VIDEO CONFERENCE: Alone or Lonely

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This video conference is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: Alone or Lonely
Tuesday, March 12, 2019 7:30 PM to 8:30 PM PDT

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Alone or Lonely. At first I titled this conference “Alone and Lonely” but I don’t think that fits. As NTs we are actually OK with being alone. We get time to think, take care of ourselves, rest, create, etc. But it’s the loneliness that is compelling isn’t it? NTs like to balance alone time with people time. Even at a party, we might step outside for a minute to get some fresh air. Or maybe we take a few extra minutes in the bathroom. These are moments to re-center our energies. Other times we rebalance ourselves with a long walk, or playing with the dog (because dogs are not draining like people can be). But we inevitably need our people time too or we get glum. People time is important because with an empathic reciprocal interaction with others, we come to know ourselves better. With our Aspies we are always alone, even when they are in the same room with us. This creates loneliness because we can’t do anything about it, like we can with other people. They don’t have empathy so they don’t look into our eyes and see us. Thus we remain too long in a period of “aloneliness.” This quote from Hugh Jackman (to his wife) explains what it means to be loved and not lonely. “I believe in life we need to see and truly be seen by the most important people in our lives. Deb, from day one, we had that. 22 years later. . . it only gets deeper. You and the kids are the greatest gift I will ever receive. I love you a gazillion times around the world.”

 

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Alone or Lonely

A low cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This video conference is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: Alone or Lonely
Thursday, March 7, 2019 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM PT

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Alone or Lonely. At first I titled this conference “Alone and Lonely” but I don’t think that fits. As NTs we are actually OK with being alone. We get time to think, take care of ourselves, rest, create, etc. But it’s the loneliness that is compelling isn’t it? NTs like to balance alone time with people time. Even at a party, we might step outside for a minute to get some fresh air. Or maybe we take a few extra minutes in the bathroom. These are moments to re-center our energies. Other times we rebalance ourselves with a long walk, or playing with the dog (because dogs are not draining like people can be). But we inevitably need our people time too or we get glum. People time is important because with an empathic reciprocal interaction with others, we come to know ourselves better. With our Aspies we are always alone, even when they are in the same room with us. This creates loneliness because we can’t do anything about it, like we can with other people. They don’t have empathy so they don’t look into our eyes and see us. Thus we remain too long in a period of “aloneliness.” This quote from Hugh Jackman (to his wife) explains what it means to be loved and not lonely. “I believe in life we need to see and truly be seen by the most important people in our lives. Deb, from day one, we had that. 22 years later. . . it only gets deeper. You and the kids are the greatest gift I will ever receive. I love you a gazillion times around the world.”

 

VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

Thursday, March 5th at 4:00 pm Pacific Time

I’ll be honest with you, our High Functioning “Aspies” can develop into full blown Narcissists. There’s very little you can do at this point because they have learned to win consistently with unconscionable behavior. So the goal of this conference is to get clear on what type you are dealing with, “Aspie” or “Aspie/Narcissist.” Then hopefully we can also talk about what do about it.

One of my ASD clients, who leans NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) asked me disgustedly, “Why do I always have to win?” He realized that his need to win at all costs had driven his wife away. He was in tears and writhing on my couch when he asked this question.

This seems like an awakening doesn’t it? However, in the next breath, he called her foul names and complained that “. . .she didn’t have to leave to prove a point.”

The narcissist does know what they are doing. They can recognize that it may cause them pain (in this case losing his wife). But inevitably, their personal suffering outweighs the interpersonal gain of problem solving with their loved one. With EmD-0 our “Aspies” with narcissism, will focus on how to change you so that they feel better. They will not work toward a win-win solution that relieves both of you.

Even if your ASD loved one is workable and wants to play fair, their self-absorption makes them consider narcissistic solutions first. It is important to stand firm against this conduct, no matter how insignificant the “hit” might be. Several micro-hits are as aggressive and damaging is one swift blow.

I debated a long time about bringing up this topic because it angers many people. “Aspies” for one. But it also angers those NTs who want to protect their ASD loved ones from criticism. I get it, but how do you change a destructive behavior if you don’t identify it? And who is there to speak for the victims of narcissistic abuse? So let’s have a discussion that gets to the bottom of this horrible topic and find our inner strength to do the right thing.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

TELECONFERENCE: Bring A Friend Day

A free International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This teleconference is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: Bring a Friend
Thursday, February 21, 2019 at 2:30 PM PT

TELECONFERENCE: Bring a friend day
This is your chance to invite an NT friend or family member to learn more about what you live with. Please make sure this is a trusted friend who is ready to engage.

They can ask questions during the Q & A, but do not give them your passcode. Invite them to listen with you on your speakerphone. Perhaps you can take time after the call to share what you learned.

The purpose of the call is to help your friends relate to you and your family life. While they can never really know what it is to live in your shoes, they can come to believe you. That is huge, isn’t it?

This not a call for your Aspie loved ones. Our group needs to be a safe and secure place to learn and connect and to know that we are not alone.

Please come to the call with a private place to listen and chat. This call is only for members. Thank you.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

Wednesday, February 19th at 3:00 pm Pacific Time

Being understood is the basic underpinning of empathy. To offer another the opportunity to be heard and understood — this is such a loving gift. Sadly, “Aspies” struggle to understand you, the deeper YOU. They get the details of you, but they often fail to understand and communicate with the deeper YOU. Of course, this leaves us feeling alone in our marriages and relationships.

It is in the interaction between people that we feel understood. It isn’t always the words that are spoken, but the knowing glances, the body language, the pauses — the perfectly timed messages of understanding that come so easily for those of us with empathy. Our “Aspies” fail us in this regard.

Wanting to be understood is so basic that NTs can become quite depressed without this comfort. We can talk with our friends, and Mom, and our therapist — but we long to be understood by our ASD loved ones. Sometimes they do get us, but usually not.

So how do we survive this loss? One antidote is to know what you know about yourself and don’t ever be talked out of it. Once that you accept that you are OK even without their understanding, you can fly free.

Let’s use this video call to discuss other methods that have worked for you to get past the anguish of not being understood.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: When love is a noun

A low-cost International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This video conference is only for Members of the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD.
Click here for membership details and to register for this call.
Topic: When love is a noun
Thursday, February 7, 2019 at 3:00 PM PT

VIDEOCONFERENCE: When Love is a Noun. . . For your Aspie, love is a noun, not a process. For NTs love means loving, or engaging in acts of love that are reciprocated. Because we have empathy, love becomes a dynamic process, and over time it deepens. Not so for your Aspie. Love is a thing they keep hidden in their hearts, and you are just supposed to know that. I can explain this difference to my NT clients, but it is not so easy for my Aspies to grasp. They can learn the Rules of Engagement, or to say things that sound like they are loving. However, we NTs sense that this type of love is a thing they feel, not a love they share. The reason this is important to us NTs, is that we sorely miss the loving process. We feel alone, disconnected and unloved, even when our Aspies do feel love inside but don’t share it. This conference is an opportunity to better understand how lack of empathy affects love and what to do about this major loss. Please make sure you have a quiet, uninterrupted space to call in. Instructions on how to download Zoom can be found here: https://www.meetup.com/Asperger-Syndrome-Partners-Family-of-Adults-with-ASD/pages/19672892/Video_Conference_Meeting_Instructions/. Meeting ID and password for each video conference will be emailed 2 business days prior to scheduled video conference. Please check your Meetup settings to make sure you are able to receive emails.