Different Paths to Radiant Empathy: Growing Together in a NeuroDivergent Relationship

Have you ever felt like you’re doing all the work in your relationship? That you’re the one making all the effort while your partner just coasts along? If you’ve ever had that thought, you’re not alone. This is a common frustration in NeuroDivergent relationships—but it’s based on a misunderstanding. The truth is, both partners have work to do—but the work looks different.

Today, we’re going to unpack that. We’ll explore why NeuroDiverse (EmD-0) and NeuroTypical (EmD-5) partners grow toward Radiant Empathy in different ways, and how recognizing this can transform your relationship. I’ll also share a powerful story of a NeuroDiverse man who had a major breakthrough when he stopped trying to become NeuroTypical—and how it freed not only him but also his wife.

The Two Different Paths to Radiant Empathy

The Work of the NeuroDiverse Partner (EmD-0)

Let’s start with the NeuroDiverse partner—someone who is EmD-0, which means they struggle to integrate all three parts of the Empathy Triad in real-time. Many of my clients in this category are incredibly intelligent, kind, and even intuitive—but they often misread social cues or take longer to process emotions.

One client of mine—a highly successful autistic man—came to me because he believed the ideal was to be NeuroTypical. He saw himself as behind in understanding emotions and thought his best hope was to somehow “catch up.” But the truth is, he was looking at it the wrong way.

When I helped him see that the goal wasn’t to become NeuroTypical, but to be Empathy Engaged in his own way, something clicked for him. He realized that he could develop deeper empathy, but it would take time, structured reflection, and intentional work. Once he accepted this, everything changed. Instead of seeing himself as ‘deficient,’ he saw a clear, achievable path forward.

But what really surprised him was when I told him that NeuroTypicals can also have Empathy Dysfunction—not because they lack emotional insight, but because many don’t have the curiosity or courage to step it up to Radiant Empathy.

This shook him. He had always assumed that NeuroTypicals had easier access to empathy and therefore had an advantage. But once he saw that many NeuroTypicals get stuck in their own fear, assumptions, and avoidance, it changed his entire perspective. He realized that he wasn’t inferior—he just had a different kind of work to do.

Once he understood that he wasn’t inferior, just growing differently, it shifted how he saw his wife’s struggles too. Instead of assuming she had all the emotional advantages, he realized that she also had work to do—just in a different way. And as he made peace with his own path, something unexpected happened: his wife had a breakthrough too.

The Work of the NeuroTypical Partner (EmD-5)

Now, let’s talk about his wife. She’s NeuroTypical—EmD-5—and for years, she struggled with grief and frustration over their relationship. She loved him, but she felt alone in her emotions. She wished he could express love and connection the way she did. She often felt like she was doing more of the work, and she wanted him to change so she wouldn’t feel so heartbroken.

But when her husband realized he could engage with empathy in his own way, she had a breakthrough too. She stopped waiting for him to become someone he wasn’t. She stopped grieving the loss of a ‘normal’ relationship. The weight of years of frustration lifted. And in that moment, she felt free—free to stop crying, free to accept what was real, and free to develop herself fully. She realized that true love isn’t about getting what you expected—it’s about seeing what’s already there.

As an empathic person, she had always preferred to move forward together—but she realized that sometimes, true growth requires moving forward alone. She needed to trust that whether she and her husband grew together or at different paces, freedom would allow them both to grow in their own way.

The Turning Point: Choosing Radiant Empathy

So what does this mean for you? Whether you’re EmD-0 or EmD-5, the work is the same in one crucial way: You have to stop waiting for your partner to change before you grow.

Plus, the 7-Step Interface Protocol is the way to be Empathy Engaged until you reach Radiant Empathy. Here’s how it works:

1) Resilience – Stay committed to personal growth even when it feels difficult.

2) Accept NeuroDivergence – Recognize that you and your partner process empathy differently.

3) Empathy Triad is Necessary – Cognitive, emotional, and intuitive empathy must work together.

4) Be Brave – Face difficult emotions rather than avoiding them.

5) Take Breaks – Give yourself space to process without shutting down.

6) Use Workarounds – Find creative ways to communicate and connect.

7) Forgive and Apologize – Let go of resentment and repair when needed.

If you keep using these 7 steps, it brings everything together.

The moment my client let go of the belief that he needed to be NeuroTypical, he was free to grow. And the moment his wife stopped grieving what wasn’t, she was free to fully live. This is the essence of Radiant Empathy—not just feeling, but engaging in your own way.

Until next time. Keep growing, keep loving, and keep showing up for yourself and those who need you most.