Category: Events

This Teleconference is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: TELECONFERENCE: Get the guilt out of the way

Thursday, November 14, 2019 at 2:30 pm

Why do we feel so darned guilty in these relationships with ASD loved ones? It’s pretty simple really. NTs accept responsibility for doing what we can to improve the relationship — while our “Aspie” loved one does not. Over and over again, when we hit a wall with our “Aspie” we search for another approach. And each time we fail, we feel badly.

Another reason for the guilt is that our “Aspies” are more than willing to hold us accountable for the problems. After all, they are doing their best and if it doesn’t work, it must be us — or so their reasoning goes.

At this teleconference we are going to lay open this false belief system, both the NT notion that we are guilty for failing to reach our ASD loved ones, and the notion that there is no fault if you intended no fault (an ASD kind of logic).

This teleconference is reserved for members of “ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum.” Please come prepared to protect your privacy and those on the call. I will send you reminders by email, so it is important to set your email to accept my emails. Otherwise you will miss this important call. Thank you.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: What do “Aspies” want?

Tuesday, November 12, 2019 at 2:00 pm

It should tell you a lot that I have frequent requests from “Aspies” to include more on my websites that speaks to their interests. They even attempt to join our NT membership groups because they want relationship advice (although I have to decline). Many on the Spectrum read my blogs and books, searching for the help they so desperately need to work things out with their distressed NT family members. If you have been wondering what your “Aspie” wants this is the call for you.

At this video conference I want to help you make sense of what your “Aspie” wants— and to speak to what they want without giving up YOU. They do want some of the same things that all of us want, such as healthy and loving relationships. But of course they go about it in such a different way. They also tell me they want to learn about empathy in the hopes that somehow they can bridge this unfathomable gap with their NT loved ones. One of my dear “Aspie” clients asked me one day, “What does ‘get it’ look like?” He was referencing his NT spouse, who frequently told him in exasperation “You just don’t get it!”

But “getting it” isn’t the goal because “Aspies” are not wired for empathy. And without that quintessential “Theory of Mind,” they will always be off a few steps, won’t they? So it is up to us NT’s to “get it” that our “Aspie” loved ones want a close approximation of what we want — but it’s not quite the same thing.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption. I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: What do “Aspies” want?

Thursday, November 7, 2019 at 4:00 pm

It should tell you a lot that I have frequent requests from “Aspies” to include more on my websites that speaks to their interests. They even attempt to join our NT membership groups because they want relationship advice (although I have to decline). Many on the Spectrum read my blogs and books, searching for the help they so desperately need to work things out with their distressed NT family members. If you have been wondering what your “Aspie” wants this is the call for you.

At this video conference I want to help you make sense of what your “Aspie” wants— and to speak to what they want without giving up YOU. They do want some of the same things that all of us want, such as healthy and loving relationships. But of course they go about it in such a different way. They also tell me they want to learn about empathy in the hopes that somehow they can bridge this unfathomable gap with their NT loved ones. One of my dear “Aspie” clients asked me one day, “What does ‘get it’ look like?” He was referencing his NT spouse, who frequently told him in exasperation “You just don’t get it!”

But “getting it” isn’t the goal because “Aspies” are not wired for empathy. And without that quintessential “Theory of Mind,” they will always be off a few steps, won’t they? So it is up to us NT’s to “get it” that our “Aspie” loved ones want a close approximation of what we want — but it’s not quite the same thing.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption. I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: What do “Aspies” want?

Tuesday, November 5, 2019 at 10:00 am

It should tell you a lot that I have frequent requests from “Aspies” to include more on my websites that speaks to their interests. They even attempt to join our NT membership groups because they want relationship advice (although I have to decline). Many on the Spectrum read my blogs and books, searching for the help they so desperately need to work things out with their distressed NT family members. If you have been wondering what your “Aspie” wants this is the call for you.

At this video conference I want to help you make sense of what your “Aspie” wants— and to speak to what they want without giving up YOU. They do want some of the same things that all of us want, such as healthy and loving relationships. But of course they go about it in such a different way. They also tell me they want to learn about empathy in the hopes that somehow they can bridge this unfathomable gap with their NT loved ones. One of my dear “Aspie” clients asked me one day, “What does ‘get it’ look like?” He was referencing his NT spouse, who frequently told him in exasperation “You just don’t get it!”

But “getting it” isn’t the goal because “Aspies” are not wired for empathy. And without that quintessential “Theory of Mind,” they will always be off a few steps, won’t they? So it is up to us NT’s to “get it” that our “Aspie” loved ones want a close approximation of what we want — but it’s not quite the same thing.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption. I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Don’t Let Gaslighting Trap You

Tuesday, October 29th at 2:00 pm – 3:00 pm Pacific

Why is it that the NT automatically reacts to “Aspie” gaslighting? Why don’t we just turn and walk away? But we don’t. Instead we engage and then the argument turns angry, outrageous and even vicious.

Gaslighting is the phenomenon where your mind is attacked by your partner. They try to convince you that you didn’t say what you said; or that your observations are way out of line; or that everyone else thinks you’re nuts; or . . . Like brainwashing, Gaslighting turns the victim into a helpless dish of mush, if you don’t escape.

There are lots of reasons we allow gaslighting in our ASD/NT relationships. First, we love our “Aspie” so we give them the benefit of the doubt. Second, we hang out way too long in the territory of suspending our disbelief (more about this at the conference). Third, it’s in our nature to clear up misunderstandings and work toward a win-win solution.

None of the above works though — because you need a partner with empathy, not one with EmD-0, and/or heading toward a melt-down.

As I often say, it’s time to take back your life and one of the first steps to doing so, is to stop engaging when your spouse starts to gaslight you. In this conference, we’ll discuss methods to stay strong.

All event times are posted in Pacific time.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Don’t Let Gaslighting Trap You

Thursday, October 24th at 7:30 pm – 8:30 pm Pacific

Why is it that the NT automatically reacts to “Aspie” gaslighting? Why don’t we just turn and walk away? But we don’t. Instead we engage and then the argument turns angry, outrageous and even vicious.

Gaslighting is the phenomenon where your mind is attacked by your partner. They try to convince you that you didn’t say what you said; or that your observations are way out of line; or that everyone else thinks you’re nuts; or . . . Like brainwashing, Gaslighting turns the victim into a helpless dish of mush, if you don’t escape.

There are lots of reasons we allow gaslighting in our ASD/NT relationships. First, we love our “Aspie” so we give them the benefit of the doubt. Second, we hang out way too long in the territory of suspending our disbelief (more about this at the conference). Third, it’s in our nature to clear up misunderstandings and work toward a win-win solution.

None of the above works though — because you need a partner with empathy, not one with EmD-0, and/or heading toward a melt-down.

As I often say, it’s time to take back your life and one of the first steps to doing so, is to stop engaging when your spouse starts to gaslight you. In this conference, we’ll discuss methods to stay strong.

All event times are posted in Pacific time.