Author: Kathy Marshack

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Entrepreneurial couples can transform criticism into feedback


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

When couples work together they have the opportunity to work with a partner they love and trust most. They also have the opportunity to see the best and worst of their partner . . . day in and day out. Even with the most enlightened people, this constant togetherness can cause conflict. It’s wonderful to have closeness, rapport, and regular praise from your sweetheart. It just doesn’t feel as wonderful to have your partner know you so well that they give you regular criticism as well.

Frequently the criticism starts out as a desire to help or to improve your partner, but disintegrates into an argument and hard feelings. The object of the criticism gets defensive and complains that the spouse must not love the person he or she married. And the person delivering the “help” feels rejected and misunderstood. Many couples opt for keeping quiet about these things so as not to start a fight. Others duke it out until someone “wins” which of course means that they got way off the subject. But neither of these approaches really takes care of the problem.

If you think about it your spouse may be one of the best people to help you improve. They probably know you better than anyone else and they probably love you more. If you are working together then they also get to see you in more than one role, so again they are in a unique position to help you grow. And that is what criticism is. It is a critical analysis of your behaviors and an offering of advice on how to change, grow and improve yourself.

If you view criticism from this new perspective it may not be so hard to swallow. For example, psychologists know that a person’s IQ continues to grow throughout the lifespan well into old age, if the person is actively engaging in life and learning new things. Our natural instinct is to keep growing but we can’t do that if we don’t reevaluate from time to and time.

We need to check out old habits, rewrite some scripts, take a few risks, and try anything new to break out of a rut. If we don’t attend to this we lose out personally. This is equally true for your business. If you intend on keeping your business healthy, you have to meet the needs of a changing marketplace.

The major problem with criticism is that it’s harder to swallow when it comes from someone other than you. And it is even harder to swallow when it comes from someone we care a lot about. It hurts twice as much when the one who we love most thinks we need improving. On the other hand when we decide for ourselves that we need to change something, we give ourselves credit for being very smart to come up with such a good idea. This really seems like a silly game to play. Why not use the collective intelligence of those around you? Criticism from another doesn’t make you bad or undesirable. It is just feedback for your enlightenment.

A word to the criticizer is in order here too. Just because you mean well and love your partner, doesn’t mean he or she will recognize your good intention, especially if your criticism cuts to the heart of one of their most cherished beliefs. So go easy with the criticism.

The best method for delivering a critical comment is to wait for an opportune moment. For example if your partner is feeling particularly bluesy that day, or just lost an important contract, this is not an opportune moment to size up their inadequacies. However, if they are musing about how they might improve a certain situation you can offer your opinion. Be prepared to remind them that you value many things about them as well. You should always offer praise with a criticism so that your partner hears that you care about them even if you think they should change.

There are times, however, when you are criticizing your partner about something that just doesn’t matter or is more a statement about your inability to be flexible than it is about their need to change. Take a good look at your criticisms and ask yourself if they are really necessary. Your partner may be doing the very best he or she can. Most likely your partner is 90% of what you would like in a spouse/business partner, but not everything. That would be hard to come by. Why aren’t you satisfied with 90%? It might just be that there is a change you need to make, not your spouse.

 

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To avoid power struggles at work, put away fears and egos

By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

Today, much is being written about the psychological differences between men and women. While there are differences, some of them profound, there are also many similarities. And when it comes to answering the question of “What do women want?” the answer is simple. They pretty much want what men want.

In a family firm, especially one where husband and wife are co-owners, there are bound to be power struggles. Women as well as men want to feel in charge of their lives. They want to feel valuable, appreciated. We call this concept “Power.” Even children need a sense of personal power, of having some say in the direction of their lives.

A husband who asks, “How do I get my wife to do what I ask her to do at work?” is probably engaged in a power struggle with his wife. Both are worried that if they don’t get their way, they will lose something (perhaps power over their own destinies.)

The solution is simple. Put your fears and your ego away. Ask yourself, how am I interfering in her sense of power? How can I include her in the decision-making process? How can I feel powerful and still give my spouse room to feel the same? In other words, look for a win-win solution.

Couples who work together need to develop a structure for communicating and decision-making that works for them. If you have a consensus model at home, it is difficult to implement a hierarchical model at work. If a husband and wife are used to making decisions together for the family, this is likely to be the best style at work as well. It is confusing and leads to power struggles when a wife is an equal partner at home, but must answer to her boss/husband at work.

Some copreneurs (couple who own, manage and share responsibility for an enterprise) have resolved these problems in creative ways. For example, one solution to power struggles at work is to have separate domains for husband and wife to work in. This way, neither husband nor wife has to answer to the other for the daily operations of their departments.

Another possible solution is to have differing levels of decision-making. Some levels of decision-making in the business require consensus by husband and wife. Other levels of decision-making can be handled by one spouse or the other. And still other levels are strictly the responsibility of the spouses managing that department.

In order to implement a successful plan for decision-making and prevent power struggles, a husband and wife need to attend to their personal relationship first. Relationships based on fear don’t work. There must be respect, love and support to maintain a healthy relationship. There must be room for individual differences. There must be an honest assessment of each other’s strengths so that duties at work can be assigned to produce the most efficient and successful outcome.

Too often copreneurs rely on traditional gender roles to define their duties at work and at home. While this may work for some couples, it can produce power struggles for other couples. If you are not a traditional couple at what makes you that that style is appropriate for work? Or perhaps the traditional model worked for you when you were younger and raising your children, but now the kids are grown, you need a more egalitarian style. As you establish your decision-making structure, consider your optimal marital style, keeping in mind your current values about family, marriage and work.

Jewish families have a tradition that helps them keep their perspective about family and work. On the right side of the entry door of a Jewish home, you will notice a small decorative box. This box holds a Mezuzah, a message from the Bible. The message is a reminder to family members that each day as they return home from work, the center of their lives is the family. In other words, all of one’s accomplishments in the world of work have little meaning if they can’t be shared with one’s family.

Successful family firms and copreneurial venture seem to share this value also. There is a recognition that men and women, husband and wives really want the same thing. To be sure, they want success at work. They want to know that they are in charge of their destinies. But most important, they want to know that their accomplishments are appreciated by the ones they love and who they love.

So the next time you are engaged in a power struggle with your spouse, take a look at how you have been addressing your priorities. If you business decisions are coming at the expense of your intimate relationships, your spouse may be fighting for the survival of the family. Reorient yourself to family first and your business decisions will have the full support of your loved ones.

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Fair compensation for women in family firms

By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

As Published in the Fall 2001 Family Business Compensation Handbook
For more information on the handbook visit –
http://www.familybusinessmagazine.com/handbooks/fbbooks.html#compensation

Because women tend to put family first, their contributions to the enterprise often are discounted. But paying them inequitably may cause family disharmony—or a ‘brain drain.’

When I was a girl, my mother used to tell me, “Women focus on relationships, not money.” Whether she was trying to teach me a lesson or merely to advise me of a fact, I have noticed the truth in this saying.

The value of relationships seems to be more important for women than for men. Women tend to define themselves in terms of their relationships more than men do. Women and girls are more willing than men and boys to put their needs aside to maintain a relationship.

Within a family firm, often the wife doesn’t draw a formal salary. She’s equally likely to forgo a formal title in the corporation, even though she may work just as hard as her husband. The same is true of daughters in family firms. They often assume their role is to support the family. They aren’t as driven as their brothers to be leaders. This doesn’t mean they eschew recognition. But their first priority is to ensure the success of the loving relationships. After all, these relationships came before the business and are the reason it came into being.

The value of love

Research indicates that most family firms were started by their founders primarily as a way to support the family. Women in family businesses still recognize this intent long after the men have turned their attention to developing a thriving enterprise. This concern for family first often gets in the way of equitable compensation for female members of family firms. Because the women are seen as caretakers of the family, they receive low salaries, while the men, who are viewed as caretakers of the business, are well compensated. It’s always been hard to put a value on love.

Even when women in family firms hold positions comparable to their male counterparts’, they’re often paid less than the men—even 50% to 70% less. Indeed, many women are paid nothing at all; the rationale is that they’re gaining other benefits of ownership. One national study touting the benefits of working for a family firm found that women across the nation earned an average of 16% of what their brothers earned!

Pat came to me because she was at odds with her brothers, who were her partners in their family company. There was a lack of trust and respect. Cooperation was grinding to a halt. She wanted help in restoring the relationships. Other family members also worked in the company, and Pat wanted her family to remain cohesive. Pat and her brothers needed to face and correct several problems, including issues related to stock ownership and compensation.

Two of the brothers were dissatisfied with the distribution of stock. Because they had joined the partnership years after the three founding partners, they owned less stock and wanted to buy more. The senior partners agreed in theory to an even division of stock, but they wanted the stock sold for its current value. While this disagreement raged on, no one took note of salaries until I talked with the accountant. While Pat, a founding partner, had as much stock as the two other founding partners, her salary was as much as 45% less than that of any of the brothers.

Pat had never really considered this inequity as a problem. On more than one occasion, she had been the only one to take a pay cut to help the business make it through a rough cycle. As a founding partner, she believed that she would be compensated well for her sacrifice. Now, however, her siblings were suggesting that she sell some of her stock to the two brothers at a reduced rate. Pat not only was a founding member of the business but also had contributed half the start-up costs, although the amount of stock she owned was equal to the amount her two brothers owned. No one was considering that Pat should be treated fairly, but it seemed important to be more than fair to the two brothers who wanted to buy in.

When I suggested that before the stock purchase the salaries should be re-evaluated and that Pat should be compensated for her years of delaying pay increases, I got blank stares from the men. It’s not that they didn’t value Pat; they just had never considered her salary before. They thought she was happy with what she was paid, so they never offered to increase her salary.

Women in family firms need to learn that if they don’t speak up, they get ignored. Men generally voice their opinions, as Pat’s brothers were doing. Women, on the other hand, tend to wait to be recognized.

Why pay women less?

Family business owners’ justifications for paying their female relatives less are often strange and misguided.

  • “We save taxes by having my wife work for no salary.”
  • “She owns stock in the company, so she doesn’t need a salary.”
  • “She works only part-time, so we just pay for child care.”
  • “She has flexible hours and can come and go as she pleases, which is a benefit in lieu of money.”
  • “Her brother has a family to support.”
  • “My son-in-law makes a good income, so my daughter doesn’t need the money.”
  • “When she can take on a man’s job, she’ll get paid a man’s salary.”
  • “She couldn’t make that kind of money working anywhere else.”
  • “She may quit soon to have children, so I see no need to give her a raise.”

It’s hard to believe that in the 21st century, people still say these things, but they do, especially in family firms. Family-owned businesses are often closed systems. Although outsiders may work in the firm and even hold relatively high positions, the power and decision-making rests with the family owners. The closed nature of the system is demonstrated further by the tendency of family firms to follow traditional gender roles, regardless of what their competitors are doing. Generally wives and daughters hold support positions, while husbands and sons take leadership roles or technical positions. Thus, the women are assigned to lower-paying jobs.

When they join the company, daughters often are assigned the kind of jobs that keep them off the management track. Over the years the discrepancy increases between their salaries and benefits and those of their brothers. Rarely are daughters groomed for succession to leadership. Even if they possess native talent, they’re unlikely to acquire the requisite leadership skills if they’ve spent years being a secretary or bookkeeper. Furthermore, research in this field demonstrates that “Daddy’s little girl” is rarely considered for leadership unless there are no sons, even if she’s qualified by education and training.

Unfair compensation is counterproductive

Most self-employed people start their own businesses because they want to be compensated fairly for their work and they want freedom to be more creative. Money is one way to recognize a family employee for her contributions. Titles and other perks and benefits also are rewards for a job well done. When women aren’t accorded the same respect as men in the family business, two major problems develop. First, resentment and eventually power struggles arise. Second, talent development is thwarted.

While it’s true that women are willing to sacrifice salary and recognition to help the family and the business, they also usually believe that their sacrifices will be rewarded in the long run. But these sacrifices may never be rewarded. It’s just assumed that the women will play these roles without complaint. But when the rewards aren’t forthcoming, many family business women become depressed or angry. Depression and anger lead to illness or disharmony in the marriage or family. And personal problems in a family firm can lead to serious business problems.

My research with “co-preneurs” has shown that family business wives work as many hours as their dual-career counterparts, and they attend full-time to the home and children, too. Their husbands rarely help out at home. While this arrangement is what many family business couples feel is necessary to build a successful company, it takes its toll on self-esteem and intimacy. It seems foolish to compound the stress of this lifestyle with a thoughtless compensation plan. Family business wives should be paid what they are worth to the business and the family.

Many family business women don’t work full-time in the company. They have chosen to be more available to attend to family matters and contribute their talents to the community—and business success has allowed them to do so. But part-time work shouldn’t be considered less valuable to the family firm. Many law firms, for example, are changing their policy regarding part-time lawyers in recognition of the contributions of part-time professional employees. Because more women are becoming lawyers, and because these women want to maintain a healthy balance between home and work, many of them work half-time or three-quarter time. Law firms are even offering partnerships to their part-timers.

If a family firm wants to retain its talent pool, it’s time for CEOs of these firms to recognize—through fair compensation—the many contributions that the family business women make.

How to change the system

Women in family businesses are often the backbone of the organization. Whether she’s the founder, a founding partner, a supportive spouse or daughter, or an employee of the family enterprise, a woman often is willing to do work that others feel is beneath them because she recognizes the greater good. Research has shown that when a man starts a business, he usually can count on his wife’s unpaid labor during those lean start-up years. Women entrepreneurs, on the other hand, realize that they must go it alone if their businesses are to succeed. They too use the services of family and friends in those early years, but often their husbands don’t offer unpaid help with such menial chores as housework, child care or envelope stuffing. Limiting recognition of all of the contributions Mom makes to one day a year—Mother’s Day—is insufficient. As a stakeholder or a stockholder, a family business woman should be accorded compensation, benefits and perks befitting her considerable contributions to the health of the family and the enterprise.

There are two ways to accomplish this. First, the business owners should re-evaluate their standards and update stock, compensation and benefits plans for female employees. Second, they should implement programs to encourage the talent development of the girls in the family. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Develop flexible compensation plans that reward women for their hard work and talent even if they work part-time or take a leave of absence.
  2. Institute stock purchase plans for part-timers.
  3. Evaluate voting rights. Is it absolutely necessary to be a partner or a full-time worker to have a vote?
  4. Don’t ever pay the women according to what they would earn at another company. Pay them for their value to your family business. Obviously, a wife or mother is worth much more as your advocate than she would be paid as a bookkeeper in a non-family company.
  5. Pay for child care, and encourage the family business women and men to take advantage of the opportunity. Better yet, set up on-site child-care centers so that family business women will not conflicted about leaving their children to go to work.
  6. Set up a system to mentor the girls in the family. Often young women don’t even consider joining the family business, because they see the handwriting on the wall (i.e., the guys have sewn up all the good jobs). Arrange apprenticeships for the girls so they can learn first-hand about opportunities at your family firm.
  7. Offer scholarships to girls who are willing to study business in college or major in an area applicable to your family business.
  8. Don’t restrict scholarships to college. Offer start-up capital to young women who want to set up their own businesses if they write a good business plan.

Many family business owners mean well but just haven’t taken the time to delve into this problem. But if compensation and other recognition aren’t handled fairly for family business women, the enterprise will suffer from relationship disharmony as well as a “brain drain.” For the health and future success of the family business, these problems need correcting immediately.

I have found, however, that once the problem is presented, the average business owner wants to solve it. Many family business owners are innovative entrepreneurs, which means they do what works and are always looking to improve on the old, outdated ways. They know that to stay ahead of the competition and to keep the business thriving, they must look at opportunities that others don’t see. The development of family business women’s talents and skills through fair compensation is one such opportunity to put your business miles ahead of the others.

Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and family business consultant in Vancouver, Wash., is the author of Entrepreneurial Couples: Making It Work at Work and at Home (Palo Alto, Calif.: Davies Black Publishing, 1998) and writes the “Families in Business” column for the Vancouver Business Journal.

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Understanding dialog styles may lead to greater business success


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

“I’d like to talk with you about something” she says.

“What now?” he asks with a sigh.

“Well I’d like to know what we are going to do about this problem” she says starting to get frustrated.

“I’ll take care of it. Stop pressuring me!” he shouts.

“I’m not pressuring you. I just want to help and I think we should talk about it,” she says imploringly.

“I said I’d take care of it. I’m working on it. Why won’t you get off my back?” he says emphatically.

If this dialog sounds familiar chances are you are married or in a long term committed relationship. Secondly this type of conversation is even more common for married couples who also happen to be business partners. Probably a week doesn’t go by without this type of dialog for entrepreneurial couples. It is not only extremely frustrating to have this miscommunication, but it can wreak havoc in the relationship.

To unravel this miscommunication and ultimately design an improved method of problem solving, you need to understand some gender differences that are the underpinnings of many misunderstandings between men and women.

First, when couples live and work together there is an increased potential for misunderstanding. It is not because entrepreneurial couples are worse communicators than other couples. Rather it is due to the fact that you talk more because you are together more often. The more you are around anyone and the more you talk with that person, the more opportunity there is for miscommunication, misunderstanding and arguments. Whether you like it or not entrepreneurial couples have to be even better communicators and even more patient with each other than do other couples.

Second, when you work with the one you love, misunderstandings carry more weight than they might with someone you are not as emotionally connected with. With your spouse, a parent or a child, you are much more concerned about getting along well with them. You care more what they think of you and if they believe you care about them. This emotional connection means that you are more sensitive to their criticism and potentially more defensive.

Third, men and women problem solve differently. Because men are very goal oriented problems become something they need to conquer. Women on the other hand are process oriented. This means they approach problems as opportunities to explore options. While men are competitive and want to prove themselves by solving the problem on their own, women strive to include others in the process of problem solving to come up with a group decision.

So if we take another look at the dialog above with these three considerations in mind, the miscommunication is much easier to unravel. First, the wife is trying to have a conversation with her husband about a subject that they have probably beaten to death, and with no resolution. She means well, but he feels like she is just shoving his face into the problem once again. Secondly, the husband also believes that she is accusing him of failing to solve the problem or to solve it quickly enough. In reality, she is offering to help him solve it. Third, the wife assumes that her husband understands that she is trying to help when she asks questions, but he can only hear that she is asking questions he cannot answer.

Let’s take a look at a revised dialog where the husband and wife recognize the communication differences between them and actually get to the bottom of the problem to be solved.

“I know that we have talked about this subject until both of us are tired of it. And I know that you have been working hard to think of a way to take care of this problem. I have a few more ideas that I want to share with you to see if we can finally come up with a solution. OK?” she asks.

“You’re right I am tired of it and I am doing the best I can. What more do you want from me?” he asks, with frustration.

“What I want is to help. I think the best solution will come from the two of us putting our heads together and brainstorming some ideas that will work for both of us. I want to take care of this as much as you do and I want to be part of the solution,” she says.

“Well I’d be happy to turn the problem over to you if you think you can handle it any better,” he retorts.

“No I don’t want to take it over all by myself. And I don’t want you to handle it all by yourself either. It’s too much for both of us separately, or it would have been solved by now. But together we can probably conquer it. Will you work with me? Hopefully we can come up with an answer that has a part for me and a part for you in it,” she suggests.

“Well I suppose, when you put it that way, that I could use the help. I haven’t been getting very far on my own. Thanks,” he concluded.

Now every dialog will not go this smoothly and there are probably an endless number of possibilities for problem solving this particular issue for this couple. However, what the new dialog does represent is that the couple is recognizing that their communication style needs to be respectful and specific in order for the other person to feel free of criticism.

They also recognize that they need to speak the other person’s language. Men need to recognize that the wife is not always criticizing when she is asking to discuss the status of a problem. Men need to hear her questions as an attempt to understand the problem and a way to ask what she can do to help. On the other hand, women need to recognize that the husband will not understand you want to help if you just ask questions. She needs to actually offer concrete help, such as “Let me make those phone calls, while you do the measuring.”

Even though working with your spouse can be a lot of work when it comes to navigating the communication pitfalls, you could look at the situation as an opportunity to fine tune your communication skills with all people, customers, employees and family members. The better you are at reading those subtle differences in style that can lead to tragedy or success, the more likely you are to be successful in all your communications in business.

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Is it really a good idea to work with your spouse?


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

Most of the time I am extolling the virtues of entrepreneurial couples, or at the very least, discussing how to successfully solve problems that come up for families in business. The lifestyle can be extremely rewarding when you work with the ones you love. As I have said often, “Who better to trust with your business than your spouse?” However, there is another side that should be looked at if you are considering the entrepreneurial couple life. That is, just what are you missing in your marriage and your work life by working with your spouse?

One of the major complaints I hear from practically all entrepreneurial couples is that they no longer have enough quality time together for romance and friendship. Oddly enough, working together for many couples turns out to be the only thing they do together. It is very easy to slip into work, work, work with your spouse at your side. You may not make a break for lunch to meet your spouse, because she’s sitting right next to you. You may not pick up the phone to call him at the office, when you can just toss a note on his desk. When you get home, you may have talked about work all the way home in the car and continue the discussion through dinner . . . if you even have dinner.

So one of the really great reasons not to work together is to keep your worlds separate so that you get to come home to each other every night. When you have to leave work each day in order to reconnect with your family, you will actually make more of an effort to do so. When your family members are working by your side in a family business, you may make the mistaken assumption that you don’t need to reconnect. But without that important psychological reconnecting, love starts to fade and fun with each other becomes a memory.

Another stressor for entrepreneurial couples is competition between them. This goes for other family members too. We have a strong need for recognition and approval from our spouses. We also have a strong need to feel like powerful, accomplished adults. Competing in the workplace with non-relatives can be like playing a game of tennis with a worthy opponent. Even if you lose to the competition, you can still feel OK about yourself because you did your best and your spouse can support you. But how do you feel about competing with your spouse? Who’s the boss? Who defers to whom? Can you gloat about an accomplishment when you just bested your spouse?

When couples work separately either as solo entrepreneurs or as executives in separate organizations, they have the opportunity to be as competitive and goal oriented as they wish, with all of the support at home they need. They can be leaders in their respective fields with no fear of hurting the pride of their spouses. A side benefit of separate work environments is that with competition removed, each partner may actually be in a better position to hear feedback from their love partner.

Separate work environments create other advantages as well. Many members of family enterprises complain that their world is small. In other words they don’t get out much, especially the women. When you work with family members, the only feedback you get is from family and this can be limiting. Working separately enables each partner to learn about the outside world more. They get feedback from colleagues other than family members and the feedback may be more honest. The research confirms that family firms grow more slowly than non-family owned firms for this reason alone . . . lack of creative feedback.

As important as it is to reconnect with your loved ones at least once a day, it is also important to have time to yourself. Seldom do I hear entrepreneurial couples complain that they have too much time with their spouses, but they do complain that they have no time to themselves. This is probably related to the overwork that results from running your own business. And it is probably related to the fact that they don’t have a spouse calling them to come home or arranging a special evening out. Working separately means that your worlds have better defined boundaries. This doesn’t mean that you will schedule much needed time at the gym, or call a friend for an outing, or steel some work time to play a round of golf, but defined boundaries do make us more organized. With organization comes a sense of importance about sticking to priorities. Taking care of your personal health and mental health should be a top priority for all of us.

There are many other benefits to working separately from your spouse, just as there are benefits to being an entrepreneurial couple. What is important in making life and career choices is to examine the whole picture. Choosing wisely means evaluating the downside with the upside. If you love your spouse and think you will be great business partners, you may be well suited to the entrepreneurial lifestyle. On the other hand, you might want to examine what you will be losing before you take the plunge. You may be brave enough to take some financial risk in order to achieve a career dream, but what level of risk are you willing to take with your marriage?


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E-consultation is ideal for members of a family business


By Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., P.S.

“How can I help my Dad? He is part of a family business that he inherited from his father. Now Dad and his brother run the business, except that my Dad does all of the work. Dad is stressed all of the time but doesn’t want to disrupt the family. I’d like to come to work for my Dad but I don’t want to be part of carrying my lazy uncle. What should I do?”

This was the first problem ever presented to me when I hosted an Internet Chat for members of family firms. We “chatted” for about an hour, via our computers and covered a lot of territory. Even though the young man who contacted me lived on the East Coast, he was able to get expert advice on the precise subject he needed help with because he was comfortable searching the World Wide Web. And by the tone of his messages, he was pleased by the end of our hour to have a plan of action to present to his father.

This new medium of e-consultation is ideal for all business owners, but especially family business members. A son can’t always call up his father’s accountant or attorney and talk over such problems. He is not likely to feel brave enough to confront his uncle or even his father on such a touchy subject. He could hire his own local consultant or psychologist, but isn’t likely to find a local expert on families in business. But from the comfort and privacy of his home, he can “surf the web” until he finds just what he needs. In this case it was a psychologist whose specialty is helping families in business solve those sticky problems that cross over from loving relationships into the business marketplace.

E-consultation is ideal in many other ways as well. It’s tailor made for travelers and those of us who work odd hours. You can get on line anywhere, anytime. The convenience means that you will probably take advantage of the service more often and get to the bottom of the problem faster. In fact, a study at Johns Hopkins University found that people open up more quickly using a computer than they do face-to-face with a psychologist. E-consultation may attract those who are too embarrassed to bring a problem up fact-to-face or it may just be that they can ask the questions when they come up, rather than having to wait for an appointment.

As a psychologist for many years I have encouraged my clients to educate themselves about life’s problems by reading books and articles. Now in addition to some excellent books, I recommend highly regarded websites. Ignorance about life slows you down. Educating yourself helps to reduce your fears and defensiveness. With knowledge you are in a much better position to problem solve. With knowledge comes confidence and with confidence comes creativity and with creativity, options and solutions start to materialize. It seems to me that the World Wide Web provides us with a wealth of information in a convenient form that can shorten your problem solving time.

Of course there are downsides to this form of consultation too. How do you know who you can trust? Is your e-mail or chat confidential? In addition to a wealth of helpful advice, there is a wealth of garbage and damaging material on the Internet. The surfer does have to beware. You can’t assume because someone has a website that they are honorable, legal, credentialed, caring or experienced. However, if you use the same common sense you use in business to size up any person or situation, I think you can sort the wheat from the chaff.

For example, on both of my websites, I not only provide a lot of information on the common issues that families in business face, but I include all of my credentials, extensive information on confidentiality, and several ways to contact me for more information to check on my background. If you are not going to meet the person face-to-face or you do not have a personal referral from someone you trust, take the time to read what the consultant has posted on their website about their qualifications.

If you are still shy about accessing the World Wide Web for information take the plunge. As a business owner you need the Internet to stay alive and ahead of the competition. You already know that. Now consider using the services of websites to keep yourself up to date on more personal issues such as those vexing problems of keeping a healthy balance between your work and your home life.

If you have a loved one on the Spectrum, please check our private MeetUp group. We have members from around the world meeting online in intimate video conferences guided by Dr. Kathy Marshack.
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