Leaning Into Transitions: Lessons from NeuroDivergent Relationships

As a new year begins, many of us set resolutions to improve our lives. But if we’re honest, how often do those resolutions stick? I’ve found something else that works better: leaning into life’s transitions, especially the ones that come with NeuroDivergent relationships.

Living with autistic loved ones, including my mother, my former spouse, and my eldest daughter, has taught me that these relationships bring unique challenges—and profound opportunities for growth. Transitions in these relationships can feel like tidal waves, threatening to pull us under. But over time, I’ve learned to embrace the lessons and blessings they offer. Today, I want to share how leaning into these transitions has helped me reboot my life, over and over again.

The First Reboot: Becoming the Matriarch at 25

When I was 25, my mother passed away from lung cancer. My father and I were left adrift—he at 52, and me as a young adult suddenly faced with the weight of family responsibility. To cope, we decided to take a road trip from Portland to Los Angeles to spend Christmas with my aunt and her family.

That trip was more than an escape; it was a journey of healing. Driving through the California Redwoods at dusk, with a light snowfall dusting the towering trees, was magical. My father, who loved to sing Bing Crosby songs, filled the car with music and laughter. We didn’t talk much about Mom on that trip, but we found joy in each other’s company.

That journey marked a turning point. For the first time, my father treated me as an equal. I was no longer a child—I was the matriarch of our family. That reboot taught me the importance of embracing change, even when it feels forced upon us. It’s a lesson that has stayed with me, especially in navigating the tidal waves of NeuroDivergent relationships.

The Reboot of Moving to the Marina

Years later, I faced another profound transition. After a long and painful divorce, I packed up my life in Vancouver, Washington—the home I had shared with my former spouse and where I had raised my daughters—and moved to a marina on the Columbia River.

The move felt both liberating and heartbreaking. My daughters, alienated by their father, were no longer part of my daily life. But I had my dog, Simon, and my two cats, Trinity and Neo, to keep me company. The marina became my sanctuary. I’d paddle my kayak to nearby islands, while Simon waited patiently on the deck for my return. We’d walk along the riverbank, where he’d chase geese and dive into the water with joy.

That period was a time of healing and rediscovery. It was also a moment of leaning into the reality of my NeuroDivergent relationships. The divorce had been brutal, but it forced me to reflect on the dynamics that had shaped my life. Instead of being consumed by pain, I began to use my experiences—and my expertise as a psychologist—to help others navigating similar challenges.

Leaning Into Lessons in NeuroDivergent Relationships

Transitions like these are difficult for anyone, but they’re particularly intense in NeuroDivergent relationships. Miscommunications, emotional disconnects, and differing needs can feel like tidal waves, threatening to overwhelm us. For years, I fought against those waves, trying to “fix” situations or avoid the pain.

But eventually, I realized that fighting wasn’t the answer. Instead, I needed to lean into the lessons God was giving me: patience, resilience, and the ability to see the world through different eyes. I began to embrace the gifts these relationships brought—like learning to love in deeper, more meaningful ways and finding strength I didn’t know I had.

The Dream of the Tidal Wave

I’ll never forget a recurring dream I had years ago. In it, I was swimming in the ocean when a tidal wave appeared, sweeping me ashore. Each time, I found myself in a classroom discussing the experience. At first, I didn’t understand the lesson. But after several repetitions, I learned to rise above the wave, flying to safety instead of being carried away by its force.

That dream mirrors the journey of living in NeuroDivergent relationships. At first, we may feel battered by the challenges, unable to find our footing. But with time and perspective, we can rise above, finding ways to embrace the lessons and blessings hidden within the struggles.

Final Thoughts: A Call to Embrace Your Reboots

Life, especially in NeuroDivergent relationships, is full of transitions. Each one offers an opportunity to reboot and grow. Whether it’s losing a loved one, moving to a new home, or navigating the complexities of relationships, these moments shape us in profound ways.

As we enter this new year, I encourage you to lean into your transitions. Don’t let the tidal waves pull you under. Instead, trust the lessons they bring. Use them to grow stronger, to love more deeply, and to create a life filled with understanding and resilience.

To become a Radiant Empathy Angel is to embrace the challenges and transitions in life, to rise above fear and pain, and to use your empathy and strength to fight for justice and love others fiercely. It’s a calling to live with both compassion and courage, offering your presence and light to a world in need.

You are not alone in this journey, and your reboots—no matter how challenging—are part of the beautiful story of your life.