Author: Kathy Marshack

Are you an entrepreneur? Are you impatient with details? Do others work too slowly?  Are you hypercritical? Do you make things happen? Do others admire you? Can you usually handle twice the work of others?  Are you tenacious? Are your successes due to your own hard work?  Do you thrive on adversity?

If you recognize yourself in this short quiz, then you are probably a survivor entrepreneur, someone who overcame great obstacles to accomplish their dreams in life. Because your survival depended upon quick action and attending to what was immediately necessary to accomplish your dream, this type of entrepreneur has honed efficiency to a fine science. Your gaze is constantly on the horizon, looking for the next opportunity or the next problem to solve. However, when you err, you are exceptionally hard on yourself.

Here are a few tips every survivor entrepreneur should learn to cultivate:

1. Learn to accept failure graciously; you’ll have more friends and supporters that way. Others may have experienced more failure than you have and they need to know that you understand and are human too. Don’t stop being right, but be more patient with your errors and those of others.

2. Remember you are the one with the vision. It is your gift and one that should be used generously and wisely. Others have different gifts to contribute that are just as valuable, but without visionary ability, they really can’t so easily understand what you grasp in an instant. So take the time to walk them through what you know.

3. Don’t make a life of surviving. Some survivor entrepreneurs keep creating crises in their lives, often unconsciously, so that they can get the thrill of mastering the crisis. The entrepreneur may be able to handle this excitement but your family and friends may tire quickly of the emotional roller coaster. Save the surviving for real adversity and take the time to stop and smell the roses with the ones you love. There are deep and profound rewards in the tiny things that occupy ordinary life too, if you will explore that territory.

Read my article to learn more about “survivor” entrepreneurs.

Hundreds of thousands suffer from the debilitating effects of Myalgic encephalopathy (ME) also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome every year. Common symptoms include extreme fatigue and muscle soreness leaving many bedridden.  For years the underlying cause of this disease has remained a mystery but researchers have recently developed a new test that might hold the answers.

According to Telegraph news article, the disease may be set off by a large amount of  bacteria called enterococci and streptococchi in the stomach. Prof De Meirleir, from Vrije University, who created the new test, said that these bacteria, in combination with metals like mercury, stimulate the creation of high levels of a gas in the body. This in turn sets off a chain reaction limiting the body’s ability to produce energy and creating a build-up of acid which muscles find difficult to breakdown.

The new test searches for the bacteria in the urine. If it comes back positive, the treatment includes antibiotics, probiotics, and diet. Obviously this is very exciting news, but still in the beginning stages of more conclusive research. If you are currently suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ask your family physician for more information. Fatigue is also a symptom of depression, click here to learn more about the common symptoms of depression.

Communicating, connecting, and loving is an integral part to any relationship. What happens, though, to the relationship if one member suffers from Asperger Syndrome?

If the person with AS cannot comprehend the interior life of their Neuro-typical partner, then connection is very difficult. Especially since the interior life of an NT consists of how he or she views him or herself in relationship to another. An individual with Asperger Syndrome has a much more difficult time knowing him or herself in relationship to another. Thus the Aspie partner does not realize that a loving relationship requires more than just facts. It requires connecting to the interior life of their loved one and sharing their interior life too. This is what is meant by a reciprocal relationship. An Aspie/Neuro-typical (NT) couple are often described as like two insulated wires wrapped around each other, touching but not connecting.

Is that it then? Does the relationship have to end based on the fact that the connection will be extremely difficult? The answer is NO. I recently read a fantastic article entitled, Modern Love – Somewhere Inside – a Path to Empathy, that gives hope to anyone in an AS/NT relationship. The article is written by David Finch, a marketing engineer for a semiconductor manufacturer. David has Asperger Syndrome.

David went undiagnosed until his wife, Kristen, made the discovery. Kristen is a speech pathologist who works with autistic children. Through her work, she became more familiar with the milder forms of autism and began to recognize that David has the symptoms. She chose the right time and administered an online Asperger questionnaire to David and the answer was immediately clear to them both.

David writes about their struggles and learning to cope with their newfound discovery. In the midst of trials, they have found one another and have reached a gigantic milestone. Not to say that their relationship is perfect now, but it is a work in progress.

In my new book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?, I seek to help NT individuals learn how to arrive at a new understanding of themselves and their significant other. It is my hope that many more will reach out and educate themselves, like David and Kristen, and take the steps to repair a relationship hurt by Asperger Syndrome. It would be a joy to read more success stories like this one.

Why are some Aspies so hostile to psychologists and psychotherapy?  Among those adults with Asperger Syndrome, there is a growing movement toward acceptance instead of diagnosis.  These folks say they don’t want to be “fixed” but accepted for the unique human beings they are.  The problem is there are times when they could really benefit from professional help for anxiety or severe depression that comes from struggling with interpersonal problems, but they resist treatment.

Is there an underlying reason for this resistance? Yes, unfortunately too many mental health professionals are woefully unprepared to treat the symptoms of Asperger Syndrome.

I should know since I sought professional guidance for my daughter.  I went from professional to professional for years seeking help for my daughter’s suicidal depression and severe anxiety.  It was a school psychologist who finally turned me in the right direction and I will be forever grateful for her help.  As a result of my trials and tribulations, I was able to write my book on the subject, “Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: GOING OVER THE EDGE?”

The majority of therapists are well-intentioned; they’re not the biggest part of this problem. At least they are open to learning.  You can hand them a book and ask them to consider another possibility, and they will learn.  It is the clueless and narcissistic ones that do the most damage.  Unfortunately I was annihilated by one of these clueless and self-righteous therapists not long ago and I’m still recovering from her unkind and ignorant words.

Karin is an interior decorator, turned psychotherapist, without much in the way of credentials, but a gift for marketing.  She is attractive and personable, but absolutely clueless about Asperger Syndrome.  One day she witnessed one of my daughter’s meltdowns and was stunned.  Later she criticized me for not handling the situation well. Furthermore, she told me that she would never have the problems I do because she is so much more balanced when it comes to handling these situations.

Coming from a therapist, these words hurt. But I needed to consider the source. Karin has never parented any children of her own, much less a child with special needs. How on Earth could I possibly consider her opinion seriously, when she is clueless?  When someone with Asperger Syndrome (or their family)  is seeking professional help, they are apt to run into a therapist or two or three like Karin.  No wonder they’re angry or depressed by the therapy experience.

So how does one choose a therapist when the odds are great that you will run into more than one Karin?  Whether you have Asperger Syndrome or want help with any other of the myriad problems that plague humanity, always trust your instinct.  Never give up but do trust your instinct.  Don’t waste your time and your heart with a therapist you cannot trust.  I love this quote from Buddha, because he sums up the situation in that inscrutable way that only the Buddha can.

“Believe nothing,

no matter where you read it,

or who has said it,

not even if I have said it,

unless it agrees with your own reason,

and your own common sense.”

I worry. I worry about all kinds of things. Not that all of this worrying has accomplished much in and of itself. However worrying can serve a useful purpose if it directs your attention to problem solving. I think worriers, more than most take a hard cold look at reality. The problem is we can scare ourselves to death with this worry…worry over the economy…worry over the political scene…worry over our health…worry over environmental degradation…worry over the problems our children will inherit.

Or…we can take our worries as incentive to search for solutions.

I can’t tell you everything is going to be OK. I am just a psychologist, not a fortune teller. But what I do know is that solutions do not come from worry or fear or other forms of negativity. Solutions come from putting our attention on what is right and good and pure and loving and compassionate. Solutions come when we give ourselves to others to make the world a better place. Solutions come when we tear ourselves away from our negativity and we are grateful for all of the small, wonderful things that bring us happiness. Believe it or not, solutions often materialize out of thin air when we believe that the challenges we are facing are a gift, not a burden.

If you have faith and hope you will not only come through hardship but you will be better for it. Like me you may still worry, but let those worries guide you to the kind of solutions that can only come from your indomitable human spirit.

I’m excited to announce that I’m launching a new support group, “Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD,” in Portland, Oregon. This is not a therapy group, rather a place for people to learn from others and to share their story about the often frustrating and isolating life of loving an adult with Asperger Syndrome Disorder (ASD).

I was motivated to start the support group after posting the first chapter of my new book on my website. I was completely overwhelmed by the huge response from people around the world looking for guidance and support on how to navigate a relationship with a partner with Asperger Syndrome.

In addition to providing a safe, supportive place to share their experiences, I see this group as a forum to learn more, through books, films and guest speakers. For example, films such as “Mozart and the Whale” will stimulate important discussions about life as a partner of an ASD adult. I’ll also invite experts in the field of Asperger Syndrome to speak, thereby creating a counterpoint to personal experience.

The group is being organized through Meetup.com. Those interested in joining the group in Portland, Oregon can go to www.meetup.com/Asperger-Syndrome-Partners-Family-of-Adults-with-ASD/. There is no charge for participating in this group. This group is exclusively for Neuro-typicals, for those who love and care for adults with Asperger Syndrome.

The first meeting will be held on Saturday, May 23rd at 1:00 p.m. The location is found at the group web page. We will be discussing my new book, “Going over the Edge?” Please sign up at www.meetup.com/Asperger-Syndrome-Partners-Family-of-Adults-with-ASD/.

I look forward to meeting you and hearing your stories.