Author: Kathy Marshack

Thank you to all who are making the Meetup support group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD, a place of support and understanding. You have exceeded my wildest expectations.

 

I wanted to share with you what some of our members are saying about our group:

“This site is a God send. NT spouses
reaching out to kindred spirits for understanding and support. AS is
difficult to diagnosis and only those of us who live with it truly
understand how emotionally devastating it can be. Thank you Kathy for
starting this Meetup group.”

“Every non Asperger spouse or family
member would find valuable support in sharing their real life
experiences living with a spouse or family member with AS.“

“Genuine support group, extremely helpful to understanding ASD.”

For those of you who do not live in the Portland/Vancouver area, there is new feature on our  Meetup site just for you. I
have created message board space for members to post on the same
subject we’re addressing in our face-to-face Meetups. I recognize that
this is not the same, but I hope that this will help you to connect with
us on the topic at hand.

I also wanted to mention that you can
email other members via the Meetup site. If you want to connect
personally with any of our members feel free to do so. It is all
anonymous, so no personal information is given out.

On January 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm, the Beaverton Group will be meeting to discuss “What did the holidays look like in your household? How did you take care of yourself?”

On January 15, 2011 at 1:00 pm, the Portland Group will be discussing, “Are you invisible? How do you cope with Aspies?”

We hope that you will be able to attend or share your thoughts on our message board. I look forward to hearing from you.

For more information, visit the Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD Meetup website. In order to access information on the Meetup site, please register as a member. All members are approved on the basis that they have adult family or loved ones on the Autism Spectrum.  

Happiness is something that all humans desire, but some find it hard to
find. New research is now showing that the level of your happiness is
largely dependent on you and your choices. Researcher Bruce Headey of
Melbourne University, in Australia, and colleagues in the Proceedings of
the National Academy of Sciences state, “Life goals and choices have
as much or more impact on life satisfaction than variables routinely
described as important in previous research, including extroversion and
being married or partnered.”

The study also highlights that
those who place high priority on family life are also happier than if
they place priority on their work or money. For more on this study, read
the article, “Key To Happiness Lies in Choices You Make.”
If you are looking for happiness in your personal life, what are you
going to do? Honestly evaluate your life and what you choose to
prioritize. If you see that you need an adjustment, then diligently work
to make the necessary changes. The outcome will be worth the work!

If
you continue to struggle with personal problems, you may need to seek
professional help and that’s okay. For more information, visit When to Seek Professional Help for Personal Problems.

What is a major complaint for most working Americans? Stress! Work related stress can leave you exhausted, frustrated, and angry. It will affect your overall sense of well- being, your physical health, and your productivity.

If it feels like your life is spinning out of control then it’s time to call a psychologist or other mental health professional. However, most of the time there are a few simple things that you can do to manage your work stress:

Get sufficient rest.
Sleep is non-negotiable. In order for you mind and body to function properly, you must rest. If you are not getting enough sleep, whatever negative thoughts you have will only be aggravated. The average adult should get 7-9 hours of sleep per night.

Establish a healthy lifestyle.
General health and stress resistance can be enhanced by a regular exercise, a diet rich in a variety of whole grains, vegetables, and fruits, and by avoiding excessive alcohol, caffeine, and tobacco.

Keep perspective and look for the positive.
Work to reverse negative ideas and learn to focus on the positive. For example, in today’s economy, even having a job is a blessing. Even if you find that the positives are few and far between, make a conscious choice to focus on them.

Be balanced with yourself and your workload.
You are not perfect. You will make mistakes. You cannot do everything. Are you the one actually putting too much pressure on yourself to perform in a certain manner? Can you delegate some of the work to someone else? Set clear boundaries with yourself and your work. Establish what your job requirements are and if it is reasonable, then stick to it.

Have a sense of humor.
Keeping a sense of humor is a common recommendation. Laughing releases the tension of pent-up feelings and helps you keep perspective. Research has shown that humor is a very effective mechanism for coping with stress.

Express your feelings.
If you are having problems with someone at work and that’s the cause of your stress, talk to them about it. The goal of the conversation should not be to attack the person, but to come together and create a solution. Holding on to negative feelings will progressively get worse and many times the problem grows out of proportion.

These are just a few steps to take to help ease your work stress level. If problems persists, you may need professional help. Click here for more information on Managing Stress.

Obesity is known to cause serious health
problems, but studies now show that it is also connected to emotional
problems. A study performed in Australia targeted middle-aged men and
women who were overweight and found that they are more likely to suffer
from anxiety and depression. For a more complete look at their study,
read Being Overweight Tied to Anxiety, Depression.

If
you find yourself relating to the situation described, it is vital that
you take action to tackle both weight control and anxiety/depression.
You may not realize it, but enlisting the help of a mental health care
professional is a necessary step to get the help you need. A mental
health professional trained in the area of weight control can be helpful
in re-educating your habits. They can assist you in getting over the
rough spots and redirecting your thinking. They can also help you
determine if there may be medical reasons for being overweight.

Do
not delay in seeking the help you need. By taking this first step of
seeking professional help, you will be on your way to being a happier
and healthier you! For more information, visit Weight Control on my website or contact us for an appointment if you live in the Portland/Vancouver area.

Someone with Asperger Syndrome is characterized by their lack of communication skills, social skills and reciprocity of feelings. The Aspie knows what they think and feel but are often unaware of what others think or feel. With a deficiency in these critical areas, some have wondered how someone with Asperger’s develops an intimate relationship or even gets married.

The answer is simple, Aspies and NT’s (someone not on the autism spectrum) choose partners much the same way as do all human beings. We are attracted physically and intellectually and emotionally. We may enjoy the similarities for the comfort and the differences for the spice!

We also unconsciously seek mates who have qualities we lack. An AS person may be attracted to a strong, intelligent, compassionate NT who can handle the social world for them. The NT may be attracted to the unconventional nature and child-like charm of the AS adult. They may sense that the Aspie will allow the NT his or her independence. It is only later that they learn their AS partner is quite conservative in relating. Instead of supporting independence, the NT spouse realizes that his or her AS mate is just not aware of (and even disinterested) the NT’s interests. The Aspie’s attention is narrowly focused on her or his own interests.

But it is important to remember that Aspies do love. They just love in a different way. The marriage will be trying, but there are things that can be done to help the relationship. If you are in a marriage with someone with Asperger Syndrome and want that marriage to succeed, you must learn how to understand your partner.

My book, Life with a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome: Going Over the Edge?,  was written specifically with the NT spouse in mind, but it can also be beneficial for the Aspie spouse. After reading the book, my hope is
that readers can more clearly look at their own situations and, based on
the ideas in this book, take the necessary steps to live happier, more
full-filled lives. Going Over the Edge is available for purchase or download a free sample chapter.

For more on Asperger Syndrome, visit Asperger Syndrome Frequently Asked Questions

Love+Hate=Guilt. How many of you have this type of relationship with one or more of your parents? Or how many of you have felt like this at least once with your parents? Or are you suspicious that this is how your teenage or grown children feel about you?

Unfortunately these feelings are all too common among parents and children. They are the natural byproducts of normal human development that has not been allowed to progress to completion. Anger and love are healthy human emotions that emerge often in our daily lives. Guilt, on the other hand, is not a normal nor healthy human emotion (unless of course you have legitimately committed a serious offense). To feel guilty for being angry at your parent or child is a misunderstanding of the relationship.

Dealing with these emotions is vital in any relationship, but especially for those in a family firm. How is the business to prosper if children coming up into the business never correct the errors of their predecessors? How is the business to remain competitive if you hang onto old ways just because you are afraid to confront a parent or grandparent? On the other hand, if you trust that your love for this person and their love for you is strong enough to handle the confrontation, you both benefit by getting things out in the open.

If you want to clear up the Love+Hate=Guilt relationship you have with your parents or children, take a moment to do the following exercise:

1. As honestly as possible, list your loved one’s flaws, mistakes and even downright nasty traits. Make sure you include everything that makes you really angry about this person.
2. Now list all of those traits you admire and are grateful for.
3. As you review these lists, ask yourself, which traits are you carrying on, in the family tradition. Be honest. You might ask your spouse for feedback because you may feel so guilty that you cannot acknowledge your parents flaws, or your own.
4. Finally, make a plan of action to change the negative counterproductive traits.

This little exercise is very revealing. By feeling guilty and by avoiding blame you may inadvertently be carrying on the same mistakes generation after generation. The goal of each generation should be to improve upon the goals of the last, not repeat mistakes. By holding your parents accountable you are more free to do this. I hope by now that you realize that blame is not really the answer, but that accountability is. Be respectful in your confrontations. Tell your parents what they did that hurt or angered you, but treat them as if they are human beings quite capable of accepting responsibility for their mistakes and capable of correcting them.

For more information, visit Entrepreneurial Life – Families in Business.