The Pause: A Misunderstood Moment in NeuroDivergent Conversations

We’ve all had moments in conversation when silence falls, and we’re not sure what it means. For those of us in NeuroDivergent relationships, this silence has a name: The Pause.

At first glance, The Pause can feel like avoidance, shutdown, or even passive aggression. But it’s not. In my decades of work with NeuroDiverse couples—and in my own life—I’ve learned that The Pause is a deeply transactional moment for the NeuroDiverse person. It’s when they stop to regulate emotions, gather data, and return to their internal track of logic.

The challenge? NeuroTypicals are Empathy Triad Sensitive. We process interactional data—emotions, tone, context, and relationship history—all at once. When we speak, we expect a response that takes that into account. But for many NeuroDiverse individuals, that expectation is bewildering.

They may interpret our emotional communication as babbling, posturing, or even an attempt to control. One woman on the spectrum once told me, “It feels like you’re trying to win something.” That’s transactional thinking at work.

In my own life, I remember telling my then-husband that I was moving forward with a divorce. He paused, closed his eyes, and said, “I thought we were getting along better.” He had misunderstood my silence as peace. I had stopped talking because I was already grieving the end of our emotional connection.

That’s the heartbreak. NeuroTypicals want to be seen—not just heard. And when empathy is reduced to logic, connection can collapse.

But there’s hope. The 7-Step Interface Protocol helps bridge this divide. If NeuroDiverse individuals can use The Pause to reflect inward—not just stay on script—they can begin to understand that empathy is more than words.

The Pause isn’t the end of the conversation. It can be the beginning of a deeper one.