When Malicious Defamation Meets Parental Alienation

“Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver

In 2004, my life was turned upside down by a campaign of lies—fabricated by former City Prosecutor Josephine Townsend, supported by Citizen Advocate Jim Jacks and others. Their malicious defamation didn’t just damage my professional reputation; it was weaponized by my ex-husband to alienate my daughters from me.

Now, 20 years later, Townsend has been arrested for forgery and fraud. It’s an odd anniversary of sorts—two decades between the defamatory memo that devastated my life and her current reckoning with the truth. The news triggered a whirlwind of emotions—both PTSD and hope. It feels as if justice might finally prevail for all those whose lives she has damaged through her sociopathic conduct.

The parallels between malicious defamation and parental alienation are striking. Both rely on lies to isolate, control, and destroy relationships. Both silence the victim, leaving them powerless to defend themselves. And in both cases, the true victims—whether it’s the target of defamation or the alienated children—suffer profound emotional harm.

A Prophetic Nightmare

Years ago, the night Howard and I decided to marry, I had a nightmare that haunts me to this day. In the dream, Howard was smothering me with a pillow, trying to take my breath away. It was prophetic. Over the years, he did take away my voice—through his lies, manipulation, and relentless efforts to turn our children against me.

The Power of Lies

Townsend’s defamatory memo falsely labeled me a “functional sociopath” with “explosive anger issues” and claimed I was unfit to be a mother or psychologist. These lies were baseless, as confirmed by my treating psychologist, but they were taken as gospel by others, including my ex-husband.

Over the years I lived in Vancouver, Washington, I endured relentless harassment. My neighbors and ex-husband sued and harassed me repeatedly. Before I knew about the defaming memo, I was stalked (both video surveillance and email), subjected to repeated Code Enforcement complaints, assaulted, and forced to witness my children being assaulted and stalked at school by Code Enforcement officials. I faced numerous complaints to my licensing board, each requiring extensive effort and expense to defend.

In total, I spent $550,000 protecting myself, my children, and my livelihood. For five years, the malicious memo that justified this harassment remained hidden from me. Its existence explained why my neighbors and my ex-husband were able to create such damage, and why no one would help me.

These false accusations mirror the lies my ex-husband told my daughters. In their presence, he would refer to me as “The Bitch,” using his phone to call me and broadcasting his disdain. He told them I was a narcissist, unfit to parent, and incapable of love.

A New Chapter of Truth

The news of Townsend’s arrest is more than a legal event—it’s a moment of truth. She has been charged with forgery and fraud, crimes that encapsulate the very tactics she used to destroy lives for decades. Her downfall comes 20 years after her malicious memo, a span of time that reflects both the endurance of her lies and the slow but inevitable arc of justice.

A few weeks ago, I received a comment on one of my blogs from Howard’s high school girlfriend. She wrote to ease my suffering, sharing insights about his family. She described a cold and distant home and mentioned being frightened by his older brother.

But she also offered a comforting truth: it’s impossible to resolve relationship problems with someone like Howard if only one person is doing the work. Her words validated my years of pain, reminding me that some struggles are not ours to carry alone.

Parental Alienation as Child Abuse

When a father destroys the relationship his children have with their mother, it is a form of child abuse. It forces children to carry the emotional burden of adult conflicts, often leaving them confused, resentful, and disconnected. The lies my children were told denied them the opportunity to form their own opinions and experiences about me.

This holiday season, I’ve heard more than one talk show interview on the topic of why some adult children have alienated their parents. Not one interviewee or host considers what I’ve been through. They all talk about the “terrible mother” (usually) who forced the adult child to make this devastating choice. No one mentions the damage to the child who may never get past their false beliefs—about themselves. No one mentions the suffering of the mother, who may have been maligned unfairly.

These conversations often omit the complexity of parental alienation, where falsehoods can dismantle familial relationships. It’s time we broaden the narrative to acknowledge the harm done to both the alienated parent and the manipulated child.

From Pain to Purpose

Over the years, I’ve heard stories like mine. Sometimes they’re on the radio. Sometimes they come from a client or a member of one of my online support groups. These stories resonate with me, and my own journey helps others feel less alone.

One way I’ve survived is by harnessing my professional education and training as a psychologist alongside the lessons from my personal experiences. I’ve written six books, host a podcast, develop recorded online courses, have a substantial YouTube channel, and lead international support groups.

The pain, and sometimes the terror, still comes back. But I know I have a gift to give to the world—and so do you.

A Call for Awareness and Action

The similarities between malicious defamation and parental alienation are undeniable:

• Both weaponize falsehoods to isolate and control.
• Both silence the victim, making it nearly impossible to defend against the lies.
• Both cause profound and lasting harm to all involved, particularly children.

To anyone experiencing the devastation of parental alienation, I want you to know this: You are not alone. Speak your truth, even when it feels like no one is listening. Lies may echo for a time, but the truth has a way of enduring.

As a survivor, I will continue to speak out—not just for myself but for all who have faced these injustices. We deserve to be heard.