VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: What to do when your “Aspie” is also a Narcissist

Thursday, March 5th at 4:00 pm Pacific Time

I’ll be honest with you, our High Functioning “Aspies” can develop into full blown Narcissists. There’s very little you can do at this point because they have learned to win consistently with unconscionable behavior. So the goal of this conference is to get clear on what type you are dealing with, “Aspie” or “Aspie/Narcissist.” Then hopefully we can also talk about what do about it.

One of my ASD clients, who leans NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) asked me disgustedly, “Why do I always have to win?” He realized that his need to win at all costs had driven his wife away. He was in tears and writhing on my couch when he asked this question.

This seems like an awakening doesn’t it? However, in the next breath, he called her foul names and complained that “. . .she didn’t have to leave to prove a point.”

The narcissist does know what they are doing. They can recognize that it may cause them pain (in this case losing his wife). But inevitably, their personal suffering outweighs the interpersonal gain of problem solving with their loved one. With EmD-0 our “Aspies” with narcissism, will focus on how to change you so that they feel better. They will not work toward a win-win solution that relieves both of you.

Even if your ASD loved one is workable and wants to play fair, their self-absorption makes them consider narcissistic solutions first. It is important to stand firm against this conduct, no matter how insignificant the “hit” might be. Several micro-hits are as aggressive and damaging is one swift blow.

I debated a long time about bringing up this topic because it angers many people. “Aspies” for one. But it also angers those NTs who want to protect their ASD loved ones from criticism. I get it, but how do you change a destructive behavior if you don’t identify it? And who is there to speak for the victims of narcissistic abuse? So let’s have a discussion that gets to the bottom of this horrible topic and find our inner strength to do the right thing.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

This Video Conference is limited to twelve people, and is only for Members of the private membership group, ASPERGER SYNDROME & RELATIONSHIPS: Life with an Adult on the Autism Spectrum. Click here for membership details and to register for this call.

Topic: VIDEO CONFERENCE: I just want to be understood.

Wednesday, February 19th at 3:00 pm Pacific Time

Being understood is the basic underpinning of empathy. To offer another the opportunity to be heard and understood — this is such a loving gift. Sadly, “Aspies” struggle to understand you, the deeper YOU. They get the details of you, but they often fail to understand and communicate with the deeper YOU. Of course, this leaves us feeling alone in our marriages and relationships.

It is in the interaction between people that we feel understood. It isn’t always the words that are spoken, but the knowing glances, the body language, the pauses — the perfectly timed messages of understanding that come so easily for those of us with empathy. Our “Aspies” fail us in this regard.

Wanting to be understood is so basic that NTs can become quite depressed without this comfort. We can talk with our friends, and Mom, and our therapist — but we long to be understood by our ASD loved ones. Sometimes they do get us, but usually not.

So how do we survive this loss? One antidote is to know what you know about yourself and don’t ever be talked out of it. Once that you accept that you are OK even without their understanding, you can fly free.

Let’s use this video call to discuss other methods that have worked for you to get past the anguish of not being understood.

Make sure you have a private place to talk, without interruption.  I will send you reminders of this Zoom conference, but if you don’t have your email set to receive the reminders, you may not notice. I would hate to have you miss the call, so make sure you’re able to get my messages.