Author: Kathy Marshack

Good mental health is a requirement for a family business to run successfully. Mental health refers to a healthy balance between your conscious and unconscious mind. It requires the same attention and commitment as does your daily physical work out. If you miss a day at the gym, you can be set back for weeks. If you are inattentive of your psychological and emotional health, you can be set back for life. We hear the expression, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Unfortunately many people take this attitude with their mental health. Only in times of crisis do they seek professional consultation. Similarly to waiting until after you have a heart attack to start eating and exercising properly, you may wait too long to attend to your psychological health until the dysfunction causes permanent damage.

One way to attend to your mental health is to hire a psychologist. During therapy, you can explore that uncharted unconscious of yours to discover your latent talents or unresolved conflicts. People who regularly attend to their psychological health are not only stronger emotionally, but they require less physical health care. Research has shown that psychotherapy reduces medical and surgical costs. Also research has demonstrated that among those individuals who are regular users of psychotherapy, they are the group who use medical and surgical procedures the least. Rather than the crisis management attitude of waiting until you are broken, it makes more sense to trust the humanistic slogan: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SICK TO GET BETTER.

Seeing a psychologist can also improve your sense of personal well being. You will find that utilizing the full range of your conscious and unconscious talents, unburdened by neurotic hang-ups, creates opportunities that you never knew were there before. A healthy mind also draws to you other healthy people. In a family business or any endeavor for that matter, having mentally healthy employees, coworkers and family members can only improve business functioning. It will keep your business competitive and successful.

In a nut shell, my advice to you is engage in psychotherapy to enhance your analytical and intuitive abilities. Cultivate your inner resources until they are healthy so that you can trust the inner guidance. Using your conscious and unconscious awareness as a team, you will have multiplied many times over the mental resources available to you. With this dynamic team in place, you will be ready to carry out your ideas and plans in ways that only could have been dreamed before.

For more information, visit Psychotherapy Options and Entrepreneurial Life – Families in Business.

Loneliness is common for those who have an Asperger partner or family member. I am constantly reminding my clients who are in this position that they are not alone. Asperger Syndrome: Partners and Family of Adults with ASD now has 298 members. Our members are from all over the world. I wanted to share a few thoughts from our overseas members to remind all of you that you are in fact NOT ALONE.

“Thank you for welcoming me in your group. My husband and I met met over 25 years ago and his defense all those years was blaming me for everything that went wrong in his or our life. It was an eye opener that he was diagnosed with Asperger’s and now it is time to become ME again. The ME I was when I was just a teenager. I can’t battle autism (and I am not in war with autism) but I refuse to let me be overruled by it.”

“Hi Kathy, thanks for your welcome. Its a great relief finding this group. My husband is an aspie – nobody understood me. Being isolated and unbelieved made me feel crazy. Then one day I found your book and I realized “this is my story – this is my life.”

I appreciate the personal thoughts and comments from our members. The topic for the next Meetup is “You are not alone. Let’s play!” It will be held on September 17, 2011 at 1:00 PM in Portland, Oregon. It’s time to reaffirm your friendships and reaffirm your right to be alive. We all deserve some time to have some fun! Are you a Neuro-Typical in an Asperger relationship? You are not alone – join us!

Click here for more information about the book, “Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?”

The smile has been studied and researched for years. It is one of the first things we notice about a person. A smile has the power to change how other people feel and has the power to change how we feel.

An interesting tidbit that I recently stumbled upon was a study performed last year by Wayne State University. By analyzing the span of baseball players smiles, they determined that those with a larger smile span actually lived longer. Hmmm…Good reason to smile! Of course, this isn’t true in every instance, but it should make us think about what message we are sending out into the world.

When someone smiles, they are exhibiting positive emotions. Those positive emotions can affect the way a person acts and feels. Since the body and mind work so closely together, it is only natural that those positive feelings will affect the body in a positive way.

You can’t fake a smile though. Well, you can, but it won’t have the same affect. For a smile to have good results, it must be sincere. To tell if someone has a sincere smile, look for a wrinkling around the eye area. A genuine smile contracts a muscle called orbicularis oculi. Smiles are also contagious. If you take note to be happy, positive and smile, it is most likely that those around you will too.

Feelings of happiness and well-being are a choice. If you have not been smiling much lately, have you figured out why? By working with a qualified therapist, you will be able to identify what’s bothering you and take positive steps to ensure that you start smiling again.

The mind and body connection is very real and very powerful. Our emotions affect our bodies and can cause many physical health problems. Perhaps it’s not surprising that new research from Concordia University suggests that feelings of bitterness can have a negative impact on a person’s physical health.

Researchers took note of the connection between failure and bitterness. According to psychologist Dr. Carsten Wrosch, “Persistent bitterness may result in global feelings of anger and hostility that, when strong enough, could affect a person’s physical health. When harbored for a long time bitterness may forecast patterns of biological dysregulation (a physiological impairment that can affect metabolism, immune response or organ function) and physical disease.” For more information on this research, read the article – Bitterness Can Make You Sick.

Bitterness can stem from a wide range of events in one’s life. It could come from a failed marriage, being a victim of abuse, being laid off or fired, or parenting a disabled child. Whatever the reason may be, you could be left with feelings of bitterness. If that bitterness is left unresolved, you will begin to see the negative affects not only on your physical health, but your entire life. Therapy is a wonderful tool to help someone overcome feelings of failure and bitterness. It will require hard work and an honest assessment of one’s self, but you can conquer those emotions. Beat it before it beats you!

For information about therapy, visit Therapy FAQ.

Living with ADHD has been compared to living in a kaleidoscope, where thoughts, sounds, and images are constantly shifting in the brain. You may bore easily yet you struggle to keep your attention focused on anything for a long period of time. Distraction becomes a constant companion. Yet in the midst of all the brain chaos, pure brilliance and creativity usher forth and can make a person with ADHD a true success story.

SmartMoney Magazine recently published an article about entrepreneurs with ADHD entitled, “ADHD: Why Some Entrepreneurs Call ADHD a Superpower.” Surprisingly, ADHD is common among successful entrepreneurs. Some even refer to it as their “superpower.” The article highlights three successful entrepreneurs. They share their thoughts on ADHD and their business, their struggles as well as their strengths. They also share some of their tips for harnessing the negative aspects of ADHD.

SmartMoney contacted me for my expertise on ADHD and you will see a quote from me in the article. I have been working with many ADHD clients over the years and one of my suggestions for entrepreneurs with ADHD is to hire a personal assistant. Since someone with ADHD rarely recognizes the fine details, a personal assistant can fill in the missing blanks.

Whether you are old or young and have ADHD, I also recommend seeking psychotherapy. By working with a qualified therapist, you will be able to identify and build up your strengths as well as learn to control aggression or frustration that often comes with ADHD.

For more information visit Adult ADD/ADHD on my website.

Sadly, divorce is common in Asperger marriages. It has been described that being in a marriage with someone with Asperger Syndrome (AS) is like walking on eggshells. What does that mean? For example, men with undiagnosed AS often feel as if their spouse is being ungrateful when she complains he is uncaring or never listens to her. He knows what he thinks and how he feels, so should she. He has no motive to understand her interior world so her complaints are bothersome to him. He can come to be quite defensive when she asks for clarification or a little sympathy because he knows that he has good intentions so he resents the pressure. The defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse (and sometimes physical abuse) as the husband attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world.

So, what can you expect if you divorce an Asperger man? Unfortunately he will probably not understand why the woman wants a divorce and he is likely to be quite angry about it. Not knowing how to handle his distress he may turn the energy into revenge. It is believed that many high conflict divorces are the result of the negativity and obsessing of the AS partner regarding the wrongdoing he perceives of his NT spouse. It is likely to be a long, painful and expensive divorce where all suffer, including the children. Some Aspies however, just leave quietly and never remarry because they cannot quite figure out how to rebuild a life separately from their former spouse. Some NT former wives report that their former husband even still refers to her as his “wife” years after the divorce.

If you are struggling in your Asperger marriage, seeking counseling. Click here for my therapy recommendations for this type of situation. With husband and wife working hard, the marriage may be salvageable. I also recommend reading Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge? This book specifically addresses the touchy issues of sex, rage, divorce and shame and gives a glimpse of the “inner workings” of these relationships. It offers new ways to look at the situations presented, as well as tips on how to handle similar situations in one’s own life. Click here to download a FREE sample chapter.