legal system to stop believing his lies.
I begged my daughter, mid-meltdown, to stop the threats and accusations.
I even begged God.

I just wanted peace.

And yet—there I was, sitting in a jail cell.

Cold. Alone. In pain. And utterly abandoned.

It was my first false arrest. I was 54 years old.

My ex-husband, an attorney, had told the police I was a narcissist and unfit to be a mother. He asked the judge to hold me until the evening on a Friday, which meant I couldn’t be released until Monday. Our daughters—then just 14 and 11—were left home alone. Howard didn’t check on them. He didn’t take them in.

The Clark County jail was as cruel and chaotic as you’d imagine. Every surface was metal or stone. The common room TV blared 24/7. People screamed from their bunks—detoxing, hallucinating, reliving nightmares. I had a splitting migraine. The guards kept moving us from one cell to another, and because I was the “newbie,” I ended up on the top bunk. No books. No comfort. No quiet.

Just a comb, a cup, and a pencil. That’s all I had.

And then I saw it—a scrap of paper sticking out from a shelf.

It was a Catholic Charities pamphlet titled “Mary’s Stations of the Cross.”

I’m not Catholic. But like so many women around the world, I have long admired Mother Mary—her strength, her sorrow, her unwavering grace. In that jail cell, I read every word of that pamphlet with my stubby pencil in hand. I underlined. I scribbled in the margins. I clung to her courage.

Because if she could endure the heartbreak of watching her son be brutalized…
If she could hold space for sorrow and love at the same time…
Then maybe I could too.

That moment didn’t end the madness, but it changed something in me.
It was the day I stopped begging for a way out and started reclaiming my life.

The start of my first book

I began working on my first book soon after:
Going Over the Edge? Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome (ASD).

Since then, I’ve written more books, hosted podcasts, created online courses, and launched international support groups. I’ve developed the concept of Radiant Empathy and dedicated my life to supporting those of us living in NeuroDivergent Relationships—especially the NeuroTypicals who are so often misunderstood, misrepresented, or simply left out of the conversation.

Because I know what it’s like to feel alone in the madness.

And I also know that we don’t have to stay there.

Ruth’s Message

One of the most touching messages I received came from Ruth, a woman with autism who read one of my blogs on empathy:

“I’m going to cry. I’m waiting to be diagnosed. But in the meantime, reading this and how generous and sensitive you are toward understanding the women in your life who have autism… I am so touched and moved. I believe in the ability of humanity to bridge the gap that seems impossible in my life.”

To Ruth, I wrote back:
“I am dedicated to bridging that gap. I feel fortunate to have had women in my life with autism. In spite of my resistance, my love for them forced me to take another look—to reach into my own heart, to find the courage to abandon my fears, and love who they really are. By the way… they are marvelous.”

Another woman, a NeuroTypical wife, responded to my After Party discussion on emotional disconnection in ASD marriages. She said:

“Ever since my husband realized he was autistic—and especially since he’s been in ASD therapy—he’s even more dug into his autistic behaviors. Now he wants an agenda for every phone call. I’m not your secretary. I’m your wife!”

I told her:

“The better we understand ‘Aspie Planet,’ the more we can take back our own lives. Being authentic works best for both NTs and NDs—because then the anxiety drops, and we can begin to bridge the gap.”

These are not just responses. They’re principles I live by.

Because reclaiming your life isn’t about fighting harder or running farther.

It’s about showing up as your full, authentic self—even when that self is exhausted, terrified, or grieving.

Walk Your Path

I still live with the consequences of those years. I still get triggered. I still miss my daughters. But I’m living from my Blueprint now. I’m walking the path I was always meant to walk.

And part of that path… is you.

Yes—you reading this right now.

My life’s mission is to bring hope to those who feel trapped in the madness. To those begging for peace, connection, or simply a moment of quiet strength.

You may be there now. But I want you to know this:

You can take back your life. You are not broken. And you are not alone.

Join the Discussion

If this story resonates with you, I invite you to join me for a live After Party discussion, where we gather to reflect and grow in a supportive, confidential space.

👉 Visit drkathylearningcenter.thinkific.com to join.

Together, we’ll explore questions like:

• Have you ever had a “Mother Mary moment”? A quiet turning point in the middle of the storm?
• What would it look like to stop begging for peace… and start living from your Blueprint?

I’ll be there. And so will others who know the struggle—and the strength—of walking this road.

We may not be in Paradise.

But on Earth, there is still healing.

There is still grace.

And yes—there is still hope.