Category: Blog Posts

How would you answer this question – Are people today more in tune with people or electronics? The answer is obvious when you look around you. You may be at a party, grocery store, doctor’s office and people everywhere are connected to their phones. Electronic devices offer many valuable services, but they can also cause some biological damage.

Barbara L. Fredrickson is a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill contributed a fascinating article to the New York Times about this very subject. Fredrickson highlights the biological science between the brain-heart connection. The bottom line is that we need to exercise our ability to connect with others. If we focus on building human connections, our physical health improves. That’s a win-win!

In the article, Fredrickson comments, “When you share a smile or laugh with someone face to face, a discernible synchrony emerges between you, as your gestures and biochemistries, even your respective neural firings, come to mirror each other. It’s micro-moments like these, in which a wave of good feeling rolls through two brains and bodies at once, that build your capacity to empathize as well as to improve your health. If you don’t regularly exercise this capacity, it withers.”

Let’s work hard to build a human connection. If we don’t, we might just lose it!

 

Sadness or depression? Common question, but mixed responses. Many are beginning to question the diagnosis of depression and mental illness. Some are claiming that doctors are too quick to prescribe medication and that medication is too often the first line of defense regardless of what the problem is whether it is clinical depression, mental illness, or life changes. The article, Are we over-diagnosing mental illness? provides an interesting look at the claims of the skeptics and the response of the medical community. 

Life changing events (death, illness, divorce) can lead to moments of sadness, grief, and frustration. Learning to effectively sift and sort through feelings and emotions is a vital part of coping with these emotions. You do not have to be clinically depressed or suffering from a mental illness to seek out psychotherapy. In fact, by being more proactive about your mental health you can often head off problems before they take root in your life. 

Medication, although often necessary, should not be considered the first and only treatment option, especially in the case of grief and life changes. Psychotherapy is an effective wellness tool without harmful side effects. There are many psychotherapy options that are now available and have proven effective. To learn more about psychotherapy and overall mental wellness, visit Personal Growth – Psychotherapy Options. 

When an individual becomes addicted to drugs, alcohol, or another unwise behavior, the remaining family members are faced with a decision – what do we do? Often times a codependent relationship ensues. Why? Because kindness and codependency are often confused.

The reason it is so easy to confuse kindness and co-dependency is that they are essentially the same behavior within different contexts. To be kind means to give unconditionally, to share, to show that you care for another person. When the giving, sharing and caring is reciprocated by a healthy individual, the condition is kindness. However, when the kindness is not reciprocated, when you find yourself giving and giving and giving, it may be co-dependency.

How can you stop this behavior? If you love someone who is in trouble, why can’t you help them? The key word here is help. If you are doing all of the work toward solving a problem, what is the other person learning? If you stop helping in a co-dependent way, you may offer your loved one the chance to show you they can solve the problem themselves. A key lies in respect – if you respect your loved one, then trust that they can take responsibility for their faults and clean them up. In other words, show the chemically dependent person that you respect them enough to let them show you what they are made of. If they have the right stuff, they will clean up their own act. In fact, the very act of turning the problem back to the person who created it, frees both of you to take responsibility for your own actions.

So how do you tell the difference between co-dependence and kindness? Well, one feels bad and the other feels good. One covers up the real problem, while the other brings the problem to the surface. One destroys self-esteem, while the other encourages self-esteem. Since you have a choice, the choice seems pretty simple. Choose positive self-esteem, honesty in solving problems, and taking and giving appropriate responsibility for one’s actions. However, if you sense that you can’t break the cycle of codependence on your own get help from a trusted mental health advisor. 

For more information – visit Marriage Counseling – Breaking the Cycle of Codependence

I’m sure we would all agree that we would like the world we live in to be more empathetic. Empathy, compassion, and fellow feeling are not as common as they used to be. What can make the world more empathetic and altruistic? A possible solution may lie in the world of virtual reality. 

Stanford University experimented with this theory. They created a virtual reality and gave the participants a mission – deliver insulin to a diabetic child in the city. One group was given super powers like Superman and were able to fly through the city. The other group were passengers in a helicopter. Afterward each participants was interviewed. The interview was a test to gauge empathy. During the interview, the interviewer “accidentally” dropped a cup of 15 pens. The idea behind this is to see how the participant responds. Who would act to assist picking up the pens? The group who pretended to be Superman responded quicker and picked up more pens than the group who rode in the helicopter. In fact a few who rode in the helicopter didn’t even respond and did not pick up any pens. 

What does all of this mean? According Jeremy Bailenson, one of the experimenters and Associate Professor of Communication summed it up nicely. He said, “It’s very clear that if you design games that are violent, peoples’ aggressive behavior increases. If we can identify the mechanism that encourages empathy, then perhaps we can design technology and video games that people will enjoy and that will successfully promote altruistic behavior in the real world.” To read more about this study, read the article – Stanford experiment shows that virtual superpowers encourage real-world empathy. 
 

I know many parents are concerned that video games make their children more aggressive. It would be fantastic to see games that actually promoted healthy social interaction. Please visit the Parenting section of my website for more tips. 

If you are in a relationship with someone with Asperger Syndrome, I have no doubt that at some point you asked yourself, “Is this really love?” The reason why you may ask yourself this is because how do you know if you are loved if you partner never communicates that with you, or shows your, or has empathy? This leads to other perplexing questions like: How do you know if your love is received or understood by them? Can you be sure that your AS partner feels love the same way you do? Does it even matter? 

How can a relationship survive when the issue of love is questioned? This is such a delicate and sensitive subject that many will think about it, but will never discuss it. On March 16, 2013, Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD Support Group will meet to discuss this issue. There is no easy answer or quick fix, but hopefully by having open and honest discussion can lead to a level of understanding that only those in this situation can understand. The meeting will be held in Portland, Oregon. If you do not live in the Portland area, please visit our webpage and become a member. The message boards are already discussing this topic online. We would love to hear your thoughts. 

For more on navigating through an Asperger relationship, pick up your own personal copy of my book – Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge. 

Do you feel like there are just not enough hours in the day? It’s a common complaint to hear someone say they need more time. And if you constantly feel anxiety and stress because you’re too busy there can be mental and physical health repercussions. By following a few simple time management tips, you might just be able to feel like you are accomplishing more during your day.

Here are a few simple strategies worth implementing:

1. Schedule your day thoughtfully. Write it out on paper or electronically. Distribute activities evenly throughout the day. If it starts to get too hectic, focus on the most important tasks and move the others to another day.

2. If you must reschedule, do it as soon as possible especially if it involves someone else. You want them to have the opportunity to shift around their schedule. This is just common courtesy.

3. Identify opportunities to multi-task. This requires creativity. Look for ways to merge tasks. Make phone calls while getting your car service…throw in a load of laundry and then run to the grocery store. 

4. Be flexible. Things come up, mistakes are made, and not everything goes as planned. When you are more prepared to go with the flow you won’t feel so out of control.

Creating more time in the day will give you a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. If these strategies are just not working and you continually feel overwhelmed, you may need to learn stress management techniques. A mental health care professional can assist you in this regard. Contact my office to set up an appointment. 

Click here to learn more about Managing Stress.