Category: Articles

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Why are entrepreneurs often alone with their new ideas?


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

One attribute that I believe is absolutely necessary is the ability to weather criticism. In order to do something that no one else has done, to go where no person has gone before, the entrepreneur must recognize that they will be criticized and humiliated by others, family and friend alike, throughout the process of developing their ideas. Selling your idea to the bank or venture capitalist is nothing compared to the agony of those negative looks you can get from the ones you love.

Jasmine was frustrated, confused and hurt. She had invited a group of friends over to her new place (a small business in her home, opening within a few months), but instead of compliments she received a lot of negativity. People were shocked that Jasmine would consider such an undertaking. Some were even angry that she had not shared her secret sooner. Several friends warned her of pitfalls in her plan. Another friend congratulated her on her success, but took it all back with a comment on how they would have done it differently. There was only one friend who gave her hearty congratulations. He even acknowledged that this project fit Jasmine to a “T” and that he could imagine a prosperous future for her.

Except for the one friend who gave Jasmine her due, why did the others react in such a negative way? It’s hard to believe that Jasmine would have such unkind friends. Would these same friends warn the bride and groom at the wedding that they were making a bad choice or that they should stop everything now before it’s too late? Probably not, but they did feel free to dump on Jasmine.

Envy is a logical choice but I think you need to dig a little deeper. Many of Jasmine’s friends are successful in their own right, so why would they be envious of her accomplishments? Also many of them had heard her talk for months about her project, so it wasn’t entirely new when they attended her party.

Another logical answer is that Jasmine’s friends were trying to help her by warning her of problems. In other words they wanted to prevent her disappointment when she failed. Unfortunately in the warning is the implication that she will fail. Many people avoid success by preventing failure. It is a common human strategy. Mediocrity is the outcome.

In order to weather the negativity and continue on your path to business success, entrepreneurs need to understand something of how people accept change . . . change in you which produces change in their circumstances. When Jasmine invited her friends over to see her new business, she was introducing them to change. Her ideas were becoming reality, which meant that Jasmine was changing and that their relationship with her would change also. The first reaction that most people make to change is negative or denial. Many of Jasmines’ friends acted as if the party was their first notification of the business venture, when in fact she had talked with them for months about it.

To check out this phenomenon scientifically a couple of psychologists conducted an experiment with volunteers. They wanted to find out just how people adapt to change, and what steps they go through to accept that their model of reality has to change to include new information. The psychologists photographed playing cards, one at a time, so that they could flash them in front of the subject at varying rates of speed. The subject was told that the experimenters wanted to learn how fast the subject could see the card, register the identity of the card, send that visual information to the part of the brain that interprets what we see, and then speak the name of the card. The results of this experiment are astounding.

At first the psychologists flashed the cards so quickly that the subject saw only a blur. Then as the cards slowed down the subject began to identify the cards without any problem. However, the psychologists had a little trick up their sleeve. Some of the cards were altered to make them incompatible with the standard for playing cards. For example, the ace of spades was red and the ten of clubs had nine spots. The psychologists wanted to know how slowly they would have to flash the cards for the subject to recognize the deception. And they wanted to know what steps the subject has to go through to change their “map of reality” to include the possibility that they had been duped.

Just as in real life the subject went through denial at first. They called off the playing cards with confidence even though the cards were altered. After another run through, the subject’s denial began to slip, at least unconsciously. They named the cards as if they were normal playing cards, but they had a puzzled look on their face. In a third or fourth run through, the subject noted aloud that there was “something wrong” with a card, but they weren’t sure what it was. With another trial or so, the subject correctly identified what was altered with one card, and could correctly identify all other alterations.

It appears then that Jasmine’s friends are in varying stages of expanding their consciousness to include the possibility that Jasmine is changing. The negativity is a common way that we respond to change. It’s as if denial will somehow keep the status quo so we don’t have to learn anything new or demonstrate a lack of skill. But eventually, if Jasmine is persistent in following her business dream, her friends will adapt. They will deny; then wrinkle their noses; then comment on how “something is wrong”; then laugh and get it. When they get it, they will either join her in support or move away to a reality more to their liking.

If you need a lot of approval to follow a dream, you are probably not an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs rarely get approval in the initial stages of a project, when only they can see the spots on the cards. However, if the entrepreneur can hang in there, if you have done the research and you really believe in your idea, eventually your family and friends will back you. Most of the time they are not trying to hold you back. Don’t be so paranoid. They just need time to alter their perceptions to include the new possibilities you have created.

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Will your family business survive the death of its founder?


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

The death of the founder of a business can take many family businesses by surprise. A strong willed entrepreneur takes advantage of an opportunity, builds the business to success, then dies leaving the family totally unprepared to continue the business. The business gets sold and the family legacy dies with the founder.

Family business owners are notoriously poor at planning for the future of their businesses. They literally act as if the founder will never die. They don’t think about the possibility even when that person is in his 70’s or 80’s. As a result, most family firms don’t live beyond the first generation.

Death is not an easy subject to talk about; nor is retirement, especially for rugged individualist and entrepreneurs or their families. But it a subject that needs to be addressed by all members of a family firm. Is the business merely a reflection of the founder? Is it his personal property? What part do other family member play, shareholders and stakeholders alike? Who will run the business after the founder steps down? When will the founder step down?

Answering these questions and others leads to the development of what is known as a “succession plan.” Even though it is tough to plan ahead to the day when you are no longer running the business you founded, it can be exciting and rewarding to know that your creation will live on and prosper under the guidance of a trusted family member. Equally rewarding is knowing that you have provided for your family.

While it is too late to work on a succession plan after the death of a founder, it is never too early to plan, even if you have no successor or just started your business or your kids are too young to even work yet. Succession plans can evolve over time to fit the changing needs of the family or the business or both.

At first, you plan may be nothing more that the understanding with your spouse that you both want the business continued after you retire. The initial plan my include provisions for how to groom the successor when one is chosen, for example. The key ingredient in all plans is that the stakeholders are communicating with each other about the need and that you are looking towards a healthy future.

When considering a succession plan it is best to enlist the aid of professionals who are knowledgeable about the unique needs of a family firm. Attorneys and CPAs can assist you in addressing the issues of estate planning. Management consultants can advise you about the most desirable business structure. Perhaps it is time to look at professional management, for example. Or perhaps your niece is better suited for he presidency than you son.

The toughest questions that need answering about succession, however, cannot be answered in an attorney’s office. The founder and his or her family need to break down the old barriers to talking about death and retirement. All of the old “skeletons” in the family closet need to be cleaned out. Emotions, biases, age-old grudges need to be vented, explored and settled.

Until the family can talk openly and honestly about how they feel about each other, they cannot make a reasonable decision about how to run the company. Like it or not, the family system or style is what really dictates how things will go in business. So understanding your family system and improving it contributes to a healthier business.

Just as with legal and financial decisions, the emotional or psychological aspects of succession planning usually require the assistance of a professional. Psychologist trained in the dynamics of families as well as the workings of a family business are best suited to guide you through the emotional process of succession planning.

The psychologist’s job is to meet with all stakeholders individually and in a group to discuss absolutely everything that can affect the succession plan. This is not a time to be secretive. The future of the business and you livelihood depends upon open and honest communication. Families who don’t plan ahead not only lose control of the business, they often have a myriad of other problems associated with the loss of the business, such as infighting, divorce, alcoholism, depression, etc.

A psychologist understands these kinds of “people” problems that are intertwined with business decisions. Their goal therefore is to help you create a plan that suits two purposes, 1) To ensure the success of the business, 2) To ensure the health and happiness of the family.

In order to accomplish these important goals family members need to face the tough issues that most other people avoid.

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Entrepreneurs live and breathe their businesses in everyday lives


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

At one of our Entrepreneurial Couple Networking Breakfasts, Steven was trying to describe to a new member what it means to be an entrepreneur. “It’s like when you’re buying orange juice at the grocery store. I think twice about buying the more expensive brand, because I realize that every penny saved makes a difference for our business.”

There’s more here than saving a few cents. Steven is demonstrating the basic philosophy of successful entrepreneurs. It’s not really how much money he saves on orange juice that will make his business successful. The significance of his statement is that to be an entrepreneur, you must think like an entrepreneur. By considering the cost of orange juice, Steven is aware that he has made the success of the business a top priority. He thinks about the business needs even in the simple act of picking up orange juice for his family.

If you want to be an entrepreneur you must think like an entrepreneur. In other words you must have a vision that is bigger even than your business idea. Your business is a part of your life, just like your marriage and your children. It’s not a job you check in and out of. An entrepreneurial venture is a reflection of you, your values, your beliefs, your strengths and your faults. Even if you have another job to pay the bills while your business is getting going, the true entrepreneur does not think of his or her venture as a part-time business or a hobby. They live and breathe the business, day and night, week in and week out.

Yes it’s true that this kind of commitment can cause problems for the entrepreneur. They sometimes make no time for their personal relationships or their own health. But if kept in perspective the entrepreneur can find tremendous satisfaction in working at something he or she has created. Watching this creation grow, seeing it benefit his or her family, achieving a long dreamed of goal . . . all of this can be quite thrilling.

Interestingly Steven is not even the founder of the business. He is what I call a supportive spouse, the one who works at a job to provide the income and insurance benefits for the family, while his wife pursues the business venture. But Steven is thinking like an entrepreneur too. He realizes that as a spouse his attention needs to be focused on the welfare of the business every bit as much as his wife. Successful entrepreneurs frequently have glowing praise for their spouses, the people without whom they could never have succeeded. So not only do you have to think like an entrepreneur, but your spouse needs to think like one too, or at least be open to supporting your vision.

Entrepreneurship is not for the feint of heart. It is a tremendous responsibility to recognize that every action you take is related to the business and to the people who depend upon that business, such as you, your family, your employees and customers. When Steven considers which orange juice to buy, he is weighing all of these considerations. It may surprise you but entrepreneurs are not really risk takers. In fact they weigh all of their decisions very carefully. While they may be willing to go where the average person is fearful of going, they analyze every move to reduce the risk as much as possible. Because their venture is a top priority, and because they think in terms of the big picture, the entrepreneur buys the orange juice that is good for his family and good for his business.

If you believe you have what it takes to be an entrepreneur, ask yourself if you can do the tedious work of integrating your every move and decision into the template of a business venture. True entrepreneurs don’t even realize that they think this way. It is just natural for them to be whole-brained thinkers, with their heads in the future, but their feet firmly planted in the present. When they buy orange juice, they may not really think about the cost, but they are aware that time and money are precious, and that they want to use them wisely to accomplish their dreams.

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Couples can balance dynamics of decision-making process


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

Have you ever wondered why the symbol for “Justice” is a woman and she’s blind to boot? Or another curiosity is that the statue in New York harbor, representing the United States of America is Lady Liberty. What is it that these female spirits represent? Why are women the symbol of our judicial system and the country as a whole? I think a partial answer may come from observing the growth of entrepreneurship among American women, both as solo entrepreneurs and as entrepreneurial couples.

Now that women are starting businesses in record numbers (i.e. three to five times the rate of men!) there are many more stories about startups that involve women entrepreneurs. Especially the Internet and telecommuting have opened an avalanche of opportunities for women. Women are also better educated than before and many are educated in traditionally male dominated fields such as business management, the sciences, and engineering. As a result we are gathering more and more information on how these women function as entrepreneurs and how they are different than men.

In spite of parity in education, equal access to financing and an Internet marketplace that doesn’t impose gender restrictions, there are a few male/female traditions that hold. When the owner is female you may not see much difference in a company, either with the product or the revenue. However, the differences between male and female entrepreneurs become more apparent when a husband and wife equally own and operate a company. Management, decision-making, even operations are powerfully influenced by these style differences. This can be an asset, of course . . . the integration of a male perspective and a female perspective. But often a husband and wife get stuck because they do not recognize the dynamic that is going on.

One of the most interesting of these dynamics between a husband and a wife who are both entrepreneurs is how they make decisions. One way I sum it up is that men make the first best decision, but women seek out the best-best decision. In the fashion of Lady Justice (where the blindfold represents impartiality), women want to look at all sides of an issue before deciding anything. They value everyone’s opinion in the process of moving toward a decision. They may have a strong opinion themselves, but like the blind Lady, they are willing to stay impartial until they have gathered enough information from others. Men on the other hand seek to move the organization along as swiftly as possible. Regardless of everyone’s view, men tend to value the efficiency of getting to the answer quickly. If a man has an opinion, dialogue with others is not always to merely gather information, but to persuade others toward his point of view.

How does this dynamic work when a husband/wife team needs to make decisions together? If they understand each other well, then the decision-making dynamic is powerful. If they don’t, then each party can feel very misunderstood. For example, if the wife is gathering information from her husband regarding some aspect of the business, then she may initiate a discussion with her husband. He often doesn’t hear that she wants to discuss the subject. Rather he hears that she wants him to make a decision. Therefore he tells her his decision and considers the discussion completed. She leaves unfulfilled because she wants to toss ideas around before a decision is made. Later when the husband’s decision is not carried out, the husband may feel frustrated because he thought a decision had been made. Sound familiar? It’s because women tend to have discussions and men tend to go strait to decisions.

When a husband and wife work together there is the potential to create a strong leadership for their organization. When a husband recognizes that his wife needs an impartial discussion with a variety of options before deciding, she feels understood and more inclined to move toward decisive action.

When a wife recognizes that her husband has a need to get things done as efficiently as possible, she can refocus her energy onto solutions, even if she would like just a little more discussion.

Lady Liberty represents this principle of the combined talent and energy of an entrepreneurial couple. That is, a woman was chosen to represent America rather than a conquering male warrior, because of the desire to represent our country as welcoming immigrants (i.e. “. . . give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free”). Lady liberty is carrying a torch in her hand, not a sword, symbolizing the enlightenment of democracy that shines out to the world. She holds the Declaration of Independence in the other hand as evidence that we are all created equal. On her ankle is a chain that is broken, representing freedom from oppression. Yet the statue is enormous, representing strong and powerful leadership and even domination in the world.

In other words, when making a business decision an entrepreneurial couple can combine the wife’s strengths and the husband’s strengths, and may just be what the business needs to keep its competitive edge in the marketplace. Just as Lady Liberty welcomes immigrants, the wife can welcome a variety of options and possible solutions to a problem, weighing those options impartially just as Lady Justice does. Lady Liberty also represents decision making in that she is holding the Declaration of Independence or the law of the land, just as the husband’s strength is to get the decision made and follow it with action, as is implied by the sword that Lady Justice holds. In either case, whether it be the husband’s or the wife’s decision-making strategy, the goal is a fair decision, something both Ladies stand tall for.

To be sure many women entrepreneurs have the same decision-making qualities as men do. And there are male entrepreneurs who carefully weigh options before deciding. However, it is the interaction between men and women where you see the tendency to lean toward the more traditional roles. If you work with your spouse, you probably know what I am talking about. Now take this awareness and use it to the fullest to take your enterprise to a new height and enlighten the world with your success.

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Investing in yourself pays off in business, personal relationships

By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

“I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around you!”

“I never seem to know what will make you happy!”

“Why can’t you make up your mind?”

If you have ever made these comments or heard them from others, then you know how exasperating this kind of relationship can be, whether it is a personal or business relationship. Never really sure where you stand with the other person leads to this problem. Either you are not being clear or the other person is holding back. And often the reason for the reticence is fear of appearing selfish.

Especially among women there is a fear that if she speaks up about her desires, or dares to put her needs first, she will appear selfish and unloving, or worse yet, aggressive. Not wanting to rock the boat, the woman holds back her own opinion, only later to find that her husband, coworkers, even employees are mad at her. I have had more than one entrepreneurial husband complain that he would love to know what his wife’s opinion was on the subject. Because he doesn’t know where she stands, decisions are unclear and projects are stalled.

A side affect of being “nice” but unclear is that the woman often develops resentments because she is not being recognized. These resentments grow and do not go unnoticed by others. Unfortunately others do not know why she is annoyed, but do feel as if they are walking on eggshells around her. If the spouse, friends, coworkers or employees are not able to cut through the communication problem, they may also begin to hold back for fear of an argument. Then no one knows what anyone wants or what is going on. Obviously this is not good for business relations not to mention the marriage.

The reason this problem is more common for women than men is that women are more concerned about maintaining balance in their relationships whether they work in a family firm or not. Unfortunately most women tire themselves out trying to keep everything in balance, when a few shakeups are in order. For example, in one study the researchers found that career women (including entrepreneurial women) are very reluctant to change things in their work environment if it will upset their spouse, their employees or their customers. Instead these women just do more and more and more to accommodate the wishes of others, growing more tired, annoyed and depressed as time goes by. While balance is a nice goal, it is not always the way to get there. In order to keep creativity alive, in order to grow a business (or a family) there are many changes and corrections that need to be made along the way. Maintaining the status quo may mean stagnation.

The best gift you can give people you care about and work with is to be clear with them about your goals and desires. Even if they don’t agree with you or don’t like your goals, at least they know where you stand. Nothing is hidden. The agenda is on the table and negotiations can proceed. It also may be that your difference of opinion is just what the system needs to be more profitable and productive.

Remember when you were a small child and got a new dress or a new toy or accomplished a new feat like tying your shoes? Weren’t you excited about the acquisition? Didn’t you want to share it with others and watch their faces light up too? Didn’t you feel proud? Those days have long gone and we have been socialized to hide many of our accomplishments and opinions because they may not be acceptable, especially if you are a woman. But it is very important to put your true self out there or you will confuse others and deprive them of your talents.

Here’s another way to look at it. Most people spend their paycheck and if there is anything left other, they may put it into savings or invest it. The problem is that there is usually nothing left over to save each payday. The advice of many financial planners is to put money into savings first and then adapt your budget to live on what’s left. With this latter method you are much more likely to actually save money and create wealth. Just as with saving money, it is equally important to put yourself first (or invest in yourself first). By putting yourself first, by letting people know what you want and who you are, you are investing in yourself in a way that will pay off tremendously. People won’t have to walk on eggshells around you. They will know what your talents are and how to benefit by them. You will surround yourself with people who appreciate you instead of people who need you to appreciate them. This creates an energizing flow between people, just as wealth invested, creates more wealth.

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People – Making in the Family Business


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

When she was about six, I overheard my eldest daughter describing my work to one of her school friends. She said, “A psychologist is a mommy who sees clients in the basement.” At the time my office was located in the basement of my home, remodeled for just that purpose. And, since I often work at home, my daughter has been able to see me in many of my roles, the most important to her, of course, is that of “mommy.”

Being the owner-manager of a family firm requires juggling many roles, too, not just with family members but with employees as well. The way marital and family obligations are handled affects management style with employees and vice versa.

For example, in family firms where spouses work together, management style must be assessed in three arenas: 1) marital, 2) parenting, and 3) business management. Furthermore, the integration of these three styles must be assessed.

What is your marital style?

Let’s take marital style first. Are you both leaders? Is one the leader and the other the support person? Does the style change depending on context? Are you a team? Or are you both separate and dedicated to your own spheres? Does your marital style differ greatly from your parenting style or your management style?

Marital partners find each other for myriad reasons. Some are attracted to opposites. Some want someone like Mom. Whatever your marital style – know it. Don’t assume that it is irrelevant in your family firm. This style shows in the boardroom and on the production floor. If it is incompatible with the business, then you will have many problems. Employees sense the discrepancies. They know when there has been a marital fight.

What kind of a parent are you?

If a couple has children, whether they work in the business or not, be aware of parenting style too. Parenting style is affected by business-management style and vice versa. We learn a lot from our children about human behavior. Those lessons are translated to the work place.

Are you an authoritarian parent? One business owner orders his family around at home just as he does his employees at work. His wife and children don’t like it and are, in fact, a bit intimidated by him, but he says he can’t help himself. Are you permissive? Permissive parents often have children who are rebellious because they have always had to make their own decisions. Are you authoritative? This type of parent generally has a good balance and makes decisions as the leader of the family, but includes children when appropriate so that the children gradually learn the responsibilities of adulthood.

Parenting style is obviously related to marital style. If two marital partners do not think alike about parenting, there will be a disorganized, and possibly, very depressed family. Discussing differences about parenting and making a united plan is the best thing parents can do for the family structure. Equally so, it is important that parent/owners determine if they are treating employees the way they treat their children.

What about your management style?

Management style at work is the third aspect of family/business style that needs to be evaluated. It can be categorized as one of the four styles: 1) telling, 2) selling, 3) participative, 4) delegating. Which are you? Are you apt to tell employees what to do? Or do you build a good case for what they should do? Or do you include employees or other managers in the process of developing new business? Finally, are you inclined to run the show yourself but delegate tasks to team members?

Americans have been successful in the world marketplace because of their emphasis on the “rugged individualist.” We have been willing to fight to protect the rights of the individual. But as we move into the 21st century, Americans are beginning to realize that we are all part of one planet and one global economy.

We cannot afford to be isolationists. We have influence and others influence us.

Members of a family firm are in the position of understanding these influences better than most. A family business is a delicate balance of the interacting systems of marriage, family and business. How you manage and respond to these systems will determine your success.

An authoritarian father with a “telling” business-management style and a traditional marriage characterizes the entrepreneurs of the 1940s. But, because that model is so dominant, many family-business members don’t know what other styles exist. If following in Dad’s footsteps works for you, look no further. But, if you desire alternative styles to keep up with the changes in your business and your personal life, look for answers to the questions in this article.

Will your style work in the 21st century?

First accept who you are. Whatever your style, it is probably the most comfortable way for you to be. This doesn’t mean there is no room for improvement. But it’s best to start with who you are and then to build marital, parental, and management styles around your personality.

Second, accept your spouse’s style, too. She or he has developed a certain personality that is unlikely to change. Rather, you two are looking for ways for both of you to realize your full potential. Don’t compromise before you have explored all of the ways for both of you to be fully who you are in the marriage and as parents.

Third, when considering a parenting style, not only do your consider your partner’s style, but you must also include the personalities and needs of your children. Most parents are astounded at how wildly different each one of their children are. While a permissive style may be appropriate for one child, another may require more authority.

Fourth, remember that your management style at work is more related to your marital and parenting styles than you realize. It is in the family that we first learn to relate to others. We learn about male/female relationships from our mothers and fathers. We learn about power and control and decision-making, too. We learn about love and friendship and sibling rivalry or competition.

These early lessons shape us for the rest of out lives. How you treat employees and how you want them to treat you is dependent upon your understanding and utilization of these early lessons.

The business of people making.

Virginia Satir, a noted family therapist once said that parents are in the business of “people making.” In a family business, I think this is true in more ways than one. As parents, certainly our children are shaped by the family firm – just as my daughter saw me as a mommy

who works in the basement. And, as family-business owners and managers, your employees are also shaped by your marital/parenting/management style. You can cultivate the best in your people or contribute to something much less desirable.

Understanding your unique management style in the workplace and how you have integrated past and present family lessons into a family business will help you to be flexible and to adapt to the requirements of the 21st century.

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