VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

Tuesday, March 3rd at 10:00 am Pacific Time

I’ll be honest with you, our High Functioning “Aspies” can develop into full blown Narcissists. There’s very little you can do at this point because they have learned to win consistently with unconscionable behavior. So the goal of this conference is to get clear on what type you are dealing with, “Aspie” or “Aspie/Narcissist.” Then hopefully we can also talk about what do about it.

One of my ASD clients, who leans NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) asked me disgustedly, “Why do I always have to win?” He realized that his need to win at all costs had driven his wife away. He was in tears and writhing on my couch when he asked this question.

This seems like an awakening doesn’t it? However, in the next breath, he called her foul names and complained that “. . .she didn’t have to leave to prove a point.”

The narcissist does know what they are doing. They can recognize that it may cause them pain (in this case losing his wife). But inevitably, their personal suffering outweighs the interpersonal gain of problem solving with their loved one. With EmD-0 our “Aspies” with narcissism, will focus on how to change you so that they feel better. They will not work toward a win-win solution that relieves both of you.

Even if your ASD loved one is workable and wants to play fair, their self-absorption makes them consider narcissistic solutions first. It is important to stand firm against this conduct, no matter how insignificant the “hit” might be. Several micro-hits are as aggressive and damaging is one swift blow.

I debated a long time about bringing up this topic because it angers many people. “Aspies” for one. But it also angers those NTs who want to protect their ASD loved ones from criticism. I get it, but how do you change a destructive behavior if you don’t identify it? And who is there to speak for the victims of narcissistic abuse? So let’s have a discussion that gets to the bottom of this horrible topic and find our inner strength to do the right thing.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

Thursday, February 27th at 12:00 pm Pacific Time

Being understood is the basic underpinning of empathy. To offer another the opportunity to be heard and understood — this is such a loving gift. Sadly, “Aspies” struggle to understand you, the deeper YOU. They get the details of you, but they often fail to understand and communicate with the deeper YOU. Of course, this leaves us feeling alone in our marriages and relationships.

It is in the interaction between people that we feel understood. It isn’t always the words that are spoken, but the knowing glances, the body language, the pauses — the perfectly timed messages of understanding that come so easily for those of us with empathy. Our “Aspies” fail us in this regard.

Wanting to be understood is so basic that NTs can become quite depressed without this comfort. We can talk with our friends, and Mom, and our therapist — but we long to be understood by our ASD loved ones. Sometimes they do get us, but usually not.

So how do we survive this loss? One antidote is to know what you know about yourself and don’t ever be talked out of it. Once that you accept that you are OK even without their understanding, you can fly free.

Let’s use this video call to discuss other methods that have worked for you to get past the anguish of not being understood.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

MEETUP TELECONFERENCE: Growing a Spine!

A free International Support Group facilitated by Dr. Marshack. This Teleconference is only for members of Meetup. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: TELECONFERENCE: Growing a Spine!

Friday, February 21st at 1:00 pm Pacific Time

I hate to make the topic of this teleconference sound like I am scolding you. Far from it. Instead I want you to understand that I know how tough it is to stand up to your “Aspie.”

Don’t they frequently leave you speechless, or the exact opposite – ready to scream at the top of your lungs? This is no way to accomplish anything meaningful with them. Instead, we need effective methods for standing up to our ASD adult loved ones that gets the job done, leaving our brains in tact. That entails growing a spine!

You have to be strategic with “Aspies” or their impenetrable and irrational logic will get the best of you. Next month, I will talk more about the Games “Aspies” Play, but in this call, let’s discuss those simple ways to steer the conversation back to normal, by being a strong and confident adult who can’t be bullied. Right or wrong, you deserve respect and having a back bone insures it.

Come prepared for the call with a private place to listen and join in if you can.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

Monday, February 17th at 11:00 am Pacific Time

Being understood is the basic underpinning of empathy. To offer another the opportunity to be heard and understood — this is such a loving gift. Sadly, “Aspies” struggle to understand you, the deeper YOU. They get the details of you, but they often fail to understand and communicate with the deeper YOU. Of course, this leaves us feeling alone in our marriages and relationships.

It is in the interaction between people that we feel understood. It isn’t always the words that are spoken, but the knowing glances, the body language, the pauses — the perfectly timed messages of understanding that come so easily for those of us with empathy. Our “Aspies” fail us in this regard.

Wanting to be understood is so basic that NTs can become quite depressed without this comfort. We can talk with our friends, and Mom, and our therapist — but we long to be understood by our ASD loved ones. Sometimes they do get us, but usually not.

So how do we survive this loss? One antidote is to know what you know about yourself and don’t ever be talked out of it. Once that you accept that you are OK even without their understanding, you can fly free.

Let’s use this video call to discuss other methods that have worked for you to get past the anguish of not being understood.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

TELECONFERENCE: Finding the Courage to Live an “Alone Together” Relationship

TELECONFERENCE: Finding the Courage to Live an “Alone Together” Relationship

This Teleconference is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: TELECONFERENCE: Finding the Courage to Live an “Alone Together” Relationship

Thursday, February 13th at 1:30 pm Pacific Time

I want you all to know that I consider you among the most courageous people I know. Why? Because you have joined this group to find answers, not just for yourselves, but for your ASD loved ones. Even when no one else understands what you are up against, you haven’t given up. You Googled the topic and found our community. I want to dedicate this teleconference to your courage.

You may doubt your courage because you are tired, depressed and even physically ill from the stress of dealing day in and day out with the conundrum of an “Alone Together” relationship. Many of you also voice a lot of fear about seeking help — fear that more people won’t understand and will reject you — fear of your ASD family members who may be angry and feel blamed because you are searching for help. Courageous people have these feelings too. It’s not easy going it alone. Sometimes we just sit down and cry and feel bewildered by it all don’t we?

You will need courage whether you choose to leave the ASD adult or to stay. How to build the fortitude to do what you need to do is the substance of this teleconference. Yes, I can teach you about how autistics think, and you can learn techniques such as the Rules of Engagement (ROE) that make the structure of our lives a bit more containable. But even more important is to have courage, to find your inner strength to do what you need to do.

This teleconference is reserved for members of “ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum.” Please come prepared to protect your privacy and those on the call. I will send you reminders by email, so it is important to set your email to accept my emails. Otherwise you will miss this important call. Thank you.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why do they always forget?

VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why do they always forget?

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: Why do they always forget?

Tuesday, February 11th at 2:00 pm Pacific Time

Anyone who lives with an adult with High Functioning Autism knows how aggravating it is that our “ASD” loved one cannot seem to remember anything we ask of them. From picking up groceries, to picking up the kids. From knowing our favorite restaurant, to remembering the name of the soccer coach. “Aspies” do not remember the small and large things that are important to us. And that makes us feel unloved and unappreciated.

This forgetfulness is often mistaken for ADHD, but stimulant medication doesn’t really help. Neither does our constant reminders. Our pleas for consideration go unheard. Eventually we fall silent and give up, or get angry and bitter. But there is another way to deal with this forgetfulness. It requires detachment — detachment from our desire that they are motivated to do things out of love and respect for us.

Shocking as it may seem, “Aspies” are not motivated to do anything that is not in their best interest. Most will readily admit this. They may love you and want the best for you, but it never occurs to them to think about you when you are not around. Thus — they do not remember what we ask of them.

The video conference is vital if you are going to save your mind from thoughtless “Aspie” behavior. Please come prepared for a private conversation with others who share this concern.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.