Category: Blog Posts

In a previous blog post, we talked about the power of gossip and how it can take on a life of its own. But what happens when you actually prove the truth—and it still doesn’t matter? What happens when the facts are on your side, yet people refuse to see them?

The Pain of Proving Yourself

The expectation: If you just provide enough evidence, people will believe you.

The reality: Sometimes, even the truth doesn’t change minds.

In my divorce, I brought in medical records, specialists, and educators to prove my daughters had special needs. The judge was stunned—but the damage was already done. Howard’s lies had taken root in the community, and no amount of truth could erase them overnight.

Why do people cling to lies, even when confronted with facts?

When Systems Fail You

How do you move forward when justice doesn’t come? I spent years trying to reach my daughters, believing that if I just found the right words, the right approach, the right legal argument, I could undo the damage that had been done. But what I didn’t realize was that every moment I spent in that fight, I was losing myself. The grief was consuming me. The anger was poisoning me. And eventually, I had to ask myself—if I keep living like this, what will be left of me?

Choosing Higher Ground

If you are facing parental alienation, I need you to hear this: You are still a mother. You are still a father. Their rejection does not erase the love you gave them. You do not have to spend the rest of your life proving your worth to children who have been turned against you. You can choose to live. You can choose to love. You can choose to be the person you were meant to be—regardless of who sees it.

• Accept that some people may never believe you.
• Focus on building your own life instead of fighting for validation.
• Discover the power of letting go and step into your future.

Discover what happens when the battle for your children is lost, and how to move forward anyway. Remember, stay strong, stay true, and keep rising.

Have you ever felt like you’re doing all the work in your relationship? That you’re the one making all the effort while your partner just coasts along? If you’ve ever had that thought, you’re not alone. This is a common frustration in NeuroDivergent relationships—but it’s based on a misunderstanding. The truth is, both partners have work to do—but the work looks different.

Today, we’re going to unpack that. We’ll explore why NeuroDiverse (EmD-0) and NeuroTypical (EmD-5) partners grow toward Radiant Empathy in different ways, and how recognizing this can transform your relationship. I’ll also share a powerful story of a NeuroDiverse man who had a major breakthrough when he stopped trying to become NeuroTypical—and how it freed not only him but also his wife.

The Two Different Paths to Radiant Empathy

The Work of the NeuroDiverse Partner (EmD-0)

Let’s start with the NeuroDiverse partner—someone who is EmD-0, which means they struggle to integrate all three parts of the Empathy Triad in real-time. Many of my clients in this category are incredibly intelligent, kind, and even intuitive—but they often misread social cues or take longer to process emotions.

One client of mine—a highly successful autistic man—came to me because he believed the ideal was to be NeuroTypical. He saw himself as behind in understanding emotions and thought his best hope was to somehow “catch up.” But the truth is, he was looking at it the wrong way.

When I helped him see that the goal wasn’t to become NeuroTypical, but to be Empathy Engaged in his own way, something clicked for him. He realized that he could develop deeper empathy, but it would take time, structured reflection, and intentional work. Once he accepted this, everything changed. Instead of seeing himself as ‘deficient,’ he saw a clear, achievable path forward.

But what really surprised him was when I told him that NeuroTypicals can also have Empathy Dysfunction—not because they lack emotional insight, but because many don’t have the curiosity or courage to step it up to Radiant Empathy.

This shook him. He had always assumed that NeuroTypicals had easier access to empathy and therefore had an advantage. But once he saw that many NeuroTypicals get stuck in their own fear, assumptions, and avoidance, it changed his entire perspective. He realized that he wasn’t inferior—he just had a different kind of work to do.

Once he understood that he wasn’t inferior, just growing differently, it shifted how he saw his wife’s struggles too. Instead of assuming she had all the emotional advantages, he realized that she also had work to do—just in a different way. And as he made peace with his own path, something unexpected happened: his wife had a breakthrough too.

The Work of the NeuroTypical Partner (EmD-5)

Now, let’s talk about his wife. She’s NeuroTypical—EmD-5—and for years, she struggled with grief and frustration over their relationship. She loved him, but she felt alone in her emotions. She wished he could express love and connection the way she did. She often felt like she was doing more of the work, and she wanted him to change so she wouldn’t feel so heartbroken.

But when her husband realized he could engage with empathy in his own way, she had a breakthrough too. She stopped waiting for him to become someone he wasn’t. She stopped grieving the loss of a ‘normal’ relationship. The weight of years of frustration lifted. And in that moment, she felt free—free to stop crying, free to accept what was real, and free to develop herself fully. She realized that true love isn’t about getting what you expected—it’s about seeing what’s already there.

As an empathic person, she had always preferred to move forward together—but she realized that sometimes, true growth requires moving forward alone. She needed to trust that whether she and her husband grew together or at different paces, freedom would allow them both to grow in their own way.

The Turning Point: Choosing Radiant Empathy

So what does this mean for you? Whether you’re EmD-0 or EmD-5, the work is the same in one crucial way: You have to stop waiting for your partner to change before you grow.

Plus, the 7-Step Interface Protocol is the way to be Empathy Engaged until you reach Radiant Empathy. Here’s how it works:

1) Resilience – Stay committed to personal growth even when it feels difficult.

2) Accept NeuroDivergence – Recognize that you and your partner process empathy differently.

3) Empathy Triad is Necessary – Cognitive, emotional, and intuitive empathy must work together.

4) Be Brave – Face difficult emotions rather than avoiding them.

5) Take Breaks – Give yourself space to process without shutting down.

6) Use Workarounds – Find creative ways to communicate and connect.

7) Forgive and Apologize – Let go of resentment and repair when needed.

If you keep using these 7 steps, it brings everything together.

The moment my client let go of the belief that he needed to be NeuroTypical, he was free to grow. And the moment his wife stopped grieving what wasn’t, she was free to fully live. This is the essence of Radiant Empathy—not just feeling, but engaging in your own way.

Until next time. Keep growing, keep loving, and keep showing up for yourself and those who need you most.

Today, we’re uncovering a myth that’s rarely talked about—how autistic women often mask so well that they end up over-accommodating others to the detriment of their health.

One woman on the Autistic Culture Podcast recently said something that stopped me in my tracks. She claimed that if a male boss offered her a 15-hour-a-day job where she got no credit for her work, she’d jump at the opportunity. She thought this was a gender-only issue, when in fact, it is both a gender and autism issue—but I see the tragedy of this pattern all the time.

The Double Standard in Masking: Autistic Women vs. Autistic Men

Women in general are better at masking than men, but for autistic women, this ability often backfires. While little autistic boys may be allowed to be goofy—especially if they excel at math, video games, or rebuilding engines—autistic girls are often shunned for not “looking” or behaving like NT girls.

One of my high school friends carried a man’s leather briefcase to class instead of a purse, and it made her a social outcast. Another woman I knew earned a Ph.D. in paleontology and actually fit in fairly well because she was brilliant—but she spoke too loudly and had no friends. Autistic women are often overlooked or dismissed in professional and social spaces, not because they lack intelligence or skill, but because they fail to match NT expectations.

The Hidden Struggles of Autistic Women

Many autistic women experience profound challenges in connecting with others, even within their own families. One young woman on the Autism Spectrum told me that she tried to tell her mother about her autism by sending her TikTok videos. But her mother, who was in the midst of divorcing her autistic father, still didn’t understand. This same 22-year-old described how she would memorize five topics before going to a party so she would have something to talk about—as if conversation was just talking rather than a dynamic exchange.

She also spoke about the fatigue of masking all day at school as a child. While other kids played outside after school, she went home to take a nap. In her desperation to connect with her mother, she remembers making the decision to invent a thought when her mother asked what she was thinking. She knew she couldn’t tell her mother that she was mesmerized by the serrations of a leaf lying on the ground by the picnic table and wasn’t actually engaging in conversation.

Real Stories of Over-Accommodation

• Autistic women often experience hormonal imbalances that lead to PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). My daughter, Bianca, would faint and have to sleep in the nurse’s office until I could pick her up and bring her home. This connection between autism and hormonal regulation is rarely discussed but has a significant impact on quality of life. I’ll be exploring this topic in more depth in a future episode, as it’s an essential part of understanding the unique challenges faced by autistic women.
• A woman who would call in sick to help her boyfriend get to work on time, even though he lived across town and routinely overslept.
• A woman who suffered severe hair loss and digestive problems trying to accommodate a demanding boss. She only realized she was autistic at age 45—when she came to my office for hypnosis and finally got a proper diagnosis.

Autistic women, particularly those who mask well, often become people-pleasers to their own detriment. Liane Holliday Willey, in her book Pretending to Be Normal, describes this experience—how masking allows autistic women to blend in but at a profound personal cost. They comply so thoroughly with societal expectations that they don’t recognize when their own needs aren’t being met, leading to emotional exhaustion and burnout.

Breaking Free from the Over-Accommodation Trap

The solution isn’t to tell autistic women to stop caring—it’s about helping them set boundaries, recognize their needs, and advocate for themselves without guilt.

Today, we’re diving into a harsh reality: when standing up for the truth doesn’t just cost you relationships—it makes you a target.

What happens when people don’t just dismiss you, but actively try to destroy you? What happens when exposing wrongdoing leads to retaliation?

The Backlash of Speaking the Truth

Years ago, I stood behind a client who had discovered child pornography on her husband’s computer. Worse, she found a hidden drive behind a ceiling tile, under a gun, with even more child pornography—including photos of their own four-year-old daughter.

The FBI got involved, but through a legal technicality, this man was never charged. Furious and determined to get even, he decided to ruin me. He created a website in my name, posting lies and derogatory information about me, twisting my divorce and the estrangement from my daughters into a weapon against me. He kept this up for ten years—until he finally stopped paying for the domain.

This is the price of standing up to powerful, manipulative people. And it’s a price too many of us are forced to pay.

The True Cost of Truth

• Exposing the truth doesn’t always mean people will thank you—it often means they’ll come after you.
• People in power will do anything to protect their status, even if that means silencing you.
• Retaliation can take many forms: smear campaigns, online harassment, legal threats, and even character assassination.

The Full-Scale Retaliation

Howard didn’t just lie to the children—he enlisted the legal community to work against me. He spoke privately to City Prosecutor Josephine Townsend, telling her that I was a narcissist who had no respect for authority. This made her all the more determined to punish me.

His divorce attorney, Danni Liebman, was so convinced that I was evil that she called my attorney, Bob Yoseph, and screamed at him, ‘How can you represent that Bitch!?’

Howard was so influential that even 20 years later, his former law partner, Mike Roe, told one of my clients that I was ‘bat-shit crazy.’

But he didn’t stop there. Howard filed complaints with my licensing board, trying to destroy my professional reputation and career. Then, in his annulment petition with the Catholic Church—despite not being Catholic himself—he described me as:

• An unfit mother who alienated her own children.
• A narcissist with undiagnosed mental disorders.
• Someone totally incapable of a loving relationship.

He was so convincing that the local Archdiocese planned to hold a Catholic trial, with witnesses lined up to testify against me.

It didn’t seem to matter how outrageous the complaints against me were—people ran with the gossip, and Howard capitalized on it. Once a rumor takes hold, people will believe what they want to believe, no matter how absurd.

This was not just about revenge—it was about erasing my credibility, my work, and my identity. Retaliation can escalate beyond gossip—it can infiltrate legal, professional, and religious institutions. When an abuser is highly persuasive, they enlist others to attack their target.

How to Survive Retaliation

For ten years, I had to endure a man publicly smearing my name, distorting my life story, and trying to turn my pain into his entertainment. But over time, something surprising happened. People started calling me—not to harass me, but to book appointments. They saw what I had survived and wanted to work with a therapist who had that kind of resilience.

The truth has a way of resurfacing—even when people try to bury it.

Retaliation can feel overwhelming, but it’s designed to break you—don’t let it. The people who attack you want you to react emotionally and impulsively. Instead of fighting fire with fire, step back and choose a response that protects your dignity and your future.

Key Lessons

• Document Everything: Keep records of harassment, threats, or false accusations.
• Stay the Course: The more you live your truth, the more their lies will lose power over you.
• Find Your Support System: Isolation makes retaliation more effective—don’t face it alone.
• Recognize the Long Game: Retaliation isn’t just about hurting you in the moment—it’s about making you quit. Refuse to quit.

Reclaiming Your Power

The ultimate revenge is not winning a battle—it’s living well despite the war. You don’t have to clear your name to move forward—you only have to be true to yourself.

The best way to silence your enemies isn’t to fight them. It’s to thrive so loudly that their lies become irrelevant.

People will try to rewrite your story. They will twist your words, turn your past into a weapon, and make you the villain in their own narrative. But here’s what they don’t realize: They don’t get to write your ending.

You do.

In this blog, we will talk about what happens when the truth doesn’t set you free—when gossip spreads, when you lose the people you love, and when the only way forward is to let go.

It’s unfortunate, but there is something many of us have faced: gossip that takes on a life of its own. Rumors don’t just fade—they spread, they grow, and sometimes, no matter how much truth you present, people believe what they want to believe. But here’s the real question: Does that mean you stop living your life? Or do you rise above it?

The Nature of Gossip

Years ago, I had a client who was trapped in an abusive marriage. She finally got the courage to seek out an attorney. But when she met with him, she was blindsided. He told her, ‘Oh no, you’re seeing her? She’s bat-shit crazy.’

That lawyer was Mike Roe—a former law partner of my ex-husband Howard. And he had been feeding off the same gossip Howard spread about me for years. This woman sat across from him, looking for help, looking for someone to fight for her, and instead, she was met with a wall of bias, built from rumors that had nothing to do with her.

Why does this matter?

• Gossip isn’t just words—it’s a tool. A way for people to control a narrative. A way to keep you in a box of their choosing.
• Some people thrive on gossip because it makes them feel powerful. It creates a social order where they get to decide who is ‘good’ and who is ‘bad.’
• And when you challenge that order, when you break free from their expectations, they don’t just let you go—they try to pull you back down.

Questions for Reflection

• How many times have people judged you based on what they’ve heard, rather than who you actually are?
• How many times have you fought to prove yourself to people who have already made up their minds?

The truth is—when gossip is set in motion, it’s nearly impossible to stop. So what do you do? You stop trying to prove yourself to people who refuse to see you.

The Cost of Gossip & the Decision to Rise Above

Howard didn’t just gossip about me to friends or lawyers—he took it into the courtroom. He told the judge I was just trying to get more money. He denied that our daughters had special needs. I cried in that courtroom, fighting for them. I had to bring in doctors, specialists, educators—all to prove what I had known all along.

The judge was stunned. But it didn’t matter. The damage was done. Howard kept up the smear campaign, and my daughters—my own daughters—turned away from me.

That’s the price of gossip. It doesn’t just hurt your reputation. It can take away the people you love most.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: If you need people to see the truth in order to feel free, you will never be free.

Why gossip can be dangerous

• Gossip can cost you friendships, jobs, even relationships with your own family.
• But the real danger isn’t just what people say about you—it’s what you let it do to you.
• If you spend your life trying to erase lies, you’ll never have time to build the truth.

The Decision to Move Forward

Maybe you’ve been lied about. Maybe you’ve been smeared, abandoned, or betrayed. And maybe—just maybe—you’re still waiting for people to come around, to finally see you for who you are. But what if that never happens? Can you still live a full life? Can you still rise? The answer is yes. But only if you stop chasing the truth and start building your own path forward.

At some point, you have to decide: Do you keep fighting to be understood, or do you start living the life you were meant to live? You can’t control what others say, but you can control how much of your energy you give to it. The moment you stop needing people to see the truth, you take your power back.

Today, we’re revisiting an old blog post from March 2021, titled Why is it so hard for my ASD partner to take responsibility for their actions? This blog continues to receive comments and responses—93 so far—showing how relevant this issue remains.

Back in 2021, when I wrote that blog, I was in the midst of a major life transition—searching for a new home after once again being dislodged from a place I loved. That sense of loss and instability mirrored the struggles many NT partners feel when their ASD partners seem unwilling to take responsibility—like they feel all alone in life instead of having a partner.

Yet, over time, my perspective has evolved. Thanks to voices like Richard’s and Rob’s, we now have Empathy Triad Engaged as a new way of thinking about this. Both of these ASD men credit their NT wives for their patience, love, and guidance, exemplifying Radiant Empathy by taking action rather than avoiding conflict. I learned from Richard and Rob that I am not alone in this search to improve NeuroDivergent relationships. This isn’t just about blaming ASD partners for being emotionally unaware—it’s about engagement.

Richard and the Empathy Triad

First, let me remind you of how Richard redefined the Empathy Triad. In previous discussions, we’ve explored the concepts of Empathy Triad Sensitive and Empathy Triad Blind to describe varying levels of empathy in individuals. However, Richard, an individual on the Autism Spectrum, found this dichotomy limiting and introduced the concept of Empathy Triad Engaged. This term emphasizes the active participation and commitment required from both partners in a NeuroDivergent relationship to foster mutual understanding and growth.

Richard’s perspective highlights that empathy isn’t a static trait but a dynamic process that can be cultivated through conscious effort and engagement. By moving beyond passive awareness (Empathy Triad Sensitive) or lack of awareness (Empathy Triad Blind), Empathy Triad Engaged focuses on the deliberate actions taken to bridge the empathy gap. This approach encourages both partners to actively work together, fostering a deeper connection and more fulfilling relationship.

This evolution in understanding underscores the importance of moving forward and embracing new perspectives in NeuroDivergent relationships. It challenges both partners to engage actively, promoting personal growth and mutual empathy.

Rob is Committed to Growth

We’ll also highlight Rob’s responses to common criticisms, as he directly addresses concerns raised by other ASD individuals who feel misunderstood. Rob, like Richard, acknowledges his past struggles but is committed to growth. He states:

“When I was younger, I didn’t know how to have a healthy relationship or even true friends. I was callous and indifferent to so many situations and people because I didn’t know better. My NT wife has helped me a lot with this condition and has shown incredible levels of compassion. We (ASDs) are wired differently, and more often than not, we are way too focused on ourselves. It took me a long time to see this.”

He also shared another key realization:

“Took me a long time to see this… People on the spectrum who really want to improve will seek help and learn to be better and don’t let a disorder define who they are; the rest will remain in their bubble thinking that there’s nothing wrong with them.”

His wife’s unwavering support helped him recognize the impact of his behavior, a theme echoed by Richard. Rob further explained:

“Even before meeting my wife, I knew I was different, that there was something wrong with me. Now I am brave enough to admit it instead of using it as an excuse to hold me back in life. I am tired of people telling me that being ASD is like having a superpower—it is NOT. This condition has caused me a lot of trouble, and I wish I had known better when I was growing up.”

These NT wives exemplify Radiant Empathy by standing firm in their love while demanding engagement and accountability from their partners.

Finally, here’s a question to ponder: How can embracing the concept of Empathy Triad Engaged transform your relationship dynamics?